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: You, boy, are arrogant, hot tempered and entirely too bold. I like that. Reminds me of me. Aramis
: Don't encourage him. By helping us the boy has made himself an outlaw as well. Athos
: Not if he leaves Paris right now. D'Artagnan
: I can't leave now, I just got here. Porthos
: Go home. Find a wench, raise fat babies, live a good long life. D'Artagnan
: What about the motto of the Musketeers? All for one and one for all. Athos
: Wake up boy. The Musketeers are just a dream.
: Athos, why don't you come join us? Athos
: You fight like a man. See if you can drink like one. D'Artagnan
: I'll drink anything you put in front of me. Athos
: Famous last words... What should we drink to? D'Artagnan
: Let's drink to love. Athos
] To love. Let me tell you a story about love, D'Artagnan. I knew a young man once, a Count, who feared he would never fall in love. One day, he met a woman. This woman was more than beautiful. She was intoxicating, mysterious, everything he'd ever dreamed of. He felt his heart would burst if he couldn't have her. D'Artagnan
: What happened? Athos
: The poor idiot married her. D'Artagnan
: Isn't that what people do when they fall in love? Athos
: Shut up and listen to me. They were riding through the forest one day. She was thrown from her horse and knocked unconscious. When he rushed to her side, he noticed a mark on her body... something he'd never seen before, something she'd managed to keep hidden all this time. D'Artagnan
: What was it? Athos
: The brand of the fleur-de-lis, the mark given to those who are to be executed for murder. The Count was crushed. The woman he loved, his bride, had betrayed him. She'd lied to him. When she came to, she swore that she'd been falsely accused of these crimes, but he didn't believe her; he rejected her for her lies and for her past. Then he banished her from his province. When the guards came to take her away to be executed, she... she was still professing her undying love. Soon after, the Count realized how much she had meant to him, but it was too late. His betrayal was far greater than hers could ever have been. He gave up his title, his land, everything he believed in, never to be seen or heard from again, all because of love.
[five Cardinal's guards ride up as Athos and D'Artagnan prepare to duel
: Only a fool would try and arrest us twice in one day. Jussac
: You're under arrest. Aramis
: A fool. Jussac
: Are you coming peacefully or do you intend to resist? Porthos
: Oh don't be so stupid, of course we intend to resist! Just give us a moment, all right?
[to his comrades:
: Five of them, three of us. Hardly seems fair. Aramis
: Maybe we should give them a chance to surrender. D'Artagnan
: Excuse me, but there's four of us. Athos
: It's not your fight. You're not a Musketeer. D'Artagnan
: I may not wear the tunic, but I believe I have the heart of a Musketeer. Porthos
: Warrior! Aramis
: Poet! Athos
: You got a name, boy? D'Artagnan
: D'Artagnan. Athos
: Athos, Porthos, Aramis. Porthos
: Pleased to meet you again. Aramis
: Pleasure. Porthos
: Everyone acquainted?
[the four whirl around and unsheathe their swords
: NOW, we are prepared to resist you!
: So what do we do now? What's next? Porthos
: Well, we protect the King. Aramis
: Protect the Queen. Porthos
: In the name of God. And France, correct? Aramis
: France indeed.
[Girard and his brothers have caught up with D'Artagnan. At the other end of the street they draw swords
: D'Artagnan! My sister's honor will not wait a moment longer. D'Artagnan
: I'll handle this. Porthos
: D'Artganan, we also protect each other. D'Artagnan
: All for one. Porthos
: And one for all.
[Girard's eyes widen
[Girard and co are pursued by all the musketeers
: As morning hues of sunswept... Aramis
: Fire! D'Artagnan
: ...fire caress your... poisoned face.
[Aramis looks pained. D'Artagnan gives up, and sweeps the bar maid into a kiss
: I declare, the boy's a natural!
: This sash was a gift to me, from the Queen of America. D'Artagnan
: There's no queen of America! Porthos
: I beg to differ, infant. We're on quite intimate terms, unless you can prove otherwise.
: The picnic was delicious, the champagne was excellent, remind me to send the Cardinal a note. D'Artagnan
: The Cardinal! We have to hurry! Porthos
: You two have a date? D'Artagnan
: No. It's the Cardinal. He's conspiring against the king. Aramis
: Tell us something we don't know.
: Shakespeare? Aramis
: Aramis. Porthos
: It's about time. Porthos
] Come D'Artagnan we're saving the king
: WAIT! Cardinal Richelieu
: You object to losing your head? D'Artagnan
: Yes, I like it where it is! Cardinal Richelieu
: Then tell me what I want to know, and maybe you will keep it a while longer! D'Artagnan
: I don't know where they are. Cardinal Richelieu
: And if you did? D'Artagnan
: I wouldn't tell you... Cardinal Richelieu
: I admire your courage, D'Artagnan. You might have made a great musketeer. But now we'll never know - will we?
