Dr. Rodney McKay
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Quotes for
Dr. Rodney McKay (Character)
from "Stargate: Atlantis" (2004)

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"Stargate: Atlantis: Phantoms (#3.9)" (2006)
Dr. Carson Beckett: [about a decaying body] He's been dead for months.
Dr. Rodney McKay: No... really?

Dr. Carson Beckett: [looking over decaying body] He's been dead for months.
Dr. Rodney McKay: No, really?

Dr. Rodney McKay: I'm picking up that puzzling energy reading.
Dr. Carson Beckett: What is it?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Did I not just use the word "puzzling"?
Dr. Carson Beckett: Charming.

Dr. Carson Beckett: Do you suppose the Genii are responsible for the energy readings we're detecting?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Probably. It'd be just our luck we've stumbled on one of their nuclear testing sites.
Lt. Kagan: [worried] Nuclear testing site?
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Just a small one.

Teyla Emmagan: [Ronon draws his gun] What is it?
Ronon Dex: I saw something.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Well, what? Person? Animal? How many syllables?

Ronon Dex: It's probably nothing.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Why am I not comforted?

Dr. Rodney McKay: [they come across two more dead Genii] Oh, for God's sake. Enough with the bodies.

Ronon Dex: A Wraith bunker, but no Wraith.
Teyla Emmagan: It appears to have been abandoned for some time.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: The Genii probably stumbled on to it just like we did.
Dr. Carson Beckett: And then promptly killed each other. Why?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Another Hardy Boys mystery.

Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: What is this?
Dr. Carson Beckett: It appears to be organic.
Dr. Rodney McKay: It's like the energy conduit aboard a Wraith ship... and every bit as disgusting.

Lt. Kagan: This frequency... can it hurt us?
Dr. Rodney McKay: It's doubtful, apart from the obvious sterility issues.
Lt. Kagan: Wh-What?
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: He's kidding. You're kidding, right?
[Rodney makes a non-committal noise]

Dr. Rodney McKay: Can we stop for a second?
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: No.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Look, I mean no disrespect, but this guy's heavy and ever since I was shot in the ass by an arrow, I've been prone to sciattica.
[beat]
Dr. Rodney McKay: No?

Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: [They both look at destroyed DHD] Is there any other way to dial? And don't say no if there is *any* possibility, because I am not in the mood for your usual impossible heroics game.
Dr. Rodney McKay: I wouldn't do that!

Dr. Rodney McKay: Your pal, Major Looney Tunes, knew exactly where to set the charge.

Teyla Emmagan: I am trying to impress upon Dr. McKay that determining how to turn the thing off is more pressing than learning what it actually does.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: You don't even know what it does?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Well, I can now state for certain that it is, in fact, a generator.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: We already knew that.

Teyla Emmagan: Is that what made all these people kill each other?
Dr. Rodney McKay: I hope so.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: You hope so?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Otherwise, there are two bizarre things going on, and one is more than enough for me, thank you very much.

Dr. Rodney McKay: It's as if whoever turned it on dialed it up to eleven and just left it there.

Dr. Rodney McKay: Genii. They must have discovered the place, started messing around with the machine without having the first clue as to what they were doing. Which explains why the place is covered in this.
[indicates organic material]
Teyla Emmagan: And before the realized what they'd done ...
Dr. Rodney McKay: They couldn't figure out how to turn it off, so they shot the thing, hoping they could somehow kill it, which only made it regrow more, make it that much more difficult for someone with the ability to actually turn it off *to* actually turn it off.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: So you can't actually turn it off?
Dr. Rodney McKay: I never said that.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Well, what *did* you say?

Dr. Carson Beckett: You wanted a scalpel?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Yeah, I need it to cut through this membrane. It's like surgery. It's more up your alley, maybe you oughta do it.
Dr. Carson Beckett: I'm a little preoccupied at the moment, thank you.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Yeah, how is Kroger?
Dr. Carson Beckett: Kagen.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Kagen. Kagen. What is it with me and names?

Dr. Rodney McKay: [to Carson] So you made a mistake. You thought he was dead and he wasn't. Better off that way than the other way around.

Dr. Carson Beckett: Rodney.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Hmm?
Dr. Carson Beckett: Have you experienced anything yet?
Dr. Rodney McKay: No. Everyone's brain chemistry is different. Maybe some people are more susceptable than others. Look, I toked pot once in college. Didn't feel a thing.
Dr. Carson Beckett: Really?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Mm. Well, aside from itchy. And the overpowering urge to eat an entire loaf of white bread.

[Throughout the scene, Rodney is complaining that John shot him]
Dr. Rodney McKay: [third time] You shot me.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: [exasperated] Yes, Rodney, I shot you, and I said I was sorry.
Ronon Dex: You shot me, too.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: I'm sorry for shooting everyone!

Dr. Rodney McKay: [panicking about what's out there] What? Person, animal? How many syllables?

Ronon Dex: Probably nothing.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Why am I not comforted?

Dr. Rodney McKay: Oh for god's sake, enough with the bodies!

Dr. Elizabeth Weir: How are Rodney and Teyla?
Dr. Rodney McKay: He shot me!
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: They're both fine.

Dr. Rodney McKay: You shot me!
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Yes, Rodney, I shot you, and I said I was sorry.

Dr. Rodney McKay: I can't believe you shot me!
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Get some sleep Rodney!


"Stargate: Atlantis: Progeny (#3.5)" (2006)
Dr. Elizabeth Weir: You mean, you have a plan?
Oberoth: We do.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Great, let's hear it.
[Oberoth stares at him blankly]
Dr. Rodney McKay: You plan, I mean.
Oberoth: I doubt that you would be able to grasp its complexity and scope.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Fortunately, I'm very good with complexity.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: And scope.

Teyla Emmagan: Might it not be possible that these people merely discoved this city, as you discovered Atlantis?
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Wouldn't be surprised. They didn't seem very Ancienty to me.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Ancienty?
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Yes, that's the word I was looking for.

Niam: He brought you food.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Oh good! I'm starving!
Ronon Dex: [motions for Rodney to move away from the food]
Dr. Rodney McKay: What? I can't think on a empty stomach.

Niam: Oberoth can be... intractable.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Not exactly the word I was looking for.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Un-Ancienty?
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Not that word either.

Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Still nothing?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Still nothing.

Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Who the hell are you people?
Dr. Rodney McKay: They're not people, they're machines. They're replicators!

Niam: It is real, Dr. McKay. Your minds are no longer being probed.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Good to know it was just our minds.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Oh, please don't make me sick.

Dr. Elizabeth Weir: And Oberoth will agree to this?
Niam: I believe Oberoth is attacking Atlantis as a result of that programming. If we can prove to him that it can be altered...
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: You think he'll see the light?
Dr. Rodney McKay: [sarcastically] Hallelujah.

Ronon Dex: Not much point in leaving without blowing this place up first.
Dr. Elizabeth Weir: How would we do that?
[everyone looks at Rodney]
Dr. Rodney McKay: Oh, that's me. Right. Surprise, surprise. Look, why don't I just go on these missions by myself, hmm?

Dr. Elizabeth Weir: Ancients?
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: He's got one of their scanners.
Dr. Rodney McKay: So do we.

Teyla Emmagan: And you've had no trouble with the wraith?
Niam: No.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Any particular reason?
Niam: The wraith do not concern us.
Dr. Rodney McKay: [to John] Ah, see? He didn't answer my question.
[to Niam]
Dr. Rodney McKay: I'm sorry, you didn't actually answer my question.

Niam: [regarding ZPMs] Oh yes. We have many of those.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Exactly how many is many?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Exactly doesn't matter. Many is plenty.

Dr. Rodney McKay: [regarding ZPMs] I assume that you... built them yourselves?
Niam: Yes.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Yes.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Easy, Rodney, you're slobbering.

Dr. Rodney McKay: He says the other Ancients are arrogant?
Niam: I'm sorry if you thought Oberoth was condescending in any way.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: How 'bout in every way.
Niam: It is difficult for him to see you as capable of understanding.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Yeah, well, how many Ph.Ds does he have?

Dr. Elizabeth Weir: Rodney?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Hmm?
Dr. Elizabeth Weir: Well, this cell is similar to ours. Is there something in the design that could offer a possible escape?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Are you serious? It's a jail cell.

Dr. Rodney McKay: [John is going to manually set off the self-destruct] No, no, no! I can't let you do this, not without tossing a coin or something! It doesn't seem right!
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: I appreciate the offer, Rodney. Now, get out of here!

Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: What'd they do to you?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Torture, in ways to hideous and... intimate to recount?
Ronon Dex: Like what?
Dr. Rodney McKay: I said "too hideous to recount."

Dr. Elizabeth Weir: I just had a horrible thought.
Teyla Emmagan: What if it is still happening?
Dr. Elizabeth Weir: Yes.
Dr. Rodney McKay: There's got to be a way to know for sure.
[Pushes John's head and John smacks his leg]
Dr. Rodney McKay: Doesn't really prove anything.

Dr. Rodney McKay: This is bad. They're very similar to an artificle intelligence that SG-1 encountered several years ago that evolved from a tiny block replicator into human form. They may even be related somehow.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: I read those reports. Stargate Command could barely defeat the human form replicators.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Which is why I said, "this is bad."

Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: How's it coming Rodney?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Slowly.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: What's the hold-up?
Dr. Rodney McKay: What's the hold-up? Do you have any idea what I'm trying to do here?
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Niam gave you access to the program code, and you're screwing around with it.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Oh, that is so... relatively accurate.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Thank you.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Still, we're not dealing with Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots here. We are dealing with a complex codeof over three billion chemical base sequences. It's like trying to reconfigure the DNA double helix.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Okay, so, what? Five minutes?

Dr. Rodney McKay: Exactly, but , while I was working on it, I figured out a way to create a glitch that, on my command, should momentarily freeze them.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: "Should."
Dr. Rodney McKay: Okay, if you will, I mean, dead in their tracks. Like hitting the pause button. Only temporarily, until they figure out how to override it.
Ronon Dex: How long?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Well, I don't know. That's why I said "momentarily."
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Days? Hours? Minutes?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Well, look, it's minutes, but I don't know. That's what I was just saying to him.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: 10? 20?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Okay, fine, you want a number? Fine, seven. 7 minutes and 31 seconds. Are you happy?
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: No.
Dr. Rodney McKay: No?
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: That's not enough time.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Okay, well, you wanted a number.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: A bigger number!
Dr. Rodney McKay: Well, it may very well be longer.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Or shorter.
Dr. Rodney McKay: I don't know. Look, you're missing the point.
Dr. Elizabeth Weir: Gentlemen, focus, please.

Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: So much for seven and a half minutes.
Dr. Rodney McKay: It was an *arbitrary* number.

Dr. Rodney McKay: Look, as soon as I trigger the overload there'll be practically zero lag time before it blows.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Practically?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Okay, so, like, a few seconds for it to build up power -
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: How many seconds?
Dr. Rodney McKay: I don't know.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: 5? 10?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Again with the arbitrary numbers!

Dr. Rodney McKay: Either the Ancients purposely conceiled every record, extremely well, I might add, or they simply deleted them from the database. I'm leaning towards the latter.
Dr. Radek Zelenka: Perhaps the think they've truly destroyed them all.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Or they didn't want anyone to know they failed.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Again. God, there is nothing more annoying than people who won't admit their own mistakes.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: [He and Radek share a look] True.


"Stargate: Atlantis: Sateda (#3.4)" (2006)
Dr. Carson Beckett: You have an arrow, Rodney, in your Gluteus Maximus.
Dr. Rodney McKay: [on lots of morphine] That sounds painful.
Dr. Rodney McKay: [to himself] Gluteus Maximus... gluteus maximus...
Dr. Rodney McKay: Oh my god! That's my ass!
Dr. Carson Beckett: Aye.

Dr. Rodney McKay: [referring to calling Ronon "Caveman"] It's a nickname. Buddies have nicknames!
Dr. Carson Beckett: So now you're buddies?

Ronon Dex: Which one of you killed the Wraith?
Dr. Carson Beckett: I did.
Dr. Rodney McKay: My idea!

Dr. Rodney McKay: [to Major Lorne] Have you seen a guy? He looks kind of like you only he has funny hair. I think I lost him. And a pretty girl. And a caveman.

Dr. Rodney McKay: How about I leave the bad jokes to you and the brilliant scientific ideas to me.

Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: McKay?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Over here.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: You know, we take for granted all of the simple things in life... like sitting.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: I don't envy you. Must be a pain in the ass.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Hah. How long have you been thinking of that one?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Longer than I'd like to admit.

Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Something wrong?
Ronon Dex: I have a bad feeling.
Dr. Rodney McKay: I always feel like that. Like something horrible is about to happen.
Teyla Emmagan: How do you live?
Dr. Rodney McKay: I get used to it. Thing is, when someone else also has that feeling, mine gets worse.

Dr. Rodney McKay: [screaming after being shot in the butt with an arrow] That did not just happen!

Dr. Rodney McKay: Oh, my God, it hurts! I can't feel me leg!
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Pain or numbness?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Both!

Dr. Rodney McKay: So many colors... all the pretty horses.
Dr. Elizabeth Weir: What's he talking about?
Dr. Carson Beckett: I gave him some morphine for the pain.
Airman: I need to know how many villagers. How far is the gate from the village?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Have you seen a guy around? He looks like you, but he's got messy hair. I think I lost him somewhere. And - and a pretty woman, and a caveman.
Dr. Carson Beckett: I may have given him a wee bit too much.

Dr. Rodney McKay: Excuse me? Why am I lying here?
Dr. Carson Beckett: You have an arrow, Rodney, in your gluteus maximus.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Oh. Well, that sounds painful.
[sighs]
Dr. Rodney McKay: Gluteus maximus... Glootus... maa... ximus. Oh, my God. That's my ass, isn't it?
Dr. Carson Beckett: Aye.

Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: McKay?
Dr. Rodney McKay: [from the floor] I'm here. You know... you really don't appreciate the simple things in life. Like... sitting.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: I don't envy you. It must be a real pain in the ass.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Aw... how long did you work on that?
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Longer than I care to admit.

Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: But these sensors only cover a small corner of the galaxy.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Unless they're calibrated to pick up a signal using subspace. How about I leave the bad jokes to you, and you leave the brilliant science stuff to me?

Dr. Rodney McKay: What is going on down there? You have at least twenty-five Wraith closing in on your position from ground level.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: It seems Ronon doesn't want to leave.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Well, too bad! You tell that ungrateful example of unevolved humanity that we came all this way to rescue him, so he'd better get off his...
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: McKay says he's very hurt you won't come with us.

Dr. Rodney McKay: That is the stupidest plan I have ever heard.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: I don't know, killing a bunch of Wraith always seems like a good idea to me.

Dr. Rodney McKay: Where do you think you're going?
Dr. Carson Beckett: I'm going to help them.
Dr. Rodney McKay: What are you, crazy? You're a doctor!
Dr. Carson Beckett: What does that have to do with it?
[Rodney tries to take the gun]
Dr. Carson Beckett: What are you doing?
Dr. Rodney McKay: I'm going.
Dr. Carson Beckett: You can barely walk.
Dr. Rodney McKay: I can walk fine. I just can't sit.
Dr. Carson Beckett: And you're a terrible shot.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Oh, what, and you're Rambo now?

