Josh Parker
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Quotes for
Josh Parker (Character)
from Road Trip (2000)

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Road Trip (2000)
Beth: What do you look for in a girl?
Josh: She should be smart, and funny.
[Beth undressing]
Josh: That's good too.
Beth: Do you feel better yet?
Josh: I feel a little bit better, yes.
Beth: What else do you look for?
Josh: She should be nice and attractive and...
Beth: [Beth removes her top]
Josh: Topless. And topless.

Rubin: I just said we'd make it across. I didn't say anything about the wheels staying on.
Josh: What the hell are we gonna do now? I'm totally screwed! I don't have time to be walking through the woods right now!

E.L.: I thought I told you to mail this yesterday?
Rubin: Yeah, I posted it this morning.
E.L.: [Josh watches for a second, then the reality hits him] OH FUCK!
[Josh scrabbles on the floor for the video]
E.L.: W-w-w-wait a second. Tell me you mailed the Beth tape to Tiffany.
[Josh nods]
E.L.: Yes!
Josh: Shit! Oh, no! Oh, no!
Barry: Hey, hey.
Josh: What?
Barry: Did you make a copy? Because if you made a copy we could watch the copy.

E.L.: Just copy off someone.
Josh: I can't. It's all essay and stuff. You know, if I fail this, my average is shot, I might lose my financial aid, I could not be allowed on campus next semester.
E.L.: Well, you're fucked, then. You might as well come to my party tonight, hook up with Beth, and at least enjoy your last week at college.
Josh: I'm not hooking up with anybody, alright? I've made a commitment to Tiffany. I'm invested in this relationship.
E.L.: Invested? Who are you, Charles Schwab? Would you listen to yourself? I would give my life for one night of consensual sex with her.

Rubin: What class is that again?
Rubin: Ancient philosophy.
Rubin: Well I can teach you ancient philosophy in 46 hours.
Josh: Really?
Rubin: Yeah, I can teach Japanese to a monkey in 46 hours. They key is just finding a way to relate to the material.

Frat member: [Holding up a white hood] Are you in the Ku Klux Klan?
Josh: Whoa whoa, that isn't ours.
Kyle: That's not mine!
Josh: OK, hold on, th-there's obviously some explanation.
Frat member: There is. See your boy here's an evil bigot, and now he's gonna die.
Kyle: [faints]

Carla: [answering the phone] Hello?
Josh: Hi Carla, it's Josh. I'm sorry to bother you. Is Tiffany around?
Carla: Tiffany is not here. She didn't sleep here last night, again, and it'd be great if one hour went by where you didn't call.
Josh: Right.
Carla: [Angrily] If she wanted to talk to you, she'd call you. Deal with it.
Josh: [Hanging up the phone frustrated] Bitch.
E.L.: Did she sound hot?