Porthos
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Quotes for
Porthos (Character)
from The Three Musketeers (1973)

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The Three Musketeers (1993)
Porthos: You, boy, are arrogant, hot tempered and entirely too bold. I like that. Reminds me of me.
Aramis: Don't encourage him. By helping us the boy has made himself an outlaw as well.
Athos: Not if he leaves Paris right now.
D'Artagnan: I can't leave now, I just got here.
Porthos: Go home. Find a wench, raise fat babies, live a good long life.
D'Artagnan: What about the motto of the Musketeers? All for one and one for all.
Athos: Wake up boy. The Musketeers are just a dream.

Porthos: Rochefort. Isn't that a smelly kind of cheese?

Porthos: A lively tune... I'm inspired to dance!

[five Cardinal's guards ride up as Athos and D'Artagnan prepare to duel]
Athos: Only a fool would try and arrest us twice in one day.
Jussac: You're under arrest.
Aramis, Porthos: A fool.
Jussac: Are you coming peacefully or do you intend to resist?
Porthos: Oh don't be so stupid, of course we intend to resist! Just give us a moment, all right?
[to his comrades:]
Porthos: Five of them, three of us. Hardly seems fair.
Aramis: Maybe we should give them a chance to surrender.
D'Artagnan: Excuse me, but there's four of us.
Athos: It's not your fight. You're not a Musketeer.
D'Artagnan: I may not wear the tunic, but I believe I have the heart of a Musketeer.
Porthos: Warrior!
Aramis: Poet!
Athos: You got a name, boy?
D'Artagnan: D'Artagnan.
Athos: Athos, Porthos, Aramis.
Porthos: Pleased to meet you again.
Aramis: Pleasure.
Porthos: Everyone acquainted?
[the four whirl around and unsheathe their swords]
Porthos: NOW, we are prepared to resist you!

[last lines]
D'Artagnan: So what do we do now? What's next?
Porthos: Well, we protect the King.
Aramis: Protect the Queen.
Porthos: In the name of God. And France, correct?
Aramis: France indeed.
[Girard and his brothers have caught up with D'Artagnan. At the other end of the street they draw swords]
Girard: D'Artagnan! My sister's honor will not wait a moment longer.
D'Artagnan: I'll handle this.
Porthos: D'Artganan, we also protect each other.
D'Artagnan: All for one.
Porthos, Aramis, Athos: And one for all.
[Girard's eyes widen]
Girard: RUN!
[Girard and co are pursued by all the musketeers]

D'Artagnan: As morning hues of sunswept...
Aramis: Fire!
D'Artagnan: ...fire caress your... poisoned face.
[Aramis looks pained. D'Artagnan gives up, and sweeps the bar maid into a kiss]
Porthos: I declare, the boy's a natural!

[the three musketeers and D'Artagnan are escaping from the Cardinal's men in his own coach]
Porthos: Champagne?
Athos: We're in the middle of a chase, Porthos.
Porthos: You're right - something red.

[During a chase, in the Cardinal's own coach]
Porthos: For a chase, the Cardinal recommends his excellent '24 Cabernet.
Porthos: [to D'Artagnan] You can't have any, you're too young.
Athos: Take the reins, boy.

Porthos: This sash was a gift to me, from the Queen of America.
D'Artagnan: There's no queen of America!
Porthos: I beg to differ, infant. We're on quite intimate terms, unless you can prove otherwise.

Porthos: The picnic was delicious, the champagne was excellent, remind me to send the Cardinal a note.
D'Artagnan: The Cardinal! We have to hurry!
Porthos: You two have a date?
D'Artagnan: No. It's the Cardinal. He's conspiring against the king.
Aramis: Tell us something we don't know.

D'Artagnan: Shakespeare?
Aramis: Aramis.
Porthos: Cheating.

Porthos: Come D'Artagnan, we're saving the King!

D'Artagnan: It's about time.
Porthos: [laughing] Come D'Artagnan we're saving the king

Porthos: Ah ha! The Cardinal's sacred snack chamber.
Aramis: And what have we here? Is he a man of God or a man of gold?

Aramis: Where have you been?
Porthos: Taking care of something ugly!

Porthos: God, I love my work!

Porthos: [reacting to D'Artagnan knocking into the waiter, causing food to spill on his sash] Excuse me! This sash was a gift to me from the queen of America.
D'Artagnan: There's no queen of America.
Porthos: I beg to differ, infant. We're on quite intimate terms unless you can prove otherwise.
D'Artagnan: [drawing his sword] Here's my proof.
Porthos: I see. He thinks he can challenge the mighty Porthos with a sword.
D'Artagnan: The mighty who?
Porthos: Don't tell me you've never heard of me.
D'Artagnan: The world's biggest windbag?
Porthos: Little pimple, meet me behind the Luxembourg at one o'clock and bring a long wooden box.
D'Artagnan: Bring your own...
[Porthos laughs]

Bad Guy: It's Porthos the Pirate! AAAAH!
[the bad guys jump overboard]
D'Artagnan: Pirate?
Porthos: I told you I was famous.