Dr. Carson Beckett: There's more than one gun, we can both bloody go.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Yeah, well someone has to stay with the jumper...
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: [over the radio] That's it. We got 'em all. McKay?
Dr. Rodney McKay: [checks the HUD] Yeah, it's just you guys left. Well, that was quick.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Well, I got six. Teyla got...
Teyla Emmagan: Eight.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: I got nine, Teyla got eight, Ronon got the rest.

Ronon Dex: Which one of you killed the Wraith?
Dr. Carson Beckett: [smiles proudly] That would be me.
Dr. Rodney McKay: My idea.
Teyla Emmagan: Ronon...
Dr. Carson Beckett: What?
[worried]
Dr. Carson Beckett: Don't tell me you're not happy that he's dead.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: I had him in my sights, but Ronon said he'd kill me if I shot him.
Dr. Rodney McKay: It was all Beckett's idea.
Ronon Dex: [hugs Carson] Thanks, doc.
Dr. Rodney McKay: What, him you thank?
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: I could've killed him at any time, but Teyla wouldn't let me.
Ronon Dex: Thank you. All of you.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Oh, don't mention it.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: It's nothing, really. I only killed eleven, twelve Wraith.

Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: So there are seven runners?
Dr. Rodney McKay: We can't be certain. But I bet that's Ronon.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: How do you know?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Because that's Sateda, Ronon's home planet.

Dr. Rodney McKay: What the hell is going on down there?
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Ronon thinks he can get the head Wraith responsible for all this to come down and fight him if we kill all these Wraith first.
Dr. Rodney McKay: That is the stupidest plan I have ever heard.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: I don't know. Killing a bunch of Wraith always seems like a good idea to me.
Dr. Rodney McKay: They outnumber you 25 to 3.
Dr. Carson Beckett: It's actually 22 to 3... 21...
Teyla Emmagan: And Ronon appears to be quite angry.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Oh, that evens it out.


"Stargate: Atlantis: Irresistible (#3.3)" (2006)
Teyla Emmagan: Are you that eager to return to Earth, Rodney?
Dr. Rodney McKay: This isn't just about me, it is about the ability to go back and forth between Earth and Atlantis conveniently... and whenever I want to.

Dr. Rodney McKay: Okay, let's just make contact, buy our souvenirs, and...
[sees multiple beautiful women]
Dr. Rodney McKay: get out of here!
Willa: Fair day to you.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Fair day to *you*. Nothing here. We should probably go.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Yeah, probably wouldn't hurt to make contact with the locals, though.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: No, no, when you're right, you're right.

Lucius Lavin: I have, I have to say, some of the best ointments around.
[John sneezes]
Lucius Lavin: See, I could take care of that,
[snaps]
Lucius Lavin: just like that.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: It's just a cold.
Lucius Lavin: Nevertheless, I have a potion that could get rid of that in six or seven days.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Mm.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: [sarcastically] That's impressive.
Lucius Lavin: You get used to it.

Dr. Rodney McKay: One lousy gate, we're never gonna meet our quota at this rate.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: What quota?
Dr. Rodney McKay: My quota.

Dr. Carson Beckett: He also possesses many valuable herbs and spices and gourds.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Did you just say gourds?

Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: This is creeping me out.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Yeah, it reminds me of an old episode of Batman, actually. Catwoman used a drug to put a spell on Batman, make him fall in love with her. Ended up doing all sorts of evil things for her. kind of a turn-on, actually. It was Julie Newmar in the catsuit...
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Eartha Kitt was Catwoman.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Not till season three.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Really?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Yeah, you didn't know that?

Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Elizabeth wants to send a team to check out a gate at a suspected Wraith outpost.
Dr. Rodney McKay: What is she, nuts?
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Everybody's nuts, Rodney. Haven't you noticed?

Dr. Rodney McKay: You're leaving me here alone?
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: You said you needed the liquid.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Yeah, but the place is turning into a nuthouse.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Somebody's gotta stay. Just keep away from the nuts.

Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: I thought you said you were gonna stay away from the nuts.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Yes, well, I tried to keep to myself, but Lucius here was concerned for me, so he just came down, Ronon held me against the wall, and we had a nice, long talk.

Lucius Lavin: You can fly this thing?
Dr. Rodney McKay: I can fly it, too.
Dr. Carson Beckett: Yes, now that you've received the A.T.A. therapy, which I invented. I was actually born with the gene, which makes me much more proficient at operating Ancient technology.
Dr. Rodney McKay: It does not. He doesn't fly this thing any better than I do.
Dr. Carson Beckett: Don't you lie to Lucius!

Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Hey, buddy, I'd better get back and clean your quarters before the next scout.
[Runs off]
Dr. Rodney McKay: Right.
Dr. Elizabeth Weir: Rodney.
Dr. Rodney McKay: It was one teeny, tiny taste for research purposes.
Dr. Elizabeth Weir: Burn it.
Dr. Carson Beckett: All of it.
Dr. Elizabeth Weir: Right now.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Fine. Story of my life.

Ronon Dex: [referring to Lucius] Yeah, you have a problem with that?
Dr. Rodney McKay: No.
[pointing to Sheppard]
Dr. Rodney McKay: But he might.

Dr. Rodney McKay: Fly, Lucius. Fly!

Dr. Rodney McKay: Where's Radek?
Gate Technician: Not here...


"Stargate: Atlantis: The Return: Part 1 (#3.10)" (2006)
Dr. Rodney McKay: I give you the 'McKay-Carter Intergalactic Bridge'!

Dr. Rodney McKay: Cue Applause!
Dr. Rodney McKay: [All of the Dedaelus cheers] Thank you! Enough.

Dr. Rodney McKay: Yes, of course, it worked! I'm already onto the next problem.

Dr. Rodney McKay: I'm detecting an object traveling 0.999 the speed of light.

Dr. Rodney McKay: They're not laughing, they're unconscious, but metaphorically...

Dr. Rodney McKay: [to Sheppard] Um, did you really get pizza for everyone? Because that would really be a waste if we uh...

Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: What if you were forced out of your home because of war, and you came back to find someone sitting on your couch, eating your cheetos, watching your TV?
Dr. Rodney McKay: [raising his chin in the air] I'd be fine with that.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: No you wouldn't.

Dr. Rodney McKay: [to Carson] You are NOT tearing up on me.

Dr. Rodney McKay: OK, we need to send them a message before they get out of range and we have to jump ahead. Uh, something like, you know, "We are humans from Earth currently occupying Atlantis, uh, yada, yada, yada..."
Maj. John Sheppard: Why don't we just ask 'em to slow down?
Captain Dave Kleinman: Kleinman's console beeps. Colonel Caldwell. The unidentified vessel is slowing down.
Maj. John Sheppard: Maybe they heard me.
Dr. Rodney McKay: looking at the pilot's console: No, they saw us. They're not just slowing down - they're slamming on the brakes something like twenty-seven gees.

Dr. Rodney McKay: What was it?
Dr. Carson Beckett: What?
Dr. Rodney McKay: What were you gonna say? Now I'm curious.
Dr. Carson Beckett: [hesitantly] I was gonna say: Goodbye, Rodney.

Dr. Rodney McKay: [on the phone with Sheppard] You know, the truth is I...
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: What?
Dr. Rodney McKay: I don't want to use the term lonely, but there are certain people who I miss...
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Me
Dr. Rodney McKay: You, not so much. You, I'm on my cell phone with. You, I'm having dinner with tomorrow night.

Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: See you tomorrow night.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Wouldn't miss it!

Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: [cell phones ring] Sheppard.
Dr. Rodney McKay: McKay.
Dr. Elizabeth Weir: Hello?
Dr. Carson Beckett: [only one not answering a phone] I didn't bring my bloody cell phone with me? What's happening?

Dr. Rodney McKay: They emit a directional beacon that disrupts the replicators and breaks them apart.
Ronon Dex: Not what I asked.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Yes, they work good.


"Stargate: Atlantis: Tao of Rodney (#3.14)" (2006)
Dr. Rodney McKay: You know, I don't get these Ancients. They're supposed to be so smart, but why activate something that you don't need and you're not using, huh?
Dr. Radek Zelenka: Well, maybe they didn't have time to get to it, you know, before the human-form Replicators that you reprogrammed attacked.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Yes, yes, we all know what happened.

Dr. Carson Beckett: Alright. Like I said, as far as I can tell, he's as healthy as a horse. I'm clearing you for active duty.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Are you insane? Look, I need to be put under guard. Who knows what I could become?
Dr. Elizabeth Weir: What are the chances it could make him more pleasant?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Oh, thank you!
Lt... Colonel John Sheppard: I'll keep an eye on him.
Dr. Elizabeth Weir: Thank you!
Dr. Rodney McKay: Can you still see me?

Dr. Elizabeth Weir: Have there been any other instances of this power manifesting itself?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Powers. Plural.
Dr. Elizabeth Weir: What else can you do besides telekinesis?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Well, super-hearing for one, and I'm not sure but I think I may actually be getting smarter. It's hard to say for sure because I was pretty smart to start with but, um, recently I've been having some ideas that I don't think even I would have thought of before.
Lt... Colonel John Sheppard: Does super-ego count as a power?

Lt... Colonel John Sheppard: We could also be dealing with a super-appetite, although it's hard to tell because he ate so much before.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Very funny.
Dr. Carson Beckett: My God! He's eatin' again!
Dr. Rodney McKay: I have a very active metabolism.

Dr. Rodney McKay: You know, we could be a team. You could be my sidekick.
Ronon Dex: "Sidekick".
Dr. Rodney McKay: Yeah, it'd be like Batman and Ronon. Has a nice ring to it.
Ronon Dex: Yeah, you keep eating like that, it's more like Fatman.

Dr. Rodney McKay: Yeah, see? Never been big on leaps of faith, either. I mean, sure, there was a part of me that from the beginning knew that this was too good to be true. *Nothing* this great could ever happen to me without really, really bad consequences. Anyways, now I have come to terms with that and I just wanna get as much done in the time I have left and not waste my time on a bunch of mumbo jumbo I'm not gonna understand anyways.

Lt... Colonel John Sheppard: Truth is, I was never really very good at this myself.
Dr. Rodney McKay: So why am I here?
Lt... Colonel John Sheppard: Elizabeth made me.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Oh. Yeah. Me too.

Dr. Rodney McKay: I just realised why light behaves as both particles and waves.

Dr. Rodney McKay: I think in the grand scheme of things, we're... we're good, aren't we?
Lt... Colonel John Sheppard: Of course.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Right. Look, if it's not too much trouble, I'd like you to read my eulogy.
Lt... Colonel John Sheppard: I *refuse* to discuss that.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Just keep it simple. Um, make up a few nice things. I'd like my little sister to be there... and, oh, you should know that I told Beckett that he should most definitely do a full autopsy. He can use my body for any kind of experimentation that might prove helpful, and, uh... Oh, and I'd like to be cremated, with my ashes to be, uh... thrown out into space from the Jumper...
Lt... Colonel John Sheppard: [Rodney collapses] Rodney... Rodney!

Lt... Colonel John Sheppard: There must be something we can do.
Dr. Rodney McKay: It's OK. You know, I'm actually feeling a sense of peace... interspersed with moments of sheer terror, of course.
Lt... Colonel John Sheppard: Rodney, as far as this ascension thing, I know you didn't have much success but at this point, what've you got to lose?
Dr. Rodney McKay: May as well go out fighting, huh?
Lt... Colonel John Sheppard: Absolutely.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Hook me up.

Dr. Elizabeth Weir: Rodney, you're a good person. Know that we love you.
Dr. Rodney McKay: You love me? Really? All of you?
Lt... Colonel John Sheppard: In a way a friend feels about another friend.
Dr. Rodney McKay: You're just saying that because I'm gonna die. Oh, God. I can't believe I'm gonna die.
Lt... Colonel John Sheppard: Alright, just back to the blue skies. Let your thoughts go.

Dr. Elizabeth Weir: Are you sure that this is how you want to...?
Dr. Rodney McKay: ...spend my last couple of days alive? Don't have a lot of choice, do I?
Dr. Elizabeth Weir: Rodney, I think it's very decent and noble of you to want to leave a scientific contribution behind, but I still believe there's a chance you can ascend if you put your mind to it.
Dr. Rodney McKay: We both know that that is a waste of time. Maybe you could do it, but...
Dr. Elizabeth Weir: I don't know if I could, but you are certainly selling yourself short by not even trying.
Dr. Rodney McKay: To be honest, I don't have the first clue where to start.
Dr. Elizabeth Weir: Stop thinking.
Dr. Rodney McKay: See, I don't understand that.
Dr. Elizabeth Weir: One of the biggest things that holds people back is that somewhere deep down they believe they're not deserving. You have to... release your burden.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Oh, please!
Dr. Elizabeth Weir: I know, spirituality to you is a load of mumbo jumbo, but it does help people find peace with themselves.
Dr. Rodney McKay: But you have to believe.
Dr. Elizabeth Weir: I'm not talking about religion. I'm talking about shedding yourself of guilt, of anger, of ill-feeling, of anything that makes you feel shame. And then you can focus all of your energy on ascending.
Dr. Rodney McKay: So what you're telling me is that I don't think I'm worthy.
Dr. Elizabeth Weir: Rodney, I don't know what you truly believe about yourself. For all I know, you use your intelligence to compensate, to make yourself feel better for other things you think you may lack.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Like what?
Dr. Elizabeth Weir: That, I can't tell you... but maybe you could start reading your own mind?

Dr. Rodney McKay: Oh, I'm fine. No, yes, and it doesn't.
Dr. Elizabeth Weir: What?
Dr. Rodney McKay: I can read your mind. Uh, everyone's actually. That was very cool for the first, like, ten seconds there, but now I'm finding it a little disturbing, so I'm trying to tune it out as much as I possibly can... well, sort of. Anyways, look, I wanted to get your permission to access the Control Chair. I've got some pretty interesting ideas for maximising our ZPM. I reconfigured the city's power systems, it's too complicated to explain, but trust me when I say that you are going to be incredibly happy with the results. Look, Elizabeth, I know you have every right not to trust me but I promise you, I'm gonna make things much, much better, OK? Good.
[McKay looks at Ronon]
Dr. Rodney McKay: She wants you to shoot me if you think for even one second that I might be trying to take over the city for my own evil purposes. I'm kidding. That was a joke. Is your weapon set to, uh, stun? Wait, never mind.
[McKay closes his eyes and Ronon's gun beeps]
Dr. Rodney McKay: There, I did it myself. OK, to the Chair Room, Ronon.
[McKay leaves]
Ronon Dex: Can I shoot him now?
Dr. Rodney McKay: I can hear you!


"Stargate: Atlantis: The Shrine (#5.6)" (2008)
Dr. Jennifer Keller: You can go ahead Rodney.
Dr. Rodney McKay: I don't remember where to start.
Dr. Jennifer Keller: Sure you do.
Dr. Rodney McKay: No.
Dr. Jennifer Keller: Start with your name, like we've been doing, okay? We'll just go from there.
Dr. Rodney McKay: My name? My name is... Mr. Rodney McKay.
Dr. Jennifer Keller: No...
Dr. Rodney McKay: Yes.
Dr. Jennifer Keller: No. C'mon now, you're *Doctor* McKay, remember?
Dr. Rodney McKay: No. I'm not anymore. I'm not... smart anymore. Doctors are smart, so I'm *Mister* now.
Dr. Jennifer Keller: Okay.
Dr. Rodney McKay: I used to be the smartest person ever. And now... and now I'm not.
Dr. Jennifer Keller: That's what we're trying to fix.
Dr. Rodney McKay: No. You can't fix me.

