Dr. Daniel Jackson
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Quotes for
Dr. Daniel Jackson (Character)
from "Stargate SG-1" (1997)

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Stargate (1994)
Colonel Jonathan "Jack" O'Neil: I wouldn't feed that thing.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: It's got a harness, it's domesticated
[Taps Mastadge on shoulder. Mastadge is frightened and runs off dragging Dr. Daniel Jackson across the Desert]

Dr. Daniel Jackson: I smell like a yak!

[correcting the translation from the cover stone]
Dr. Daniel Jackson: It's not "Door to Heaven"... is...
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Stargate.

Dr. Daniel Jackson: [to Colonel O'Neil] I don't want to die. And your men don't want to die, and these people certainly don't wan to to die. It's a shame you're in such a hurry to.

Dr. Daniel Jackson: [On a recording of his notes about the symbols after two weeks of no progress] I'm never gonna get paid.

[after he's reading Hieroglyph on the wall]
Dr. Daniel Jackson: I'll be damned.

Dr. Daniel Jackson: [about the Stargate] It was under the cover-stones?
Catherine Langford: Yes. My father found it, 1928; made out of a mineral unlike any found on Earth.

Lieutenant Kawalsky: [Jackson sneezes hard] Cold?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Allergies: always happens when I travel.

Catherine Langford: [Catherine meets Jackson in a cab] Jackson.
[shows him photograph]
Catherine Langford: Those your parents?
Catherine Langford: Foster parents. What-what's this all about?
Catherine Langford: A job.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: What kind of a job?
Catherine Langford: Translation: ancient Egyptian hieroglyphs. Interested?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: I-I'm gonna go now.
Catherine Langford: Go where?
Catherine Langford: I mean, you've just been evicted out of your apartment, your grants have run out: everything you own are in those two bags. You wanna prove that your theories are right? This is your chance.

Dr. Daniel Jackson: [on the natives' language] I can't make it out, sounds familiar. Bit like Berber, maybe Chadic or Omodic.

Dr. Daniel Jackson: [Kasuf gestures towards his village] He's inviting us to go with him.
Lieutenant Kawalsky: How can you be so sure?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Because he's
[repeats gesture]
Dr. Daniel Jackson: inviting us to go with him.

Lieutenant Kawalsky: [in Nagada, the troops begin holding hostages and opening fire; O'Neil looks outside the city walls] Colonel! What do you see?
Colonel Jonathan "Jack" O'Neil: Sandstorm comin' this way.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: [sarcastically] Well, that would have been an excellent reason to shoot everyone.

Colonel Jonathan "Jack" O'Neil: Your job here is to re-align the star gate. Can you do that or not?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: [nods] I can't.

"Stargate SG-1: Prometheus Unbound (#8.12)" (2004)
Vala Mal Doran: Don't worry. I'm not gonna hurt you.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Thank God.
Vala Mal Doran: Much. I hope.

Vala Mal Doran: This suit still absorbs zat blasts.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: I'm covering your head.
Vala Mal Doran: Still, you should probably make me take it off.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: I think I'll turn the ship around first.
Vala Mal Doran: I don't know. If I had me at gunpoint, that wouldn't be my first choice.

Vala Mal Doran: Ow. Ow, you hit me!
Dr. Daniel Jackson: You hit *me*.
Vala Mal Doran: Yeah. You know, we could just have sex instead.

Vala Mal Doran: Did you have fun taking off my clothes?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: It was your idea.
Vala Mal Doran: No, I meant when I was conscious. You know, so I could distract you and kick you in the head.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: I kept my eyes closed the whole time.
Vala Mal Doran: Sure you did.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: So, where are we goin'?
Vala Mal Doran: I told you, to save my people. Can you please let me out of here?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Ohhhhhh, no.
Vala Mal Doran: You know, I haven't eaten in days.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Could you please tell me how to access the navigation controls?
Vala Mal Doran: It isn't very nice, you know, starving a prisoner to death. Come on, Daniel, you've seen me naked. The least you could do is cook me dinner.

Dr. Daniel Jackson: [Addressing what he thinks is a Kull warrior] Hey, how's it going? Guess it's just you and me, huh. It's a little strange, isn't it? See that weapon I shot you with should have killed you. What's even stranger is you guys usually don't take prisoners either. I mean it's kinda kill first and... no, that's generally just about it, just the killing.

Brigadier General Jack O'Neill: I didn't let you go in the first place. What makes you think I'm gonna change my mind?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Because...
Brigadier General Jack O'Neill: Can you try to do better than that?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Because they're going to need somebody who can translate Ancient. I'm the most qualified person left on the planet for the mission.
Brigadier General Jack O'Neill: Which is exactly why you're gonna stay right here.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: [desperately] Because I'll quit!
Brigadier General Jack O'Neill: Why don't you just hold your breath? You haven't done that in a while.

Dr. Lindsey Novak: [hiccuping very loudly] Please ignore me.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: It's hard to.

Dr. Daniel Jackson: I don't know anything about the ship.
Kull Warrior: But you are very attractive.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: ...What?
[the Kull warrior slowly walks up to Daniel and stands just in front of him]
Dr. Daniel Jackson: [very fast] Hey, you know, big guy. I'm flattered, really I am, it's just that, uh, you're not my type. And I'm more than a little disturbed that I *might* be yours.
[the Kull warrior begins to remove its helmet. Daniel screws his eyes shut in horror]
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Whoa, whoa, whoa, you don't have to do that! Don't, don't, don't! NO!
[He opens his eyes and realises that the Kull is actually a beautiful woman]

[Vala has just healed Daniel with a Goa'uld device]
Dr. Daniel Jackson: You're a Goa'uld.
Vala Mal Doran: No. But I was once a host to one.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Which would explain the naquadah in your blood that lets you use Goa'uld technology.
Vala Mal Doran: And how I can quickly learn to fly this rather primitive ship.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Yeah, so primitive, one would wonder if it was worth the bother.
Vala Mal Doran: Well, in this case it's the size that matters.
[Glances downward]
Vala Mal Doran: Actually, pretty much in every case.

Dr. Daniel Jackson: Name's... Olo. Hans Olo.

Dr. Daniel Jackson: I'm just gonna talk to myself here for a while, 'cause you're not gonna talk to me and... Not that you guys are very talkative, but, uh...
Kull Warrior: [in a very deep, Goa'uld-esque voice] You may prove useful.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: OK, now we're gettin' somewhere. Where's everybody else?
Kull Warrior: I transported them onto the Al'kesh.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Well, you kept the wrong guy, 'cause I don't know anything about the ship.
Kull Warrior: But you are very attractive.

"Stargate SG-1: Window of Opportunity (#4.6)" (2000)
Jack O'Neill: What kind of archaeologist carries a weapon?
Daniel Jackson: [raising his hand] Uh, I do.
Jack O'Neill: Bad example.

Jack O'Neill: What kind of archaeologist carries a gun?
Daniel Jackson: Uh, I do.
Jack O'Neill: Okay, bad example.

Daniel Jackson: Anyway, I'm sorry, but that just happens to be how *I* feel about it. What do you think?

Jack O'Neill: Weren't we just somewhere else?
Daniel Jackson: Where?
Jack O'Neill: Some planet.
Daniel Jackson: When?
Jack O'Neill: Just now.
Daniel Jackson: No.
Jack O'Neill: Sure?
Daniel Jackson: Yeah.

Jack O'Neill: I distinctly remember sitting here, listening to Carter prattle on about solar activity and a... corona... something.
Major Samantha Carter: Coronal mass emissions - I was just about to bring it up.
Jack O'Neill: There you go, how would I know that?
Major Samantha Carter: Maybe you read my report.
Daniel Jackson: Maybe he *read* your report?

Teal'c: Events do appear to be repeating themselves.
Daniel Jackson: Since when?
Jack O'Neill: Since we went to P4X-639.
Major Samantha Carter: We haven't been to P4X-639.
Jack O'Neill: Yes we have.
[to Daniel]
Jack O'Neill: "No we haven't." That's what you were gonna say.
Daniel Jackson: Of course that's what I was gonna say.
Jack O'Neill: Okay, bad example.

Daniel Jackson: On the other hand, it's kind of an opportunity.
Jack O'Neill: How's that?
Daniel Jackson: Well think about it, I mean if you knew in advance that everything was going to go back to the way it was then...
[Teal'c stops writing to listen to the conversation]
Daniel Jackson: you could do anything. For as long as you want, without having to worry about consequences.
[pause O'Neill rises from his chair]
Jack O'Neill: Excuse me.
[O'Neill leaves. Teal'c nods to Jackson and also leaves]

[repeated lines]
[the time loop resets]
Daniel Jackson: [to Jack O'Neill eating Froot Loops] Anyway, I'm sorry, but that just happens to be how *I* feel about it. What do *you* think?

[repeated lines]
[decoding and translating text in successive iterations of the loop]
Daniel Jackson: Okay, this section of the text seems to deal primarily with their arrival on P4X-639...

Stargate: Continuum (2008) (V)
Henry Hayes: So what's coming next?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Death, slavery. More slavery, more death.
Henry Hayes: Look if you want to say 'I told you so' go a head and get it off your chest. But then you can do one of two things; you can help, or you can leave.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Okay, bye!
[starts to walk to the door]
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: Jackson!
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Right! I forgot to say, I told you so!
Henry Hayes: Now are you going to help or not?

Major General Hank Landry: I take it that in your timeline you're not a discredited whackjob living on the fringes of society?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: That really depends on who you ask.

Dr. Daniel Jackson: [Daniel is in his 3rd day of being interrogated about the history of the Stargate program] Seriously, who would make this shit up?

Dr. Daniel Jackson: [after being left behind, due to frostbite] Oh, shit.

Dr. Daniel Jackson: [after escaping the sinking Achilles] The ship was warmer!
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: You wanna go back?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: ...No, I'm good!

Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: [Has just learned they are flying into a formation of Russian MiGs, while fleeing from Ba'al's gliders] Jackson, get on the radio!
Dr. Daniel Jackson: [speaks desperately in Russian over the radio]
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: What the hell did you just say?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: We're Americans, please shoot the people chasing us!

Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: Come on, let's go. When was the last time General O'Neill bought lunch?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Good point.

interrogator [female]: Samantha Carter?
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: Yes.
interrogator [female]: It's common knowledge that 4 years ago, a computer failure forced the space shuttle Intrepid's main engines to shut down before it could reach a safe orbit or secondary landing site. When the auto pilot also failed mission commander, Samantha Carter, stayed behind to fly it while her crew bailed out of the escape hatch. The orbiter went down over the Atlantic and her body was never recovered.
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: It wasn't me.
interogator [female]: You just said you name...
[Sam cuts her off]
interogator [female]: [Cam, Sam, and Daniel are being interogated, all talking at the same time]
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: I was recruited into the Stargate program in my timeline not N.A.S.A...
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: Stargate Command is a branch of the United States Air Force, founded in nineteen-ninety I forget the exact year; for the purpose of exploration and just... it operates in secret from...
Dr. Daniel Jackson: ...actually, at was less an altered timeline and it was this kind of... but i know what your thinking. You're thinking I'm insane.
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: And so we had the Stargate powered and it was capable of operating, but none of the random addresses.
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: A list, you, you want the whole list of every plant I've ever been to? Okay; Earth you never forget your first. Right!
Dr. Daniel Jackson: It was just a matter of finding which of the 39 symbols represented the point of origin.
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: The symbols in a combination of seven...
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: Known as Casa, it's kind of like space corn; but you know that is a story you are going to hear some day
interogator [male]: You think this is funny?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Everything I can think of I've told you. I mean seriously, who would make this shit up!
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: Because it is; funny! And you need to learn that things can be both funny and serious at the same time!
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: I've listened. whereas I've been trying to tell you that Earth is in serious danger and you don't seem to give a rat's ass!
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: [annoyed] OK, fine! O'Neil wants nothing to do with us, what about Landry! No you see - I know him.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: [dryly] if you'd like to hear to answer to that question, why don't you go and play your tape back, I'm going to take a break.
[smiles quickly, then frowns and drinks coffee]
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: Oh my God, for the umpteenth time - I want to talk to someone else!
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: I am agitated because this is not the way things are suposed to be!
Major General Hank Landry: [walks in] Unfortunately colonel, it's the way it is!
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: General, thank you for coming. you flew F-4's in Vietnam, you have a daughter named Caroline, you're wild about Fulvous whistling ducks...
Major General Hank Landry: Stop right there son, I believe you.
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: [dumbfounded] You do?

"Stargate SG-1: Lost City: Part 1 (#7.21)" (2004)
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Teal'c's like one of the deepest people I know. I mean, he's *so* deep. Go on, t-tell them how deep you are! You'll be lucky if you understand this.
Teal'c: [lifts one eyebrow] My depth is immaterial to this conversation.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Ooh! See?
Colonel Jack O'Neill: No more beer for you.

