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Quotes for
Lt. Mitch Kellaway (Character)
from The Mask (1994)

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The Mask (1994)
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway: Ipkiss! Police! Freeze!
[the Mask freezes in mid-air]
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway: Put your hands up.
The Mask: [his teeth are frozen together] But you told me to freeze!
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway: All right, all right. Un-freeze.
[the Mask un-freezes and falls to the ground]
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway: You're under arrest.
[pulls out his cuffs]
The Mask: No! It wasn't me! It was the One-Armed Man!
[regular voice]
The Mask: All right, I confess! I did it, ya hear? And I'm glad! GLAD, I TELL YA!
[gets down on his knees and puts his hands up together]
The Mask: What are they gonna do to me, Sarg.? WHAT ARE THEY GONNA DO?
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway: [puts the cuffs on The Mask's wrists] Sorry, son. That's not my department. Search him.
The Mask: [the cops bring The Mask to his feet] Ow! Where's a cam-corder when you need one?
[snorts in laughter]

Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway: [On Stanley's mismatched pajamas] There can't be two idiots with pajamas like these.

Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway: Somebody STOLE your pajamas?
Stanley Ipkiss: [seeing Milo jump at the closet door where the stolen money is] Milo, no! I mean, uh, what is this world coming to when a man's... *pajama drawer* is no longer safe?

Doyle: Really big sunglasses.
Park Policeman: Bike horn.
Doyle: Small mouth bass
Park Policeman: Bowling Pin
Doyle: [Yells in pain] Mouse Trap.
Park Policeman: Rubber Chicken.
Mask: A little to the left... that's it.
Doyle: [squeezes a stress releaver toy a few times] mmmm, I don't know. Funny eyeball glasses?
Mask: I've never seen those before in my life.
Park Policeman: Bazooka?
Mask: I have a permit for that.
Doyle: [going through The Mask's pocket] Picture of Kellaway's wife.
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway: What?
Mask: Uh-oh.
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway: Margaret!
Mask: Geez I thought you would have a sense of humor. After all - you married her!
[slaps both Kellaway and Doyle in the face repeatedly]
Mask: That's gotta hurt.
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway: Get'em!
[looks down to see his and Doyles wristes are handcuffed to eachother]
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway: Doyle!

Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway: Ipkiss? Stanley Ipkiss?
Stanley Ipkiss: Yes?
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway: Lt. Kellaway, city precinct. You know anything about the disturbance last night?
Stanley Ipkiss: Dis... turbance?
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway: Yeah, some kind of prowler broke in and attacked Mrs. Peenman.
Stanley Ipkiss: Attacked?
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway: You didn't hear anything? She unloaded a couple of rounds of buckshot 5 feet from your door.
[Stanley sees Mrs. Peenman complaining about big hole in floor]
Stanley Ipkiss: This is... impossible.
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway: Those pajamas are impossible. This actually happened.
Stanley Ipkiss: See, I have an inner ear problem. Sometimes I can't hear anything.
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway: Is that a fact?
Stanley Ipkiss: Eh?
[laughs]
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway: Here's my card. If you remember anything unusual about last night, anything at all, call me.
Stanley Ipkiss: You betcha. Thank you. And good luck... cracking the case.

Peggy Brandt: I'm with the Evening Star. Can you tell me what happened here?
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway: No, and you can quote me.
Peggy Brandt: Well, it looks like some sort of Mob tactic.
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway: There it is, boys, she broke the case. Come on, get these rubbernecks out of here.

Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway: Drop it, Tyrell!
Dorian Tyrell: Hey, Kellaway!
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway: Drop it!
Dorian Tyrell: A'right.
[drops gun]
Dorian Tyrell: So, you got a warrant this time? Or'd you just stop by for a nightcap?
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway: What I got is probable cause. A couple of your boys was spotted knocking over Edge City Bank.
Dorian Tyrell: [to Doyle] Easy, junior, you're giving me a Woody.
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway: And one of 'em was wearing a big green mask.
Dorian Tyrell: You know, for once, Kellaway, you're right. Except it wasn't one of my boys. Maybe if you tried a little actual police work...
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway: [to policemen] Cuff 'em.
Police Officer: Hey, lieutenant, we got a stiff upstairs. It's one of the guys from the heist.
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway: Better call that high-priced lawyer of yours, Tyrell. You and I are going downtown for a little chat. Get him out of here!
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway: [Spots a piece of Stanley's pajamas on floor] Ipkiss!

Doyle: You got any pickle relish?
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway: Doyle, get in the car.
Doyle: But I ordered onion rings.
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway: Doyle!

The Mask: And now, like Napoleon, I will divide and conquer.
[about to kiss Tina]
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway: Ipkiss! Police!
The Mask: Merde.

[Kellaway and Doyle climb over the park wall, to find the Mask leading a big dance number; Doyle tries to join in]
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway: [Grabbing Doyle by the arm] Start dancing, and I'll blow your brains out!

Mayor Mitchell Tilton: I want to see you in my office first thing tomorrow morning.
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway: Yes, your honor.
Doyle: That doesn't sound good at all.
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway: [Sarcastically] No, it doesn't sound good. What would sound good to you?
Doyle: Breakfast!
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway: SHUT UP!

Doyle: I missed 'em.
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway: C'mon... we all missed 'em.

[Repeated line]
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway: [Sternly] *Doyle*

Stanley Ipkiss: [opens the door] Hi, Lieutenant. This isn't a good time right now, so...
[Kellaway enters]
Stanley Ipkiss: Won't you come in?
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway: Where were you last night, Ipkiss?
Stanley Ipkiss: Here, mostly. Is something wrong?
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway: What do you know about this Mask character?
Stanley Ipkiss: [chuckles] Mask?
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway: Don't insult my intelligence, Ipkiss. He robs the bank you work in and then I find this in the Coco Bongo.
[shows Stanley a piece of his pajamas]
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway: There can't be 2 idiots with pajamas like these.
[Milo is trying to open the door to the closet where the money is stashed away]
Stanley Ipkiss: Milo, no!
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway: May I see those pajamas, Mr. Ipkiss?
Stanley Ipkiss: Those, uh, those pajamas were, uh... stolen.
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway: Somebody stole your pajamas?
Stanley Ipkiss: [grabs Milo] Yeah. I mean, what is the city coming to when a man's pajama drawer is no longer safe?