Richard Woolsey: Colonel Sheppard, when you reach the research camp, please remind Dr. Nichols that he is now one hour and fifteen minutes overdue for his scheduled check-in.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Alright. Want me to smack him around or anything?
Richard Woolsey: Just the reminder please.
Teyla Emmagan: Shouldn't we be concerned for Dr. Nichols' team?
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: No. The settlement's a half hour away from the gate and Woolsey's got him checking in every six. I'm sure Nichols is just tired of taking the round trip.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Still, wouldn't hurt to bust his chops a bit. That Nichols is so arrogant.

Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: [the team emerged from a Stargate that was unexpectedly underwater and is stuck on top] . Alright, everybody. We'll be warm soon enough.
Dr. Rodney McKay: I think I got wetter than you did.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: I don't know. I think I got a little damp dialing the DHD.
Teyla Emmagan: The research camp is further up this valley. I'm a little concerned for Dr. Nichols' team.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: [into radio] Anyone at the research camp, this is Colonel Sheppard, please respond. I repeat, this is Colonel Sheppard, please respond.
Dr. Rodney McKay: I'm pretty sure they're all dead.
Teyla Emmagan: We can't know that Rodney!

Teyla Emmagan: [Rodney sneezes. Teyla feels his forehead] Were you running a fever before we left?
Dr. Rodney McKay: I dunno, I'm always running something.

Dr. Rodney McKay: [in a hospital bed] Hey, can I go now? I feel a little silly lying here.
Dr. Jennifer Keller: I'm keeping you under observation for a little longer. Besides, I ordered you dinner.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Well, then you can observe me eat, because I'm famished.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: It's official: he's better.

Dr. Rodney McKay: Remind me to register a complaint with whoever's idea this was.
Dr. Jennifer Keller: Uh, it was yours actually.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Oh, well complaint duly registered.

Dr. Rodney McKay: Believe me, I've already forgotten more than most people will ever know.

Dr. Rodney McKay: Jennifer says it's gonna get worse now, almost by the hour. In a week or so, I won't even remember my own name. How's about... How 'bout we say goodbye now?
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: No.
Dr. Rodney McKay: What do you mean, no?
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: I mean I'm not saying goodbye.
Dr. Rodney McKay: I'm saying it anyway.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Then I'm not listening.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Yeah, but pretty soon I won't even know who you are.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Well I'll remind you.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Yeah but I don't want you to see me like that. I want you to remember me as I am, as your genius friend, not as some shi...
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: -NOT happening.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Please.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: You're stuck with me, Rodney, just accept it.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Yeah bu...
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: No! And that's final.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Okay.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Okay.
Dr. Rodney McKay: [meaningful pause] You're a good friend, Arthur.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: [Looks over, sees McKay is joking, and spits out his beer laughing]

Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: I'm not going anywhere. You know, you wanna hang out, you just hang out.
Dr. Rodney McKay: I don't know what to do with myself. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have woken you up.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Look, it's a nice night out. Let's go have some beer on the pier, okay?
Dr. Rodney McKay: I drink beer?

Dr. Rodney McKay: Absolutely not.
Jeannie Miller: We're talking about saving your life.
Dr. Rodney McKay: [brandishing the drill] Look, my brain is not some new deck off the back of your house.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: I'm not the one doing the surgery.
Dr. Rodney McKay: [to Keller] Yeah, and as my parting advice, you need to stop letting these guys talk you into doing stupid things.
Dr. Jennifer Keller: I can do it.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Really?
Jeannie Miller: And I'm fairly sure I can modify the life signs detector.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Yeah, with my help.
Jeannie Miller: So help.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Look, this isn't one of those PBS brain surgeries where my scull is open and we're having a conversation...
Dr. Jennifer Keller: I have enough anesthetic to put you out, you're not gonna feel a thing.
Dr. Rodney McKay: It's probably a *hammer*.

Dr. Jennifer Keller: Honestly, I didn't expect it to work. I expected nothing would happen and that would be that. So why did it? You don't believe in magic shrines anymore than I do.
Jeannie Miller: Show him the readings.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Hm.
Jeannie Miller: That's what I said.
Dr. Rodney McKay: You said "hm"?


"Stargate: Atlantis: Rising (#1.1)" (2004)
Dr. Rodney McKay: [he is talking about the ZPM] Zed-P.M.
Brigadier General Jack O'Neill USAF: What?
Daniel Jackson, Ph.D.: Zee-P.M. He's Canadian.

Dr. Elizabeth Weir: Doctor Beckett should be proud he's genetically advanced.
Dr. Rodney McKay: It's not more advanced. It-it is a random characteristic.
Dr. Elizabeth Weir: This really bothers you, this whole gene thing, huh?
Dr. Rodney McKay: [sarcastically] Oh, clearly I am overcome with envy.

Dr. Rodney McKay: Major, think about where we are in the solar system.

Dr. Rodney McKay: Oh. So the story of Atlantis is true. A great city that sank in the ocean.
Dr. Carson Beckett: It just didn't happen on Earth.

Dr. Rodney McKay: Sensors say there's oxygen, no measurable toxins. We have viable life support. Looks like we're not getting out of this.

Dr. Rodney McKay: [they're running out of energy] Using power, using power, using power.

Major John Sheppard: On the surface without a shield? We're target practice.
Dr. Rodney McKay: I'm acutely aware of that, Major, but thank you for reinforcing it.
Major John Sheppard: When can you tell me where the Wraith took Colonel Sumner and the others?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Even with the six symbols Lieutenant Ford provided there are still hundreds of permutations.
Major John Sheppard: Seven hundred and twenty.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Yes. I knew that of course. I'm just surprised you did.
Major John Sheppard: Take away the coordinates you can't get a lock on, and that's your one. When you find it, send a MALP.

Dr. Carson Beckett: [about Teyla] How come I never make friends like that?
Dr. Rodney McKay: You need to get out more.
Dr. Carson Beckett: We're in another galaxy - how much more out can you get?

Dr. Rodney McKay: Is there lemon in this?

Dr. Rodney McKay: There's nothing to be afraid of!
Dr. Carson Beckett: You don't understand - I break things like that!
Dr. Rodney McKay: This device has survived intact for millions of years - it will survive you. Now sit down, shut your eyes and concentrate!


"Stargate: Atlantis: Common Ground (#3.7)" (2006)
Teyla Emmagan: We must go faster, Rodney.
Dr. Rodney McKay: This is pretty much my top gear!

Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Rodney, dial the damn 'gate. Don't wait for us!
Dr. Rodney McKay: As if the bullets whizzing past my head weren't encouragement enough!

Dr. Rodney McKay: What have you done to him?
Commander Acastus Kolya: Nothing whatsoever, Dr. McKay.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Okay, let me rephrase that. What are you *planning* to do?
Commander Acastus Kolya: It's quite simple. I'd like to make a trade.
Dr. Elizabeth Weir: Before we continue this conversation another second, I want to speak with Sheppard.
Commander Acastus Kolya: Be my guest.
Dr. Rodney McKay: We'll rephrase that, too. We would like him to be able to speak to us.
Commander Acastus Kolya: [smiles] Very well.

Ronon Dex: So what? I say we turn him over and let 'em fight it out.
Dr. Rodney McKay: We can't do that.
Ronon Dex: Oh, why not?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Because... well...
[to Elizabeth]
Dr. Rodney McKay: can we?

Dr. Elizabeth Weir: Has there been any progress?
Dr. Rodney McKay: We have a list of planets where recent Genii activity has been documented, but we'd have a much higher margin of success if Ladon would be willing to point out firm locations of Genii safe houses and shelters, maybe even Wraith-infested torture chambers.

Dr. Rodney McKay: All right, people, let's do this one by the numbers. We get in, we get our man, we get out. Stay sharp and stay alive.
Dr. Carson Beckett: What are you on about?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Oh, just things Sheppard would say, so I thought I would...
Teyla Emmagan: Well said, Rodney.
Ronon Dex: Just stay behind me.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Right.

Dr. Rodney McKay: [Rodney fires his gun and everyone comes running] Oh...
Dr. Carson Beckett: Rodney!
Dr. Rodney McKay: I thought I saw something out of the corner of my eye. I just - you know, I reacted.
Teyla Emmagan: What is it?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Um... a mouse. A really big one, though. More of a rat, really. Possibly rabid.
Dr. Carson Beckett: This isn't the place, is it?
Teyla Emmagan: I do not believe so.
Ronon Dex: No. Sheppard wasn't here.
Dr. Rodney McKay: And we've just wasted two and a half hours.
Ronon Dex: Let's move out!
Dr. Rodney McKay: And a mouse.

Male Wraith: Sheppard gave me back my life. I merely repaid the debt.
Dr. Rodney McKay: What debt? Are you kidding me? I mean, he looks younger than he did before.

Ladon Radim: I came here as a friend, Doctor Weir. I hope to leave as one.
Dr. Elizabeth Weir: And we appreciate your concern for Colonel Sheppard.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Despite the fact that it was your incompetence that led to his capture.

Dr. Rodney McKay: Sheppard could have left you to rot down in that hole when we last met, Kolya. He does *not* deserve this.
Commander Acastus Kolya: Let's be clear, Doctor McKay. No one does.


"Stargate: Atlantis: Hide and Seek (#1.2)" (2004)
Dr. Rodney McKay: [to the mouse] Got your eye on anyone?
Carson Beckett M. D.: Umm, not really.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Actually I was talking to the mouse. But now that you mention it, some of those Athosian women are pretty hot, and we DID just save them from the Wraith, so we gotta trade on that while we can. You know, before they discover that we're not actually that cool.

Dr. Peter Grodin: I'm thinking, Mr. Invincible!
Carson Beckett M. D.: Captain Untouchable!
Dr. Peter Grodin: [both laugh] Ooh, that's good!
Dr. Rodney McKay: You guys done?
Carson Beckett M. D.: I've been working on this gene therapy for months, forgive me for wanting to celebrate the fact that it worked on the first human trial!
Dr. Rodney McKay: [sarcastic] Oooh, Let's all have a toast!

Dr. Peter Grodin: If both codes are properly entered the Naquada generator will overload. It will take thirty seconds.
Lt. Aiden Ford: You sure it'll do enough damage?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Ever seen a 20 kiloton nuclear explosion?
Major John Sheppard: I have.
Major John Sheppard: [everyone stares, he shrugs] Not up close.

Dr. Rodney McKay: Hit me.
[Grodin hits him, but a force shield stops him]
Dr. Peter Grodin: Ow, God!
Dr. Rodney McKay: You didn't have to swing so hard, and notice he didn't even hesitate.
Dr. Elizabeth Weir: I'm still trying to understand how you thought it was a good idea to test this device by having someone throw you off a balcony.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Oh, believe me, that's not the first thing we tried.
Major John Sheppard: I shot him. In the leg!
Dr. Rodney McKay: I'm invulnerable!
Dr. Elizabeth Weir: Aren't you the one who's always spouting off about how proper and careful scientific procedure must be adhered to?
Dr. Rodney McKay: [singing] Invulnerable.
Dr. Elizabeth Weir: Alright, take it off. Let's go have this meeting.
Dr. Rodney McKay: You're just jealous.
Dr. Elizabeth Weir: Oh yes, green with envy!

Carson Beckett M. D.: This may be more serious than I suspected.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Why, thank you! I'm hungry already. What am I going to do? If I don't get this stupid thing off, I'll be dead by the end of the day.
Carson Beckett M. D.: Relax. You can live three or four days without water.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Yeah, I'm talking about food!
Carson Beckett M. D.: Well, you found some Ancient text with the device. What did it say about taking it off?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Oh, yeah, there were some explicit instructions which I chose to completely ignore!
Dr. Peter Grodin: Well, some Ancient technology uses a mental component for operation.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Just shut up. I'm thinking.
Dr. Peter Grodin: Is there any chance that the gene therapy isn't permanent?
Carson Beckett M. D.: It's possible.
Dr. Rodney McKay: I'm a dead man.

Carson Beckett M. D.: He fainted.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Oh, there's gotta be a better word!
Carson Beckett M. D.: Faint is the proper medical term.
Dr. Rodney McKay: I passed out from... manly hunger.
Major John Sheppard: Well, hang in there.
[He turns his radio on]
Major John Sheppard: Doctor Weir, this is Sheppard. Uh, McKay's OK. He, uh, he fainted.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Oh, yes, very sympathetic! Let's all mock the dying man! Thank you!

Dr. Rodney McKay: If this thing feeds on energy we could be in big trouble, and when I say we, I mean you because I won't actually be around for much longer.

Dr. Rodney McKay: This is a bad idea.
Dr. Elizabeth Weir: You said that already.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Well, it's worth saying again.

Dr. Rodney McKay: [opening his eyes] What happened?
Dr. Elizabeth Weir: You did it.
Dr. Rodney McKay: I did?
Dr. Elizabeth Weir: It went through the Gate.
Major John Sheppard: You must have passed out.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Oh. Well, thanks for not saying the other thing.

Major John Sheppard: I think you're gonna need a bigger boat.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Size doesn't matter.
Major John Sheppard: That's a myth.


"Stargate: Atlantis: Echoes (#3.12)" (2006)
Dr. Rodney McKay: Elizabeth! Did you get my email?
Dr. Elizabeth Weir: Which email? One of the seven today? Or one of the eighteen yesterday?

Dr. Rodney McKay: Hey, how long have you been standing there?
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Hour or so.
Dr. Rodney McKay: What? Why didn't you say anything? I feel like a - oh. It's the kidding.

Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: You named him after Samantha Carter?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Well Sam's a boy's name too.

Dr. Elizabeth Weir: And how do you know he's a he?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Oh, because I cross referenced the renderings in the database with the whale outside and you'll see the males have a rather prominent...
Dr. Elizabeth Weir: Oh it's okay. Never mind. I'll take your word for it.

Dr. Rodney McKay: It's kind of like trying to sing the words to the Macarena. You can sound out the words but you have no idea what you're singing.

Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: So, these, uh, whales. Did the Ancients say they're good eating?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Oh, you wouldn't!
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: I would.

Dr. Rodney McKay: You are not gonna believe this. I've been monitoring Sam on the underwater scanner...
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Stop calling him that.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Why?
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: It's creepy!
Dr. Rodney McKay: No, it's not.

Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: That guy's the size of a football field!
Dr. Rodney McKay: Yeah, a *Canadian* football field.

Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Hey, wanna take a closer look?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Umm...
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Come on.

Dr. Rodney McKay: This is not a good plan.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Sure it is.
Dr. Rodney McKay: You realise just how close we'll have to get to the sun?
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Pretty damned close, I'm thinkin'.
Dr. Rodney McKay: *Suicidally* close. I mean, we'll be toast.


"Stargate: Atlantis: No Man's Land (#3.1)" (2006)
Dr. Rodney McKay: Even if they somehow deduced the location of Earth they still wouldn't be able to get there, not unless they... They downloaded something along with the hive ship plans. Aw, something like spyware - it's like my stupidly downloaded porn.
[beat]
Dr. Rodney McKay: Music! My downloaded music! It has to be, it couldn't... I did this. I'm responsible for the destruction of my own planet.
Ronon Dex: If anybody was gonna do it, it'd be you.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Thank you. Thank you *so* much for that!