Dr. Daniel Jackson: I remember when we were first trying to get the Stargate to work, I would come here and just stare at it for hours.
Dr. Elizabeth Weir: Is that a-a gentle reminder that you've been an important part of this since the very beginning?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Subtle, huh?

Dr. Elizabeth Weir: I've been awake all weekend. I-I... The reality of this is-is-is... It's an adrenaline rush.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Hey, at least I know you have a beating heart!

[Bra'tac comes to the SGC]
Dr. Daniel Jackson: This is Dr. Elizabeth Weir. She's the new leader of this facility.
Dr. Elizabeth Weir: [extends her hand] Hello.
Master Bra'tac: [concerned] Has Hammond of Texas fallen in battle?
Dr. Elizabeth Weir: No, sir. He's-he's fine.

[Jack has filled a crossword with Ancient words]
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Jack, this is it.
Colonel Jack O'Neill: Now see, I assume we still speak the same language, mostly.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Sphere: Planet. Label: Name.
Colonel Jack O'Neill: Following still you not!

[Dr. Weir puts down a file and looks out the briefing room window into the gate room, seemingly in deep thought. Daniel Jackson walks in, notices her gaze at the stargate, waits a moment, then speaks]
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Amazing, isn't it?
Dr. Elizabeth Weir: I don't really care!
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Okay.

"Stargate SG-1: One False Step (#2.19)" (1999)
Daniel: Can you do me a favor? Could you keep an eye on this plant thing for me?
Teal'c: I will keep both of my eyes on it, Daniel Jackson.

Teal'c: Since it is their planet, is it not we who are the aliens?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Actually, the word alien refers to anything characteristic of a very different place or culture, anything really strange relative from our own perspective.
Jack O'Neill: Think we call you alien because you're from Chu'lak? Ha.

Dr. Daniel Jackson: Well, maybe you could try coming up with something better than inappropriate sarcasm.
Jack O'Neill: You want sarcasm? Nice to meet you.

Jack O'Neill: You're obviously misreading a basic philosophical difference of opinion on how to handle a chrisis.
Daniel Jackson: Oh please! We have a-a difference of opinion on just about everything!
Jack O'Neill: Give me an example.
Daniel Jackson: U-u-u, I don't know! Pick something! How - how about - how about mythology!
Jack O'Neill: Rumors, lies, fairytales.
Daniel Jackson: You see! See! See! See! See! See!
[jumps around in a circle in frustration]
Daniel Jackson: Mythology is one of the primary motivations for cultural development!
Jack O'Neill: Maybe it is! What's that got to do with *filming a plant*!
Daniel Jackson: Exactly!
Jack O'Neill: What does *that* mean!
Daniel Jackson: I don't know!
[they silently look at each other]
Jack O'Neill: [calmly] Okay. What was that?
Daniel Jackson: I don't know. I don't feel so good.
Jack O'Neill: I've got a headache.

Jack O'Neill: [Jack and Daniel are in the infirmary. They have just had a major argue on a planet] Listen I, uh...
Daniel Jackson: No, no. Um... sorry, you were gonna say...
Jack O'Neill: No, it's just that, uh... Well... you know...
Daniel Jackson: No I know, I know. I know. You know that I...
Jack O'Neill: I know. It's obvious there's something...
Daniel Jackson: Something, something wrong with us.
Jack O'Neill, Daniel Jackson: Physically!
Janet Fraiser: [enters] Well, there's nothing wrong with you.
Daniel Jackson: What?
Janet Fraiser: Well, I've run every test I could, short of exploratory brain surgery and you're both in perfect health.
Jack O'Neill: Huh.

"Stargate SG-1: Chimera (#7.15)" (2004)
Major Samantha Carter: [Sam talks technobabble and Daniel yawns] At least pretend that it's interesting.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: No, it was very interesting. Please, go on.
Major Samantha Carter: Are you tired?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Ya think?

Major Samantha Carter: No offense, Daniel, but it's not like you don't have some issues to work out.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Oh, yeah.
Major Samantha Carter: Maybe you should talk to someone.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: I thought I was.

Teal'c: Most often, dreams are merely the mind's way of dealing with desires that cannot be fulfilled.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Oh. So basically, I'm destined never to get a good night's sleep again.
Teal'c: Knowing your past experiences, Daniel Jackson, I do not know how you have slept well before now.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Thank you, Teal'c. This conversation has been disturbing on... many levels.

Dr. Sarah Gardner: You know, I must have read everything you've ever published.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Everything?
Dr. Sarah Gardner: Yes.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: What a waste of time.

Colonel Jack O'Neill: [whispering into his microphone, testing radio communications with Daniel's house] Hey, Daniel... Daniel! Are you sleeping yet?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: [in normal voice] Yes, Jack. I'm fast asleep.

"Stargate SG-1: The Scourge (#9.17)" (2006)
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: I'm just a glass half full kinda guy. We found the cure to the Prior's plague and we got it out to the planets that needed it.
Teal'c: And it has been some time since the last reported outbreak.
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: That's right, so I'm chalking that one up to the win column.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Look, all I'm saying is let's just not get carried away. Yes we stopped them this time but you can be damn sure they're already thinking up some other means of spreading fear and destruction through this galaxy.
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: Yeah, that's why we call 'em the bad guys.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: And by the looks of things the next one's going to be something big. Priors are already starting to step up the rhetoric with all this talk of doomsday when all shall witness the final battle between the light and darkness.
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: That's what they said about Tyson-Holyfield. There's always a rematch.

Shen Xiaoyi: [In Mandarin] How's your Mandarin?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: [In Mandarin] Not as good as your English.
Shen Xiaoyi: [In Mandarin] It shows.
[Indicating Mitchell]
Shen Xiaoyi: You're bringing him along?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: [In Mandarin] We have to babysit him.
[Shen lauughs]
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: Yeah, that's very funny.
[In Mandarin]
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: Screw you!
[Shen and Jackson do a double take]

Dr. Daniel Jackson: It's no question that these bugs were the Priors' follow up to the virus.
Teal'c: And it appears that they were designed to circumvent any attempt to forestall their destructive nature.
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: Deny them crops and their physiology adapts to an alternate food source.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Yeah, us.

Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: We're surrounded by rock here so there's no way the bugs are digging in. We've got the entrance covered. Everything's going to be fine.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Until we run out of bullets.

Dr. Daniel Jackson: Are we still doing movie night?
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: Yeah, why not?
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: Yeah, I've already picked something out.
Teal'c: Old School.
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: Starship Troopers.
Teal'c: Is it humorous?
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: Is it ever.

"Stargate SG-1: Fragile Balance (#7.3)" (2003)
Major General George Hammond: Would anyone care to speculate how a boy could be aware of our most classified information?
Major Samantha Carter: Well, sir, it-it could be him.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: There is a physical resemblance.
Major General George Hammond: But he can't be more than 15 years old. Are you saying Colonel O'Neill has somehow regressed more than 30 years overnight?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Stranger things have happened.
Teal'c: Name but one.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Well, there was the time he got really old; the time he became a caveman; the time we all swapped bodies...

[Daniel walks into the holding room]
Young Jack O'Neill: Daniel, will you tell them who I am? Please?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Okay, love to. Who are you?

Dr. Daniel Jackson: What's goin' on?
Young Jack O'Neill: Daniel!
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Sounds like him. At least the loud, grating part.

Dr. Janet Fraiser: There is a tiny abnormality, but for all intents and purposes, it's him.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Tiny abnormality, like the fact he's suddenly quite a few years younger than he's supposed to be?

Dr. Daniel Jackson: There's no easy way to tell you this, so... Sam's just gonna come out and say it.
Major Samantha Carter: Well, sir, as you know, the Asgard depend on a cloning technology...
Young Jack O'Neill: Oh, for cryin' out loud!
Teal'c: You have been cloned, O'Neill.
Young Jack O'Neill: [turning to face them] What!

"Stargate SG-1: The Powers That Be (#9.5)" (2005)
Vala Mal Doran: [sarcastically] I apologize for ever doubting your masterful skills at negotiation.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: He's doing the best he can.
Vala Mal Doran: Yeah, that's what terrifies me.

Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: I thought these people trusted you. Why are we sneaking around avoiding everybody?
Vala Mal Doran: I already told you, they won't recognize me dressed like this. Fortunately I left a couple of spare outfits.
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: What is it with her and her wardrobe?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: You know, I think we could probably explain to them...
Vala Mal Doran: It will only take a second. Can a girl have a little privacy?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: No, besides I think I've seen just about everything there is to see.
Vala Mal Doran: [Smiling] Right.

Vala Mal Doran: [Speaking with a Goa'uld voice] We want to stop these people from falling victim to the Priors. That's what I'm going to do.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: This is not what I had in mind.
Vala Mal Doran: What your mind may or may not be able to imagine is really none of my concern. Now kindly get out of your god's face.

Vala Mal Doran: I never killed anyone, I never tortured them, I was a wonderful god. Just ask them.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: I think we will.
Vala Mal Doran: Why? You don't believe me?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: That and I'm not totally convinced they're ultimately going to follow your command, not should that be the only reason they don't follow the Priors.
Vala Mal Doran: I am still supposed to be their god. I can't exactly go out there and ask them if they're going to listen to me.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: I wasn't expecting you to.
Vala Mal Doran: What makes you think they're going to tell you the truth? You're supposed to be my faithful servant.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Then I'll sort of explain we're not so faithful as you like to believe and if necessary I'll also tell them we're plotting to kill you.
Vala Mal Doran: I have heard better plans.
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: I kinda like it.
Vala Mal Doran: Shut up!

Vala Mal Doran: You need to tell these people the truth.
Vala Mal Doran: I have a lot of needs, Daniel. But I assure that is not one of them.
Teal'c: If you do not tell them the truth, we will.
Teal'c: Yes, and who do you think they are actually going to believe?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Look, commanding these people to obey you and not the Ori is not going to work, especially once that Prior comes back.
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: And we do not want to get into a god off. Especially since we know you're not even close.

"Stargate SG-1: Upgrades (#4.3)" (2000)
Colonel Jack O'Neill: Uh, General, sir? About the obviously impending court-martials, I'd like...
Major General: You were all under the influence of an alien technology, Colonel. That's a pretty solid defense.
Colonel Jack O'Neill: Even so, I... I'm sorry.
Major Samantha Carter: Me too.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Me three.
Teal'c: I have no need to apologize.
Major General: Teal'c was actually following orders.
Colonel Jack O'Neill: [resignedly] Of course he was.

Major Samantha Carter: So, has it occurred to anyone that we're defying a direct order?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Well, it's not like we haven't defied orders before.
Major Samantha Carter: Well, yeah, but that was to save Earth.
Colonel Jack O'Neill: Earth. Steaks. There's a difference?

Waitress: What can I get you?
Colonel Jack O'Neill: Um, three of the biggest steaks you've got, with everything, rare, and baked potato.
Waitress: You got it!
[She starts to walk off]
Colonel Jack O'Neill: Excuse me... That was for me!
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Yeah, I'm gonna have three as well.
Colonel Jack O'Neill: Four?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Four... Four is good, yeah.
Major Samantha Carter: Me too, and French fries with mine... oh and a diet soda!
[O'Neill and Jackson give her a funny look]
Major Samantha Carter: I like the taste better!

[the Tok'ra have showed up with a box]
Anise: You may call me Anise.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Anise?
Anise: It means "noble strength".
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Um, I'm Daniel. It means, uh, "God is my judge".
Colonel Jack O'Neill: I'm Jack. It means...
[gestures at the box]
Colonel Jack O'Neill: What's in the box?

[after making a trick shot in pool]
Big Guy: How the hell did you do that?
Major Samantha Carter: You wanna go double or nothing?
Big Guy: No. I think I'll cut my losses.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: [chagrined] smart move

"Stargate SG-1: Moebius: Part 2 (#8.20)" (2005)
[versions of Jack O'Neill, Samantha Carter and Teal'c have travelled back in time to Egypt in the year 2995 B.C. where they meet the Daniel Jackson of the original timeline]
Daniel Jackson: Well, this can't be a good sign.
Jack O'Neill: Why's that?
Daniel Jackson: Where am I?
Jack O'Neill: Ancient Egypt?
Daniel Jackson: No, I mean the me from your timeline.
Teal'c: I killed you.
Daniel Jackson: Why?
Teal'c: You were a Goa'uld spy.
Daniel Jackson: Good reason.
Sam Carter: It was horrible.
Daniel Jackson: [not really interested] Yeah, I'm sure. Why are you here?
Jack O'Neill: Yes, excellent question.
Daniel Jackson: You don't know?
Jack O'Neill: Well, I thought I did, there, for a while, and then I realized I... didn't.
Daniel Jackson: Well, I know why *I'm* here.
Jack O'Neill: Good! Let's start there.

Daniel Jackson: Wait a minute. I thought the reason why we brought the ship was so that we didn't have to walk.
Sam Carter: You can't just fly into an alien city. The mission is stealth recon. Meaning undetected.
Jack O'Neill: Meaning *shut up*!