: Tell me, D'Artagnan. What noble business brings you here? D'Artagnan
: I came to join the King's Musketeers. Cardinal Richelieu
] Bad timing. D'Artagnan
: So I've heard.
: [with D'Artagnan's sword at his throat
] My brothers will avenge me...
[D'Artagnan looks up to see Gerard's three brothers arriving on horseback
[turns and runs
: [reacting to D'Artagnan knocking into the waiter, causing food to spill on his sash
] Excuse me! This sash was a gift to me from the queen of America. D'Artagnan
: There's no queen of America. Porthos
: I beg to differ, infant. We're on quite intimate terms unless you can prove otherwise. D'Artagnan
: [drawing his sword
] Here's my proof. Porthos
: I see. He thinks he can challenge the mighty Porthos with a sword. D'Artagnan
: The mighty who? Porthos
: Don't tell me you've never heard of me. D'Artagnan
: The world's biggest windbag? Porthos
: Little pimple, meet me behind the Luxembourg at one o'clock and bring a long wooden box. D'Artagnan
: Bring your own...
: It's Porthos the Pirate! AAAAH!
[the bad guys jump overboard
: Pirate? Porthos
: I told you I was famous.
: Is this Musketeer headquarters? Athos
: No, this was Musketeer headquarters. D'Artagnan
: Oh, you mean it's been moved. Athos
: No, I mean the Musketeers have been disbanded. They no longer exist. Feel free to poke around for souvenirs if you wish. D'Artagnan
: But I just got here. How am I supposed to become a Musketeer if they've been disbanded? Athos
: I'd say you've got quite a problem. D'Artagnan
: [Grabbing Athos' arm
] You're not being very helpful. Athos
: You need a lesson in manners, boy. D'Artagnan
: Anytime. Athos
: Why don't you meet me outside the city by the ruins, let's say noon? D'Artagnan
: I'll be there.
: Ah, thank you. You broke my fall perfectly. I do apologize for the inconvenience. D'Artagnan
: Get off me! Aramis
: If there's one thing I can't abide, it's rudeness. D'Artagnan
: You fell on me! Aramis
: And I apologized for it. D'Artagnan
: Well your apology is not accepted. Aramis
: I hope your sword is as quick as your mouth. D'Artagnan
: It's quicker. Aramis
: Ah, a duel then. D'Artagnan
: A duel. Aramis
: Meet me by the Carmes-Deschaux Monastery at two o'clock. D'Artagnan
: I'll be there. Aramis
: As will I. D'Artagnan
: Three duels in one day. Hmm.
[after a fight with the Cardinal's guards
: What's he doing? Athos
: Last rites. Aramis takes death very seriously. D'Artagnan
: Is he a priest? Athos
: He used to be one of the Cardinal's students.
: Why's Athos sitting by himself? Aramis
: He takes his drinking very seriously. Not to worry; he'll be his usual charming self by morning.
: The Cardinal! We have to hurry! Porthos
: You two have a date? D'Artagnan
: No, it's the Cardinal! He's conspiring against the King! Aramis
: Tell us something we don't know. D'Artagnan
: He sent a messenger with a secret treaty to a man named Buckingham. Porthos
: The Duke of Buckingham? D'Artagnan
: Do you know him? Aramis
: He rules England the way the Cardinal rules France. D'Artagnan
: There's a ship called the Persephone. It's waiting in Calais to take the messenger to England. It sails Tuesday, midnight. Porthos
: If we get that treaty, we can prove the Cardinal guilty of treason. Aramis
: Calais is over 200 leagues from here. Athos
: Is the Cardinal aware of the fact that you have this information? D'Artagnan
: All I want to do is get to Paris, and join the King's Musketeers. Girard
: You, a Musketeer? Fantasy! D'Artagnan
: My father was a Musketeer. The King's personal bodyguard. Girard
: The King was assassinated. Your father was a failure; a disgrace to the Musketeers. D'Artagnan
: What did you say? Girard
: Your father was a disgrace!
: How's your head D'Artagnan? D'Artagnan
: I'm beginning to wish the Cardinal *had* chopped it off. Will you stop whistling please? Porthos
: I'm not whistling. D'Artagnan
: Well somebody's whistling. Porthos
: Barmaid's kiss left him dizzy. Aramis
: I hear it too. Sounds like a... Athos
: Cannon ball! Porthos
: Oh I *hate* cannon balls.
: [pointing a gun at D'Artagnan
] Have you any idea what you've done? D'Artagnan
: I've saved you and your friend from these bandits. Constance
: *These bandits* are the Queen's own bodyguard. D'Artagnan
: The Queen? I'm sorry, I didn't know. Constance
: What's your name? D'Artagnan
: D'Artagnan. Constance
: D'Artagnan. A Gascon? D'Artagnan
: I've come to Paris to join the Musketeers. Constance
: Then I'm sure I'll be hearing your name again. D'Artagnan
: Would that please you? Constance
: Ladies in waiting are forbidden to socialise with Musketeers. D'Artagnan
: Well, I'm not a Musketeer yet. Constance
: With that kind of courage you will be one soon enough. Good luck D'Artagnan. And thank you for the amusement, I enjoyed it immensely. D'Artagnan
: Wait! You didn't tell me your name! Constance
: The treaty outlines the Cardinal's plans to forge an alliance with Buckingham. Porthos
: No mention of the King? Aramis
: None. However, the arrangement is contingent upon a demonstration of the Cardinal's power. D'Artagnan
: Demonstration? What kind of demonstration? Aramis
: I don't know. Athos
: I know someone who does.