Ronon Dex: Stop worrying about it. Just focus.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Focus on what? What is there to focus on? I am stuck in a cocoon.
Ronon Dex: Getting out of here.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Oh, right, of course. Why didn't I think of that? Of course, here goes. Um, nope. Still can't move.
[He pauses and hears Ronan trying to escape]
Dr. Rodney McKay: I'm pretty sure they're struggle-proof there, big guy.

Ronon Dex: You're wasting your energy talking.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Okay, let's say a magic fairy comes down and grants you one wish, and we break out? Then what, huh? We're still on a hive, we're still traveling through hyperspace, probably in the massive void between our two galaxies, where there aren't even planets, let alone stargates. Then what, huh? Oh, we fly home on the wings of imagination? Is that what we do, Ronan?

Dr. Rodney McKay: I wonder which would be worse, being life-sucked by the wraith or being burned alive. I honestly couldn't consider two worse options.
Ronon Dex: Stop talking.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Okay, you know what? Make me.

Dr. Rodney McKay: Don't just stand there, cut me loose.
Ronon Dex: Only if you put an end to all this "We're gonna die, there's no hope" talk.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Well, now there is hope.

Ronon Dex: If we're already dead, I say we take 'em with us.
Dr. Rodney McKay: I suppose I'd rather die as a hero than as a meal.

Dr. Rodney McKay: Their operating system is a mess. Thank goodness I remember DOS.
[Ronan doesn't react]
Dr. Rodney McKay: Trust me, that was hilarious.

Maj. Lorne: It didn't work on her.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Beckett wondered if the females would be immune.
Maj. Lorne: Yeah, something you might have mentioned before she almost killed me, Rodney.
Dr. Rodney McKay: I only thought of it now.

Dr. Radek Zelenka: Have you tried routing the power through the inertial...
Dr. Rodney McKay: Yes, yes, yes, we have tried everything.
Dr. Radek Zelenka: Subspace communications?
Dr. Rodney McKay: We are floating between two galaxies, Radek. Atlantis has no ship to send. Even if we were somehow able to repair the array and get a message back to Earth, it would still take them weeks to get a rescue here.
Dr. Radek Zelenka: I wasn't thinking of rescue. I was thinking simply of telling them that we've stopped the Wraith, and perhaps letting someone know the sacrifice that we've done.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Well, a noble sentiment but I would prefer to dedicate my last breath of air to getting more air.


"Stargate: Atlantis: Misbegotten (#3.2)" (2006)
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: [about the hive ship] You figured out how to fly the thing yet?
Dr. Rodney McKay: [sarcastically] Oh, yeah, fly, shimmy, spin like a top. You didn't think it'd be hard, did you?

Dr. Elizabeth Weir: We've all logged more than a few miles these past few weeks. I'd just like to say that... seeing you now, sitting across from me... looking at your faces... It makes me feel very...
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: You don't have to say it.
Teyla Emmagan: We feel the same way you do.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Oh, she feels hungry, too?
[smiles at Elizabeth]

Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: How many maneuvers can you pull off with your manual interface?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Well, does standing still count as a maneuver?
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: No.
[Elizabeth smiles]

Dr. Elizabeth Weir: What are our chances of surviving a ship-to-ship encounter?
Dr. Rodney McKay: If I can get the manual interface working, I'd say... less than slim.

Dr. Rodney McKay: That's weird. A bunch of secondary systems just came online.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: You're a genius, Rodney.
Dr. Rodney McKay: True, but I didn't do it.

Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: How did they contact the ship so far out?
Dr. Rodney McKay: I have no idea. Teyla, what do you think?
Teyla Emmagan: It is possible that a group of them acting together could communicate over much larger distances.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Well, live and learn.
Dr. Rodney McKay: And live some more, hopefully.

Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: What about the fail-safe device? What kind of kill zone are we looking at?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Everything within a three-mile radius is toast.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: You sure about that? We've got no margin for error here.
Dr. Rodney McKay: The blast radius doesn't just stop at three miles.

Teyla Emmagan: What about the ones that are still human?
Ronon Dex: There's nothing we can do for them.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Well, I suppose we could not incinerate them.

Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: How are you doing with the weapons?
Dr. Rodney McKay: We couldn't hit the side of a barn.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Hive ships are a hundred times bigger...
Dr. Rodney McKay: A giant flying barn, we couldn't hit that.


"Stargate: Atlantis: Trinity (#2.6)" (2005)
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Best case scenario?
Dr. Rodney McKay: I win a Nobel Prize.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Worst case scenario?
Dr. Rodney McKay: We tear a hole in the fabric of the universe... which is much less likely to happen than the Nobel Prize. I mean, look, the risks are nothing compared to the potential benefits. Elizabeth will listen to you. I have never asked this of you before, but I think I've earned it. Trust me.

Dr. Elizabeth Weir: [via radio] Rodney, I cannot afford to lose either one of you. Now tell me: can you do this?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Yes.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Are you sure?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Yes?
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Are you sure you're sure?
Dr. Rodney McKay: I said yes!
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Because if you're wrong...
Dr. Rodney McKay: I'm not!
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: [to his radio] I'll call you back after the test - how does that sound?
Dr. Elizabeth Weir: [via radio] You'd better.
Dr. Rodney McKay: [to John] I won't let you down.

Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Alright, that's it. We're outta here.
Dr. Rodney McKay: It's not safe! The weapon's firing at random targets above the planet. This is the safest place to be right now.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: The place isn't gonna be safe for very much longer!
Dr. Rodney McKay: I can bring it back under control! Just give me a second!
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: No, you can't!
Dr. Rodney McKay: Just one second!
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: I've seen this before, Rodney: pilots who wouldn't eject when something went wrong - trying to fix their planes right until it hit the ground.
Dr. Rodney McKay: OK, we need to leave. I've waited too long - the weapon can't discharge enough power to avoid a catastrophic overload. This whole planet's gonna go up. Not that your speech wasn't working.

Dr. Rodney McKay: You need to avoid flying predictably to prevent the weapon from locking onto us.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: I know what I'm doing.
Dr. Rodney McKay: I'm just saying: be sure not to fly in a straight line.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Rodney, shut up!
Dr. Rodney McKay: Can I just say there's no way the Jumper can take even one direct hit?
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: I'll keep that in mind.

Dr. Rodney McKay: [to John] Don't you understand? This explosion is gonna take out three quarters of the solar system. There's no way we can fly far enough or fast enough. We have to head for the Gate.

Dr. Elizabeth Weir: ...putting your life and other people's lives at risk. You destroyed three quarters of a solar system!
Dr. Rodney McKay: Well, five sixths. It's not an exact science.
Dr. Elizabeth Weir: Rodney, can you give your ego a rest for one second?

Dr. Rodney McKay: Oh, Colonel! Colonel! I've been looking all over for you.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: I heard.
[folds with arms as he turns back to face Rodney]
Dr. Rodney McKay: I suppose I deserve that. Look, I just, um, I wanted to apologise about what happened. I was wrong - I'm sorry. And I wanted to assure you that, uh, I intend not being right again - about everything, effective immediately.
[John smiles slightly]
Dr. Rodney McKay: That was a joke.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Good one.
Dr. Rodney McKay: I've already apologised to Elizabeth... and Radek... and I thanked Colonel Caldwell for, uh, caring enough to spy on the experiment from orbit. I sent him a nice little email, actually. But I saved you 'til last 'cause, um, honestly, I would... I would hate to think that recent events might have permanently dimmed your faith in my abilities, or your trust. At the very least, I hope I can earn that back.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: That may take a while.
Dr. Rodney McKay: I see.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: But, I'm sure you can do it, if you really wanna try.
[they both smile]

[explaining an energy weapon to Sheppard]
Dr. Rodney McKay: The sticking point is that, ah, there is no tie between the power generator and the primary capacitor.
Dr. Zelenka: Meaning that they would have to channel the power directly into the weapon.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Which I'm sure that means nothing to you.
Maj. John Sheppard: It means they could fire multiple bursts without having to store more power for the next firing sequence.
Dr. Rodney McKay: [surprised] Yes... very good.
Maj. John Sheppard: Which leads me back to 'cool'!


"Stargate: Atlantis: Inferno (#2.19)" (2006)
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: That ship in the hangar... Maybe McKay can fix it.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Oh, maybe I can fix it, place the pressure squarely on my shoulders for a change!
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Well, I've discovered you're pretty good under the threat of impending death!
[McKay pauses, clears throat]
Dr. Rodney McKay: ...I am, actually.
[McKay runs off to the fix the ship]

Dr. Rodney McKay: The long range scanners: that's just what we call them.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: It's from an old TV show...
Dr. Rodney McKay: Yes, yes.

Dr. Rodney McKay: ...And, I've uh, discovered the ships name... It's the, um, Hipapheralkus.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: The what?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Yeah, well it appears to have been named after an Ancient general... Hipapheralkus.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Well, we're not calling it that!
Dr. Rodney McKay: Oh good, then what about, um...
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: -And we're not calling it the Enterprise, either!
Dr. Rodney McKay: I wasn't gonna say that! Look, for my second choice, though, I'd go with, um...
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: How about we name it later?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Fine.

Dr. Rodney McKay: It's plenty of time to open a hyperspace window.
[pause]
Dr. Rodney McKay: What? That's my plan. Didn't I tell you about that?
Dr. Carson Beckett: No.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: No, you didn't.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Well, you were too busy running around looking for people.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Well, tell us the damn plan.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Fixing the sublight engines was impossible in the amount of time we had left, they were just too badly damaged, but I devised a sort of a patch that in effect diverts auxiliary power to the hyperdrive. Only enough for a fraction of a second mind you.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: That won't get us very far.
Dr. Rodney McKay: We don't need to go far. Any old orbit will do.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: And then what?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Well, then Norina and I were planning a small dinner for us all, nothing fancy...
Norina: Rodney.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Well, what does he mean then what? Then we won't die horribly.

Dr. Rodney McKay: I have a very firm grasp of Ancient technology.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: You've blown up entire planets, Rodney.
Dr. Rodney McKay: That wasn't my fault!

Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: We don't have time to wait for the Daedelus. How are those engines coming?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Not even close.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Well then I guess we're all going to die.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Oh, you're doing that on purpose.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: What?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Creating an impossible task that my ego will force me to overcome.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Yes, yes, that's exactly what I'm doing. It has nothing at all to do with saving the lives these people, it's all about you. Get your ass back to work and FIX THOSE DAMN ENGINES!

Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: So your plan is to not blow a hole in the hangar but to sit here and wait for this cataclysmic eruption to take place.
Dr. Rodney McKay: With the shields and inertial dampeners at full strength, yes.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: I think I may be missing something. Correct me if I'm wrong, but when the volcano erupts, don't we as well?
Dr. Rodney McKay: That's the plan.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: That's the plan?
Dr. Rodney McKay: That's the plan!
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: That plan sucks!
Dr. Carson Beckett: Aye!
Dr. Rodney McKay: This ship will be ejected along with the magma and steam several thousand feet into the air.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: The ship can survive that?
Dr. Rodney McKay: For exactly 4.1 seconds, yes. Look, the hangar should disintegrate. The moment we're clear, we open a brief hyperspace window, jump to space before the explosion depletes our shields and incinerates us, hmm?
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: [Nervously] OK.
Dr. Rodney McKay: What?
Dr. Carson Beckett: Very clever, Rodney.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Well don't thank me until it works... which it probably won't.


"Stargate SG-1: The Pegasus Project (#10.3)" (2006)
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: If he speaks again, I'll shoot him.
[Sam mouths 'Thank you']
Dr. Daniel Jackson: But to answer your question, we are introducing another stargate into the equation. Teal'c should have it in position right now.
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: If we can make a connection between that gate, and one from the Pegasus galaxy...
Dr. Rodney McKay: You're gonna try and make a jump.
[to John]
Dr. Rodney McKay: Don't shoot me. You know I can't help myself.

Dr. Rodney McKay: I am just saying, the yield calculations can be extremely tricky if not borderline impossible. You may need me.
Vala Mal Doran: [giggles awkwardly] Colonel Carter said as much.
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: Ooh... we weren't gonna tell him that.

Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Listen, if McKay gives you a hard time, just...
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: Shoot him.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Also, he's mortally allergic to citrus.
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: Really?
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: [pulls out a lemon] I keep one with me at all times. It's just a comfort to know... it's there.
[tosses it to Cameron]
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: That's good intel, thanks.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Yeah.
Dr. Rodney McKay: [laughs] That's a - that's a - that's a good one. We're actually, uh, we're-we're quite close.

Dr. Rodney McKay: I just wanted to thank you for being there for me recently in a time of great personal need. Well, actually, you weren't there - I was alone in the dark - but, um, um, you know, it sure seemed like you were.
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: Are you telling me one of your fantasies?
Dr. Rodney McKay: No, it was an hallucination. Look, I had a concussion, I was trapped in the back of a sinking jumper, and my mind conjured you up as a means of survival. It's just what you would do in my situation. It saved my life.
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: Okay, well, that's... sort of nice.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Hmm, yes, it was.
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: [beat] Was I naked?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Partially.

Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: Is that thing cool or what?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Hmm.
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: The black hole.
Dr. Rodney McKay: What you're looking at is called the accretion disk. It's matter trapped in the gravity well. You can't actually *see* the black hole itself.
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: Which is cool.

Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: Where's McKay?
Dr. Rodney McKay: I'm here. One of your crew wouldn't let me finish my sandwich in the corridor.
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: Oh, the nerve of that crewman, huh?

Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: You know, Sam, this is not the Rodney McKay I heard stories about.
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: I know.
Dr. Rodney McKay: What stories? What have you heard?
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: Well, for starters, that you didn't know the meaning of the word 'impossible'.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Well, I certainly know the meaning...
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: And that under threat of impending death, you could work miracles.
Dr. Rodney McKay: I suppose Sheppard told you that?
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: Yes, he did.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Yes, well it's all true. But I'm not under the threat of impending death, and I don't have a ...
[Cameron threatens him with a lemon]
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: Not yet. Keep it up.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Well... I'll see what I can come up with then.


"Stargate: Atlantis: Grace Under Pressure (#2.14)" (2005)
Dr. Rodney McKay: Look, if you're not going to help then just swim on by!

Captain Griffin: So, let me ask you something. As a scientist, does it bother you that most of your work, no matter how brilliant, will eventually be considered misguided? 'Cause that would bother me.
Dr. Rodney McKay: I'm sorry?
Captain Griffin: Well, given enough time, everything's pretty much proven wrong, right?
Dr. Rodney McKay: No.
Captain Griffin: Everything from the Earth being flat, to the sun revolving around us.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Well, if you wanna go back hundreds of years!

Captain Griffin: Columbus was Spanish - he figured out the Earth was round.
Dr. Rodney McKay: He was Italian.
Captain Griffin: So I wonder what it is that makes Spaniards so good at debunking bad science? You're not Spanish, are you?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Oh, yes! Of the Barcelona McKays! Now, if you don't mind...