Apophis: Who are you?
Daniel Jackson: Name's Daniel Jackson. Uh, if you give me back my eyeglasses, I could actually see you.
Teal'c: He claims he's of the Tau'ri.
Daniel Jackson: You weren't supposed to tell him that.
Apophis: The Tau'ri have no Chaapa'ai.
Daniel Jackson: Oh! Sorry, guess I was wrong. I'm-I'm sure your information is correct and - In fact, I'm usually quite wrong, quite unreliable actually. I'm - To be honest with you, I'm-I'm insane.
Apophis: Speak!
[pause while Daniel doesn't speak]
Apophis: Bring him.
[Teal'c hauls him forward]
Apophis: I think there is much you can tell me.
Daniel Jackson: Well, if you wanna know about the early settlements of Mesopotamia, I am somewhat of an expert...

Dr. Rodney McKay: [to Hammond] I give this no more than a 50/50 chance of working.
Lieutenant General George Hammond: According to the tape, it worked for eight years.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Hm.
Daniel Jackson: [wormhole is established] Wow.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Well, I'm certainly glad it's not me going through that... um... thing.
Jack O'Neill: Any idea what to expect?
Sam Carter: Not really. According to the tape, we're going to be de-molecularized, transmitted over two thousand light-years through subspace, and then, uh, remolecularized on the other side.
Major Charles Kawalsky: I did not need to know that.
Jack O'Neill: OK.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Gateship 1, you're go for launch.
Jack O'Neill: Gate ship?
Daniel Jackson: [with hand gesture] Well, it's a ship that goes through the gate.
Jack O'Neill: [somewhat reluctantly] Alright.
Dr. Rodney McKay: [to Hammond] What? It's a ship that goes through the gate. Gateship.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Well, I thought it was clever.

Daniel Jackson: [into the radio] Sam, Jack, it's all clear. You can come out now.
Jack O'Neill: [into the radio] In a minute.
[turns back to Sam. Daniel flicks his eyes nervously, viewing the celebration; Jack resumes kissing Sam]
Sam Carter: [muffled, after something in the ship sends out sparks] I can fix that.

"Stargate SG-1: Homecoming (#7.2)" (2003)
Jack O'Neill: What's your situation?
Daniel Jackson: I'm hiding. What's yours?
Jack O'Neill: Carter and I are on the planet.
Daniel Jackson: You're gonna have to be a little more specific, Jack. I haven't had a chance to look out a window lately.
Jack O'Neill: You're hovering over Jonas' home world.
Daniel Jackson: Why?
Jack O'Neill: I wish I knew. Are you in any immediate danger?
Daniel Jackson: Eh, depends what you mean by immediate.
Jack O'Neill: Daniel.
Daniel Jackson: I'm fine. I got a location on Jonas' cell from the ship's computer. I'm on my way there right now. I just gotta couple of problems.
Jack O'Neill: Like what?
Daniel Jackson: Well, I'm not sure how to shut off the force field protecting his cell, yet.
Jack O'Neill: You said a couple?
Daniel Jackson: Yeah, actually, I'm a little lost at the moment. And I've only got about, uh, three hours left before the Tok'ra isotope wears off and I'm visible to the ships sensors.
Jack O'Neill: So business as usual then, huh?
Daniel Jackson: I dunno. Is it?
Jack O'Neill: Yes, we do this kinda thing all the time.
Daniel Jackson: Oh well, good. That's-that's comforting, then.

Daniel Jackson: [Daniel Jackson has just found Jonas, who is being held in a cell by Anubis] Jonas!
Jonas Quinn: What happened?
Daniel Jackson: I don't know.
Jonas Quinn: Whatever it was, there's not enough power to maintain the force fields.
[touches flickering force field guarding the cell, is stung by force field]
Jonas Quinn: Ah!
Daniel Jackson: You okay?
Jonas Quinn: That hurt.
Daniel Jackson: Arm?
Jonas Quinn: A little numb.
[gauges force field]
Jonas Quinn: I think I can make it.
Daniel Jackson: Well, you better... I don't wanna have to take you outta here in a dustpan.

Jonas Quinn: [has just been freed from Anubis' ship by Daniel] Okay, how do we get off this thing?
Daniel Jackson: Cargo ship.
Jonas Quinn: Which way?
Daniel Jackson: [facing three hallways] Uhhhhhhhhhh...
[points at first two before choosing the third]
Daniel Jackson: This way!
Jonas Quinn: You sure?
Daniel Jackson: Nope!
Jonas Quinn: Right!

Jonas Quinn: Don't get me wrong. I love the job.
Daniel Jackson: Well, yeah, who could argue? I mean, lousy hours, constant peril.

Daniel Jackson: [Daniel and Jonas hug the wall] That should be the cargo bay.
[the sound of Jaffa marching can be heard and Daniel and Jonas look down the hall before hiding again]
Daniel Jackson: And those would be all the Jaffa going to the cargo bay that's just down the hall.

"Stargate SG-1: Ripple Effect (#9.13)" (2006)
Kvasir: The perilous nature of this mission should not be taken lightly. There is a chance that the Prometheus may not survive this voyage. But courage and a steadfast resolve will prove the most valuable assets in this undertaking. Well, good luck to you all.
[beams out]
Dr. Daniel Jackson: I miss Thor.

Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: As we discussed the situation we realized we could pinpoint the source of the phenomenon to a precise window. Specifically the interim journey between the two gates.
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: Did she just say "we"?
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: Pardon me?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: She said we. You said we?
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: Ah, me and... myself, I suppose. The other Samantha Carter.
Cameron Mitchell: Right, finally someone who can keep up with you.
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: [Smiling] Yep!

Alternate Daniel Jackson: [Alternate Teal'c pushes Mitchell into a bulkhead, knocking him out] Wouldn't it have been easier to zat him?
Alternate Teal'c: Easier, yes. But far less gratifying.
Alternate Cameron Mitchell: Did he just insult me?

Hank Landry: Another SG-1 came through twenty minutes ago, which puts the count at twelve teams, not including yourselves.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Well, at least we're in good company!

Teal'c: Given the dangers we may face, it was decided that we would proceed alone.
Alternate Cameron Mitchell: So if this plan goes FUBAR, we're the only ones to go down with the ship?
[Mitchell indicates that he is right]
Dr. Daniel Jackson: [wryly] Well, there's plenty more where we came from, right?

"Stargate: Atlantis: Rising (#1.1)" (2004)
Dr. Rodney McKay: [he is talking about the ZPM] Zed-P.M.
Brigadier General Jack O'Neill USAF: What?
Daniel Jackson, Ph.D.: Zee-P.M. He's Canadian.

Daniel Jackson, Ph. D.: Jack, if it's not too late for me to go...
General Jack O'Neill USAF: No.
Daniel Jackson, Ph. D.: ...I'd just grab my...
General Jack O'Neill USAF: No!

Daniel Jackson, Ph.D.: [Quickly walks in while McKay and Weir are talking] Ahh, just the people I need to see!
[quickly walks out. McKay and Weir look at each other]
Daniel Jackson, Ph.D.: [slowly walks back in] Come with me.

Daniel Jackson, Ph.D.: Jack.
Brigadier General Jack O'Neill USAF: Daniel.
[almost killed by a drone]
Brigadier General Jack O'Neill USAF: Warm welcome.
Daniel Jackson, Ph.D.: It wasn't me. How'd you manage to...
Brigadier General Jack O'Neill USAF: Keep my ass from getting blown out of the sky? The exceptional flying of Major John Sheppard. He *likes* it here.
Daniel Jackson, Ph.D.: Exceptional. You like it here?
Brigadier General Jack O'Neill USAF: What say we cut to the part where you start talking real fast?

"Stargate SG-1: Exodus (#4.22)" (2001)
Teal'c: And yet, knowing what Apophis did to Sha're, would you not trade it all for the opportunity to crush the life from his throat with your bare hands?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Well, I'd be lying to you if I said I'd never thought about it but that doesn't mean I'd do it, given a more rational option.

Dr. Daniel Jackson: Yeah, I think we have a problem here. I figure that flashing wasn't good news, and the fact that in Goa'uld it says... Warning, Warning.

Major Samantha Carter: This is the sun that Vorash is orbiting. It's a regular main sequence star with a core temperature of about fifteen million degrees and enough hydrogen to burn for another five billion years.
Colonel Jack O'Neill: Yeah?
Jacob Carter/Selmak: We wanna blow it up.
Colonel Jack O'Neill: Wow.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: That's, uh...
Colonel Jack O'Neill, Dr. Daniel Jackson: Ambitious.

Dr. Daniel Jackson: [O'Neill returns after helping Teal'c search for Tanith] Did you find anything?
Colonel Jack O'Neill: No, he's still looking.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: You've been out there for hours.
Colonel Jack O'Neill: Yeah, it's a whole Jaffa revenge thing.

"Stargate SG-1: Unending (#10.20)" (2007)
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: When I said that I wanted to get the team back together, work with you guys, learn from ya... I did not mean every waking moment for the next 50 years.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: You said that yesterday.
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: [blank stare] I did?
Teal'c: [staring at his food] And the day before.
Vala Mal Doran: And the day before that.
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: Oh... sorry. I'll just... shut up now.

Vala Mal Doran: Being stuck on this ship is worse than being stuck at the SGC. I-I-I tell you, the last time I was this bored I took hostages!
Dr. Daniel Jackson: I was there.

Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: Just another routine trip to save the world sir.
Dr. Daniel Jackson, Vala Mal Doran, Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: Indeed.

Thor: General, with your permission, a number of Asgard are prepared to beam onboard immediately to begin installing various technological upgrades to this ship.
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: I hope it's ray guns. I got ray guns in the pool.
Major General Hank Landry: What is it you are planning on giving us?
Thor: Everything we have and know.
Vala Mal Doran: By that you mean...
Thor: Everything. All our most current technology, all our knowledge.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Sorry, we're just a little stunned. I mean, why are you doing this? You always resisted in the past. You always said we weren't ready.
Thor: Indeed. Many Asgard still believe that.
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: So what's changed?
Thor: As a race, we are dying. Very soon, we will all be gone.

"Stargate SG-1: Crystal Skull (#3.21)" (2000)
Jack O'Neill: Hey, if you'd been listening, you'd know that Nintendos pass through everything.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: I heard.
Jack O'Neill: Everything.

Dr. Daniel Jackson: You could fit every pyramid on Earth inside this thing and still have room to spare.
Jack O'Neill: Yeah, can you imagine heatin' this place?

[Only Nick can hear or see Daniel]
Jack O'Neill: Daniel said you should come along to make it work?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Wait, I never said that. You're taking advantage of me.
Nick Ballard: Yes.

Nick Ballard: Daniel is here.
Major General George Hammond: Here?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Repeat what I'm saying: I'm standing right beside you.
Nick Ballard: Standing right beside me.
Jack O'Neill: He's lost a few pounds.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Jack, don't be an ass.
Nick Ballard: Jack, don't be an ass.
Jack O'Neill: Daniel?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Yes!

"Stargate SG-1: Children of the Gods (#1.1)" (1997)
Daniel Jackson: Look, ah, I don't pretend to know anything about astrophysics, but couldn't the planets change? I mean, uh, drift apart or-or something like that to throw this map off?
Samantha Carter: I knew I'd like you.
Daniel Jackson: You mean I'm right?

Jack O'Neill: Daniel, for crying out loud, you've had one beer. Cheaper date than my wife was.
Daniel Jackson: Yes. When am I going to meet your wife?
Jack O'Neill: Oh. Probably, ah, never. After I came back from Abydos the first time, she'd already left.
Daniel Jackson: I'm sorry.
Jack O'Neill: Yeah, so was I. I think, in her heart, she forgave me for what happened to our kid. She just... couldn't forget.
Daniel Jackson: And what about you?
Jack O'Neill: I'm the opposite. I'll never forgive myself. But sometimes I can forget... Sometimes.

Teal'c: What is this?
Jack O'Neill: It's a watch.
Teal'c: This is not Goa'uld technology. Where are you from?
Jack O'Neill: Earth. Chicago, if you wanna be specific.
Teal'c: Your words mean nothing. Where are you from?
Daniel Jackson: Ah, excuse me.
[Daniel draws the gate symbol representing Earth in the dirt]
Daniel Jackson: This is where we're from.
[Teal'c looks at it and then leaves the room]

[Daniel is thinking about Sha're]
Daniel Jackson: She's out there somewhere, Jack.
Jack O'Neill: I know. So's Skaara.
Daniel Jackson: So what do we do?
Jack O'Neill: We find 'em.

"Stargate SG-1: Brief Candle (#1.8)" (1997)
Dr. Daniel Jackson: A hundred day celebration? Guess we should pace ourselves.

Samantha Carter: How many babies have you delivered?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Uh... two. Uh, counting today.

