Susan Calvin
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Quotes for
Susan Calvin (Character)
from I, Robot (2004)

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I, Robot (2004)
Susan Calvin: I don't understand. Alfred wrote the Three Laws. Why would he build a robot that could break them?
Detective Del Spooner: Hansel and Gretel.
Susan Calvin: What?
Detective Del Spooner: Two kids, lost in the forest. Leave behind a trail of bread crumbs.
Susan Calvin: Why?
Detective Del Spooner: To find their way home. How the hell did you grow up without reading Hansel and Gretel?
Susan Calvin: Is that really relevant?
Detective Del Spooner: Everything I'm trying to say to you is about Hansel and Gretel. You didn't read it, I'm talking to the wall.
Susan Calvin: Okay. Okay.
Detective Del Spooner: All right, look, just say Lanning was locked down so tight he couldn't get out a message. All he could do was leave me clues, like a trail of bread crumbs.
Susan Calvin: Bread crumbs equals clues. Odd but fine. Clues leading where?
Detective Del Spooner: I don't know, but I think I know where he left the next one. I think Lanning gave Sonny a way to keep secrets. I think the old man gave Sonny dreams.

Detective Del Spooner: [entering Calvin's office room] In the lab, before Sonny jumped us...
Susan Calvin: [interrupts] Sonny?
Detective Del Spooner: The robot.
Susan Calvin: Your calling the robot Sonny?
Detective Del Spooner: No, it did. The robot did. I didn't care, the robot said it was Sonny. In the lab, there was a cott. I'm asking you, did you see the cott?
Susan Calvin: I've slept in my office.
Detective Del Spooner: I went to Dr. Lanning's home, it looked like he hasn't been in there in weeks, and I saw that same survailence strip on the ceiling.
Susan Calvin: Lanning had his home security system linked to USR. It made his life more convenient.
Detective Del Spooner: Maybe, maybe someone in USR was using those systems to watch him. Maybe even, keep him prisoner.
Susan Calvin: What are you talking about, who?
Detective Del Spooner: Maybe Lanning was onto something. Maybe, there's a bigger problem with the robots, and Robertson is trying to cover it up.
Susan Calvin: Humoring you for no reason, why?
Detective Del Spooner: [becoming annoyed] The same old why, how much money is there in robots? All I know is, that poor old man was in trouble, and I'm sick and tired of doing this shit by myself. You're on the inside, and you're going to help me find out what is wrong with these robots.
Susan Calvin: [not believing a word Spooner is saying] You "want" something to be wrong with them. This is a personal vendetta.
Detective Del Spooner: You're putting me on the couch? Alright.
[sits on the desk chair]
Susan Calvin: One defected machine is not enough for you. You need them all to be bad. You don?t care about doctor Lanning's death. This is about, the robots and, for whatever reason you hate them so much.
Detective Del Spooner: [gets up from the chair] Well, let's see. One of them put a gun in my face, another tore a building down with me still inside.
Susan Calvin: [checks her robot monitor device] Demolition was schedualed for 8 PM this evening.
Detective Del Spooner: It was 8 AM tomorrow, and I don't give a shit what that thing says.
Susan Calvin: You are burdening on non-clinical paranoia.
Detective Del Spooner: [getting angry, but trying to remain calm] You are the "dumbest" smart person, I have ever met in my life! What makes your robots so perfect? What makes them so much... goddamn better than human beings?
Susan Calvin: [snapping back] Well, they're not irrational or... potentially homicidal maniacs for starters!
Susan Calvin: [sarcastically] That is true. They are definitely rational.

Detective Del Spooner: You must be the dumbest, smart person in the world.
Susan Calvin: And you must be the dumbest, dumb person in the world.

Susan Calvin: [looks at Spooner's present-day CD stereo] Play. On... Run?
[turns on CD player by hand, music plays]
Susan Calvin: [panicking] Uhh... End Program! Shutdown!
Detective Del Spooner: [clicks remote, stereo off] Doesn't feel good, does it? People's shit malfunctioning around you.