Dr. Rodney McKay: [to the sea monster] Oh, see, pal. Sorry you don't get to eat me today.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: He's the reason we found you.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Really?
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Almost thought we lost you.
Dr. Rodney McKay: I knew you'd think of something... subconsciously, at least.

Lieutenant Colonel Samantha Carter: The way I see it, you're scared. You're a little panicked, you're a lot lonely. You knew you could use some help, so your subconscious is manifesting the one person you know is smarter than you.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Oh, I don't think so!
Lieutenant Colonel Samantha Carter: Oh, don't start with me, McKay!
Dr. Rodney McKay: You are very clever, I will even give you brilliant; but there is brilliant, and then there's me.
Lieutenant Colonel Samantha Carter: Every time we've worked together you've been wrong and I've been right.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Even if that were true, and no-one is saying that it is, the fact that you could assert...
Lieutenant Colonel Samantha Carter: Why else would I be here?
Dr. Rodney McKay: I don't know. Maybe one last romp before I die?
Lieutenant Colonel Samantha Carter: One last romp? Please, we never...
Dr. Rodney McKay: Okay, one first romp but it's romping that comes to mind, not your brains, blondie. Now you've got to admit I am a handsome man...
Lieutenant Colonel Samantha Carter: You're essentially arguing with yourself.

Dr. Rodney McKay: We make a good team, you and I.
Lieutenant Colonel Samantha Carter: Suuure...
Dr. Rodney McKay: No, I mean it. I really enjoy working with you. Always. I wonder why we never hooked up.
Lieutenant Colonel Samantha Carter: Well aside form the fact you're petty, arrogant and treat people badly?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Yes?
Lieutenant Colonel Samantha Carter: No, that's pretty much it. Petty, arrogant, bad with people.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Oh, but you find me attractive? Physically?
Lieutenant Colonel Samantha Carter: Stick to working on my idea.
Dr. Rodney McKay: But this is my idea.
Lieutenant Colonel Samantha Carter: How do you figure?
Dr. Rodney McKay: You don't exist. You think what my subconscious tells you to think. So really the idea was mine. Oh, wow. I'm arguing with myself about who had an idea first, me or me. I really am petty, aren't I?
Lieutenant Colonel Samantha Carter: And arrogant and bad with people, yes.

Lieutenant Colonel Samantha Carter: [McKay kisses Carter] You do realise what you're actually doing, right?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Oh come on! You're a figment of my imagination. The least you could do is take your top off.
Lieutenant Colonel Samantha Carter: Your subconscious mind knows I would never be into that.
Dr. Rodney McKay: You are the worst hallucination ever.


"Stargate: Atlantis: Condemned (#2.5)" (2005)
Dr. Rodney McKay: I prefer lethal injection, although I do have a fondness for the electric chair. Call me romantic.

Teyla Emmagan: Do you kill all your violent criminals on Earth?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Certain countries, yes.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Do we need to get into this right now?

Maj. John Sheppard: How much time do you need to rework the D.H.D.?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Well, in a perfect world, two days.
Maj. John Sheppard: Rodney!
Dr. Rodney McKay: Right now - ten minutes, give or take.

Torrell: I could kill you, but you strike me as the type of man who despite being weak outside harbors strength of character he doesn't even know he has.
Dr. Rodney McKay: I'm sorry, is there a compliment in there?

Eldon: The technology on this ship is far more advanced than the Olesians.
Dr. Rodney McKay: How ironic then to have been shot down by the cast of Braveheart.

Dr. Rodney McKay: What am I? MacGyver? Fix it with what?


"Stargate: Atlantis: Allies (#2.20)" (2006)
Wraith Scientist: Without your help, this damage may have been irreparable.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Ah, finally an alien race that appreciates me!

[last lines]
Wraith Scientist: I see you have awakened.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Really? I was sort of hoping this was just a nightmare.
Ronon Dex: Why aren't we dead?
Wraith Scientist: The Queen wants you to live long enough to witness the fruits of your labour. If it wasn't for you, Doctor McKay, we would never have been able to get there.
Dr. Rodney McKay: What are you talking about? Get where?
Wraith Scientist: Earth.

Dr. Rodney McKay: Getting this ship up and running in under a month is a miracle.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Do we start the beatification now or later?

Dr. Elizabeth Weir: Rodney, if the hive opens up on us, I want Orion's drones.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Which means we're gonna need the hyperdrive to get in position.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Which means we'll need shields, which means you want everything!
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: I like everything. Can we do it or not?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Well, don't get up. Shields... yes. Jump to position... mmmmaybe. Release the drones... probably not.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Well, it's pointless to get in position if we can't fire.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Y'know, let's talk about it for a really long time. That'll help for sure.

Dr. Rodney McKay: Huh, some pretty interesting stuff, eh? I think I've learned more about Wraith technology in the last hour than I have in the past two years.
[Hermoid ignores McKay]
Dr. Rodney McKay: Oh come on, I understand you're an Asgard and everything, but even you've gotta feel a bit of an adrenaline buzz.
Hermiod: My body does not possess the adrenal gland that produces epinephrine in your system. And even if I did, I would not be as easily impressed.
Dr. Rodney McKay: I get it, I get it. You think you're smarter than I am.

Dr. Rodney McKay: [Walking into the room and seeing Hermiod] They didn't need you on the Daedalus?
Hermiod: Colonel Cauldwell believed my time was better spent disabling their jamming code.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Ha! So they can fly that ship without you.
Hermiod: Yes,
[brief pause]
Hermiod: but apparently you cannot run these tests without
[emphasis]
Hermiod: me.
Dr. Rodney McKay: I am sure I would have been fine.
Hermiod: I am not as sure.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Really? Well...
[Typing code on computer]
Dr. Rodney McKay: Ok, try it now?
Hermiod: [Executes code and Simulation Successful]
Dr. Rodney McKay: Well well turns out the human knows what he was doing after all!
Hermiod: Indeed.
[Coolly]
Hermiod: Your assistance on this project will be noted.
Dr. Rodney McKay: [Annoyed] My assistance?


"Stargate: Atlantis: Submersion (#3.18)" (2007)
Ronon Dex: If we don't find anything out here, this is gonna be your last known location.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Oh, zing!

Dr. Rodney McKay: [talking about wraith cruiser's command console] It's not accepting commands of any kind. There must be some kind of a command code that needs to be entered.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Can you figure it out?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Yes, well, the command codes used are quite simple like the number 1 or the letter A, like in Wraith, which would be ...
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Can you figure out the code or not?
Dr. Rodney McKay: No, not if I stood here and tried for a million years...
[looks at his wristwatch]
Dr. Rodney McKay: ... and we have just under a million years less than that.

Dr. Rodney McKay: You should be able to traverse the distance between here and the cruiser.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: You mean *we*.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Um, yes, of course. We

Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: You're breathing too hard.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Oh, forgive me for being aware of exactly how much pressure is being exerted on this suit right now.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Just think of it as a walk on the beach - a beach that's about to explode.
Dr. Rodney McKay: That's supposed to make me feel better?
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: No, it's supposed to make you walk faster. We're on the clock here.

Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Hey, that took too long.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Yeah, well, I probably won't be able to disarm the self-destruct in time anyway, so we're really not in a rush.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Why don't we find it first, and *then* you can be negative?
Dr. Rodney McKay: The ship is remarkably preserved.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: You'd think after ten thousand years, she'd want to redecorate.
Dr. Rodney McKay: I'm serious. The hull damage is minimal. They probably just lost their main drive.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: You're saying this thing is salvageable?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Hmm, I'd have to assess damage to primary systems but it's not completely out of the question. Of course, you'd probably just go and blow it up or slam it into a hive ship or something, and all that work'd be for nothing.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Tick, tick, tick.

Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Well, you're a hell of a swimmer, I'll give you that.
Wraith Queen: You have restored power?
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: It'll fly.
Wraith Queen: [the Queen disables the self-destruct device] You shall be rewarded... with a quick death.
Dr. Rodney McKay: [Rodney appears and shoots the Queen] She's not dying according to plan here!
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: [John shoots her and the Queen falls onto the ground. John meets Rodney] I thought you'd forgotten about me!
Dr. Rodney McKay: Of course not! I just had to wait for her to disable the device. Hey, just be thankful she didn't feed on you before she entered the command code.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Oh, *that's* why you didn't wanna be bait!
Dr. Rodney McKay: No-no-no-no. *You* had to be bait because she was expecting you to be the one trying to fly the ship.
Dr. Rodney McKay: [Rodney looks at the Queen, who is lying on the floor] She *is* dead, right?
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Let's get outta here.


"Stargate: Atlantis: The Tower (#2.15)" (2005)
Dr. Rodney McKay: If we're hoping these people have something to trade, we are wasting our time. From the looks of it, they barely have enough food to feed themselves; and their technology...
[showing a scythe]
Dr. Rodney McKay: Well, let's just say that this about sums it up, huh?
Teyla Emmagan: Establishing good relations with our neighbours is not just about trade.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Right, but do we need to make friends with every primitive agrarian society in the Pegasus galaxy?
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Alright, that's enough. They can't all be planets with cool technology and open-minded women.
Dr. Rodney McKay: I don't see why not!

Teyla Emmagan: We have a problem. They took Colonel Sheppard.
Dr. Rodney McKay: What? Who did?
Teyla Emmagan: Soldiers from the Tower. They confiscated our weapons.
Dr. Rodney McKay: What, and you let them?
Teyla Emmagan: We didn't exactly have much of a choice.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Alright. I'm on my way back.

Baldric: What do you intend to do with it?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Blow a hole straight up to the surface, assuming I can get it to fly in a straight line. I've never actually done anything like this before.
Baldric: What'll happen if you succeed?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Well, two possibilities. Either we create a nice sturdy shaft that will give us some much-needed air and provide a big enough gap for the radio signal to get through, or it will bring the already unsteady ceiling down on us, burying us both alive.
Baldric: I prefer to imagine the first possibility.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Yes, yes, the power of positive thinking. Very good. While you do that, I will rely on my experience and expertise.
Baldric: You said you'd never done this before.
Dr. Rodney McKay: General expertise. Will you be quiet while I do this?

Baldric: I can't believe that worked!
Dr. Rodney McKay: What happened to positive thinking?
Baldric: I lied.

Dr. Rodney McKay: If I can find the ZPM, then we can shut these people down whenever we want. Without the Drone Chair, they're just a bunch of primitive thugs with axes and knives.
Dr. Carson Beckett: Axes and knives can cause damage, Rodney!
Dr. Rodney McKay: You know what I mean.


"Stargate: Atlantis: Runner (#2.3)" (2005)
Maj. John Sheppard: It almost smells like I'm on vacation.
Dr. Rodney McKay: [putting on sunscreen lotion] Could it be the simulated tropical aroma of cocoa butter?
Maj. John Sheppard: Strong enough for anyone within five miles to smell you.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Like they haven't been tipped off by the Aqua Velva.
Maj. John Sheppard: It's dark.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Yeah, well the sun will be up in 2 hours, 43 minutes and... 10 seconds.
Maj. John Sheppard: It's raining.
Dr. Rodney McKay: So we'll be cold and miserable. Look, the cloud cover will depreciate a small percentage of UV rays but 95 per cent of deadly is still deadly.
Major Lorne: Dr Parrish said a day or two of exposure wasn't going to kill us.
Dr. Rodney McKay: And Dr Parrish has a PhD in what? Right, botany!

Major Lorne: Wow, you must really be some kind of genius.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Well, as a matter of fact I... eh, wait a minute, why would you say that now?
Major Lorne: Something has to have kept Colonel Sheppard from shooting you all this time.

Dr. Rodney McKay: What kind of special training do you guys have to go through to get this sort of mission?
Major Lorne: You guys?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Yeah, you know... Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines. It's a great place to start.
Major Lorne: And by "this mission" you mean hunting down a skilled weapons expert hopped up on Wraith drugs in the pitch black of an alien planet?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Yes.
Major Lorne: Actually, I skipped that course in Major School.

Major Lorne: I was hoping Lieutenant Ford might recognize a friendly face and just turn himself in.
Dr. Rodney McKay: What, you mean me?
Major Lorne: Well you were friends, weren't you?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Oh yeah, when we weren't out on harrowing missions we used to hang out together. I'd share my dreams of a self-sustaining fusion and he would talk of how you could sever a man's torso with a P90.

Dr. Rodney McKay: By my calculation we have been exposed to 327 millisieverts since the sun came up. May not sound like much to you, but I've been keeping a running tally of my lifetime exposure to radiation. X-rays, cellphones, plane rides, the whole unfortunate Genii nuclear reactor thing. My God, last week we flew dangerously close to the corona of a sun. As it is I may have to forgo reproducing.
Major Lorne: Yeah, it's funny. I was just thinking that might be wise.


"Stargate: Atlantis: Doppelganger (#4.4)" (2007)
Dr. Jennifer Keller: Have you had any nightmares lately?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Not a night goes by. Last night I dreamt that Colonel Carter invited me to her quarters for dinner.
Teyla Emmagan: Maybe you shouldn't be telling us this, Rodney.
Dr. Jennifer Keller: Yeah, I said nightmare, not delusional male fantasy.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Wait and listen. Turns out she was serving lemon chicken. I mean, lemon, and the only reason she invited me to dinner was to tell me she was promoting Zelenka over me.
Ronon Dex: That's it?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Then I was eaten by a whale. Don't ask how that happened.

Ronon Dex: [Ronon is hacking through a jungle] What are we doing?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Exploring the Pegasus galaxy. It's what we do.
Ronon Dex: You know what I mean.
Teyla Emmagan: There certainly doesn't appear to be anything here that would help in our fight against the Wraith or the Replicators.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Come on, you guys kill me. Planets are huge, you know!
Ronon Dex: Yeah, and usually you're the one complaining.
Teyla Emmagan: Yes, this enthusiasm is most unlike you, Rodney.
Dr. Rodney McKay: I'm turning over a new leaf.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: We did the standard flyover in the Jumper, scanning for life signs. Nothing.
Dr. Rodney McKay: You can't fly around for ten minutes and decide there's nothing here.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Yes I can!

Dr. Jennifer Keller: [Keller is describing her nightmare] It was terrifying. There you were with this disgusting alien bug crawling out of your stomach, and Colonel Sheppard was acting like it was the coolest thing he'd ever seen.
Ronon Dex: That sounds like that movie.
Dr. Jennifer Keller: Yeah, Alien. Have you seen it?
Teyla Emmagan: Colonel Sheppard speaks of it often.
Dr. Rodney McKay: I still remember the first time I saw it. Certainly did not think it was cool.
Dr. Jennifer Keller: One time in med school, I made the mistake of confiding to my partner in biology class that it had caused my all-time worst nightmares. He actually planted a live snake inside a cadaver I was working on.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Well, I never saw it as a kid. I knew from the poster it was gonna be too scary. I was 16 when a neighbourhood theatre had a horror revival festival. I thought, great... date, movie. So... Jocelyn Rutger, third period science. Bit of a geek, but she had a great, um... Anyway, you know how girls get all, uh, scared, curl up on your shoulder?
Teyla Emmagan: Your planet has some truly strange rituals.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Anyway, I eat when I get nervous.
Ronon Dex: [being sarcastic] Really? I hadn't noticed.
Dr. Rodney McKay: So, very tense, working like a charm. Jocelyn's all freaked out beside me. I'm packing away the Goobers and the popcorn. And then the alien bursts out of John Hurt.
Teyla Emmagan: You didn't?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Puked all over her.
Ronon Dex: [smiling] I have *got* to see this movie!