Dr. Daniel Jackson: Wow, this place is incredible. It's like we just stepped into the citadel at Mycenae.
Jack O'Neill: I thought you said it was Greek.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Oh, uh, Mycenae was an ancient city in the Southern Peloponnesus region.
Jack O'Neill: Where's that?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Greece.
Jack O'Neill: Why do I do that?

Dr. Daniel Jackson: It's a paradise.
Jack O'Neill: Yeah, sure. Have an apple. What could happen?

"Stargate SG-1: Fail Safe (#5.17)" (2001)
Jack O'Neill: ...And after that, I kind of lost my temper.
Major General George Hammond: What exactly does *that* mean?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Let's just say Jack made a reference to Freyr's mother.

Sam Carter: Sir, the asteroid's core is composed almost entirely of naquadah.
Jack O'Neill: Of course it is.
Sam Carter: It makes up about 45 percent of the total mass.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Of course it does.

Dr. Daniel Jackson: Well, we have a couple of options. Number one, we give up. We use what's left of power and life support to make it to the nearest unoccupied gate world. There's a small chance we'd make it. From there we head to the Alpha site.
Jack O'Neill: Number two?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: We take off and hope that our radio signal can be picked up by the Asgard in time to inform them that this was a Goa'uld attack disguised as a natural disaster.
Sam Carter: There isn't enough time for that.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: I know.
Jack O'Neill: Is... there a number three?
Sam Carter: There's no three.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Well, maybe there is. Teal'c, you said naquadah wasn't native to our solar system.
[Teal'c nods in acknowledgement]
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Which means that the Goa'uld must have towed it through hyperspace by ship.
Teal'c: A mother ship.
Sam Carter: Daniel, that's it!
Jack O'Neill: What's it?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: We don't have a mother ship.
Sam Carter: But the effect only has to last a few seconds.
Jack O'Neill: What only has to last a few seconds? What?
Sam Carter: Choice three, sir. We expand the ship's hyperspace field to encompass the entire asteroid. We take it out of normal space long enough to avoid the collision with earth.
Jack O'Neill: [Long pause] Is there a *four*?

Dr. Daniel Jackson: I'm confident.
Jack O'Neill: Me too.
Teal'c: As am I.

"Stargate SG-1: Camelot (#9.20)" (2006)
Dr. Daniel Jackson: This is interesting. This is a-a reference to Merlin's prophetic abilities. There's a-a similar myth on Earth, that Merlin could see the future because he actually aged backwards in time. It's not meant to be taken literally, but we have seen that a lot of legends and folklore have a-a strong basis in fact. Avalon, Atlantis...
Teal'c: The Easter Bunny.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: I guess there's a few exceptions.

Dr. Daniel Jackson: [a reply to the Ori ships] "Then to Tyolus, say to the people of the low plains, seek not the wickedness amongst your neighbors lest it find purchase in your own house."

Dr. Daniel Jackson: Sorry, didn't mean to wake you.
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: No, uh, I wasn't sleeping. I was kelnoriming. Teal'c taught me the fundamentals.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Did he mention you should remain conscious in the process?

Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: So all you had to do was shoot the control crystals?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Pretty much.
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: Sounds like one of my plans.

"Stargate SG-1: Off the Grid (#9.16)" (2006)
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: We have got the best jobs in the world, don't we?
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: I'm gonna hit the shower.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: I'm gonna find a doctor.
Teal'c: We are indeed suitably employed
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: Yeah, it was a good day.

Dr. Daniel Jackson: Sam is right, we are not equipped to take these guys on.
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: I have no intention of taking anybody on. I'm just going to pose as a buyer.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: You?
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: Well no offense Jackson, but you do not strike me as the drug dealer type.

Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: No offense, Jackson, but you do not strike me as the drug dealer type. In fact, you're not even close.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: I think I'm as close as you are!
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: Come on! You're miles away.
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: Teal'c, which one of us is closer?
Teal'c: I believe the three of you to be equidistant.
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: Oh, please! Mary Poppins is not even in the running!
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: Hey!

[SG1 has just been tortured by drug dealers]
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: Look, for what it's worth, guys, sorry I dragged you into this.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: [blasé] Oh, it happens all the time.

"Stargate SG-1: 1969 (#2.21)" (1999)
Dr. Daniel Jackson: So, we go in disguise; pretend to be foreigners.
Jack O'Neill: How are you gonna do that?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Well, I speak 23 different languages. Pick one.

Jack O'Neill: It's true, Michael. We came to Earth to hide among your people a long, long time ago.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: From a galaxy far, far away.

Dr. Daniel Jackson: So what's the plan?
Jack O'Neill: Find the stargate.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Find the stargate? That's-that's the plan?
Jack O'Neill: Elegant in its simplicity, don't you think?

Sergeant Bridges: [subtitled "You Russian spies?"] Vy sovetskih shpionov?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: [subtitled "No!"] Nyet.
Jack O'Neill: Daniel?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: He just asked if we were Soviet spies, I just...
[Jack gives Daniel a pointed look]
Sergeant Bridges: [to Jack] Come with me.
Jack O'Neill: [gets up] Sure. You bet.
[Daniel turns around to face the bunk, pinching the bridge of his nose]
Jack O'Neill: "Nyet"?

"Stargate SG-1: The Broca Divide (#1.4)" (1997)
Dr. Janet Fraiser: So, the question is, why haven't you and Mr. Teal'c come down with the symptoms?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Um, Mr. Teal'c... Teal'c's symbiote probably protects him.
Teal'c: That would be likely.
Dr. Janet Fraiser: W-What about you, Dr. Jackson?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Well, that beats me. You're the doctor, Doctor. Ah, maybe I have a natural immunity.
Teal'c: Perhaps you will develop symptoms later.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Thank you for the moral support.

Colonel Jack O'Neill: [about Sam] She, uh, she tried to seduce me.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Oh. You poor man.

Colonel Makepeace: Don't you worry, boys. That's why the SG-3 Marines are comin' with. You can count on us to watch your backsides.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Actually, it's - it's more my frontside I was worried about.

[O'Neill hands Daniel night-vision goggles]
Jack O'Neill: Put these on.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Doesn't look like my prescription.

"Stargate SG-1: Avalon: Part 2 (#9.2)" (2005)
Dr. Daniel Jackson: You done this before?
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: Uh, fight a knight in armor, no, can't say that I have.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Well, you're doin' good.

Dr. Daniel Jackson: Isn't that why we're doing this, all of this? The Stargate program, the budget? Isn't so we can go out and meet new races, gather advanced technology, possibly learn about ourselves in the process?
Vala Mal Doran: Oh, come on. You do it to meet women.
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: She has a point, sir.
Major General Hank Landry: I've been thinking I need to get out on an off-world mission or two.

Dr. Daniel Jackson: Are you okay?
Vala Mal Doran: I've got tingles all over. Don't flatter yourself, I'm pretty sure it's not you.

"Stargate SG-1: The Torment of Tantalus (#1.10)" (1997)
[Daniel recognizes a series of markings to be part of the Asgard language]
Dr. Daniel Jackson: This is Thor's race.
Ernest Littlefield: Thor was an alien?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Oh, yeah. That's, ah - that's another long story. But a good one.

Dr. Daniel Jackson: There's no conclusion to the file. No summary, no notes, no reason to explain why they gave up.
Jack O'Neill: Well, whole boxes of material could be missing.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: The Pentagon said this was everything.
Jack O'Neill: Oh, please. The Pentagon's lost entire countries.

Dr. Daniel Jackson: This was transferred from film of experiments done on the gate in 1945. You don't find that the least bit intriguing?
Jack O'Neill: Oh, yeah. Nothing piques my interest more than repeated failure.

"Stargate SG-1: Urgo (#3.16)" (2000)
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Wow, this coffee's great!
Samantha Carter: I was just thinking that.
Jack O'Neill: Yeah, is that cinnamon?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: It's, uh, it's chicory
Jack O'Neill: [contemplative] Hm, chicory.
[Teal'c unscrews the lid from the coffee pot and drinks the contents]
Samantha Carter: Teal'c?
[He continues to drink as everyone looks, then finishes]
Jack O'Neill: Isn't that hot?
Teal'c: Extremely.
[the others look shocked]
General George S. Hammond: Just stay on the base. We're going to need to keep and eye on you for the time being.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: I feel fine.
Teal'c: As do I, Daniel Jackson.
General George S. Hammond: For someone who just drank a half gallon of steaming hot coffee?
Jack O'Neill: Right.

Teal'c: Appearances may be deceiving.
Jack O'Neill: One man's ceiling is another man's floor.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: A fool's paradise is a wise man's hell.
Jack O'Neill: Never run with... scissors?

Samantha Carter: Well, he can't actually make us do anything we don't want to, sir.
Dr. Janet Fraiser: Then why did I have to treat your arm for a burn? Didn't you say Urgo was responsible?
Urgo: I didn't mean to!
Samantha Carter, Jack O'Neill, Dr. Daniel Jackson: He didn't mean to.
Teal'c: It was not his intention.

"Stargate SG-1: Maternal Instinct (#3.20)" (2000)
Monk: Lightning flashes, sparks shower, in one blink of your eyes you've mis-seen.
Jack O'Neill: Lightning you say?
Monk: I only know a snowflake cannot exist in a storm of fire.
Jack O'Neill: What?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Jack...
Jack O'Neill: No, I - You know me, I'm a huge fan of subtlety, but that's downright encrypted!

Dr. Daniel Jackson: The monk is just someone who's sort of taken up a curatorship.
Jack O'Neill: Kind of a janitor?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: More of a guide.
Jack O'Neill: An usher?

Jack O'Neill: Daniel?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Yeah?
Jack O'Neill: Shoes.

"Stargate SG-1: Flesh and Blood (#10.1)" (2006)
Vala Mal Doran: She wanted me to give her a name
Daniel: And?
Vala Mal Doran: Adria. Told her it was my mother's
Daniel: Not?
Vala Mal Doran: Step-mother. Witch of a woman.
Daniel: The more I get to know you, the more I understand.
Vala Mal Doran: What?
Daniel: Nothing.

Vala Mal Doran: [talking about Adria] Oh, she's been genetically altered. She'll be a fully grown figurehead in a day or so. If she takes after her mother, she'll have a pretty good figure too.
Daniel: This is bad.
Vala Mal Doran: You're telling me. Origin is about to become a lot more appealing to the males of this galaxy

Vala Mal Doran: Oh, I had a baby. You know, I never thought I'd agree with my father, but now I'm starting to remember about how he used to go on about you nurture them, and then you raise them, and you teach them the best that you can, and then all they do is break your hearts. I always assumed that his experience was just tainted by me.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: What are you talking about?
Vala Mal Doran: Well, she started of out all sweet and innocent to begin with, and now she's hell-bent on domination of the galaxy.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: What? How old is she?
Vala Mal Doran: A few hours!

"Stargate SG-1: New Order: Part 1 (#8.1)" (2004)
Dr. Daniel Jackson: [about which System Lords are coming] And the last one is Lord Yu.
Dr. Elizabeth Weir: Yu?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Eh, don't. Every joke, every pun, done to death, seriously.

Dr. Daniel Jackson: On the bright side, out of all the Goa'uld, Lord Yu has been the most cooperative with us in the past.
Dr. Elizabeth Weir: I thought you said none of them could be trusted?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Oh, they can't. Especially not a crazy one.
Dr. Elizabeth Weir: Huh, that's the bright side?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: More of a slightly less dark side.

Dr. Daniel Jackson: Well, if they even get a hint of the fact that we can't use the Ancient weapons to defend ourselves, trust me, this game is over.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Too dramatic?
Dr. Elizabeth Weir: At this point, not for me.

"Stargate SG-1: Memento Mori (#10.8)" (2006)
Vala Mal Doran: I don't mind telling you, I've been looking forward to this little date all week.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: I wouldn't exactly call it a 'date'. It's...
Vala Mal Doran: Oh, I've watched enough of your television to know what a date is, Daniel. It's a romantic event typified by dinner, movie and/or karaoke and, usually, culminating in a night of...
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Okay, this is definitely not a date. It's, it's two friends and coworkers out for dinner.
Vala Mal Doran: [Vala looks disappointed] Oh.

Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: A member of this facility gets kidnapped unchallenged, it's no wonder he doesn't think we can protect him.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: But we can protect him.
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: Yeah, by locking him away for the rest of his life.
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: What can you say? There's a downside to working for supervillains.

Dr. Daniel Jackson: You know when Vala first disappeared, when the Ori gate was destroyed, I refused to write her off. Although the odds were against it, I believed somehow she'd found a way to survive. And it turned out I was right. I want to be right again.

"Stargate SG-1: Prisoners (#2.3)" (1998)
Dr. Daniel Jackson: And she's just gonna hand it over?
Jack O'Neill: If we take her back with us.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Well, can we just do that? I mean, we don't even know what she's in here for.
Captain Samantha Carter: What are *we* in here for?
Jack O'Neill: Jaywalking, I think.

Dr. Daniel Jackson: [Daniel awakes from being strangled] What happened?
Jack O'Neill: Oh, you actually won a fight Danny-boy.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: I don't particularly remember getting the upper hand.