[after dropping a group of the Cardinal's guards with a chandelier]
Porthos: Did I miss anyone?
Aramis: Congratulations, Porthos. You brought down the house.
Porthos: Oh, drat. I was trying to hit Rochefort.

D'Artagnan: The Cardinal! We have to hurry!
Porthos: You two have a date?
D'Artagnan: No, it's the Cardinal! He's conspiring against the King!
Aramis: Tell us something we don't know.
D'Artagnan: He sent a messenger with a secret treaty to a man named Buckingham.
Porthos: The Duke of Buckingham?
D'Artagnan: Do you know him?
Aramis: He rules England the way the Cardinal rules France.
D'Artagnan: There's a ship called the Persephone. It's waiting in Calais to take the messenger to England. It sails Tuesday, midnight.
Porthos: If we get that treaty, we can prove the Cardinal guilty of treason.
Aramis: Calais is over 200 leagues from here.
Athos: Is the Cardinal aware of the fact that you have this information?
D'Artagnan: Yes.

Porthos: How's your head D'Artagnan?
D'Artagnan: I'm beginning to wish the Cardinal *had* chopped it off. Will you stop whistling please?
Porthos: I'm not whistling.
D'Artagnan: Well somebody's whistling.
Porthos: Barmaid's kiss left him dizzy.
Aramis: I hear it too. Sounds like a...
Athos: Cannon ball!
Porthos: Oh I *hate* cannon balls.

Aramis: The treaty outlines the Cardinal's plans to forge an alliance with Buckingham.
Porthos: No mention of the King?
Aramis: None. However, the arrangement is contingent upon a demonstration of the Cardinal's power.
D'Artagnan: Demonstration? What kind of demonstration?
Aramis: I don't know.
Athos: I know someone who does.

Porthos: [a really drunk Porthos sees Athos] Ooh. May I have this dance?

Porthos: [fighting a very large man] Smelly... lump... OF LARD!

Athos: Your manners have not improved yet. You're late.
D'Artagnan: You in a hurry to die?
Athos: [Porthos and Aramis arrive] Here come the grave diggers now.
Porthos: Athos, you cannot fight this boy.
Athos: Why not?
Porthos: I'm fighting him.
D'Artagnan: Not until 1 o'clock.
Aramis: I have a duel with him too.
D'Artagnan: Not until 2 o'clock.

Porthos: [disguised as an executioner at D'Artagnon's execution] This axe was given to me by the Czarina of Tokyo.

Porthos: Whoa, ugly!

D'Artagnan: [preparing to start a duel with Athos] I'll be with you gentlemen in a moment.
Porthos: Oh, he's a fiesty little fellow.
Aramis: Fiesty indeed.

Porthos: [D'Artagnan is driving and takes a sharp turn causing Porthos to spill his drink] That's it. Next time you drive.

Porthos: [Porthos stabs a man he is fighting with a blade attached to a gun] I like this!

Athos: [after Porthos arrives and helps him fight off the Cardinals Guards] Where have you been?
Porthos: Taking care of something ugly.


The Man in the Iron Mask (1998/I)
Aramis: Perhaps you should take his offer. We're dead anyway.
Porthos: He's right, D'Artagnan.
Phillippe: Wait. Bargain me to Louis for all your lives. You've done your best. Please let me go.
D'Artagnan: No, I cannot do it. Even if I could give up my king, I could never give up my son.
[they all look at him, thunderstruck]
Phillippe: Your son?
D'Artagnan: I loved your mother. I love her still. You are my son. I never knew you existed. And I never felt pride as a father... until this moment.

Aramis: The King has ordered me to seek out the secret general of the Jesuits and kill him.
Porthos: You should let the secret general worry about that.
Aramis: Therein is the problem. I am he. I am the general of the order of Jesuits.

Porthos: Aramis, is this the way to hell?
Aramis: Hell may be our destination, but not this trip.

Porthos: [the Musketeers have just broken into the Bastille to free Philippe] It worked!
Athos: Of course; it's a prison. There's no trouble getting in, the problems will come when we want to get out.