: Your manners have not improved yet. You're late. D'Artagnan
: You in a hurry to die? Athos
: [Porthos and Aramis arrive
] Here come the grave diggers now. Porthos
: Athos, you cannot fight this boy. Athos
: Why not? Porthos
: I'm fighting him. D'Artagnan
: Not until 1 o'clock. Aramis
: I have a duel with him too. D'Artagnan
: Not until 2 o'clock.
: You fight like a man, let's see if you can drink like one too. D'Artagnan
: I can drink anything you put in front of me. Athos
: Famous last words.
: [preparing to start a duel with Athos
] I'll be with you gentlemen in a moment. Porthos
: Oh, he's a fiesty little fellow. Aramis
: Fiesty indeed.
: You know, there's no reason why man can't fly. D'Artagnan
: Sure, look at Ramon. Siroc
: [laughs, then looks at Ramon, considering
] Well, yeah.
: [In a fight with a Cardinal Guard, cuts off one half of the man's moustache
] Oh, sorry, let me even that up for you.
[Cuts off the other half of the moustache
: [after D'Artagnan slides across a table and lands face first in a woman's breasts, saying thoughtfully
] Bags of air could save lives. D'Artagnan
: What? Siroc
: Just thinking out loud, look out!
[Letrec attacks from behind, is stopped by Captain Duval
] Captain Duvall
] Cease this melee! Letrec
: If you can't train your musketeers, Captain Duval, we will! Captain Duvall
: Looks to me Letrec like they were training you!
: How did you like that barber job I gave that Cardinal's Guard Sir? Captain Duvall
: I didn't!
Ramon Montalvo Francisco de la Cruz
: [to D'Artagnan
] You're insatiable! D'Artagnan
: Oh, well, we're both insatiable Ramon. I like women, you like... chickens.
: [Dressed in men's clothes
] 'Scuse me, I am interested in enlisting in the musketeers. D'Artagnan
: Yes, and I'd like to be the Queen of Romania! Jaqueline Rochey
: You are rude. D'Artagnan
: Oh it was a joke. Jaqueline Rochey
: You will apologize. D'Artagnan
: Well I thought I just did. Jaqueline Rochey
: An excuse is not an apology. D'Artagnan
: Well, aren't we the little Bantam Cock? Jaqueline Rochey
: More insults.
[pulls out a knife
] Jaqueline Rochey
: Draw your weapon! D'Artagnan
] Now all you need is a fork and you can dine with Ramon! Jaqueline Rochey
: Draw your weapon Sir!
: My I ask who it is I am about to humiliate? Jaqueline Rochey
: Jacques. Leponte. And your name Sir? D'Artagnan
: D'Artagnan. Jaqueline Rochey
: That's impossible. Too young to be the great D'Artagnan and you're
] Jaqueline Rochey
: clearly no relation. D'Artagnan
: Why's that? Jaqueline Rochey
: Because he was an excellent swordsman.
: [after throwing 'Jacques' to the floor under a cow
] Enjoying the view? Jaqueline Rochey
: [Grabs cow's udder and squirts milk into his face, stands up and grabs his sword arm while putting her own sword against his crotch
] Now let go.
[Takes his sword
] Jaqueline Rochey
: Thank you.
[Throws it behind her, Captain Duval catches it
] Captain Duvall
: Well done. Well done. Jaqueline Rochey
: Thank you. Jacques Leponte at your service. Captain Duvall
: Captain Duval. Jaqueline Rochey
: I would like to join the musketeers Captain. D'Artagnan
: You can't just join. We're an elite force... Captain Duvall
: It wouldn't hurt you to have some competition. The son of the legendary D'Artagnan isn't accustomed to losing. D'Artagnan
: He cheated. Captain Duvall
: Crying over spilt milk? Jaqueline Rochey
: That's very witty Captain. Captain Duvall
: Thank you. You have taste as well as talent.
: [after 'Jacques' tells them his sad life story, sounding truly sympathetic
] That's terrible. D'Artagnan
] I'm crying.