Dr. Daniel Jackson: P2A-509
Jack O'Neill: Little brain damage along the way
Dr. Daniel Jackson: No, uh, SG-3 was scheduled to go on a mission to P2A-509. General Hammond said so in our last planning briefing. We rendez-vous with SG-3 and we use their remote transmitters to get home.
Jack O'Neill: And this just, came to you?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: No, this came to me while I was suffocating.
Jack O'Neill: Then, P2A-509 it is. Linea, do they send food... and I'll use that term loosely... does it come through the gate on a regular basis?

"Stargate SG-1: Beachhead (#9.6)" (2005)
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Vala, this is a military vessel.
Vala Mal Doran: I know, darling. I've stolen it before.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Well, just try to be, uh...
Vala Mal Doran: My charming self?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Just a little less talk, a little more "shut the hell up".

Dr. Daniel Jackson: [about Vala] So you're saying that she could be alive somewhere in the Ori home galaxy?
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: It's possible.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Well, we wanted to send them a message.

Major General Hank Landry: Look at in terms of optics. We must look like major players now.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Most of the system lords were killed by the Replicators, we defeated the Replicators.
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: Wow, we look cool.
Major General Hank Landry: Don't let it go to your head.

"Stargate SG-1: Forever in a Day (#3.10)" (1999)
Jack O'Neill: We both know you can't stay away.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Then I guess we're both wrong, 'cause I'm gone.
Jack O'Neill: Give it a week. You'll miss me.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Yes, all the salty, bad-tempered insults, all the illogical arguments...
Jack O'Neill: Okay, you'll miss Carter and Teal'c.

Dr. Daniel Jackson: Jack, up until now, everytime I set foot through that gate I was thinking about my wife. "Maybe I'll see her this time." "Maybe this is the one." Now, everytime I go through, it's - it'd just be some place... where that hope used to be.

Dr. Daniel Jackson: Let's just say that there's something through the Stargate that I think I still have to be the one to find.
Jack O'Neill: Now, see, I miss that. I have no idea what it means, but I buy it.

"Stargate SG-1: Abyss (#6.6)" (2002)
Dr. Daniel Jackson: I'm energy now.
Colonel Jack O'Neill: How's that workin' out for you?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Good actually. Very...
Colonel Jack O'Neill: Good.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Very good.

Colonel Jack O'Neill: Okay. Show me your stuff. Bust me outta here.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: I can't.
Colonel Jack O'Neill: Why not?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: I'm not allowed to interfere.
Colonel Jack O'Neill: You're interfering right now.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: No, I'm not.
Colonel Jack O'Neill: Yes, you are.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: No, I'm not. I am consoling a friend.

Dr. Daniel Jackson: Jack, who are you talking to?
Colonel Jack O'Neill: A woman.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: There's nobody there.
Colonel Jack O'Neill: Look who's talkin'.

"Stargate SG-1: Watergate (#4.7)" (2000)
Dr. Svetlana Markov: If you're implying that everything Russian-made is of poor quality, actually, the sub is Swiss.
Daniel: So it occasionally catches fire but they keep perfect time?
Daniel: Sorry. I think I've been hanging around Jack O'Neill too much.

Dr. Svetlana Markov: The gauge must be malfunctioning.
Daniel: But it's Swiss.

Colonel Jack O'Neill: Didn't you guys leave here in a submarine?
Major Samantha Carter: We, uh...
Daniel: The last thing I remember, we were being pulled into the...
Major Samantha Carter: Not really sure what happened, sir.
Colonel Jack O'Neill: Here's a thought: We just exchanged hostages. It's just a thought.

"Stargate SG-1: Solitudes (#1.17)" (1998)
Dr. Daniel Jackson: [to Teal'c] What happens when you dial your own phone number?
[Daniel quickly realizes Teal'c has no idea]
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Wrong person to ask.
[to Hammond]
Dr. Daniel Jackson: What happens when you dial your own phone number?
General Hammond: You get a busy signal.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Exactly.

Dr. Daniel Jackson, Teal'c: General, permission to...
General Hammond: Granted.

Dr. Daniel Jackson: Teal'c and I were flung out of this 'gate at this end so fast I don't even remember hitting the ramp.

"Stargate SG-1: Tangent (#4.12)" (2000)
Major Paul Davis: Colonel Jack O'Neill, Major Samantha Carter, Dr. Daniel Jackson, allow me to introduce to you Lieutenant General Vidrine.
General Vidrine: Colonel.
Colonel Jack O'Neill: General.
General Vidrine: Major.
Major Samantha Carter: General.
General Vidrine: Doctor.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: General.

Dr. Daniel Jackson: Well, we were kinda hopin' that you could, um, like, beam them out, or...
Jacob Carter/Selmak: [chuckles] Beam them out? What am I, Scotty?

[in a scout ship, being questioned by a mothership]
Jacob Carter/Selmak: All right, we're almost finished. Sam's just finishing up.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Uh, that's good, 'cause I don't think they bought my act.
Jacob Carter/Selmak: Why? Who'd you say you were?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: The, uh, Great and Powerful Oz.
Jacob Carter/Selmak: [shouting] Sam!

"Stargate SG-1: Seth (#3.2)" (1999)
[Trying to infiltrate Seth's cult]
Jack O'Neill: Dare I ask about the men inside the compound?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: They were turned into eunuchs.
Jack O'Neill: Eunuchs, as in "snippity-do-dah"?

[Carter has just killed Seth with a Goa'uld hand device]
Dr. Daniel Jackson: You killed him.
Jack O'Neill: [In an undertone] Hail, Dorothy.

Dr. Daniel Jackson: I did a time-line Boolean search for religion, cult, Set, Setesh, Setekh, Seth...
Jack O'Neill: [interrupts] Yadda...

"Stargate SG-1: Fallen (#7.1)" (2003)
Jack O'Neill: [Daniel, human again after being ascended, has no recollection of who he is] You were a member of my team, SG-1. You're a friend of mine. Last year, you died.
Daniel Jackson: I'm dead?
Jack O'Neill: Obviously not.

[Daniel has been cleared to attend a briefing after having lost his memory]
Daniel Jackson: Besides, who am I gonna tell? I mean I don't, uh, I don't remember anybody, right?
Jack O'Neill: Good one.
Daniel Jackson: Thanks, Jim.

Daniel Jackson: Look, all I know is that the place you're searching right now is not it.
Jack O'Neill: Then, where is *it*?
Daniel Jackson: Did I just say, "all I know"?
Jack O'Neill: Everyone turn away. I want no witnesses.

"Stargate SG-1: 200 (#10.6)" (2006)
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Who makes a movie out of a series that only lasted three episodes?
Teal'c: It allegedly performed well on DVD.

[in the Farscape sequence]
Vala Mal Doran: [as Aeryn Sun] Call me fahrbot, but they're gonna have our mivonks on a platter if we don't Starburst the draz out of here.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: [as Crichton] The cluster's been damaged. We're not goin' anywhere.
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: [as Chiana] Oh, dren.
Teal'c PI Announcer: [as Ka D'Argo] Hezmana!
Vala Mal Doran: [as Aeryn Sun] Frell.
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: [as Stark] Son of a hasmot!
Asgard: [as Dominar Rygel XVI] Yotz!

Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: [re: the number of mission files] No, I'm pretty sure it's 1,263. Pretty sure I've read all the files recently.
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: Actually, you haven't read 30185.
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: 30185. What's that?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: We can't tell you.
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: What do you mean, you can't tell me? I have the highest security clearance known to mankind. What is 30185?
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: We were sworn to secrecy.
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: Why even mention it to me if you're not gonna tell me what it is?
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: Sorry.
Vala Mal Doran: Can you tell me?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Oh yeah, we can tell you.
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: Well, it has to do with the time that the gate sent us back to 1969.
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: Well that can't have anything to do with me. I wasn't born until a year later!
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Actually, it was *nine months* before he was born.
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: [taken aback] What?
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: You hafta remember, it was the sixties.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: C'mon. You have to have known that Jack's always taken an interest in your life.
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: Jack. O'Neill?
Teal'c: Indeed.
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: Remember when you were chosen for the 302 program even though you thought you weren't going to get in? How about when you were chosen for SG-1?
Vala Mal Doran: [Giggles] Wait, are you saying that Jack O'Neill is...
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: -my daddy?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: It's all stating to make sense now, isn't it?
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: Oh, I'm being punk'd, aren't I?

"Stargate SG-1: The Pegasus Project (#10.3)" (2006)
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: If he speaks again, I'll shoot him.
[Sam mouths 'Thank you']
Dr. Daniel Jackson: But to answer your question, we are introducing another stargate into the equation. Teal'c should have it in position right now.
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: If we can make a connection between that gate, and one from the Pegasus galaxy...
Dr. Rodney McKay: You're gonna try and make a jump.
[to John]
Dr. Rodney McKay: Don't shoot me. You know I can't help myself.

Morgan le Fay: You may enter your query verbally, or by entering it manually on the console before you.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: I'll speak, if that's all right.
Morgan le Fay: Of course, but note for future sessions, manuel input is required for most system interaction.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: I think I had her in Grade 5.

Dr. Daniel Jackson: Okay, um, show me the order in which the earliest Ancient cities were founded.
Vala Mal Doran: How is that useful? You going to join up all the dots and draw a pretty picture?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: I'm just getting my bearings. You're going to have to get used to the fact this is probably going to take a while.
Vala Mal Doran: The way you approach things, it could take the rest of our lives!

"Stargate SG-1: The Ties That Bind (#9.4)" (2005)
Vala Mal Doran: Came to see me off? That's sweet.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Well, we've been through a lot together, and I just wanted to come here myself and make sure you were... thoroughly searched.

Vala Mal Doran: I hate long goodbyes.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: [quickly] Okay goodbye.
Vala Mal Doran: Don't I even get a hug?
Vala Mal Doran: [Daniel hesitates then hugs Vala. Vala walks towards the Stargate but Daniel grabs her wrist] Daniel, don't make this harder than it already is.
[Daniel removes a stolen jewel from her hand]
Vala Mal Doran: Oh. Can't blame a girl for trying.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Yeah, I can.

Vala Mal Doran: [Vala is reading an Earth magazine] Daniel, do you have one of these "credit cards".
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Yes I do, and no you can't.

"Stargate SG-1: Endgame (#8.10)" (2004)
[the gate disappeared]
Sgt. Mackenzie: One minute we're getting coffee, the next minute the gate...
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Wait a minute! Wait a minute. You were getting coffee?
Sgt. Mackenzie: Umm... It...
Dr. Daniel Jackson: I'm joking. I'm joking. It's just a joke.

Dr. Daniel Jackson: They'll never see it coming.
Brigadier General Jack O'Neill: Which is one of the advantages of a totally insane idea!
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Yeah... Where'd I learn that from?

Jennings: Where the hell did he come from?
Hoskins: He had the wrist device.
Jennings: Any chance there's more of them on board?
Hoskins: It only lets one person up at a time.
Brooks: [Voice filtered through radio] Hoskins, this is Brooks.
Hoskins: Go ahead.
Brooks: The cloak's been disabled. I don't know if I can get it back online.
Hoskins: [Into radio] This position is compromised. We need to get out of here now.
Brooks: Yes,sir.
Jennings: What about them?
Hoskins: We can't take them with us.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: I don't mind going for a little ride.
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: Me neither.
Hoskins: Sorry about this, Dr. Jackson.

"Stargate SG-1: Bad Guys (#10.16)" (2007)
[two female hostages start pulling each other's hair and shrieking at each other]
Dr. Daniel Jackson: [shouting] What the hell are you doing? Stop it!
Hesellven: She started it.
Sylvana: [shouting] I think you started it when you kissed Heron!
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Shut up! Shut up! You're hostages. This is like a-a life-and-death situation here. Start acting like it.
Sylvana: Oh, please. You're not rebels. We're not deaf, you know. Everyone in this room knows it.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: That doesn't matter. You're hostages. We're your - we're your captors. We're heavily armed. There's a - there's rules. There's a whole school of etiquette to this.
[she glares at him]
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Don't eyeball me.

Vala Mal Doran: There's a 70 percent chance that if we dial manually we'll be able to establish a connection and a 50 percent chance that the bomb will just go off.
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: That's 120 percent.
Vala Mal Doran: Well, there's some crossover where we establish a wormhole *and* it blows up.
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: [over radio] Jackson, did you catch any of that?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: [over radio] Yeah, 100 percent chance we should have brought someone that knows what they're doing.

Dr. Daniel Jackson: We're stuck.
Vala Mal Doran: No we're not. Well, when we fail to make the scheduled check in, General Landry will dial in, at which point we'll ask him to send a naquadah generator and a laptop with a dialing program and that's that!
Dr. Daniel Jackson: We knew that! I thought that when I said that we're stuck, that you would know that I meant "until then."
Vala Mal Doran: Well, then you should say what you mean.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: I don't think you want me to start doing that.
Vala Mal Doran: I don't think you want to start thinking what I think.