Aramis: Why are you so glum?
Porthos: I expected action. There was no fighting, there was no killing. I was useless.
Aramis: Porthos, I grow tired of this attitude. You're surrounded by beauty, by intrigue, by danger. What more can a man want? The robins are singing, the pigeons are cooing. Can't you listen to their song?
[he walks off in disgust; Porthos takes off his hat when something falls on it to reveal it's bird-dung]

[the Four Musketeers and Phillipe are trapped by riflemen at the other end of the hallway]
Aramis: D'Artagnan... They're young Musketeers. They've been weaned on our legends. They revere us. It is an advantage.
Porthos: Yes. Why don't we charge them?
D'Artagnan: I trained these men. They will fight to the death. But if we must die - if WE must die - let it be like this.
[He draws his sword and points it at the floor. Aramis, Porthos, and Athos, join their swords with his]
Athos: One for all. All for one.

[Athos and Aramis hear Porthos scream]
Athos: What happened?
Porthos: Kidney stones. It hurts when I piss. It hurts when I shit. I'm just a fat old fart with nothing to live for anymore. I'm going to hang myself, as soon as I'm sober.

[Porthos brings three wenches to Aramis' apartment, but they find him at prayer]
Porthos: Sorry, my dears. You would have enjoyed it too. He's hung like a donkey.
Wench: So are you.
Porthos: Really? He's been asleep for so long, I've forgotten about him.

Porthos: I love Paris, I love life, and I love you.

Porthos: I'd rather die covered in blood than an old man lying in my own piss.

Aramis: Sometimes there are more important things in life than a good pair of tits.
Porthos: Really? If you can name me one thing that is more sublime than the feel of a plump, pink nipple between my lips, I'll build you a new cathedral.
Aramis: Forgiveness...
Porthos: Forgiveness...?
[Porthos farts]
Porthos: There... i am i forgiven? Come on... am i forgiven?
[play fight ensures between them]

Porthos: [he puts the rope around his neck and prepares to jump] Farewell cruel world... farewell to useless Porthos.
[jumps]
Athos: [Aramis and Athos are watching the building from the outside] What was that?
Aramis: It's all right; I sawed the beam.
[the building promptly collapses, and Athos stares at Aramis in disbelief]
Aramis: Well, I'm a genius, not an engineer!

Porthos: [a naked Porthos has tried to hang himself but failed] Aramis! You sawed the beam! You knew I would I try to hang myself and you sawed the beam! Admit it. Admit it!
Aramis: Of course I knew! And now that you've got the idea of killing yourself out of your head you can stop boring everyone and be useful for a change. And put some clothes on!

Aramis: Porthos... don't you understand? I'm trying to PRAY!
Porthos: You're always praying!

Porthos: Stop praying and revel with me, Aramis! I need my spirits lifted. I'm old, I'm weak, my strength is gone.
Aramis: Porthos! I'm praying.
Porthos: I just said you're praying. Are you deaf, too? I know you're blind, because if you'd seen the tits that just walked out of here, you'd have tears in your eyes.


The Four Musketeers: Milady's Revenge (1974)
Porthos: You know, it strikes me that we would be better employed wringing Milady's pretty neck than shooting these poor devils of Protestants. I mean, what are we killing them for? Because they sing psalms in French and we sing them in Latin?
Aramis: Porthos, have you no education? What do you think religious wars are all about?

Athos: [the Musketeers have captured MiLady] As the Comte de la Fere; with the rights of high, middle and low justice, I accuse this woman of the murder of Constance de Bonacieux. How say you?
Aramis: Death.
Porthos: Death.
D'Artagnan: [Hesitating] Death.
Athos: Death.
MiLady DeWinter: No! You have no power of justice over me! D'Artagnan! If you love me; do not let them do this!
Athos: Make one move to save her, D'Artagnan and we will cross swords; and this time, I swear I will kill you.

Porthos: [a bullet shatters his wine glass] This wine does not travel well.

Aramis: [to D'Artagnan] Let us rescue your mistress. It's the very least one can do for a friend.
D'Artagnan: If she can stay with the Sisters
[in a convent]
D'Artagnan: while we're at La Rochelle...
Porthos: I'm sure they'll learn a great deal from each other.

Rochefort: [the Musketeers has just rescued him from a firing squad] Not before time, musketeers!
Porthos: Who hurries to rescue a spy? And a Cardinal's spy?

Porthos: [to Constance after the three musketeers have dropped her off at the convent] Don't let them get you into any dirty habits!


The Three Musketeers (1973)
Duke of Buckingham: [the Musketeers have unwittingly rescued the Duke of Buckingham from Richilieu's men] I could have managed on my own, but my thanks to you gentlemen anyway.
[quickly exits]
Porthos: [looks after him, then to Athos] Who was that?
Athos: I don't know, but he sounded a touch foreign to me. Didn't he?

Aramis: Discretion is the better part of vanity.
Porthos: I don't understand. I know the one about valor, though I don't agree. I can't be discreet about how valiant I am, shouldn't be asked.

