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Quotes for
Joe Spencer (Character)
from "Stargate SG-1" (1997)

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"Stargate SG-1: Citizen Joe (#8.15)" (2005)
Bert Simmons: What about the Furlings? Are we ever gonna hear about them?
Joe Spencer: Oh, course. I'm sure we'll-we'll hear lots of stories about them.
[pause]
Joe Spencer: I mean, I'll make one up.
Gordie Lowe: Furlings? They sound cute. Like Ewoks.

Daniel: Jack?
Jack O'Neill: He's a barber.
Daniel: Broke into your house?
Jack O'Neill: Yeah.
Daniel: Second week in a row.
Jack O'Neill: Mmmh-hmm.
Daniel: Alarm.
Jack O'Neill: I'm thinkin' "dog".
Joe Spencer: You could try locking your front door.

Joe Spencer: What do you think the problem is? Tell me. Maybe I can fix it.
Charlene Spencer: Well for one, it seems to me like the team interaction isn't what it used to be in the beginning.

Joe Spencer: Dr Jackson, can I just say thank goodness you're back. Not that Jonas was a bad guy but after all you've been through together you belong here with SG-1.
Daniel: Thankyou. Jack?
Jack O'Neill: He's a barber.
Daniel: Broke into your house?
Jack O'Neill: Yeah.
Daniel: Second week in a row.
Jack O'Neill: Uh huh.
Daniel: Alarm.
Jack O'Neill: I'm thinking dog.
Joe Spencer: You could try locking your front door.

Joe Spencer: Please wait! You're Brigadier General Jack O'Neill. Head of Stargate Command at Cheyenne Mountain. You used to command SG-1, which is now led by Lt. Colonel Samantha Carter. You once visited a planet called Argos, and the nanites in your blood caused you to age artificially. You've had the entire repository of the Ancients' knowledge downloaded into your brain. Twice! You have a thing for The Simpsons, fishing, Mary Steenburgen, the color peridot, and you're a terrible ping pong player.
Jack O'Neill: ...Have we met?
Joe Spencer: My name is Joe Spencer. I'm a barber. It's all true, isn't it? Everything I've seen. The Stargate, the Goa'uld, the Asgards? It's all real. Tell me it's real. I need to know.
Jack O'Neill: [hesitates] Well, first of all, Joe, I'm not a terrible ping pong player.

Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: That still doesn't explain the proximity issue. I mean, if the stone General O'Neill touched was kept here, how was Joe able to see everything that happened to the General off-world?
Daniel: I think he was getting most of it from when Jack was writing up his reports right here on the base. The stone was being stored just a few levels above.
Joe Spencer: That's why the stories were so easy to write. It was like someone else had done most of the work for me.
Jack O'Neill: [disappointed] And you say they all got rejected?

Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: Wait a second. If the stones worked the way Daniel says, shouldn't General O'Neill have been able to see elements of Joe's life, as well?
Daniel: Theoretically, yes he would.
Jack O'Neill: [to Joe] Bowling league, Thursday nights?
Joe Spencer: You saw that?
Jack O'Neill: You got game, son.
Daniel: Wait a minute. Jack, you've been seeing parts of the life of a barber in Indiana for seven years, and you never mentioned it?
Jack O'Neill: Yeah, sure I did. I know I did.
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: No, no you didn't, sir.
Jack O'Neill: I didn't?
Daniel: You didn't find it the least bit odd?
Jack O'Neill: Actually no. I found it quite relaxing.

Joe Spencer: And don't worry I wont say a word about your feelings for...
[Lt. Col. Samantha Carter walks in]
Jack O'Neill: shhh