"Stargate SG-1: The Shroud (#10.14)" (2007)
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Jack, you have to believe me.
Major General Jack O'Neill: Why?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: "Why?" Well, because, oh, I don't know, the fate of the galaxy hangs in the balance.
Major General Jack O'Neill: You know, that old chestnut's gettin' a little... old.

Major General Jack O'Neill: Yep! Just like old times. Except, I'm here against my will and you look like Marcel Marceau.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Yeah. You know, some things change, but others stay the same.

Adria: In our time together I've really come so see in you what draws mother's affection.
Daniel: Affectia what?

"Stargate SG-1: Full Circle (#6.22)" (2003)
[Anubis raises his hand to activate the weapon]
Daniel Jackson: Stop!
[Her'ak fires his staff weapon at Daniel but the blast passes through him. Anubis rises from his throne]
Anubis: Stop me, if you can.
[Daniel raises his hands and they start to glow]
Anubis: Strike me down! Do it now or I will destroy Abydos!
[Daniel raises his hands higher and directs the energy at Anubis. It appears to be blown back as Anubis raises his hand to defend himself]
Daniel Jackson: No! Don't do this!
[Daniel is spirited away. Her'ak looks terrified]
Her'ak: [to Anubis] You are indeed all-powerful, my lord.
Anubis: What you just saw was not my doing.
[Her'ak seems confused. Anubis once again sits down]
Anubis: However, this is!
[he activates the weapon; it focuses on Abydos; a beam of energy is directed at the pyramid]

[the elevator Jack's in has shut down and Daniel has appeared behind him]
Daniel Jackson: Jack, Abydos is in trouble. Anubis is on his way. He's after the Eye of Ra. I have that replica Catherine gave me, it looks like this. Now, I'm pretty sure the real one is located in some secret chamber in Ra's pyramid on Abydos, but I'm not sure where exactly. According to legend, there were six eyes including those held by Apophis, Osiris, and Tiamat among others . Each is powerful on its own. Now if you use them in combination it increases that power tenfold. Recently, Anubis has managed to track down five of the six eyes, and only needs Ra's to complete the set. He's looked everywhere Ra used to hang out except Abydos, now he's on his way there.
Colonel Jack O'Neill: I was sure that was an Asprin I took this morning.
Daniel Jackson: Jack it's really me. It's me. You have to help. You have to find the Eye of Ra before Anubis does. I mean keep it, hide it, destroy it, whatever. It doesn't matter. We don't have much time.
Colonel Jack O'Neill: Hey, Daniel. How you doin'? Long time. How are things in the higher planes?
Daniel Jackson: [turns his back on Jack, very aggravated, then turns back around] Hey, Jack. Long time, no see. How-how-how you doin'?

Daniel Jackson: Is that my stuff?
Jonas Quinn: You weren't using it anymore.

"Stargate SG-1: The Serpent's Venom (#4.14)" (2000)
Colonel Jack O'Neill: Sure you got everything?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: You wanna try and reprogram that mine without the proper translation?
Colonel Jack O'Neill: Thought of a laptop?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Oh, I have one. I just couldn't find Beck's Ancient Phoenician Symbology on CD at Archeology.com.

[on a mine]
Major Samantha Carter: Uh, it's flashing green. Green is good?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: No.
Major Samantha Carter: Bad?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Bad.
Major Samantha Carter: How bad?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Very, very bad.
Major Samantha Carter: Dad!

Jacob Carter/Selmak: Then enter the right combination.
Major Samantha Carter: We tried. What does Selmak say?
Jacob Carter/Selmak: Try again.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Very helpful.

"Stargate SG-1: Summit (#5.15)" (2001)
Dr. Daniel Jackson: So, how are you gonna get me in?
Jacob Carter/Selmak: Yu will be among the System Lords attending the meeting.
Major Samantha Carter: I thought you said he was going in as a slave.
Jacob Carter/Selmak: The System Lord, Yu.
Major Samantha Carter: Little joke there.
Colonel Jack O'Neill: [dryly] Funny.

Jacob Carter/Selmak: How's it going?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Oh, swell. It's kinda like Goa'uld Mardi Gras here.

"Stargate SG-1: Jolinar's Memories (#3.12)" (1999)
Dr. Daniel Jackson: You said "Hell," right?
Jack O'Neill: Well, I'm gonna end up there sooner or later. Might as well check out the neighborhood, huh?

Dr. Daniel Jackson: My lungs are burning.
Jack O'Neill: Well, at least it's a dry heat.

"Stargate SG-1: The Curse (#4.13)" (2000)
[Daniel asks for a translation over the phone]
Teal'c: "Banished to oblivion."
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Right. Okay, uh, thank you.
Teal'c: If you require assistance, I would be more than happy to return to the SGC.
[O'Neill looks annoyed]
Dr. Daniel Jackson: No, thanks. I-I think I can take it from here.
Teal'c: Are you certain?
Colonel Jack O'Neill: Give me that!
[takes the phone]
Colonel Jack O'Neill: Goodbye, Daniel.
[he hangs up, removes the battery and throws it away]

Dr. Sarah Gardner/Osiris: Where is my brother, Setesh?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Uh, you mean Seth? Uh, he's dead. We, uh, we killed him.
Dr. Sarah Gardner/Osiris: You lie.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: No. No, we also killed Ra, uh, and Hathor, and, uh, who else? Um, Sokar.

"Stargate SG-1: Cor-ai (#1.15)" (1998)
Dr. Daniel Jackson: That's interesting. I wonder if everyone's coming from some religious event.
Jack O'Neill: Why does it always have to be a religious thing with you? Maybe they're coming from a swap meet.

Teal'c: The Goa'uld visit here regularly. It is one of their favorite places to harvest hosts for Goa'uld absorption.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: You know, I wish you wouldn't say "harvest". We're talking about human beings, not... brussel sprouts.

"Stargate SG-1: Company of Thieves (#10.9)" (2006)
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Uh, you should probably prepare to return fire.
Major Marks: For the record, I'm always prepared. I just have to press this button here.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Right... I just-I thought that's what you're supposed to say, so...
Major Marks: I know.

Vala Mal Doran: Our only chance is to take this ship back.
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: I have an idea about that, but it's pretty risky.
Vala Mal Doran: It's probably better than our plan.
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: Well, what's your plan?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: We don't have one.

"Stargate SG-1: The Nox (#1.7)" (1997)
Dr. Daniel Jackson: I think they're a family.
Jack O'Neill: Of what?

Samantha Carter: [Daniel is inspecting the burn hole in Carter's uniform] Hey! What are you looking at?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: I felt that blast kill me. I mean, I thought I... I thought we were dead. Weren't we dead?
Samantha Carter: Yeah.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Okay. Well, I thought heaven would be a little more 'upscale.'
Samantha Carter: Uh, I don't think this is heaven.

"Stargate SG-1: Enemy Mine (#7.7)" (2003)
Daniel: What's this? Artifacts?
Major Lorne: Yes.
Daniel: You found all this and-and you didn't contact me?
Major Lorne: We were going to.
Daniel: They've been moved.
Major Lorne: Well, they were in the way.
[Daniel gets a sour look on his face]
Jack O'Neill: Daniel?
[pats Daniel on the shoulder]
Jack O'Neill: Go to your happy place.

Daniel: [O'Neill's arm has been dislocated during a skirmish with Unas] Uh, if we go back to this planet, you're not comin' with us, are you?
Jack O'Neill: [looks at his arm] It's doubtful...
Daniel: Yeah, that's too bad. I was kinda hoping you'd take command of the mission...
Daniel: [explains to Major Carter] Colonel Edwards has no experience dealing with the Unas.
Jack O'Neill: Nor you.
[Daniel ponders this, nods head in submission to valid point]
Jack O'Neill: He's an ok guy, Daniel. He's just under a lot of pressure.
Daniel: Yeah.
Daniel: Yeah. I- I guess I just spent a lot of time breakin' you in, I just didn't wanna have to start with a new colonel.

"Stargate SG-1: 48 Hours (#5.14)" (2001)
Major Samantha Carter: [on phone with Daniel] Well, if the DHD could have prevented the problem, maybe the DHD can also fix it. Is there any chance you can get the Russians to give us their DHD?
[Daniel looks in at the negotiations]
Colonel Chekov: This is impossible at the moment.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: [to Sam] Not without giving back Alaska.

[after the DHD explodes]
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Well, that never happened in any of the simulations.

"Stargate SG-1: 2001 (#5.10)" (2001)
Major General George Hammond: The news must have come as a shock to them.
Colonel Jack O'Neill: Ah, not really.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: What Jack is trying to say is that if they were surprised, they'd never show it.
Colonel Jack O'Neill: They don't get excited in general, General. It's like an entire planet of accountants.

Dr. Daniel Jackson: I just hope we don't regret giving them those gate addresses.
Colonel Jack O'Neill: I don't think we will... the first one being a black hole, and all. They get progressively darker after that.

"Stargate SG-1: Point of No Return (#4.11)" (2000)
Dr. Daniel Jackson: I hope it's important. I was right in the middle of translating that cuneiform tablet we found on P3L-255.
Major Samantha Carter: I still have to finish recalibrating MALP 3K sensors for long-term reconnaissance on P5X-3D7.
Teal'c: I was unable to complete my Kel no'reem.
Colonel Jack O'Neill: I was just about to do something important.

Dr. Daniel Jackson: You know, I've never been on a-a stakeout before. Shouldn't we have, like-like donuts or something?

"Stargate SG-1: Shades of Grey (#3.18)" (2000)
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Actually, General, the Tollan refused to give us any technology.
Jack O'Neill: Offered us a nice fruit basket, though.

Jack O'Neill: I do appreciate that you were the one that came to see if I was okay. That... that means something.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Ah, actually, no, it doesn't.
Jack O'Neill: Na?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Um... we, ah, we drew straws. I lost.

"Stargate SG-1: Thor's Chariot (#2.6)" (1998)
Teal'c: The destruction of the hammer device to save my life may have caused this. If so, I am responsible.
Jack O'Neill: General, I gave the order.
Dr. Daniel Jackson, Ph.D.: And I fired the staff at the machine.
Samantha Carter: And I... was there.

Dr. Daniel Jackson: This is the Hall of Might?
Gairwyn: You were expecting something different?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Well... uh... maybe a hall?

"Stargate SG-1: Ex Deus Machina (#9.7)" (2005)
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: [talking about a firefight in an office] Witnesses?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: One. Some guy who was working overtime, spent most of the firefight under his desk, but was able to provide the descriptions of three individuals: big, tattooed, chain mail pants.
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: So it's either our Jaffa, or KISS is back on tour.

Dr. Daniel Jackson: Where are you gonna be?
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: Seattle.
Agent Malcolm Barrett: How the hell are you gonna get there?
[she gets beamed out]
Agent Malcolm Barrett: Prometheus.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Beats flying coach.

"Stargate SG-1: The Fourth Horseman: Part 2 (#9.11)" (2006)
Dr. Daniel Jackson: That warm, fuzzy feeling you're experiencing may be the effects of a device that's inhibiting your ability to concentrate and focus your powers.
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: Symptoms may include dizziness, irritability...
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Nausea.
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: Mild nausea, and a condition known as hotdog fingers.

Damaris: It makes no difference what you do to me. But know this, the Ori are all-seeing. They are already aware of this affront to their eminence, and shall strike down those who dare to defy them.
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: Nothing yet. You?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Drawin' a blank. A little thirsty.
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: That doesn't count.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: No, it doesn't.

"Stargate SG-1: Pretense (#3.15)" (2000)
Samantha Carter: So you built that... stargate?
Narim: Yes.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: *Way* smarter than we are.
Jack O'Neill: Ours is bigger.

Samantha Carter: Sir, what makes you so confident?
Jack O'Neill: Because Lya is a fair and insightful person who will vote our way. Besides, she likes us.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Lya likes everyone. That's the Nox way.

"Stargate SG-1: Affinity (#8.7)" (2004)
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: Teal'c, how do Jaffa couples handle their problems?
Teal'c: On Chulak, a dispute between a man and a woman that cannot be resolved necessitates a pledge break. It must be requested by one and granted by the other.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: And if that doesn't work?
Teal'c: A weapon is required.

Teal'c: Have I not conducted myself as a typical member of this community?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: [nods] Mhm... No.

"Stargate SG-1: The First Ones (#4.8)" (2000)
Dr. Daniel Jackson: [Daniel and the Unas are tossing the dead symbiote between them] Right. Uh, yes, uh, toss the symbiote-head. That's, uh, very-very popular. Uh, very-very interesting. Yes. Yes, all the kids are doing this.

Dr. Daniel Jackson: [to Shaka, who's just refused Daniel's energy bar] Now, don't say 'ka' till you've tried it.