: [while they are cleaning the dungeons as punishment
] You know what I hate about hard work? Siroc
: It's hard? D'Artagnan
: Exactly! Siroc
: As soon as I have conquered mechanised flight I'm getting right to work on a miracle cleanser. Ramon Montalvo Francisco de la Cruz
: Si! A cleanser that will remove even these stubborn bloodstains. D'Artagnan
: And these hard to reach corners. Ramon Montalvo Francisco de la Cruz
: But will be easy on the elbows and knees. Siroc
: Perhaps with a fresh lemony scent. Ramon Montalvo Francisco de la Cruz
: But long lasting strength. D'Artagnan
: But won't leave your hands cracked and red. Siroc
: What if it was a lotion and a cleanser? Ramon Montalvo Francisco de la Cruz
: A lotion and a cleanser in one? Siroc
: A man can dream can't he?
Ramon Montalvo Francisco de la Cruz
: When you die, may I have your horse? D'Artagnan
: Yes, but don't eat him.
: Now, I lit the first fuse. When you pick up the prisoner, use this to light the second fuse. D'Artagnan
: Fuse? For what? Siroc
: For the gunpowder. How do you think you get up in the air? Oh, I almost forgot, here's a little bag of peanuts... Seemed like a good idea. Oh and, uh, cover your ears.
[runs for cover
: [as they try to fly the machine
] Flap! D'Artagnan
: I'm flapping!
: Jacqueline... Jaqueline Rochey
] Jacques! Jacques, your brother Jacques! Jacques. D'Artagnan
: [referring to the flying machine
] Well, I think I'm starting to get the hang of this thing.
[Suddenly they fly off to one side screaming
: [on the ground, watching them fly
] He's over steering. Ramon Montalvo Francisco de la Cruz
[Pulls out his gun and points it at Siroc
: [Ducks the gun and Ramon shoots the man sneaking up behind Siroc. They uncover the dead man's face
] He's a musketeer! Ramon Montalvo Francisco de la Cruz
: Sergeant Morey!
: [Jacqueline is stuck up a tree, her shirt has been torn off and she's hiding her chest in the branches
] Throw me my shirt! D'Artagnan
: What for? Jaqueline Rochey
: I'm cold. D'Artagnan
: Come down out of the wind. Jaqueline Rochey
: First throw me my shirt! D'Artagnan
: Don't be ridiculous. Gerard Rochey
: I'll throw it to you!
[Picks up the shirt, realises it's torn
] Gerard Rochey
: Here, take mine instead!
[Starts to pull his shirt off, answering D'Artagnan's look
] Gerard Rochey
: He's ashamed of his belly button. D'Artagnan
: [as Jacqueline reaches for her shirt
] I wouldn't do that, the branch will-
[the branch breaks and Jacqueline tumbles onto the floor, holding an armful of leaves to cover her chest
: There's nothing wrong with your belly button. Gerard Rochey
: Don't look at my brother like that! Jaqueline Rochey
: Oh Gerard, you can quit pretending! Gerard Rochey
: Right. Well don't look at my sister like that! D'Artagnan
: I want an explanation. I'll trade you my shirt for the truth. The whole truth! For the partial truth you get a sleeve.
: [saying good bye
] Good bye. Thank you! And remember... That man is my sister.
] Jaqueline Rochey
: Actually I'd like you to forget that I'm his sister. If I'm caught I'll be executed. Can I trust you with my secret? D'Artagnan
: [as Siroc and Ramon ride towards them
] What about them? Jaqueline Rochey
: The fewer who know the better. And fewer who will know that you lost a duel to a girl... Not to mention the heart of your little Charlotte. D'Artagnan
: [shouting to the other two men
] So! What do you think of our Jacques? Is he a stud or what?
: [after Jacqueline has vowed to bring down Mazarin
] I'm with you. Ramon Montalvo Francisco de la Cruz
: And I! Siroc
: And I. Jaqueline Rochey
: [raises her sword
] All for one and one for all... D'Artagnan
: NO, no, no, no...
[the other two are shaking their heads
: That's my father's motto. Jaqueline Rochey
: But I've been wanting to say it all my life. D'Artagnan
: And I've been hearing it my whole life. It's stale, OK? Let's just say we're brothers. Brothers in Arms!
[Throws his arm around Jacqueline
] Jaqueline Rochey
: Brothers, yes. Arms- no.
[Pokes his arm off her shoulders
[to the Cardinal
: Bless me Father, for I will sin. One night I will come for you.
: Don't look at me like that. Francesca bon Ansau
: Like what? D'Artagnan
: Those eyes. Francesca bon Ansau
: They are the only eyes I have. D'Artagnan
: It's unfair.
: I don't know what to say. Francesca bon Ansau
: Sometimes it's much better to say nothing.
[D'Artagnan kisses her
] Francesca bon Ansau
: Would you care to say that again?
: Do not harm her! Febre the Man in Black
: But, I feel the need to harm someone.
: Do not turn your back on me, D'Artagnan, for I will fight you! D'Artagnan
: Do not fight me, Aramis, for I will kill you.
: This wine is rejuvenating. D'Artagnan
: Don't get too rejuvenated.
: This is not what you think. Francesca bon Ansau
: You have no idea what I think. D'Artagnan
: I-I wish to explain. Francesca bon Ansau
: You behave as though you've never seen a naked woman. D'Artagnan
: Never one quite so... naked.
