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: [of David's video camera antics
] He's performing a public colonoscopy. Isn't that sweet?
: [translation of her Guatamalan love song
] Whenever they clean my room I can't find anything. Where are you going with such haste? To a football game.
: [Discussing what to do while spending a week stoned
] I'll probably re-watch "Gandhi". Cal
: "Gandhi" baked is good. I always feel bad when I watch it baked because I get really hungry and I'm eating a lot and poor Gandhi is starving his ass off.
: Andy. Have you ever heard of the term... 'Fuck Buddy?' Andy Stitzer
: No... What's that? Paula
: Well, it's a special... friend... who you fuck.
: [propositioning Andy to be her 'friend with benefits'
] I'm very discreet... but I will haunt your dreams.
: Hey, Paula. Paula
: Yeah? David
: I gotta tell you something. I'm really excited about it. Uh, for the first time today, I woke up, I came to the store, and I feel confident to say to you that if you don't take this Michael McDonald DVD that you've been playing for two years straight off, I'm going to kill everyone in the store and put a bullet in my brain. Paula
: David, what do you suggest we play? David
: I don't care. Anything. I would rather... I would rather watch "Beautician and the Beast". I would rather listen to Fran Drescher for eight hours than have to listen to Michael McDonald. Nothing against him, but if I hear "Yah Mo B There" one more time, I'm going to "Yah Mo" burn this place to the ground. Paula
: You're such a smartass. Get back on the floor.
[Paula walks away
] Ah-fuck you!
: Andy, when I was young, I developed early. By the time I was 13, I had this body you see before you. Can you imagine that? Andy Stitzer
: I don't want to.
: All right! That's enough! Party's over...
: Let the virgin get back to work!