Dr. Jennifer Keller: Have you had any nightmares recently?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Not a night goes by! Last night I dreamed that Colonel Carter invited me to her quarters for dinner...
Teyla Emmagan: Maybe you shouldn't be telling us this, Rodney.
Dr. Jennifer Keller: Yeah, I said "nightmare" not "delusional male fantasy".

Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Looks like ones of those toys you played with as a kid.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Commodore 64?
Ronon Dex: Triple-barrel shotgun?
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: A kaleidoscope.


"Stargate: Atlantis: Underground (#1.7)" (2004)
Dr. Rodney McKay: Maybe we should offer a sense of humour in trade.
Maj. John Sheppard: Sure. They can have yours.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Oh, Major. My side. You slay me.

Dr. Rodney McKay: You do realise that long term exposure to these levels of radiation is extremely dangerous?
Cowen: Our scientists tell me otherwise.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Well, they're wrong.
Maj. John Sheppard: [nervously, to Rodney] Are we in danger now?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Oh, it would take days or weeks at these levels of radiation, but I assume the Genii spend days or weeks down here?
Cowen: Many of our people have spent their entire lives here.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Their entire short lives.
[to John]
Dr. Rodney McKay: We'll be fine, just as long as you weren't planning on having children.

Dr. Rodney McKay: You know, if people could just learn to keep their secret underground hatches locked...

Dr. Rodney McKay: What is it you said they grow here anyway?
Teyla Emmagan: Many things, but they are best known for a bean known as Tava.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Java?
Maj. John Sheppard: Ta-va!

Maj. John Sheppard: You know how to make an A bomb?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Major, most of my high school chess team could design an A bomb.


"Stargate: Atlantis: The Game (#3.15)" (2006)
Dr. Rodney McKay: Let me ask you a question. Say there's a runaway train. It's hurtling out of control towards ten people standing in the middle of the tracks. The only way to save those people is to flip a switch - send the train down another set of tracks. The only problem is there is a baby in the middle of those tracks.
Teyla Emmagan: Why would anyone leave a baby in harm's way like that?
Dr. Rodney McKay: I don't know. That's not the point. Look, it's an ethical dilemma. Look, Katie Brown brought it up over dinner the other night. The question is: is it appropriate to divert the train and kill the one baby to save the ten people?
Ronon Dex: Wouldn't the people just see the train coming and move?
Dr. Rodney McKay: No. No, they wouldn't see it.
Ronon Dex: Why not?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Well... Look, I dunno. Say they're blind.
Teyla Emmagan: *All* of them?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Yes, all of them.
Ronon Dex: Then why don't you just call out and tell them to move out of the way?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Well, because they can't hear you.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: What, they're deaf too?
[Rodney throws him a look]
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: How fast is the train going?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Look, the speed doesn't matter!
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Well, sure it does. If it's goin' slow enough, you could outrun it and shove everyone to the side.
Ronon Dex: Or better yet, go get the baby.
Dr. Rodney McKay: For God's sake! I was just trying to...

Dr. Elizabeth Weir: How the hell did your face get on that flag?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Uh, I don't know. Here's the thing, though: that flag's very similar to the one I designed in our game.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: It's *exactly* like the one you designed in our game.
Dr. Elizabeth Weir: What game?
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: The game Rodney and I have been playing.
Dr. Rodney McKay: We didn't tell you about the game?
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: We've been playing for a while now.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Yeah, off and on in our spare time, you know - at night, between missions, uh... I could have sworn we told you about it?

Dr. Rodney McKay: Hey, don't start. I tried to negotiate with you.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Making a list of demands and not giving anything in return is not negotiating.
Dr. Rodney McKay: I offered you an entire crop of beans.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: I don't need beans. I need lumber.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Oh, right - to build defensive fortifications for your army, which he doubled in size, by the way. Surprise, surprise.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: I only did that after you started cheating.
Dr. Rodney McKay: I did *not* cheat.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: He's giving his people *way* too much technology for their level of development. I'm not the only one increasing my army, by the way.
Dr. Rodney McKay: I had to do something to protect the people of Geldar from you.
Ronon Dex: Geldar?
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: The name of Rodney's country. He named it after a girl he stalked in college.
Dr. Rodney McKay: I did *not* stalk her. We dated twice. Teresa Geldar - a very cute blonde. I always used to think her name reminded me of some kind of a mythological land: the Kingdom of Geldar.
Teyla Emmagan: [to Sheppard] What did you call *your* country?
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Well, I just kept the name it already had.

Dr. Rodney McKay: Don't worry about it. They'll work it out. Look, we just happened to catch them at a particularly bad time. Sheppard's guy's been doing a lot of aggressive posturing of late.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: The only aggression is coming from the people of Gelding.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Geldar.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Whatever.
[to Elizabeth]
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: His people are digging a mine across the border into Hallona.
Dr. Rodney McKay: The coal resources straddle the border between my country and his.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Barely! They go three miles into my country - which your people are happily tunnelling into.
Dr. Rodney McKay: It has been a point of contention between us, OK, but it is just a difference in cartographic interpretation. Tomayto. Tomahto.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: No, no, it's pretty clear cut. *You* entered illegally into *my* country.
Dr. Elizabeth Weir: Gentlemen.
Dr. Rodney McKay: [to John] You gave me no choice! You refused to negotiate!
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: You mean give in.
Dr. Rodney McKay: What do you care anyway? It's not like your people were gonna use the coal!
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Oh, yeah, that's right. You need it to power your medieval steam engines.
Dr. Elizabeth Weir: These are not your lands. This game is over, so you'd better set aside your differences, because if the two of you can't figure out how to forge a truce, how the hell are these people going to?


"Stargate: Atlantis: Irresponsible (#3.13)" (2006)
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: My childhood hero was Evel Knievel.
Teyla Emmagan: Was he not evil?
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: No, it was just his name. He was a daredevil - which isn't kind of a devil. He just jumped motorcycles over things.
Ronon Dex: Why?
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Just because. Didn't always make it either.
Teyla Emmagan: And you greatly admired this behaviour?
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: No, I just - look at least my hero is human. McKay's is Batman.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Hmm. Misunderstood and unappreciated by many, because his most formidable weapon was the power of his brilliant mind. Not just a hero - a superhero.

Dr. Rodney McKay: [points at self] We're the good guys.

Dr. Carson Beckett: Rodney you're not trying to dig your way out of here, are you?
Dr. Rodney McKay: See if you can find another spoon. Someone helping; this'll go twice as fast.

Dr. Carson Beckett: Nobody gets hurt. That's my vote, and my heartfelt recommendation.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: You want to hide.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Well, we could call it strategic concealment.


"Stargate: Atlantis: The Defiant One (#1.11)" (2004)
Dr. Rodney McKay: Major!
Major John Sheppard: McKay!
Dr. Rodney McKay: What do I do now?
Major John Sheppard: Keep firing everything you've got!

Major John Sheppard: Thanks.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Yeah, you too. You OK?
Major John Sheppard: Other than this and a few cracked ribs. What about Gall?
Dr. Rodney McKay: No.
Major John Sheppard: We'll have to put the ship back together, provided you can disarm the shield.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Fine. As long as we get to go home.
Major John Sheppard: You can drive.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Oh, thank you!

Dr. Rodney McKay: Major, what the hell was that?
Major John Sheppard: I almost blew myself up!
Dr. Rodney McKay: What?
Major John Sheppard: Stay off the radio, I'm busy!

Major John Sheppard: Son of a bitch beat me to it. He's fast.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Then you should get back here.
Major John Sheppard: Negative.
Dr. Rodney McKay: There's no point being out there...
Major John Sheppard: He's aboard my ship.
Dr. Rodney McKay: What are you, Captain Kirk?


"Stargate: Atlantis: The Ark (#3.16)" (2007)
Dr. Rodney McKay: Just - can I say one more thing?
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: As long as you say it as fast as you can.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Don't do this. It's impossible.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Willing to bet a week's wages on that?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Yeah, how're you gonna pay up if I win, huh?
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Thanks for caring.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Yeah.

Dr. Rodney McKay: We're gonna lose radio contact as you pass through the atmosphere.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: I know, Rodney.
Dr. Rodney McKay: I'm saying that if you have anything that you'd like to say, now would be a good time to say...
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: No, not really.

Dr. Rodney McKay: If anyone's counting, we have another problem. I can't seal the compartments between us 'cause one of the hatches won't shut.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: What's wrong with it?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Looks like the entire bulkhead was twisted when Sammy Suicide decided to fire up his rocket ship!

Dr. Rodney McKay: I figured it would be nice if we were all together as we burn up.
Maj. John Sheppard: McKay.
Dr. Rodney McKay: I'm sorry, I mean as we get rescued. I always get those two confused.


"Stargate: Atlantis: Miller's Crossing (#4.9)" (2007)
[after being captured and brought to a high-tech lab]
Dr. Rodney McKay: What is this? Some kind of lab?
Jeanie Miller: Well that's some great detective work Nancy Drew!

Dr. Rodney McKay: I'm really sorry about all this.
Jeanie Miller: Oh, I am going to hold this over your head for... forever.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Oh. That's totally fair.
Jeanie Miller: Like, you're going to eat a lot of vegetarian food.
[chuckles]
Jeanie Miller: And not complain about it.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Sure, sure.
Jeanie Miller: And you're going to read Madison three stories instead of her usual two.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Alright.
Jeanie Miller: You're going to buy me a car.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Let's not get out of control here.
Jeanie Miller: You almost got me killed, that's at least a car. A nice one. Hybrid.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Yeah, well, we'll talk about it on the way home.
Jeanie Miller: Home. That sounds great.
[she pauses, then hugs McKay]
Jeanie Miller: I love you.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Yeah.
[Jeanie looks at him, waiting; he responds quickly, as if it is obvious]
Dr. Rodney McKay: I love you too.

Dr. Rodney McKay: Say, you and I are about even when it comes to looks, right?
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Who's been lying to you?
Dr. Rodney McKay: No, I'm serious.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: I am, too. Who's been lying to you?

Dr. Radek Zelenka: Rodney, we're stuck. We've been stuck for ten hours. Just ask her for help, please.
Dr. Rodney McKay: I'm not stuck.
Dr. Radek Zelenka: The last time we had a block like this she helped us through it, right?
Dr. Rodney McKay: That was something completely different.
Dr. Radek Zelenka: I cannot sit here waiting for you to have an epiphany! I'm losing the will to live!


"Stargate: Atlantis: Epiphany (#2.12)" (2005)
Dr. Rodney McKay: [as he turns towards Shepard] What is it with you and Ascended women?

Dr. Rodney McKay: Okay, then, any volunteers?
Maj. John Sheppard: I'll go.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Just back out if you encounter anything problematic.
Maj. John Sheppard: Problematic?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Yeah, like, uh, poisonous atmosphere, acid atmosphere, no atmosphere.

Dr. Rodney McKay: Tape it to the stick, we extend the camera through, record for a few minutes, pull it back, play the record.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Yeah, "MALP on a Stick".

Dr. Carson Beckett: So part of his body is experiencing time at a different pace than the other? Who knows what that could do to him?
Dr. Rodney McKay: I have no idea but I suspect he could use a doctor.
Dr. Elizabeth Weir: So you don't even know if he's alive?
Dr. Rodney McKay: The most time-efficient approach was to assume that he's alive but stranded.
Dr. Elizabeth Weir: Then why not assume that he can make his own way back through the portal?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Because Colonel Shepppard would have already had hours to try to make it back through the portal in the time I wasted explaining the situation to Conan and Xena.


"Stargate: Atlantis: Duet (#2.4)" (2005)
Dr. Carson Beckett: You have a date, Rodney? With a woman?
Dr. Rodney McKay: It is simply two adults sharing some friendly... yes, with a woman!

Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Lieutenant, way to survive what I think may be my worst nightmare.
Lt. Laura Cadman: Thank you, sir!
Dr. Rodney McKay: Yes, thank you!
[John smiles at Rodney sarcastically]

Dr. Rodney McKay: I'm not crazy, I just have another consciousness in my brain.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: So he just looks crazy.
Dr. Rodney McKay: I'm sure I do but only because Dr Fumbles McStupid over here was in way of his head!
Dr. Radek Zelenka: Yes, yes. I made a mistake trying to save your life! Now, do you want try to fix it or do you want to continue to berate me some more?
Dr. Rodney McKay: I am perfectly capable of doing both at the same time!


"Stargate: Atlantis: Coup D'etat (#2.17)" (2006)
Dr. Rodney McKay: You know, I'm not sure that you've sufficiently trained me in actual combat. I-I-I don't know how much use I'd be in a fight-our-way-out kind of scenario.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Well, I look at it this way: the Genii have tried to kidnap you on numerous occasions to mine that big old brain of yours.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Yes.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Well, if we get into trouble, I'll just trade your life for mine.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Oh, funny.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Don't worry: if you survive, I'll mount some sort of rescue mission... eventually.

Dr. Rodney McKay: Well, that was refreshing! He didn't try to kill us even once!

Dr. Rodney McKay: What the hell happened?
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: We got gassed.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Are we in some sort of trouble?
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Was it the gas or the prison cell that was your first clue?


"Stargate: Atlantis: First Strike (#3.20)" (2007)
Dr. Elizabeth Weir: So we can assume the Replicators are behind this.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Well, I hope so.
Dr. Elizabeth Weir: You *hope* so?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Well, otherwise, we've discovered yet *another* super-powerful enemy.

Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Well, I guess it's showtime.
Dr. Rodney McKay: You sure you can do this?
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Fly the city?
Dr. Rodney McKay: What else could I possibly be talking about?
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: I flew a V22 Osprey once.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Was it as big as a city?
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Well, you had to use your hands and feet with that one. This one, you just have to sit down and think... Fly.
Dr. Rodney McKay: OK, why don't you just get in the Chair and start your pre-flight?

Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: [McKay and Zelenka are staring at their computers in silence] Should't you guys be bickering or something?
Dr. Rodney McKay: We've got nothing to bicker about. He's run out of bad ideas... finally.


"Stargate: Atlantis: Vengeance (#3.19)" (2007)
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: [after an explosion] Everyone OK?
Teyla Emmagan: Yes.
Ronon Dex: I'm good.
Dr. Rodney McKay: I think you singed my eyebrows! D'you think you used enough dynamite there, Butch?

Dr. Rodney McKay: What does he looks like now? I mean, is he, is he full-on Wraith again?
Teyla Emmagan: Not quite. There are still human characteristics present in him. No doubt it's why I was confused when I first felt his presence.
Dr. Rodney McKay: You'd think that the human side of him would temper his aggression a bit.
Teyla Emmagan: Yes, because we humans aren't aggressive at all.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Well, certainly less aggressive than, uh... Oh, sarcasm. Yeah. Nice.
Teyla Emmagan: What Michael is doing right now must be stopped. He cannot be allowed to escape. He's far too dangerous.
Dr. Rodney McKay: You're preaching to the choir, my dear.
Teyla Emmagan: But I understand his anger. His life has been destroyed. He no longer has a home or a family.
Dr. Rodney McKay: He had a family?
Teyla Emmagan: I don't know, but I've often wondered what he left behind when he was captured by us. We know nothing of his past other than that he was a Wraith.
Dr. Rodney McKay: A very *smart* Wraith.
Teyla Emmagan: Perhaps he was a scientist.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Huh. Sure. Probably. Why not? One of their very best, I'd wager.
Teyla Emmagan: Like you.