Porthos: [to Athos, who is about to duel D'Artagnan] Are you fighting this, er, fellow? But I'm meeting him meself.
D'Artagnan: But not till one o'clock, sir.
Aramis: Oh, no no no. I'm to fight him this afternoon.
D'Artagnan: At two o'clock, sir.
Athos: How long have you been in Paris?
D'Artagnan: Since eight o'clock this morning.
Athos: You waste little time, sir.
D'Artagnan: My father recommended that I fight duels.
Athos: [laughs] Well! Let us hope you can do him some credit, hm?

Jussac: We have a duty to suppress disorder and arrest brawlers. Put up your swords and come along with us.
Athos: Impossible.
Porthos: Unthinkable.
Aramis: Unlikely.

Porthos: May one ask - delicately - the cause in which we're expected to die?
Aramis: When you go on a campaign, does the King give his reasons? He says, "Porthos, fight!" and you fight.
Porthos: Oh, I do, I do!
Aramis: Then let's go and be killed where we're told to! Is life worth so many questions?


"The Musketeers: Sleight of Hand (#1.2)" (2014)
Aramis: [feels his cheekbone] God! I love that in a woman.
Porthos: What, passion?
Aramis: [grinning] Violence.

Aramis: What's the vital thing to remember in a duel?
D'Artagnan: Honour?
Porthos: [slaps the back of D'Artagnan's head] Not getting killed. By biting, kicking, gouging, it's all good.
D'Artagnan: I was raised to fight like a gentleman.
Aramis: Were you raised to die young?

Porthos: You know these stories can be greatly exaggerated.
Constance: Really?
Porthos: Mmm.
Constance: I was told you led him into danger and then abandoned him.
Porthos: That one is about right.


The Three Musketeers (2011)
Porthos: You're reckless, arrogant, impetuous, probably be dead by sundown, but I like you, lad.

Porthos: Planchet, what are you?
Planchet: Complete and utter waste of space, sir.
Porthos: And?
Planchet: As much use as a fart in a bottle, sir.
Porthos: Right.
Planchet: In short, sir, a total tit, sir, but I can't work bleeding miracles!

Richelieu: Well-played. I could use men like you.
[Richelieu holds out his hand; Aramis takes it to kiss it, then stops]
Aramis: Ehh... I already have a job.
Athos: I'm a drunk.
Porthos: I'm independently wealthy.
D'Artagnan: Thanks, but no.
Richelieu: The day will come when you'll wish you had said "yes".
D'Artagnan: Maybe. But not today.


The Musketeer (2001)
Porthos: This wine is rejuvenating.
D'Artagnan: Don't get too rejuvenated.

Aramis: Young Louis was given a baby crocodile from Egypt. The queen dropped it in a sewer, and it's been living off whatever it can find ever since.
Porthos: Is that true, Bonacieux?
Bonacieux: Something kept dragging the poor workers away. All we ever found were bones.
Porthos: I'm very glad you and D'Artagnan lead this little group.
D'Artagnan: Me too. Crocodiles attack from behind.


The Man in the Iron Mask (1939)
Porthos: [Seeing nine soldiers matched against him and his three musketeer friends] Is the King being frugal? Only nine men?
First Officer: And ninety more outside!
Porthos: [With bravado] Flatterer!


The Three Musketeers (1948)
D'Artagnan: Porthos, when did a wound ever come between you and a fight?
Porthos: [lying on his stomach] Well, unfortunately the position of this one comes between me and my horse.


The Iron Mask (1929)
Porthos: Come on! There is greater adventure beyond.


3 musketiers - De musical (2003) (V)
Milady de Winter: What happened to those days? Will that summer ever come back? Will the cold be driven away? Don't look back: look ahead. Feel the warmth of the sun on your skin and give us one more chance: what do you say? What do you say? What do you say?
Milady de Winter: [Breaks down in tears on ATHOS' shoulder]
Athos: [holds MILADY and almost kisses her but pushes her away]
Athos: [to ARAMIS and PORTHOS who are behind MILADY, unseen to her] What is your verdict?
Aramis: Death
Porthos: Death
Milady de Winter: Athos? No
Athos: [draws his sword]
Milady de Winter: No, Athos, no!
[turns and throws herself from the tower]
Athos: [running to the parapet] NO!


At Sword's Point (1952)
Old Porthos: Ah, it is useless. I had hoped to ride with you, but I cannot. Devil take this gout! And yet, young D'Artagnan and Aramis ride in their fathers' steeds.
Porthos: Then I shall ride for you!
Old Porthos: Then one for all!
D'Artagnan, Aramis, Porthos: One for all!
Old Porthos: And all for one!
D'Artagnan, Aramis, Porthos: All for one!
Old Porthos: Ride hard and fast, my lads!