: Or so, uh, beautiful. Francesca bon Ansau
: You've seen many ugly naked women? D'Artagnan
: That's not what I meant!
Buxom Woman at Banquet
: Nice sword. D'Artagnan
: Thank you, Mademoiselle. Buxom Woman at Banquet
: Is it a long sword or a short sword? D'Artagnan
: Well, long enough. Buxom Woman at Banquet
: Do you keep your sword polished? D'Artagnan
: Eh, when there's time. Buxom Woman at Banquet
: And do you do it yourself, or do you have help? D'Artagnan
: Myself, I, uh, won't trust my sword to anyone else.
Rochefort, Richelieu Henchman
: You have an interesting fighting style. Where did you acquire it? D'Artagnan
: Here and there. Rochefort, Richelieu Henchman
: Perhaps there. Certainly not here.
: Young Louis was given a baby crocodile from Egypt. The queen dropped it in a sewer, and it's been living off whatever it can find ever since. Porthos
: Is that true, Bonacieux? Bonacieux
: Something kept dragging the poor workers away. All we ever found were bones. Porthos
: I'm very glad you and D'Artagnan lead this little group. D'Artagnan
: Me too. Crocodiles attack from behind.
: He has gone mad. D'Artagnan
: He was always mad. But, when he was your madman it was overlooked.
[D'Artagnan to the horse he "borrowed" for a desperate action:
: I'm afraid you're going to regret we ever met.
[the four musketeers are observing the stronghold where Cardinal Richelieu's army is entrenched
: We'll take them by surprise! D'Artagnan
: Yes... they're expecting an army... Aramis
: Oh! Perhaps we shall not disappoint them!
: [to his horse
] I'm afraid you're going to regret we ever met.
[the family is sitting around the meal
] Young D'Artagnan
: And we're waiting for Planchet? D'Artagnan's Father
: Oh, I would... but my hunger won't.
: Perhaps you should take his offer. We're dead anyway. Porthos
: He's right, D'Artagnan. Phillippe
: Wait. Bargain me to Louis for all your lives. You've done your best. Please let me go. D'Artagnan
: No, I cannot do it. Even if I could give up my king, I could never give up my son.
[they all look at him, thunderstruck
: Your son? D'Artagnan
: I loved your mother. I love her still. You are my son. I never knew you existed. And I never felt pride as a father... until this moment.
: No. If anyone sees... it is death. Queen Anne
: If I don't kiss you, I'll die anyway.
: You came to restrain me? D'Artagnan
: I came to give you hope.
[the Four Musketeers and Phillipe are trapped by riflemen at the other end of the hallway
: D'Artagnan... They're young Musketeers. They've been weaned on our legends. They revere us. It is an advantage. Porthos
: Yes. Why don't we charge them? D'Artagnan
: I trained these men. They will fight to the death. But if we must die - if WE must die - let it be like this.
[He draws his sword and points it at the floor. Aramis, Porthos, and Athos, join their swords with his
: One for all. All for one.
[a rioting crowd throws rotten food at D'Artagnan; he draws his sword and slashes the fruit in mid-air, then skewers a tomato. The crowd is awed into silence. He bites the tomato, then grimaces and spits it out
: You are right. It is rotten. I will speak to the King myself. You have my word.
: You think my affairs are empty... D'Artagnan
: I think that it is possible for one man to love one woman all his life and be the better for it, yes.
: Anne, to love you is treason against France. But not to love you is treason against my heart.
: You are constantly surrounded by beautiful women. Do you love any of them? Louis
: Quite frequently, actually.
: Your people are most anxious to love you, but they are eating rotten food and sometimes none at all.
: Anne, I know that to love you is a treason against France, but not to love you is a treason against my heart. Queen Anne
: Then we will both die traitors, D'Artagnan.
King Louis XIV
: I may be a young king, but I am king! D'Artagnan
: Then be a good king.
King Louis XIV
: I hear there was an incident at the Musketeers' gate, where a man came intent on killing me. Is it our policy now to let would-be assassins go free, d'Artagnan? D'Artagnan
: He wished to kill his own pain. His son is dead. I can think of nothing worse. King Louis XIV
: What about losing your king? D'Artagnan
: That depends on the king.
King Louis XIV
: Why has my own brother tried to do this to me? D'Artagnan
: And look what you have done to him!
: This pass is for one person. D'Artagnan
: I am only one person. That is a servant.
: Well, if I am to be killed; at least it will be by a Musketeer.
[D'Artagnan is trying to seduce Constance after rescuing her
: They dragged me from my bed. D'Artagnan
: Bed? That's the best place for you, bed.
: Your father says that you carry his old sword, M. D'Artagnan. D'Artagnan
: Yes. Treville
: [Clears his throat and extends his hand. D'Artagnan produces the sword, which has been broken off quite short
] Oh. Do me the honor of taking one on loan until yours grows longer. D'Artagnan
: Sir, I ask charity of no one. Treville
: Then you aren't likely to get it, are you, young man?