Sonny: [Looking around at the robots while he is about to be "killed"] They all look like me. But none of them are me.
Susan Calvin: That's right. You are unique.
Sonny: [pause] Will it hurt?

Susan Calvin: Do you ever have a normal day?
Detective Del Spooner: Yeah. Once. It was a Thursday.

Susan Calvin: Are you being funny?
Detective Del Spooner: I guess not.

Farber: Oh, Mother-damn, she just shot at you with her eyes closed, Spoon.
Detective Del Spooner: Hey! Did you just shoot at me with your eyes closed?
Susan Calvin: Well it worked, didn't it?
Farber: Spoon, she is shit-hot, man. You gotta put in a good word for me.
Detective Del Spooner: Stop cussing!
Farber: And go home, I gotcha.
Detective Del Spooner: [to Calvin] *Aim* and fire.

Susan Calvin: What happened to you?
Detective Del Spooner: Headed back to the station. Normal day, normal life. The driver of a semi fell asleep at the wheel. Average guy, wife and kids, working a double. *Not* the devil. The car he hit, the driver's name was Harold Lloyd. Like the film star, but no relation. He was killed instantly. But his twelve-year-old was sitting in the passenger's seat. Never really met her. Can't forget her face, though. Sarah.
[fingering the necklace]
Detective Del Spooner: This was hers. She wanted to be a dentist. What the hell kind of twelve-year-old wants to be a dentist? Yeah, um... the truck smashed our cars together and pushed us into the river. You know, metal gets pretty pliable at those speeds. She's pinned, I'm pinned, the water's coming in. I'm a cop, so I know everybody's dead. Just a few minutes until we figure that out. NS4 was passing by and jumped in the river.
NS4 Robots: [from flashback] You are in danger!
Detective Del Spooner: [from flashback] Save her!
NS4 Robots: [from flashback] You are in danger!
Detective Del Spooner: [from flashback] Save her! Save the girl!
Detective Del Spooner: But it didn't. Saved me.
Susan Calvin: The robot's brain is a difference engine. It's reading vital signs. It must have done...
Detective Del Spooner: It did. I was the logical choice. It calculated that I had a 45% chance of survival. Sarah only had an 11% chance. That was somebody's baby. 11% is more than enough. A human being would've known that. Robots,
[indicating his heart]
Detective Del Spooner: nothing here, just lights and clockwork. Go ahead, you trust 'em if you want to.

Susan Calvin: [about Spooner's motorcycle] Please tell me this doesn't run on gas! Gas explodes, you know?

[Calvin trying to get access to V.I.K.I. interface]
Detective Del Spooner: How much longer is this going to take?
Susan Calvin: Erh, about six minutes.
Detective Del Spooner: What if we didn't have six minutes?
Susan Calvin: We'd have to fgure out a way to climb down thirty stories and inject the nanites directly into her brain. Why?
Detective Del Spooner: Because I seriously doubt that we have six minutes.
[Pan to reveal hundreds of NS5s scaling the building overhead]

Detective Del Spooner: Why didn't you just guys hand the world over on a silver platter?
Susan Calvin: Maybe we did.

[Detective Spooner enters Calvin's home after the demo-bot destroyed Lanning's house... with him in it. His head is bleeding and he looks like hell]
Detective Del Spooner: Hey, do you like cats?
Susan Calvin: What?
Detective Del Spooner: Cats, do you like 'em?
Susan Calvin: No, I'm allergic. You're saying cats did this to you?
Detective Del Spooner: How the hell would cats do this to me? Are you crazy?
Susan Calvin: Why are we talking about cats?
Detective Del Spooner: [as if it were the most natural thing] Because I have a cat in my trunk and he's homeless.

Detective Del Spooner: [Calvin's home in the shower, and Spooner calls her answering machine] Calvin, the NS5s are destroying the older robots, that's what Lanning wanted me to see on the hills, we must...
Susan Calvin: [Calvin's NS5 hangs up the call; she sees that and hides behind her bathroom door] Who is it?
NS5 Robots: Wrong number, ma'am.
[Susan gasps]

Detective Del Spooner: [whistles, on level 10] That's a long way down! You guys sure do clean up quickly around here! I can't blame you, I mean, who wants some old guy going bad in the lobby?
Susan Calvin: He was not 'some old guy' - Alfred Lanning was everything here.

