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Quotes for
Mooj (Character)
from The 40-Year-Old Virgin (2005)

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The 40-Year-Old Virgin (2005)
Mooj: Hey Andy, don't let him bother you. It's okay not to have sex. Not eveybody's a pussy magnet. You, uh, what are you, 25?
Andy Stitzer: I'm 40.
Mooj: Holy shit, man, you got to get on that!

Mooj: Rich man gets off work, then buys stereo. Not after fucking brunch!

Jay: Listen to me, listen to me. You're fucking with the wrong nigga!
Mooj: Hey, hey! You're fucking with the wrong sand nigga!

Mooj: I will pray for your cock.

Mooj: [to Jay] Tell me something, when your child is born, is he already on parole?

Mooj: Go fuck a goat.

Mooj: Life is about people. It's about connections.
Andy Stitzer: It's all about connections.
Mooj: It's not about cocks, and ass, and tits.
Andy Stitzer: Yeah.
Mooj: And butthole pleasures.
Andy Stitzer: It's not about butthole pleasures at all.
Mooj: It's not about these rusty trombones, and these dirty sanchez.
Andy Stitzer: Please stop.
Mooj: And these cincinatti bowties, and these pussy juice cocktail, and these shit stained balls.
Andy Stitzer: Mooj, just please stop.

Mooj: Everybody dick look big on 60-inch TV, my sister's dick look big on TV.

Mooj: [upon hearing about Andy's promotion] This is the bullshit of all bullshit! Scumbag! Ass-kisser!

Mooj: [talking to a customer] This is a great TV. Nothing beats a plasma.
Jay: What are you doing? That's my customer.
Mooj: It certainly is not. When I came upon her, she was unattended
Jay: No, no, that's my... She was unattended because I went to the back to get the brochure she requested.
Mooj: I apologize, but it's too late. The transaction is completed.
Jay: Then you gonna give me half the commission.
Mooj: You will receive none of the commission.
Jay: I need to talk to Paula. This is crazy, man!
Mooj: This is bullshit! Every time I make a sale, you go crying to Paula. How about... how about Jesse Jackson? Oh, Jesse, he needs a call...
Jay: I'm sick of you poaching my customers.
Mooj: I'm sick of your crybaby bullshit!
Jay: You wanna take this shit outside? You wanna just take it outside and just squash it?
Mooj: Let's stay inside so everybody can see what a pussy you have, okay? Because when I remove the blade I keep in my boot from its sheath, I cannot return it until it has spilt blood.
Jay: Listen to me, listen to me! You are fucking with the wrong nigger.
Mooj: Hey, hey! You are fucking with the wrong sand nigger, okay?
Jay: I will hang your old ass by your turban!
Mooj: [Mooj has a very definite Indian accent] Oh, turban, now! Do you see any fucking turban here? Do I talk like a turban guy? Do I say, "Hey, Jay, you want a slurpee? You want a slurpee?" Fuck you, okay? I was born in Brooklyn. Brooklyn, okay? My accent is a fucking Brooklyn accent, okay? Okay?
Jay: All right, man. Calm down, dude! Look... you still covering my shift on Friday or what?
Mooj: If I can keep this commission... with pleasure.
Jay: Cool, man. All right, pops.
[They hug; Jay leaves]

Haziz: So tell me something Montell... Why were we not invited to your party? Are we Al Qaeda?
Jay: Whoa first of all it's not that kind of party.
Mooj: You know what? We are not coming to your fucking party okay? Fuck you! Go fuck a goat!
Jay: It's not that kind of party dawg
Mooj: Fuck you! Go fuck a goat
Jay: Hey why you always telling me to go fuck a goat man?
Mooj: [Yelling as he walks away] Fuck a goat!