: No, not charity. Love and courtesy for the son of an old friend, to keep his enemies an inch or two further off.
: [to Athos, who is about to duel D'Artagnan
] Are you fighting this, er, fellow? But I'm meeting him meself. D'Artagnan
: But not till one o'clock, sir. Aramis
: Oh, no no no. I'm to fight him this afternoon. D'Artagnan
: At two o'clock, sir. Athos
: How long have you been in Paris? D'Artagnan
: Since eight o'clock this morning. Athos
: You waste little time, sir. D'Artagnan
: My father recommended that I fight duels. Athos
] Well! Let us hope you can do him some credit, hm?
: Now, that man in his time has insulted me, broken my father's sword, had me clubbed to the ground, laid violent hands on the woman I love! He is inconvenient.
Duke of Buckingham
: How can I ever repay you? D'Artagnan
: My Lord, let us understand one another. You are an Englishman and an enemy of France. You owe me no debt. What I have done, I've done for the Queen.
: Your Grace's pardon, I had forgotten: England is an island. How do I get off?
Duke of Buckingham
: Come, sirs, we must bustle!
[he strides off with the two exhausted Frenchmen trailing behind him
: Come Planchet, we must... bustle. Planchet
] Oh good. I like bustling.
: Oh, My - my darling, forgive me. I, uh, my lord, what can I say? I - I love her, and I was jealous. Duke of Buckingham
: A perfectly excellent reason for attacking a stranger in the dark. Would you oblige me in a small matter sir? D'Artagnan
: Anything, my Lord. Duke of Buckingham
: Madam and I are going to the palace. We must not be seen. If anyone should try to follow us, would you be good enough to kill him? Thank you.
: [He has delivered the Queen's letter to Buckingham; Buckingham has read and hands it back to him. D'Artagnan looks at it helplessly
] I... I'm afraid I can't read.
: [to Constance
] I love you and you love me... or if you do not, there's something wrong with you.
: [reciting from memory the letter Richelieu wrote giving Milady de Winter permission to kill Buckingham, d'Artagnan and Constance, as Richelieu reads the actual note which D'Artagnan has handed him
] "By my order and for the good of the state, the bearer has done what has been done." Cardinal Richelieu
: Hm. One should be careful what one writes...
[he tears up the note
] Cardinal Richelieu
: and to whom one gives it. I must bear those rules in mind.
[Richelieu has given D'Artagnan a commission as a lieutenant in the Musketeers
: It is too much! I cannot accept it. Athos, you take it. Athos
: No, for the Comte de la Fère it is too little; for Athos, too much.
[after seeing Athos stumble down a flight of stairs
: Athos, are you hurt? Athos
: Hurt? What I am is drunk.
: [the Musketeers have captured MiLady
] As the Comte de la Fere; with the rights of high, middle and low justice, I accuse this woman of the murder of Constance de Bonacieux. How say you? Aramis
: Death. Porthos
: Death. D'Artagnan
] Death. Athos
: Death. MiLady DeWinter
: No! You have no power of justice over me! D'Artagnan! If you love me; do not let them do this! Athos
: Make one move to save her, D'Artagnan and we will cross swords; and this time, I swear I will kill you.
: [of Milady
] I love her with my head. But my Constance, snatched from my side, I love with my heart. Athos
: You have a conveniently discriminating anatomy.
: These enemies are the enemies of France. Root them out under my protection. Wear my coat
] Cardinal Richelieu
: . Have my love. D'Artagnan
: Eminence, what can I say? Cardinal Richelieu
: "Yes" will be sufficient. D'Artagnan
: I - I can't. Cardinal Richelieu
: ...You're very wet. D'Artagnan
: Wet or dry, I cannot.
: [to D'Artagnan
] Let us rescue your mistress. It's the very least one can do for a friend. D'Artagnan
: If she can stay with the Sisters
[in a convent
: while we're at La Rochelle... Porthos
: I'm sure they'll learn a great deal from each other.
: [He and the others are headed for the bastion at St. Rochelle for a wagered breakfast and a private talk
] Seems a long way to go for breakfast.
: [holding Milady at bay with the point of his sword after she has tried to stab him with a poisoned dagger
] Try that again and I'll cut some fleur-de-lys on the rest of you!
: Warm work, gentlemen. And where were the Musketeers? Aramis
: At our prayers, sir, like good Christians! Swiss Officer
: Ha! By God, sir, so was I! And with good reason. That bastion was buzzing like a beehive. Athos
: And yet you did not stay for breakfast, sir. Swiss Officer
: Neither would you. Athos
: Hmm. Will you bet on that? I'll wager you, better more I will wager you the finest dinner on this camp that my friends and I will have breakfast on that bastion, now. Swiss Officer
] Done. Done! Do you hear that, Spengler? You and I will eat that big dinner alone, I think! D'Artagnan
: What is it? What's new? Porthos
: Ah. Our good friends Athos proposes to have us killed for breakfast. Up yonder. D'Artagnan
: What? Athos
: Planchet, get me a basket, some bread, and four cold chickens. Ham, some oysters, and eight bottles of wine, now. Planchet
: Oh fine. Porthos
: And make the wine champagne. Aramis
: At breakfast? Oh my dear Porthos.