"Stargate SG-1: The Enemy Within (#1.2)" (1997)
Dr. Daniel Jackson: So this iris is gonna hold, right?
Sam Carter: Pure titanium, less than three micrometers from the event horizon. It won't even allow matter to fully reintegrate.
Jack O'Neill: So this iris is gonna hold, right?
Sam Carter: If it doesn't, the fail-safe device will detonate, this whole mountain will vaporize, and there'll be nothin' to worry about.
Jack O'Neill: Ah, good. I feel much better.

Dr. Daniel Jackson: You don't think the Goa'ulds are sending people through, do you?
Jack O'Neill: Be like bugs on a windshield.

"Stargate SG-1: Fallout (#7.14)" (2004)
First Minister Dreylock: Kelowna will accept nothing less than equal representation.
Eremal: Really? Kelowna is solely responsible for this problem.
First Minister Dreylock: Need I remind you that the stargate is in our possession?
Tarthus: For the moment.
First Minister Dreylock: Is that a threat?
Tarthus: It's an assurance that when it comes to the survival of our people, we will do whatever is necessary.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: What, so now you want to go to war? My friends are trying to save your world, and you want to destroy it?
Colonel Jack O'Neill: Oh, save your breath, Daniel!
[to the Langarans]
Colonel Jack O'Neill: You folks are done.
First Minister Dreylock: I don't understand.
Colonel Jack O'Neill: Well, you see, we actually like the Madronans. They're nice people. And we've decided there's no way we'd subject them to the likes of you. Deal's off. You're toast.
Tarthus: General?
Major General George Hammond: Colonel O'Neill's right. You can stay until we hear back from Jonas and Major Carter.
Colonel Jack O'Neill: That's what you get for dicking around.

Dr. Daniel Jackson: [Looking at the Stargate] You miss it?
Jonas Quinn: Yeah, I do.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Well, judging from what you've got to deal with back on Kelowna, I'm not surprised. I'd take life-threatening danger over one of those council meetings any day of the week.

"Stargate SG-1: Threads (#8.18)" (2005)
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Can you tell me why you stopped me from killing Anubis the last time I was Ascended?
Oma Desala: Because if I didn't stop you the others would have, and they wouldn't have been as nice about it.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: You mean they wouldn't have erased my memory and left me naked on a planet?
Oma Desala: That was your choice.
[Daniel looks at Oma incredulously]
Oma Desala: Okay, maybe not the naked part.

Dr. Daniel Jackson: Menus?
Oma Desala: We don't need them here. Just order what you'd like.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Okay, I'll have the truth with a side order of clarity, please.

"Stargate SG-1: Prototype (#9.9)" (2005)
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Wait. Wait!
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: What? I was lookin' for the light switch.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: New guy!
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: Hey, you touched that.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: I-I know how to read that.

Sam Carter: As far as our computer is the dialing sequence to P3X 584 ran perfectly normal.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Except for the fact we ended up 12,000 light years off course.

"Stargate SG-1: The Other Side (#4.2)" (2000)
Colonel Jack O'Neill: You've got that look.
Teal'c: To which look are you referring, O'Neill?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: The one that says, "I have misgivings about this mission, but deep down I know we're doing the right thing"?
Colonel Jack O'Neill: No, the other one.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Oh.

Dr. Daniel Jackson: Their whole world is in flames, and we're offering gasoline. How is that help?
Teal'c: We are in fact offering water.
Colonel Jack O'Neill: Thank you.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: I was speaking metaphorically.
Colonel Jack O'Neill: Well, stop it. It's not fair to Teal'c.

"Stargate SG-1: The Warrior (#5.18)" (2002)
Colonel Jack O'Neill: What's with this Jomo Sicko thing?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Joma Secu.

Dr. Daniel Jackson: 'Tek matte' is a greeting of respect.
Colonel Jack O'Neill: Ok.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: I'm just saying...
Colonel Jack O'Neill: I don't care.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Ok.

"Stargate SG-1: Orpheus (#7.4)" (2003)
Colonel Jack O'Neill: Take a break. Fraiser says Teal'c needs a little pep talk.
[acts proud]
Colonel Jack O'Neill: I've been practicing in front of a mirror for an hour.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Not 'peppy' enough?
Colonel Jack O'Neill: Not really...
[Dr. Jackson nods and gets up]

Dr. Daniel Jackson: [Teal'c, Rya'c, Bra'tac, and Rak'nor have all been taken prisoner] This is my fault.
Colonel Jack O'Neill: How's that?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: 'Cause I should have done something when I had the chance... when I had the power...
Colonel Jack O'Neill: I think we've already established that wouldn't've worked out either.
Colonel Jack O'Neill: Nope! It's time for Plan B.
Major Samantha Carter: We have a Plan B?
Colonel Jack O'Neill: No, but it's time for one.

"Stargate SG-1: Within the Serpent's Grasp (#1.21)" (1998)
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Teal'c, what is this?
Teal'c: It is a Goa'uld long range visual communication device. Somewhat like your television, only much further advanced.
Jack O'Neill: Think it gets Showtime?

Jack O'Neill: I suggest the two of you figure out how get us back home.
Samantha Carter: Sir, the only way to do that would be to turn this thing around and go back to where we started.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Right, I'll just go tell the pilot.

"Stargate SG-1: Morpheus (#10.2)" (2006)
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Unfortunately, what we didn't get were any corresponding gate addresses, and the process of going through that library page by page looking for clues could have potentially taken years. So I knew we were gonna have to narrow the search parameters a little. That's when it hit me. Sir Gawain.
Cameron Mitchell: Wasn't he one of the knights who says "Ni"?

Dr. Daniel Jackson: I got it! I made the connection. Sir Gawain to Gwalchmei, Culhwch, and Olwen. Verus Gen Bree.
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: [to Cameron] And you say *I'm* hard to understand.

"Stargate SG-1: Singularity (#1.14)" (1997)
Dr. Daniel Jackson: So, what exactly are we gonna see after this eclipse begins? I mean, it is black, and it is a hole.
Jack O'Neill: Well, it might be a black hole.

Jack O'Neill: Actually, it's called the accretion disk.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Well, I guess it's easy to understand why the local population would be afraid of something like-
[looks at Jack]
Dr. Daniel Jackson: What did you just say?
Jack O'Neill: It's just an astronomical term.
Samantha Carter: You didn't think the Colonel had a telescope on his roof just to look at the neighbors, did ya?
Jack O'Neill: Not initially.

"Stargate SG-1: Small Victories (#4.1)" (2000)
Thor: [about the replicators] You have demonstrated their weakness may be found through a less... sophisticated approach. We are no longer capable of such thinking.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Wait a minute. You're actually saying that you need someone dumber than you are?
Colonel Jack O'Neill: You may have come to the right place.

Colonel Jack O'Neill: I'd be happy to debrief you all after I've debriefed myself for a nice hot shower.
Major General George Hammond: Permission to shower granted. In fact, I insist on it, Colonel.
Colonel Jack O'Neill: Bad?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: I wasn't gonna say anything.

"Stargate SG-1: Moebius: Part 1 (#8.19)" (2005)
Dr. Daniel Jackson: We don't know where it is now, but we do know where it was: Giza, 3000 B.C.
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: You can't be serious.
Brigadier General Jack O'Neill: What?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: It's the only way.
Brigadier General Jack O'Neill: What?
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: No, we agreed.
Brigadier General Jack O'Neill: If I have to say "what" one more time, heads are gonna roll!

Dr. Daniel Jackson: ...introduce yourself and talk about the weather.
Student: [stands up] Hello, my name is Carlos. You make me so hot.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Okay...

"Stargate SG-1: Ethon (#9.15)" (2006)
Jarrod Kane: Do you ever give up?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Not until I'm dead.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: And sometimes not even then.

Chief Mst Sgt. Walter Harriman: Doctor Jackson, we've just received a communiqué from the Rand government.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: [reading the communiqué, to Kane:] They want to talk.
[Cut to Daniel and Kane sitting in an underground jail]
Dr. Daniel Jackson: This isn't exactly what I had in mind.

Stargate: The Ark of Truth (2008) (V)
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: It's kind of weird not having a big bad guy to fight anymore.
Lt. Colonel Samantha Carter: Yeah, that's how we felt when we defeated the Goa'uld. And The Replicators. The first time...
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: Well Jackson and Vala took care of that.
Vala Mal Doran: That whole Ori thing was not our fault!
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Just take the blame. You get used to it.

Dr. Daniel Jackson: Oh, God.
Doci: Your gods cannot save you now, Daniel Jackson.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: No, no. That's just a statement of general dissatisfaction.

"Stargate SG-1: Birthright (#7.10)" (2003)
Colonel Jack O'Neill: Well this is... odd.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Maybe they just feel more comfortable talking to Sam.
Colonel Jack O'Neill: Why, because we have penises?

"Stargate SG-1: Emancipation (#1.3)" (1997)
Jack O'Neill: The hell with culture - a member of my team has been neutralized. That's a hostile act.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: How is it that you always come up with the worst case scenario?
Jack O'Neill: I practice.

"Stargate SG-1: Beast of Burden (#5.7)" (2001)
Dr. Daniel Jackson: [Chaka attempts to apologise to Colonel O'Neill for getting he and Daniel captured by the slavers] Jack, it's not his fault.
Colonel Jack O'Neill: Daniel, I'm chained up in a bad man's barn with a bunch of Unas, whose to blame is not at the top of my list of concerns. Yet.

"Stargate SG-1: The Quest: Part 2 (#10.11)" (2007)
Ba'al: You didn't think that just by calling out its name, you'd suddenly be able to control it?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: I don't know. Name magic is common in most mythologies. To know something's secret name is to steal its power.
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: So what are we supposed to do, just start guessing?
Vala Mal Doran: Daryl the dragon.
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: How about Smokey?
Teal'c: Perhaps Puff?

"Stargate SG-1: Between Two Fires (#5.9)" (2001)
Dr. Daniel Jackson: So, push on blindly then.
Colonel Jack O'Neill: Blindly, yes. But we still have our slightly heightened sense of smell.

"Stargate SG-1: Heroes: Part 2 (#7.18)" (2004)
Emmett Bregman: I just, uh, came by to, uh, give this back to you. I'm not gonna use it.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Wait. I want you to.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: You know I died in this room? Ascended. Doctor Fraiser did everything she could. I mean, she went three days without sleep. Even in the end, she didn't wanna let me go. I owed her a lot more than I ever gave back. I thought a lot about what you said about, uh, Kristofsky. I think this shows what Janet Fraiser was all about.
Emmett Bregman: Me too.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: I want other people to know.

"Stargate SG-1: Origin (#9.3)" (2005)
Dr. Daniel Jackson: We've been up against some pretty bad guys before.
Major General Jack O'Neill: Uhhh... not so pretty. Overdressed yes.

"Stargate SG-1: Sacrifices (#8.9)" (2004)
[Daniel has explained in length the current status of the Jaffa rebellion]
Brigadier General Jack O'Neill: What was my question again?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Um, "How's it going?"
Brigadier General Jack O'Neill: It seemed so innocuous at the time.

"Stargate SG-1: Past and Present (#3.11)" (1999)
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Let me ask you a question. Who would you trust with your life more than anyone else in the world? Don't worry, I won't be offended if you don't pick me. Could it be Teal'c?
Jack O'Neill: Sure.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Ah, Teal'c, just refresh my memory. What was your previous occupation?
Teal'c: I was First Prime of Apophis.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Right. Did a few nasty things back then?

"Stargate SG-1: Talion (#10.17)" (2007)
Vala Mal Doran: How do we get Arkad to tell us all the pieces of the puzzle?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Oh, that's the easy part. See, we capture him, lock him in a room, and threaten to let Teal'c kill him.
Vala Mal Doran: Genius.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Thank you.

"Stargate SG-1: New Order: Part 2 (#8.2)" (2004)
Dr. Daniel Jackson: So we'd be looking for a needle in a haystack.
Thor: A haystack of infinite size.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: That's big.

"Stargate SG-1: The Sentinel (#5.20)" (2002)
Colonel Sean Grieves: I'll say it again, I don't like the idea of going into this unarmed.
Colonel Jack O'Neill: And... I don't care.
Lieutenant Kershaw: I feel better just knowing there's an archaeologist watching our backs.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: [holds up a knife] Yeah, which end do the bullets go in again?
Colonel Sean Grieves: I'd be happy to show you.

"Stargate SG-1: Tin Man (#1.18)" (1998)
Harlan: Hubald, he was the creator of all this, but he died very early - too early. Took many secrets with him, so long ago.
Jack O'Neill: How long, exactly?
Harlan: Uh, exactly? 99,207,000 of your... hours.
Jack O'Neill: [immediately] Well, that's 11,000 years.
Samantha Carter: How did *you* know that?
Jack O'Neill: That's right?
Samantha Carter: [calculating] Yeah.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Wait, how did *you* know that?

"Stargate SG-1: Ascension (#5.3)" (2001)
Dr. Daniel Jackson: I agree with Sam. We don't know enough about what happened on that planet, yet.
Colonel Frank Simmons: Need I remind you, Dr. Jackson, of the dangers that we're trying to defend Earth against?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: [sarcastic] Oh, uh, could you? I mean, go slow.

