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: Tell her that you love her. Sam
: No way! Anyway, they fly tonight. Daniel
: Even better! Sam, you've got nothin' to lose, and you'll always regret it if you don't! I never told your mom enough. I should have told her everyday because she was perfect everyday. You've seen the films, kiddo. It ain't over 'til its over. Sam
: Okay, Dad. Let's do it. Let's go get the shit kicked out of us by love.
: So what's the problem, Sammy-o? Is it just Mum, or is it something else? Maybe... school - are you being bullied? Or is it something worse? Can you give me any clues at all? Sam
: You really want to know? Daniel
: I really want to know. Sam
: Even though you won't be able to do anything to help? Daniel
: Even if that's the case, yeah. Sam
: Okay. Well, the truth is... actually... I'm in love. Daniel
: Sorry? Sam
: I know I should be thinking about Mum all the time, and I am. But the truth is, I'm in love and I was before she died, and there's nothing I can do about it. Daniel
] Aren't you a bit young to be in love? Sam
: No. Daniel
: Oh, well, okay... right. Well, I mean, I'm a little relieved. Sam
: Why? Daniel
: Well, because I thought it would be something worse. Sam
] Worse than the total agony of being in love? Daniel
: Oh. No, you're right. Yeah, total agony.
: You've seen the films, kiddo. It ain't over 'til it's over.
: So, let's go. We can definitely crack this. Remember, I was a kid once, too. So come on, it's someone at school, right? Sam
: Yeah. Daniel
: Aha, good, good. And what does she - he - feel about ya? Sam
: *She* doesn't even know my name. And even if she did, she'd despise me. She's the coolest girl in school and everyone worships her because she's heaven. Daniel
: Good. Good.
[sits on the couch next to Sam
: Basically, you're fucked, aren't you?
: I'm afraid that there's somethin' really wrong, you know. I mean, clearly it's about his mum, but Christ, he might be injecting heroin into his eyeballs for all I know. Karen
: At the age of eleven? Daniel
: Well, maybe not his eyeballs, then. Maybe just his veins.
[at his wife's funeral
: Jo and I had uh, a lot of time to prepare for this moment. Some of her, uh, requests - for instance, that I should bring Claudia Schiffer as my date to the funeral - I was confident she expected me to ignore.
: We need Kate, and we need Leo. And we need them now. Come on.
[they go in and watch Titanic (1997)
: By the way, I feel bad. I never asked you how your love life is going. Daniel
: [mock chuckles
] No. As you know, that was a done deal long ago. Unless, of course, Claudia Schiffer calls, in which case I want you out of the house straight away, you wee motherless mongrel. Sam
: Oh? Daniel
: No, no, we'll want to have sex in every room. Including yours.
[at his wife's funeral
: When she first mentioned what's about to happen, I said, "Over my dead body." And she said, "No, Daniel, over mine... "
[deleted scene; Daniel and Sam are discussing Sam's true love
: Option One: ask her out. Sam
: Impossible. Daniel
: Fair enough. Option Two: become her friend. Sam
: She's the most popular girl in school and she hates boys. Daniel
: Okay. Option Three: kidnap her and keep her tied up in your room until she agrees to marry you. Sam
: It's a route I've considered. Daniel
: And quite rightly rejected on the grounds of... Sam
: Daniel, I have a plan! Daniel
: Thank the Lord! Tell me. Sam
: Well, girls love musicians, don't they? Daniel
: Uh-huh. Sam
: Even the really weird ones get girlfriends. Daniel
: That's right. Meatloaf definitely got laid at least once. For God's sake, Ringo Starr married a Bond girl! Sam
: [looks at him strangely
: There's this big concert at the end of term, and Joanna's in it. And I thought, maybe if I was in the band, and played absolutely superbly, there's a chance that she might actually fall in love with me. What do you think? Daniel
: I think it's brilliant! I think it's stellar! Uh, apart from the one, obvious, tiny, little baby little hiccup... Sam
: That I don't play a musical instrument. Daniel
: Yessir. Sam
: A tiny, insignificant detail.
: [knocks on Sam's door
] Sam, time for dinner. Sam
: I'm not hungry. Daniel
: Sam... I've done chicken kebabs! Sam
: Look at the sign on the door.
[he starts practising his drums; Daniel leans back and looks at the sign, which says, "I SAID - I'M NOT HUNGRY"
: You know, Sammy, I'm sure she's unique and extraordinary, but... the general wisdom is that, in the end, there isn't just one person for each of us. Sam
: There was for Kate and Leo. There was for you. There is for me.
[holds up one finger
: She's "the one". Daniel
: Fair enough.
[In the airport, Daniel, Carol, Sam, and Carol's son are waiting. Joanna appears at the gate
: There she is!
[he runs to her
] Joanna Anderson
[Sam wants to kiss her, but holds back
: Hello. Daniel
] Agh! He should have kissed her... Carol
: No, that's cool.
: And her name's Joanna? Sam
: Yeah, I know, just like Mum. Spooky. Daniel
: Well, in one way then, we're in luck. At least we still have the god-like genius of Scott Walker.
[he puts Scott Walker's "Joanna" on the stereo, and they lip-sync to it
: She's going to say her final words, not through me, but inevitably, and ever so coolly... through the immortal genius of the Bay City Rollers.