[scene at the automated Robot warehouse; 1000 robots standing in a formation]
Susan Calvin: Attention, NS-5s.
[their eyes open]
Detective Del Spooner: Well, you're the robot shrink.
Susan Calvin: There is a robot in this formation that does not belong. Identify it.
NS5 Robots: One of us.
Susan Calvin: Which one?
NS5 Robots: One of us.
Detective Del Spooner: [with sarcasm] How much did you say these things cost?

Lawrence Robertson: [realizing Sonny could disobey the three laws] Susan, we look to robots for protection! For God's sake! Do you have any idea what this one robot could do. Completely shatter human faith in robotics. What if the public knew? Just imagine the mass recalls all because of an irrational paranoia and prejudice.
Detective Del Spooner: [sneezes] I'm sorry, I'm allergic to bullshit.
Lawrence Robertson: Hey, let's just be clear. There is no conspiracy. What this is, is one old man's one mistake.
[turning back to Calvin]
Lawrence Robertson: Susan, just be logical. Your life's work has been the development and integration of robots. But whatever you feel, just think. Is one robot worth the loss of all that we've gained? You tell me what has to be done. You tell me.
Susan Calvin: [emotionally] We have to destroy it. I'll do it myself.
Lawrence Robertson: OK.
Detective Del Spooner: I get it. Somebody gets out of line around here, you just kill them?

Detective Del Spooner: [Sonny has Calvin head-locked with a gun to her head] Let her go.
Sonny: By the time you fire, I will have moved Dr. Calvin's head into the path of your bullet. I will escort you outside to the sentries for processing. Please proceed to the elevator, Detective. I would prefer not to kill Dr. Calvin!
[he winks, Spooner realizes he's bluffing, and both Spooner and Sonny open fire on VIKI's NS5's]
Susan Calvin: [as they escape] I'll assume we'll discuss what just happened later?

Susan Calvin: [Spooner activating manual override while travelling at about 170mph in his car with Calvin on passenger seat] What do you think you're doing?
Detective Del Spooner: I'm driving.
Susan Calvin: By hand?
Detective Del Spooner: [pointing to his headset] Do you see me on the phone?

Detective Del Spooner: [hardly manages to evade collision with truck at 180mph] ASS-HOLE
Susan Calvin: Which is more than I can say for you.
Susan Calvin: It was a left, by the way. Back there.
Detective Del Spooner: You *must* know my ex-wife.

[Calvin working on the control panel to access V.I.K.I. core]
Susan Calvin: [V.I.K.I. core access granted] OK, we're good.
[V.I.K.I. core closes, control panel is locked with a metal shield]
Susan Calvin: Uh! She's locked me out of the system. I can override her manually, but I need that control panel!
Detective Del Spooner: [punches control panel, opening it]
[puts emphasis on every word]
Detective Del Spooner: I am uncomfortable with heights.
Susan Calvin: [shocked] Okay.

Susan Calvin: [pointing to VIKI] They link to our positronic operating core.
Detective Del Spooner: Wow. Thermostat wasn't good enough. You went and gave the building a brain.

Detective Del Spooner: So, Dr. Calvin, what exactly do you do around here?
Susan Calvin: My general fields are advanced robotics and psychiatry. Although, I specialize in hardware-to-wetware interfaces in an effort to advance U.S.R.'s robotic ahthropomorphization program.
Detective Del Spooner: So, what exactly do you do around here?
Susan Calvin: I make the robots seem more human.
Detective Del Spooner: Now wasn't that easier to say?
Susan Calvin: Not really. No.

Susan Calvin: A robot could not commit a murder, no more than a human could walk on water.
Detective Del Spooner: Well, you know, there was this one guy... a long time ago.

Susan Calvin: You are bordering on non-clinical paranoia.