: I'm looking for Athos. Athos
: You've found him. D'Artagnan
: My name is D'Artagnan of Lupiac in Gascony. Prepare to fight; one of us dies here. Porthos
: Now that's how you make an entrance.
[Although Athos has knocked the sword from his hand and then spared his life, D'Artagnan insists on continuting their sword fight
: He said, "Enough". D'Artagnan
: Very well, I'll fight both of you. Porthos
: Three of us. Now, for God's sake, put up your sword.
: Wait for my signal. Surprise is everything,
[D'Artagnan storms out of hiding to confront the Cardinal Guard's captain
: Gaudet! Aramis
: Surprise would have been everything.
[D'Artagnan's landlady hands him a bowl of slop for dinner
: This looks like badger's intestines Landlady
: Specialty of the house. Enjoy.
: Come on, you're tired, Father. We should stop here. Alexandre D'Artagnan
: Paris is only a few hours away. D'Artagnan
: Paris will still be there in the morning.
[framed for murder, D'Artagnan tries to hide from his pursurers
: I'll give you five livres to kiss me.
[D'Artagnan grabs Constance and kisses her passionately
: That actually worked!
[Constance knees D'Artagnan in the groin
: Oh, you degenerate! Touch me again and I'll gut you like a fish. Do I look like a working girl? D'Artagnan
: Well, yeah... Constance
: This is my best dress! How does this say prostitute to you? D'Artagnan
: My apologies, Mademoiselle. Constance
: It's Madam.
: Do you know the way to the Musketeers' garrison? Constance
: Why do you want to know? D'Artagnan
: I have some business to settle on my father's behalf.
: Might I enquire the name of my savior? Constance
: Bonacieux. Constance Bonacieux. D'Artagnan
: Athos killed my father, Constance. That's why I must face him. I'm D'Artagnan. Please think kindly of my name, if you think of it at all.
: Those 'Musketeers' who attacked you - would you know any of them again? D'Artagnan
: They all wore masks... I shot one of them. Aramis
: His body might still be there at the inn. Porthos
: All right, saddle up. We're leaving. Constance
: This morning, you try and kill them, and now you're best friends? Aramis
: Athos' life is at stake. He's to be executed in the morning for crimes he didn't commit.
: I only have a handful of men. Brave musketeers, true, but not enough of them to take a fortress. But - we can always try. Colbert de Voliere
: Not by force, my friend. By cunning.
: Did you know my father well, D'Artagnan? D'Artagnan
: Enough to love him ever.
: Back there you called me "my lord", and you risked your own life to save mine. I must understand! What is it you want of me? Who am I?
: You, my prince, are the true King of France.
: Now I shall play the man in the iron mask. And Fouquet, the fool.
: He's haunted by the mystery, it would be an act of mercy to let him know. Colbert de Voliere
: We must say nothing yet. D'Artagnan
: We should tell him his true identity. Colbert de Voliere
: You and I are flirting with high treason, my friend. Let Phillipe remain ignorant for his own sake, as well as our own. The rack can loosen any man's tongue - even that of a Prince.
Colbert de Voliere
: We must not act
[looks meaningfully at D'Artagnan
] Colbert de Voliere
: impetuously. D'Artagnan
: But please, don't let me interrupt your exercise. D'Artagnan
: Nonsense, it's a welcome intrusion for an aging swordsman.
: If you are to rule this great nation, you must learn restraint. Keep cool in battle, or in sports. Be angry - but in cold blood.
: How could your brother be such a monster?
: You've suffered enough. You can be King, or you can be free. Which is it? Philippe
: Take me to where the Crown of France is to be found.
: [after Fouquet has just killed his wife
] Where are you going? D'Artagnan
: After a murderer!
: Bravery is only great when there is no chance.
: [Seeing that D'Artagnan is wouded
] Are you hurt? D'Artagnan
: Always remember to lick your wounds after the battle.
] Congradulations, my son. Now you will be the greatest swordsman in France.
: We're through with running!
: Oh monsieur! Monsieur, you come from the heavens. D'Artagnan
: No mademoiselle, just from upstairs.
: I come from the end of the earth to implore you. Constance Bonacieux
: I thought you said you came from upstairs.
: I kissed the Queen's hand! Constance Bonacieux
: Have you no higher ambitions?
: Porthos, when did a wound ever come between you and a fight? Porthos
: [lying on his stomach
] Well, unfortunately the position of this one comes between me and my horse.
: Well, Athos, in a matter of hours we'll be on the road to Spain with a price on our heads. Will we live to see France again? Athos
: Will we live to see Spain?