Dr. Rodney McKay: Think ya used enough dynamite there, Butch?


"Stargate: Atlantis: Aurora (#2.9)" (2005)
[Sheppard and McKay whisper while spying on a Wraith in disguise]
Maj. John Sheppard: That's her!
Dr. Rodney McKay: That's the Wraith?
Maj. John Sheppard: Yeah.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Wow... She's hot! I mean seriously hot!
Maj. John Sheppard: Rodney, you're drooling over a Wraith!
Dr. Rodney McKay: I know, I... disgust myself sometimes.

Dr. Rodney McKay: You see, the thing is, Col. Sheppard and I have sorta gotten into this habit of saving each others' lives and it's my turn.
[pause]
Dr. Rodney McKay: [to Teyla and Ronon] It can be your turn next.

Teyla Emmagan: Rodney, between the two of you, if something were to go wrong, which would be the greater loss?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Well, I've never thought of it that way but... She's right. You should go.
[Sheppard glares]


"Stargate: Atlantis: The Gift (#1.17)" (2005)
Dr. Elizabeth Weir: You were right.
Dr. Carson Beckett: Lovely! About what?
Dr. Elizabeth Weir: Your theory of the Wraith evolving after the Ancients arrived in Pegasus galaxy...
Dr. Rodney McKay: Oh, you're kidding me!
Dr. Radek Zelenka: Pay up.
Dr. Carson Beckett: How d'you know?
Dr. Elizabeth Weir: The Wraith language... It's a derivative of Ancient.

Major John Sheppard: You're saying Teyla's part-Wraith?
Dr. Carson Beckett: A very small part.
Dr. Elizabeth Weir: Which makes her about as different from us as you, because of the Ancient gene you possess.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Well, and some other things!

Dr. Carson Beckett: My theory is that the Ancients unwittingly allowed humans to evolve on a planet with, uh, insect species on it. At some point the insects fed on humans and somehow incorporated our DNA into theirs. The Wraith are an evolution of that combination.
Lt. Aiden Ford: So what you're saying is the Ancients actually created the Wraith?
Dr. Carson Beckett: By accident.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Or negligence.


"Stargate: Atlantis: Before I Sleep (#1.14)" (2004)
Lt. Aiden Ford: Is time travel even possible?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Well, according to Einstein's general theory of relativity there's nothing in the laws of physics to prevent it. Extremely difficult to achieve, mind you. You need the technology to manipulate black holes to create wormholes not only through points in space, but time.
Major John Sheppard: Not to mention a really nice DeLorean.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Don't even get me started on that movie.
Major John Sheppard: I like that movie.

Dr. Rodney McKay: Well, it's obvious. The puddle jumper that they escaped in must have been some sort of a time machine. Had to have an additional component.
Major John Sheppard: Flux capacitor.
Dr. Rodney McKay: [short pause] Yeah.

Teyla Emmagan: Some sort of laboratory.
Dr. Rodney McKay: We've come across dozens of those, the city's full of them. Something unusual about it?
Major John Sheppard: [finds someone in suspended animation] I'd have to say... yes.


"Stargate: Atlantis: Vegas (#5.19)" (2008)
Dr. Rodney McKay: Thank you for your co-operation, Detective. If you think of anything else...
[hands him a card]
Dr. Rodney McKay: ... call me at this number.
Detective John Sheppard: If he's not finished yet, why'd he stop hiding the bodies?
Dr. Rodney McKay: I don't know. Over-confidence that he can't be caught?
Detective John Sheppard: He left money behind.
Dr. Rodney McKay: How much?
Detective John Sheppard: A few thousand.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Not enough to worry about, I guess.
Detective John Sheppard: That's it? You're just gonna let me go?
Dr. Rodney McKay: That field medic - the one you defied orders to go back and try and rescue. You knew her personally. You were... involved.
Detective John Sheppard: Yeah, you know everything.
Dr. Rodney McKay: It was a hard choice. Certainly you didn't intend things to go as badly as they did. Things just don't always go the way we plan. We know where to find you.
[Sheppard turns and starts to walk towards the car]
Dr. Rodney McKay: Detective.
[Sheppard stops and turns back as McKay approaches him again]
Dr. Rodney McKay: Remember when I told you I once met another version of you?
Detective John Sheppard: Yeah.
Dr. Rodney McKay: I know you'll probably think this sounds ridiculous, but a little while ago we accidentally opened a rift in space/time - went through to an alternate version of reality. It was very similar to ours in many ways. We met a team much like the one I work with, only you were the leader. You were a hero, saved the world several times over.
Detective John Sheppard: [smiling bitterly] Doesn't sound much like me.
Dr. Rodney McKay: I don't think there's much difference between you and that other John Sheppard I met. It's amazing how one incident can entirely alter the course of your life. Still, I like to believe you have the same strength of character. That's why I told you the truth.
[turns and starts to walk away. Sheppard calls after him]
Detective John Sheppard: What do you want me to say?
Dr. Rodney McKay: [over his shoulder] For now, nothing.

Dr. Radek Zelenka: You are such a child!
Dr. Rodney McKay: And yet I am still smarter than you!

Dr. Radek Zelenka: [Discussing a fugitive Wraith] He could have abandoned whatever resources he had and just gone into hiding.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Oh yes, he probably got a job as a Klingon at Star Trek: The Experience.
Richard Woolsey: That shut down.
Dr. Radek Zelenka: Really? Damn, I wanted to see that.


"Stargate: Atlantis: Be All My Sins Remember'd (#4.11)" (2008)
Colonel Steven Caldwell: [Colonels of both earth ships beam into the control room of atlantis. To Ellis] Colonel.
Colonel Abe Ellis: [to Caldwell] Colonel.
Colonel Steven Caldwell: [to Samantha] Colonel.
Colonel Samantha Carter: [to both] Colonels.
Colonel Abe Ellis: [to Sheppard] Colonel.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: [to both] Colonels.
Dr. Rodney McKay: What, seriously?

Todd the Wraith: [talking about replicators] they are a very complex and ingenious design.
Dr. Rodney McKay: yeah well. I thought I was ingenious-er.
[looks at Todd]
Dr. Rodney McKay: Yes I know it's not a word, Mr... helpful

Dr. Rodney McKay: Did I ever tell you about the time I once got a damaged Ancient hyperdrive system online moments before me and my crew were incinerated by a supervolcano?
Todd the Wraith: Yes, you have.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Well, there you go. See? I work best under pressure.
Todd the Wraith: Then perhaps I should threaten to feed on you if you do not complete the coding in time.


"Stargate: Atlantis: The Intruder (#2.2)" (2005)
Hermiod: What are you doing?
Dr. Rodney McKay: I'm just checking something; I'm sure it is impossible...
Dr. Rodney McKay: Crap.
Hermiod: What did you do?
Dr. Rodney McKay: I just ran it through a translation program. It's Wraith.
Hermiod: Crap indeed.

Dr. Rodney McKay: You know, I've never actually been inside one of these before today. It's a little, uh, cramped, huh?
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Just relax, Rodney. We're safe... for the moment.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Great. Quick question, though, just out of curiosity: how much, uh, air do these things carry?
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Lots.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Uh, I'm just saying, because if this doesn't work, we'll have to go over the whole plan and who knows how long we could get stuck in here, and, and, so it-it-it would...
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: You know what, Rodney? You're exactly right. It's a limited supply, so why don't we conserve it by you not talking? At all.

Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: He's making a break for the coronasphere.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Would it be good to mention that we have less protection in this ship than we did on the Daedalus?
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Not really.
Dr. Rodney McKay: I don't think so.


"Stargate SG-1: The Road Not Taken (#10.13)" (2007)
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: The Rodney McKay I know wouldn't back down from a challenge. He is one of the most forthright, courageous, and selfless men I have ever met.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Hm.
[pause]
Dr. Rodney McKay: Aw, you're makin' that up, aren't you?
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: Most of it, yeah.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Eh, okay. I'll help you.

Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: The Rodney I know is a master of subtle persuasion.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Hm.
[pause]
Dr. Rodney McKay: Oh, you're lying again, aren't you?

Dr. Rodney McKay: How can I help you?
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: Well, this is going to come as a bit of a shock, but I'm not who you think I am.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Oh my God, you're a lesbian! Is that what you're trying to tell me?


"Stargate SG-1: Redemption: Part 2 (#6.2)" (2002)
Dr. Rodney McKay: Why wait? Why does the guy show up a day-and-a-half after this all starts to do his whole "Prepare to meet your doom" thing?
Major Samantha Carter: I don't know. Maybe he wanted to make sure it was gonna work.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Yeah, that would be embarrassing, wouldn't it? "Nothing can stop the destruction that I bring upon you!" Then the gate shuts down. "Oops, sorry. Never mind."

Major Samantha Carter: [incredulously] So what? We call Anubis up and *ask* him to stop?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Yeah. "Hey, Anubis. This is your agent. You're playing it way over the top. Can you get serious, please?"


"Stargate: Atlantis: Poisoning the Well (#1.6)" (2004)
Carson Beckett M. D.: Converting the human body into energy and sending it millions of lightyears through a wormhole. Bloody insanity!
Dr. Rodney McKay: Come on, how often do you get to travel to an alien planet?
Carson Beckett M. D.: I was already on an alien planet!

Carson Beckett M. D.: It's not that I mind lending people a hand...
Maj. John Sheppard: No, of course not.
Dr. Rodney McKay: You're a generous man, Carson.
Carson Beckett M. D.: But it's the principle of the thing, isn't it? You can't go volunteering someone for something without consulting them first. That's not even volunteering, is it? It's being pressed into service. Not to mention the fact I'm not...
Maj. John Sheppard: ...military and I can't give you orders. I know.
Dr. Rodney McKay: No, he just doesn't like going through the Stargate.
Maj. John Sheppard: He's worse than Dr McCoy.
Teyla Emmagan: Who?
Maj. John Sheppard: The TV character that Dr Beckett plays in real life.


"Stargate: Atlantis: Home (#1.8)" (2004)
Dr. Rodney McKay: We're talking about a lot of energy here.
Maj. John Sheppard: How much is a lot?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Well in terms of joules or ergs?
Maj. John Sheppard: In terms of... lots.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Lots... and lots.

Dr. Rodney McKay: Let me see if I can make you understand, okay? these results don't just say the Zed-p.m. won't work, they say this reality isn't governed by any natural laws. It's like looking through a microscope at a cell culture and seeing a thousand dancing hamsters.


"Stargate: Atlantis: The Last Man (#4.20)" (2008)
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: You're telling me I just travelled 48,000 years into the future in ten seconds?
Dr. Rodney McKay: I know. It's kind of cool when you think about it, isn't it?
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Surfing a thirty foot wave in Waimei is cool. Dating a supermodel is cool. This is not cool!

Dr. Rodney McKay: Look, um, I know you've already been debriefed about the future events - all the things we were hoping to avoid - but there's just one more thing I need to know.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: What?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Did I still have hair?
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: [John looks away] No.
[He calls out to the team]
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Let's go!
Dr. Rodney McKay: [Looks shocked]


"Stargate: Atlantis: The Storm (#1.9)" (2004)
Dr. Rodney McKay: [the team is trying to come up with a solution to a problem while being very short on time] You're right. If only we had a magical tool that could slow down time. I foolishly left mine on Earth - did you bring yours?
Dr. Radek Zelenka: You know, you're not pleasant when you're like this, McKay.
Dr. Rodney McKay: I'm always like this.
Dr. Radek Zelenka: My point exactly.

Maj. John Sheppard: McKay will come up with something.
Dr. Rodney McKay: I will try, but despite what you all may think, I am not Superman.
[Sheppard looks around]
Maj. John Sheppard: Was anyone seriously thinking that?
[Weir, Teyla and the other scientist shake their heads 'No']
Lt. Aiden Ford, USMC: No sir.
Dr. Zelenka: Never.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Fine.


"Stargate: Atlantis: The Lost Boys (#2.10)" (2005)
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Rodney.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Look, maybe you are on the enzyme. Maybe Ford lied, because no rational person would think that was a good plan.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Look, a million things can go wrong, I know that, but just... look, stop! Shut up and listen. You fix that Dart - we all get outta here. I know it's risky but Ford's not thinkin' straight. So...
Dr. Rodney McKay: What are you talking about?
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: I'll insist you're all on the away team. I'll scoop you up and instead of flying out to the hive ship, we fly out to Atlantis.
Dr. Rodney McKay: How?
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: That Dart's gotta have its own DHD, right?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Of course.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Well, then, get that thing fly-worthy, we all go home!
Dr. Rodney McKay: Right, of course. Now, you see, I would have thought of that myself before I became a drug addict.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: I'm sure you would have.
Dr. Rodney McKay: I'm sorry.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: It's alright.
[John pats Rodney comfortingly on his arm]
Dr. Rodney McKay: OK.

Dr. Rodney McKay: Couldn't we have met these people on a tropical beach planet populated by tall blonde women?


"Stargate: Atlantis: Sanctuary (#1.13)" (2004)
Dr. Rodney McKay: Word of caution? The whole Captain Kirk routine is problematic to say the least, let alone morally dubious.
Major John Sheppard: What routine?
Dr. Rodney McKay: The romancing of the alien priestess? It's very 1967 of you. Actually, I'm surprised...
Major John Sheppard: [interrupting Rodney] If and when anything I do becomes your business...
Dr. Rodney McKay: It becomes my business, Major, when an alien woman who is clearly not who she claims to be has the ranking military officer wrapped around her little finger!
Major John Sheppard: Don't go there, McKay.
Dr. Rodney McKay: I'm sorry - I know I'm not normally Mr Sensitive, but you gotta believe me when I say there is something about her. I know it's intangible but I can feel it.
Major John Sheppard: I said don't go there!
Dr. Rodney McKay: It's just a matter of time before I prove it, Major. I'm just recommending that in the meantime you keep your...
[Chaya Sar appears and he shuts up]

Chaya Sar: I am what you call an Ancient and it is also true that I can never offer your people sanctuary. But you are wrong about as to why I came here.
Major John Sheppard: Why did you come here?
Chaya Sar: You, John.
Major John Sheppard: Me?
Chaya Sar: I have lived in solitude for so long that when you asked me to come to Atlantis, I...
Dr. Rodney McKay: Oh my god, he is Kirk!


"Stargate: Atlantis: The Eye (#1.10)" (2004)
Dr. Rodney McKay: [to Kolya] I don't know if you noticed or not but I'm an extremely arrogant man who tends to think all of his plans will work.

Dr. Rodney McKay: [Kolya is holding him by the edge of one of Atlantis' balconies] Trust me, I'm not that brave. I would help you if I could.


"Stargate: Atlantis: Brain Storm (#5.16)" (2008)
Dr. McKay: Hey, I'm Dr. Rodney McKay, all right? "Difficult" takes a few seconds; "impossible," a few minutes.

[to Neil deGrasse Tyson]
Dr. McKay: Hey, at least I didn't declassify Pluto from planet status. Way to make all the little kids cry, Neil. That make you feel like a big man?