"Stargate SG-1: Counterstrike (#10.7)" (2006)
Master Bra'tac: [about Vala] She displays the wisdom of a battle seasoned warrior.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: She's a mother. Close enough.

"Stargate SG-1: The Tomb (#5.8)" (2001)
Major Vallarin: Wait here.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Yes, you go down the dark hallway alone and I'll wait here in the dark room alone.

"Stargate SG-1: Last Stand (#5.16)" (2002)
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Yeah, you would think that a race smart enough to fly around in space would be smart enough to have seat belts.
Jacob Carter: I just prefer not to crash.

"Stargate SG-1: Rules of Engagement (#3.9)" (1999)
Jack O'Neill: Is everyone clear on that? Daniel?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: What?
Jack O'Neill: Good.

"Stargate SG-1: In the Line of Duty (#2.2)" (1998)
Teal'c: [Daniel is laying on the gateroom's floor after Teal'c just shot him with a zat gun] Are you injured?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Dumb question.
[small pause]
Dr. Daniel Jackson: But thank you. I think.
Teal'c: You are welcome.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Just don't ever do that again.

"Stargate SG-1: Demons (#3.8)" (1999)
Dr. Daniel Jackson: It was a procedure often done in the Middle Ages. They... well, they-they'd drill a hole in the person's head. By drilling a hole the evil spirits are released, thus saving the person from eternal damnation.
Jack O'Neill: Thus *saving* the person?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Well, they didn't call them the Dark Ages because it was dark.

"Stargate SG-1: Evolution: Part 2 (#7.12)" (2003)
Burke: Is that that thing that made that guy do that thing?
Dr. Daniel Jackson, Ph.D.: Yeah, it's okay, it's off now.
Jack O'Neill: Good. That's good.
Dr. Bill Lee: Yeah, at least we think it's off. It's not glowing anymore so...
Dr. Daniel Jackson, Ph.D.: Glowing thing really gives it away, so if it's not glowing anymore it shouldn't be on anymore.
Dr. Bill Lee: [to Daniel] Do you want to hold it?
Dr. Daniel Jackson, Ph.D.: Nope.
[Daniel hops twice sideways away from Lee]
Burke: [laughing madly] That's crazy!

"Stargate SG-1: Into the Fire (#3.1)" (1999)
Colonel Makepeace: How's the leg? Can you walk?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: It's just a deep, bleeding gash, but it'll be fine.

"Stargate SG-1: The Fourth Horseman: Part 1 (#9.10)" (2005)
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: [laughing] Relax Jackson, I spent two weeks with these guys. You've got nothing to worry about.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Well, considering what happened the last time we were here, you'll forgive me if I'm a little cautious.
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: We'll be fine.
[the group are being ambushed and captured by Jaffa]
Dr. Daniel Jackson: [blade to throat] We still fine?
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: Yeah, we're fine.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Good, just checking.

"Stargate SG-1: Enigma (#1.16)" (1998)
Jack O'Neill: What?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Oh, just thinking what the little guy with the funny hair once told us.
Jack O'Neill: The very young do not always do as they're told?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Yeah.

"Stargate SG-1: Bane (#2.10)" (1998)
[Teal'c has bought Ally a new super soaker]
Ally: Have any time to play?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Uh, actually we ...
[She shoots Teal'c in the chest and runs off]
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Guess we shouldn't have loaded it, huh?
Teal'c: [Puts on sunglasses and looks at Daniel] How else would she defend herself?
[Teal'c shoots Daniel in the chest and chases after Ally]
Dr. Daniel Jackson: How else?
[Shakes water off his shirt]

"Stargate SG-1: Thor's Hammer (#1.9)" (1997)
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Do you know what this means?
Jack O'Neill: It's the only way out of here, Daniel.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: But what this thing can do for Sha're and Skaara...
Jack O'Neill: Teal'c's here now.
Teal'c: And here I will remain. I was with those who took the ones you love.
Jack O'Neill: No. You're part of this family now. We're not leaving you behind.

"Stargate SG-1: Babylon (#9.8)" (2005)
Chief Mst Sgt. Walter Harriman: We're receiving an IDC, sir. It's Colonel Mitchell.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: You're kidding.
Chief Mst Sgt. Walter Harriman: I would never do that, sir.

"Stargate SG-1: Zero Hour (#8.4)" (2004)
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: General.
Brigadier General Jack O'Neill: Colonel. We've all met.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Yes, actually we know each other's life stories.
Brigadier General Jack O'Neill: That snippiness?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Is that a word?

"Stargate SG-1: Holiday (#2.17)" (1999)
Jack O'Neill: [Testing to see if Machello really is Daniel] All right. Describe for me the dress your sister wore last week when I took her out.
Daniel Jackson/Machello: I don't have a sister, Jack. And if I did I wouldn't let you near her.

"Stargate SG-1: The Tok'ra: Part 2 (#2.12)" (1998)
Teal'c: Chelnak!
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Direct translation: Very cool!

"Stargate SG-1: Fair Game (#3.3)" (1999)
Jack O'Neill: Chronus doesn't know that. And Nirrti doesn't know what else we know.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Which is nothing.
Jack O'Neill: Right. But she doesn't know we know nothing.
General Hammond: What are you suggesting?
Jack O'Neill: I'm just saying, maybe it's time we take a page out of the Asgard book on dealin' with these Goa'ulds.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: You're gonna bluff.

"Stargate SG-1: Menace (#5.19)" (2002)
Major Samantha Carter: Maybe she has some sort of programming that prevents her from acknowledging she's anything but human.
Colonel Jack O'Neill: Robot denial?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Looks that way.
Colonel Jack O'Neill: Has it occurred to anyone that this thing may have been laying around that planet for quite some time and that maybe it's broken? Or perhaps it never worked right in the first place.
Major Samantha Carter: So you think we should just shut her down?
Colonel Jack O'Neill: Oh, I don't know. Let's ask the man who just had his head cracked open.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: I don't think she meant to hurt me, I just don't think she liked what I was saying.
Colonel Jack O'Neill: I don't like most of what you say but I try to resist the urge to shove you through a wall.

"Stargate SG-1: Nemesis (#3.22)" (2000)
Jack O'Neill: [Daniel has just gotten his appendix removed] Can I see your scar?
Dr. Daniel Jackson, Ph.D.: No.

"Stargate SG-1: Family Ties (#10.18)" (2007)
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: So, what's the deal with the accent, or in your father's case, the lack thereof?
Vala Mal Doran: Well, the accent, like most of my other good qualities, I got from my mother, my charm, my wit, my good looks.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: What'd you get from your dad?
Vala Mal Doran: Some minor food allergies.

"Stargate SG-1: Hathor (#1.13)" (1997)
Daniel Jackson: Hathor was the Egyptian goddess of fertility, inebriety, and music.
Jack O'Neill: Sex, drugs, and rock & roll?
Daniel Jackson: In a manner of speaking.

"Stargate SG-1: The First Commandment (#1.5)" (1997)
Daniel Jackson: This tastes like chicken.
Sam Carter: So what's wrong with it?
Daniel Jackson: It's macaroni and cheese.

"Stargate SG-1: The Serpent's Lair (#2.1)" (1998)
Master Bra'tac: Perhaps when the warships of your world attack, we'll be able to...
Samantha Carter: Eh, excuse me. Did you say 'the ships of our world'?
Master Bra'tac: Surely you have such vessels?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Well, we have a number of - of...
Dr. Daniel Jackson, Jack O'Neill: Shuttles.
Master Bra'tac: These... 'shuttles'... they are a formidable craft?
Jack O'Neill: Oh yeah. Yeah. Bad day.

"Stargate SG-1: Space Race (#7.8)" (2003)
Dr. Daniel Jackson: [Major Carter has been invited on a dangerous space race in exchange for alien technology] You really think this is worth it?
Major Samantha Carter: Absolutely!
[pauses packing]
Major Samantha Carter: Why? Don't you?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: N-no-yeah. I just- You just seem unusually... gung-ho.
Major Samantha Carter: "Gung-ho"?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: This is kinda more than about attaining new technology for you, isn't it?
Major Samantha Carter: You mean helping Warrick? He did once risk his life for me.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Yeah, I heard that. I just think that there's something else.
Major Samantha Carter: Look, I know that this could be dangerous. But this is our job, right? It's what we signed on to do. We take risks in the hopes of achieving new levels of technology. If- and I stress 'if'- participating in this race happens to be a little bit...
[inhales through her teeth, faining ignorance]
Major Samantha Carter: ... I dunno...
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Fun?
Major Samantha Carter: [grins, shrugs] What's a girl to do?

"Stargate SG-1: Lost City: Part 2 (#7.22)" (2004)
Major Samantha Carter: What's eight down?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Um...label. With those empty spaces I think the answer is supposed to be identification. Thirteen across is sphere. Jack, this is it.
Colonel Jack O'Neill: Now, see I assume we still speak the same language...mostly.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Sphere...planet. Label...name.
Colonel Jack O'Neill: Following...still...you...not!
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Praclarush taonas. I...I think you wrote the name of the planet we will find the Lost City in the crossword.
Colonel Jack O'Neill: Bit of a jump?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Why else would you do that?
Major Samantha Carter: The clue for seven down is "celestial body" and he wrote Uma Thurman.
Colonel Jack O'Neill: Yes!

"Stargate SG-1: The Gamekeeper (#2.4)" (1998)
[SG-1 pops out the Gate in the middle of a beautiful garden]
Captain: This is beautiful.
Jack O'Neill: Yeah. But where there's a garden, there's snakes.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: And flowers.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Way too many flowers.

"SGU Stargate Universe: Human (#1.14)" (2010)
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Professor Rush? Professor Rush... Hi, I'm Dr. Daniel Jackson.
Dr. Nicholas Rush: So you are.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: I'm sorry to accost you here. I dropped by your office and they told me that you hadn't come in for the day.
Dr. Nicholas Rush: Do you know, I really don't have time for this.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Actually I think you're going to want to hear what I have to say. Is there someplace more private where we could talk?
Dr. Nicholas Rush: You're going to tell me about the stargate program. Your current dilemma - how to unlock the stargate's ninth and final chevron. Specifically, how much energy will be required.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: How do you know that? Those details are highly classified.
Dr. Nicholas Rush: The project hasn't even been named yet, has it? How about 'Icarus'? I know because it's already happened, and you're just a figment of my imagination. Reliving all of this is just a necessary evil, an unfortunate side-effect to a process I can't control, and it keeps getting in the bloody way of what I need to do. You, the university, the clouds in the sky, all just a dream, a distant memory, and one I'd really rather went away.

"Stargate SG-1: Dominion (#10.19)" (2007)
Dr. Daniel Jackson: You sure you're okay with this?
Vala Mal Doran: Why does everyone keep asking me that?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Because she's your daughter. And no matter what she's done, it must be difficult to see her treated this way.
Vala Mal Doran: Let's get something clear. She's not my daughter, Daniel. The Ori impregnated me against my will and forced me to bring her into the galaxy. I was an incubator. A shipping crate. And nothing more.

"Stargate SG-1: Fire and Water (#1.12)" (1997)
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Memorial service?
Samantha Carter: The Colonel said some really nice things.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: He - he did. He did?

"Stargate SG-1: Deadman Switch (#3.7)" (1999)
Aris Boch: Dr. Jackson, if you don't mind treating my wound.
Daniel Jackson: I'm an archaeologist.
Aris Boch: I know, but you're also a doctor.
Daniel Jackson: Of archaeology.

"Stargate: Atlantis: First Contact (#5.10)" (2008)
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Look, they stripped us of everything but the clothing on our backs and surrounded us with laser walls. I'm not sure how much play we have here.
Dr. Rodney McKay: We've got one thing going for us, at least.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: What's that?
Dr. Rodney McKay: We're not dead yet.

"Stargate SG-1: It's Good to Be King (#8.13)" (2005)
Harry 'King Arkhan The First' Maybourne: You should try one of these. It called, uh...
Garan: Ojun fruit.
Harry 'King Arkhan The First' Maybourne: Right. It's sort of a cross between a guava and a mango.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Sort of a "guango"?
Harry 'King Arkhan The First' Maybourne: I like that! People, henceforth ojun fruit shall be called guango. So shall it be!
[the people cheer and applaud]
Harry 'King Arkhan The First' Maybourne: I get to name all kinds of stuff. You should see the Grateful Dead Burial Ground.

"Stargate SG-1: Point of View (#3.6)" (1999)
Jack O'Neill: Alright, I gotta know.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Yes, I'm about to activate it.
Jack O'Neill: No, no, no, no. Not that. What the hell does 'Kree' mean?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Well, actually, it means a lot of things.
Jack O'Neill: Uh-huh.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Loosely translated it means attention, listen up, concentrate.
Jack O'Neill: Yoo-hoo?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Yes. In a manner of speaking.