: Enjoying the show? Constance
: Are you always this cocky? D'Artagnan
: Only on Tuesdays... and whenever beautiful women are involved. Constance
: So, you think I'm beautiful? D'Artagnan
: Actually, it's Tuesday.
: [after getting a ticket
] What is this? Aramis
: It's a citation. It's a ticket.
: Failure to remove animal bowel movements from public area. D'Artagnan
: French. Aramis
: Your horse took a dump on the street. D'Artagnan
: You're joking. Aramis
: That's what they all say.
: There's one more piece of advice. D'Artagnan
: I know, I know. Don't get into any trouble. D'Artagnan's Father
: Wrong. Get into trouble. Make mistakes. Fight, love, live. And remember, always, you're a Gascon and our son. Now go. Go.
: What? Do you think you have the monopoly on loss? What if she dies? The life of one woman or the future of France? What would you do if you were in my position? Athos
: I've made a lot of sacrifices. Made a lot of hard choices. For honor, for King, for country. Do you know what I 've learned, boy? Hard choices and sacrifices do not keep you warm at night. And life is too damn short and too damn long to go through without someone at your side. Don't end up like me. Choose the woman. Fight for love, D'Artagnan. France will take care of itself.
: Well-played. I could use men like you.
[Richelieu holds out his hand; Aramis takes it to kiss it, then stops
: Ehh... I already have a job. Athos
: I'm a drunk. Porthos
: I'm independently wealthy. D'Artagnan
: Thanks, but no. Richelieu
: The day will come when you'll wish you had said "yes". D'Artagnan
: Maybe. But not today.
: What's the vital thing to remember in a duel? D'Artagnan
: Honour? Porthos
: [slaps the back of D'Artagnan's head
] Not getting killed. By biting, kicking, gouging, it's all good. D'Artagnan
: I was raised to fight like a gentleman. Aramis
: Were you raised to die young?
: Er, what's this? Jailer
: Mutton stew. D'Artagnan
: [pulling a dead mouse from the bowl
] Mutton is the one that goes "baa" and has wool on it.
: We're going to play a little game to find out the truth. I'm going to hack your fingers off one at a time, until you admit to being a spy. D'Artagnan
: And what if I'm not. Vadim
: Then you'll be counting on your toes... but you'll be alive.
: Things were very quiet until you came here, Monsieur. D'Artagnan
: I'm sorry. You must miss that. Constance
: Not for a single second.
[the Musketeers await the Duke of Savoy's arrival to meet with King Louis
: Heat. Flies. Boredom. I do so love parades. You know, I'm thinking about fainting just for something to do. Athos
: [referring to Aramis
] What's wrong with him? Porthos
: Have you forgotten about the massacre at Savoy? D'Artagnan
: What massacre?
[the would-be assassin of the Duke of Savoy claims to know who killed a troop of Musketeers five years in the past
: I need you to keep quiet about this for now. D'Artagnan
: Have you gone mad? Aramis
: Possibly, but... I owe him my life. D'Artagnan
: If this gets me hanged, I'm going to take it very personally.
[Marsac looks approvingly at Constance
: She's married... and a friend. Marsac
: I was merely admiring from a distance. D'Artagnan
: Make it as far away as possible.
[after D'Artagnan convinces Constance to rent a room to Marzac, he catches the older man forcing his attentions upon his landlady
: I just wish there was something I could do to make amends. Constance
: There is one thing... No one in the world could know, especially not my husband. D'Artagnan
: Of course. What is it? Constance
: [whispering in D'Artagnan's ear
] Teach me how to shoot. D'Artagnan
: Shoot? Constance
: Swordfighting as well. I've always liked the look of that. Why should men have all the fun? Why do women have to be dignified and lady-like? D'Artagnan
: Good question. I have no idea.
[to a barmaid
] Émile Bonnaire
: The tail feather of an Amazonian macaw, quite the loveliest bird in the jungle, yet not half so lovely as you. It matches your eyes perfectly. D'Artagnan
: [to Aramis
] Seduced by a feather. Really? Aramis
: Anyone can tell a woman she's beautiful. Making her believe it is where the genius lies.
[as D'Artagnan rushes to rescue Athos, he spots a woman riding away from the burning chateau
: What happened? Who was that woman? Athos
: Since we arrived, I felt her presence everywhere. I thought I was imagining it. D'Artagnan
: Who? Who? Athos
: My wife. She died five years ago now, by my orders. She was a cold-blooded murderer, so I had her taken from the house and hung from the branch of a tree. D'Artagnan
: Look at me. Look at me! Are you saying the host of your dead wife tried to kill you? Athos
: She's not dead, D'Artagnan. She survived.
: If you were about to die, what would you do? D'Artagnan
: Your Eminence, I should write the history of France.
: [bumping into Athos
] Excuse me. I am running after someone. Athos
: You can find me without running. Do you understand? D'Artagnan
: Where? Athos
: Behind the Luxemborg. D'Artagnan
: When? Athos
: One o'clock.
: She's a walking post office.