"Stargate: Atlantis: The Siege: Part 3 (#2.1)" (2005)
Elizabeth Weir, Ph. D.: What are our options?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Well, let me see - we have slow death, quick death, painful death, cold lonely death...

Col. Steven Caldwell: Can we submerge the city again?
Dr. Rodney McKay: It's a city, not a yo-yo.


"Stargate: Atlantis: Trio (#4.16)" (2008)
Dr. Rodney McKay: I'd like to take a bath in whatever magical ointment they just put on my hands, because they're the only thing that doesn't hurt. It's not going to scar, is it?
Dr. Jennifer Keller: Chicks dig scars.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Not the chicks I dig.

Colonel Samantha Carter: You're doing great, Rodney. You're doing just great!
Dr. Rodney McKay: No, great is a beach with a fiber optic hook-up. This? This is complete agony!


"Stargate: Atlantis: Reunion (#4.3)" (2007)
Ronon Dex: I hear you're in charge.
Colonel Samantha Carter: [somewhat confused, glances from McKay to Ronan]
Dr. Rodney McKay: Ah... Ronan, this is Colonel Carter. Sam, this is Ronan, he's...
Colonel Samantha Carter: Satedan.
[walking around desk to be closer to them]
Colonel Samantha Carter: And... a member of your team, of course. What can I do for you?
Ronon Dex: Uh, I wanna bring some friends to Atlantis and apparently I've gotta clear it through you first.
Colonel Samantha Carter: Unfortunately, some new security procedures prevent me from allowing any off-world visits to Atlantis for the time being.
Ronon Dex: Under whose authority?
Colonel Samantha Carter: [beginning to feel challenged] It was a directive from the IOA.
Ronon Dex: Well they don't need to know.
Dr. Rodney McKay: [somewhat in scolding way, attempting to intervene on Carter's behalf] Ronan, she's uh...
Colonel Samantha Carter: [holds up hand to stop McKay] I'm sure you understand what a precarious position we're in here. It is imperative that the location of this base remains a secret.
Ronon Dex: And it will. They're my people, I'll vouch for them.
Colonel Samantha Carter: [with a sigh] I'm sure you can. But for now, we're on a new planet with a new set of rules.
Ronon Dex: And a new person in charge.
[takes a few steps toward Carter, so he is just close enough to intimidate]
Ronon Dex: Weir never would have doubted me.
Colonel Samantha Carter: [small laugh and a sigh] Okay, first of all, Ronan, I'm not doubting you. These new regulations apply to everyone on this base. And secondly,
[pause]
Colonel Samantha Carter: I'm not Dr. Weir.
[Ronan walks away, leaving Carter a little stunned; she turns to McKay]
Colonel Samantha Carter: Wow. Is he always like that?
Dr. Rodney McKay: No. No,
[nodding with a sigh]
Dr. Rodney McKay: uh, actually, you... you caught him on a good day.

Colonel Samantha Carter: [genuinely welcoming] Hey, Rodney, come on in.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Ah. I brought you a
[pointing to flowers in his hand]
Dr. Rodney McKay: little something to spruce up the place.
Colonel Samantha Carter: Well thank you, that's very sweet. There's a... a vase right there.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Hmm.
[watches her walk off, then turns and sees the fruit basket he was going to give her]
Colonel Samantha Carter: [sees he is looking at the fruit basket and points to it] Oh, uh, Col. Sheppard dropped that off.
[as she unpacks further]
Colonel Samantha Carter: Apparently, it's a sampling of fruit from the home worlds of our various trading partners.
Dr. Rodney McKay: [looking somewhat confused] Hm.
Colonel Samantha Carter: I thought it was a really thoughtful gesture.
Dr. Rodney McKay: [under his breath] Son of a...
[drops flowers into vase unceremoniously, then turns with a smile]
Dr. Rodney McKay: Anyway, look, I just, uh, came by to, uh, welcome you to Atlantis, see how you're settling in, and... uh... see if you needed anything, and... uh... did I mention I was seeing someone.
Colonel Samantha Carter: [somewhat baffled, but with little outward change of face] I'm sorry, what?
Dr. Rodney McKay: I'm, uh, seeing someone. Yeah. I- I- I only bring it up now, because you're here... now... and we'll be working together a lot more, and... uh... you know, I- I just thought... with our past...
Colonel Samantha Carter: [confused] Our... past...?
Dr. Rodney McKay: You know, the unrequited lust that's been hanging over our heads for what seems like forever...
[self-conscious laugh]
Colonel Samantha Carter: [with an argumentative tone, shaking her head in disbelief] Rodney...
Dr. Rodney McKay: You know, I just don't want things to be awkward between the two of us, you know, uh...
[pauses and shifts eyes]
Dr. Rodney McKay: Kind of like they are now.
Colonel Samantha Carter: [frustrated sigh] Rodney,
[pauses]
Colonel Samantha Carter: I'm sure we'll be fine.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Oh, of course, I just...
[gestures to self]
Dr. Rodney McKay: I'll be fine, I'm just...
[gestures to Carter]
Dr. Rodney McKay: with you...
[Ronan walks in, interrupting and saving him]


"Stargate: Atlantis: Thirty Eight Minutes (#1.3)" (2004)
Dr. Rodney McKay: If you know of some way of manually retracting the mechanism...
Maj. John Sheppard: In the cockpit, on the left.
Dr. Rodney McKay: The cockpit is regrettably demolecularised at the moment.

Dr. Rodney McKay: Well, if you'll excuse me, I'll be a foot and a half over there taking some readings. Feel free to talk amongst yourselves.


"Stargate: Atlantis: The Prodigal (#5.14)" (2008)
Dr. Rodney McKay: That's Atlantis' self destruct. Michael's gonna blow up the city.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: How much time do we have?
Dr. Rodney McKay: He set it for 10 minutes.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: How much time do you need before you get those drones working?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Well, if I can get them working at all, a lot more than 10 minutes.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: All right, forget about it.
Dr. Rodney McKay: What are you doing?
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: I'm flying the Jumper. I'm crashing it into the tower.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Crash it?
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Look, it is our best chance of taking out Michael's Jumper.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Not to mention taking out yourself!
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: I have crashed Jumpers into the tower before!


"Stargate SG-1: 48 Hours (#5.14)" (2001)
Dr. Rodney McKay: I wish I didn't find you so attractive. I've always had a real weakness for dumb blondes.
Major Samantha Carter: Go suck a lemon.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Very sexy. Very, very sexy.


"Stargate: Atlantis: Hot Zone (#1.12)" (2004)
Dr. Radek Zelenka: 7,549.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Oh, please. Prime. 4,021.
Dr. Radek Zelenka: Uh, nice try try. Not prime. OK, Lt. Ford, 599.
Lt. Aiden Ford: I don't care if it's a prime number or not.
Dr. Radek Zelenka: Come on. Yes or no?
Lt. Aiden Ford: No.
Dr. Radek Zelenka: [laughs] It's incredible. 10 for 10.
Dr. Rodney McKay: He is terrible.
Lt. Aiden Ford: So I suck at prime/not prime. Somehow I'm going to sleep tonight.
Dr. Radek Zelenka: At this point, it's gone way beyond not knowing your prime numbers.
Dr. Rodney McKay: It's a true/false game. Statistically, just by guessing, you should be getting at least half of these right. Look, 993.
Lt. Aiden Ford: Prime.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Oh, come on. That's an easy one. Are you hearing this, Hays?
Hays: Not really. I guess I've been too busy doing my job.


"Stargate: Atlantis: Tabula Rasa (#4.6)" (2007)
Colonel Samantha Carter: All right, I think we're clear.
[She doubles over, trying to catch her breath]
Dr. Rodney McKay: [equally breathless] Oh, thank God! My lungs were about to give out! So what next?
Colonel Samantha Carter: I don't know. How do we find her?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Who?
Colonel Samantha Carter: [Sam grabs his left hand and points to his palm] Teyla! The one we just risked our lives for!
Dr. Rodney McKay: Right. Right. I don't know.
Colonel Samantha Carter: All right. We'll just have to search room by room. I mean, how big could this place possibly be?
[She walks towards a door, which slides open to reveal an outdoor balcony. She and Rodney walk out and stare, awestruck, at the sight of the city's many towers in front of them. They look at each other in horror]


"Stargate: Atlantis: Travelers (#4.5)" (2007)
Dr. Rodney McKay: Just once, I'd like to be taken prisoner by the sexy alien.


"Stargate: Atlantis: Quarantine (#4.13)" (2008)
Dr. Rodney McKay: One must always be on guard, you know, always looking out for the potholes. Now, you can call me a catastrophist, but it's a necessary burden I bear.
Dr. Katie Brown: A mindset like that and a person would live in a constant state of worry and fear.
Dr. Rodney McKay: You forgot despair.


"Stargate: Atlantis: This Mortal Coil (#4.10)" (2007)
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Do we know what the problem is?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Yeah, the Gate's not working.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: I think we figured that much last week when you broke it.


"Stargate: Atlantis: Suspicion (#1.4)" (2004)
Dr. Rodney McKay: [Talking about food rations] We have to make do. If that means you have to eat my favorite food two days in a row, so be it.
Dr. Zelenka: You enjoy military rations?
Dr. Rodney McKay: I know, it's weird, hospital food too. Only reason I don't like airplane food is you can't get seconds.


"Stargate: Atlantis: Search and Rescue (#5.1)" (2008)
[when Teyla is in labor with her son]
Teyla Emmagan: You need to catch him!
Dr. Rodney McKay: What!?
Teyla Emmagan: You need to catch him, when I push him out!!!
Dr. Rodney McKay: Oh, God. Just, under hand him okay, I've never been good at baseball.


"Stargate: Atlantis: Critical Mass (#2.13)" (2005)
Dr. Rodney McKay: Elizabeth is including intel about infighting amongst the Wraith in today's status report.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Let's hope that trend continues. If they keep fighting like this, I'd be able to take a weekend off.


"Stargate: Atlantis: The Brotherhood (#1.15)" (2005)
Maj. John Sheppard: [the team are being forced to try to solve a puzzle one after another and an incorrect answer kills the one solving it] Two heads think better than one.
Dr. Rodney McKay: That's a common misconception.
Maj. John Sheppard: Give me a gun and I'll shoot him myself.


"Stargate: Atlantis: Midway (#4.17)" (2008)
Dr. Rodney McKay: [Kavanagh has inadvertently activated the self-destruct] We've made a terrible mistake: we never should have revived Kavanagh.


"Stargate: Atlantis: The Siege: Part 2 (#1.19)" (2005)
Dr. Carson Beckett: You wanted to see me Rodney?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Yes yes. I need something to keep me awake.
Dr. Radek Zelenka: Yeah, me too.
Dr. Carson Beckett: I've already given you something.
Dr. Rodney McKay: [irritated] Yeah? Well we're building nuclear bombs here. Staying awake is sort of a prerequisite.


"Stargate: Atlantis: Harmony (#4.14)" (2008)
Dr. Rodney McKay: You gonna eat your power bar?
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Yes, Rodney. Told you, shouldn't have eaten yours so early in the day.
Dr. Rodney McKay: I'm starving! Usually Flora feeds us some sort of food when we visit. Come on, you hardly ever eat yours.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: No, Rodney!
Dr. Rodney McKay: Well, will you give it to me later when you decide you're not gonna eat it?
Harmony: You allow him to question you so incessantly?
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: I guess I'm just used to it by now.
Harmony: Would it not be easier to beat him?
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: We don't beat people where we come from.
Harmony: Why not?
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Well, we find it's not very effective in the long run... unfortunately.


"Stargate: Atlantis: Childhood's End (#1.5)" (2004)
[the sensors have discovered a powerful energy field]
Major John Sheppard: Do you think it's worth checking out?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Any significant energy emission generally indicates technological civilisation.
Major John Sheppard: So... you think it's worth checking out?
Dr. Rodney McKay: [sarcastically] I'm sorry. Yes. Energy field good.


"Stargate: Atlantis: The Long Goodbye (#2.16)" (2006)
Ronon Dex: So people just sit and watch this box for hours at a time?
Maj. John Sheppard: Yeah, people do.
Teyla Emmagan: Is it that engaging?
Maj. John Sheppard: Depends what's on it. There are lots of programs on dozens of channels, every day, all day.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Most of which are fictional representations of ridiculously attractive people in absurd situations
Maj. John Sheppard: There are educational programmes, all sorts of documentaries. Not many people watch 'em but, uh, well, they're on.
Ronon Dex: And that's what everybody on your planet does for entertainment? Watch a box?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Not everyone -- although I will confess to the occasional half hour of 'Jeopardy'.
Ronon Dex: Jeopardy?
Dr. Rodney McKay: It's the name of the show -- 'Jeopardy'.
Ronon Dex: Sounds dangerous.
Maj. John Sheppard: Double Jeopardy -- that's twice as dangerous


"Stargate: Atlantis: The Siege: Part 1 (#1.18)" (2005)
Dr. Rodney McKay: I'm not sure I can fix this.
Dr. Peter Grodin: You can fix anything.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Who told you that?
Dr. Peter Grodin: You did. On several occasions.


"Stargate SG-1: Moebius: Part 2 (#8.20)" (2005)
Dr. Rodney McKay: [to Hammond] I give this no more than a 50/50 chance of working.
Lieutenant General George Hammond: According to the tape, it worked for eight years.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Hm.
Daniel Jackson: [wormhole is established] Wow.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Well, I'm certainly glad it's not me going through that... um... thing.
Jack O'Neill: Any idea what to expect?
Sam Carter: Not really. According to the tape, we're going to be de-molecularized, transmitted over two thousand light-years through subspace, and then, uh, remolecularized on the other side.
Major Charles Kawalsky: I did not need to know that.
Jack O'Neill: OK.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Gateship 1, you're go for launch.
Jack O'Neill: Gate ship?
Daniel Jackson: [with hand gesture] Well, it's a ship that goes through the gate.
Jack O'Neill: [somewhat reluctantly] Alright.
Dr. Rodney McKay: [to Hammond] What? It's a ship that goes through the gate. Gateship.
[pause]
Dr. Rodney McKay: Well, I thought it was clever.


"Stargate: Atlantis: First Contact (#5.10)" (2008)
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Look, they stripped us of everything but the clothing on our backs and surrounded us with laser walls. I'm not sure how much play we have here.
Dr. Rodney McKay: We've got one thing going for us, at least.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: What's that?
Dr. Rodney McKay: We're not dead yet.


"Stargate: Atlantis: Instinct (#2.7)" (2005)
Dr. Rodney McKay: What?
Boy: Is it true? You're going to hunt the Deimos?
Dr. Rodney McKay: It looks that way.
Boy: I heard it has two heads, and can turn you to stone just by looking at you!
Dr. Rodney McKay: Well, you heard wrong.
Boy: My uncle says it'll come and take me if I don't do my chores.
Dr. Rodney McKay: He said that, huh? Well then, if we get rid of it, you've got nothing to worry about. You'll never have to do chores ever again.
Boy: Really?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Yes. Look... go away!


"Stargate: Atlantis: Michael (#2.18)" (2006)
Dr. Rodney McKay: Hey, what happened to the, uhm, to the blue jello? My favourite - all of a sudden it's off the menu. What gives?