Rod Tidwell
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Quotes for
Rod Tidwell (Character)
from Jerry Maguire (1996)

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Jerry Maguire (1996)
Jerry Maguire: [while on a plane] What are you doing with me, Rod?
Rod Tidwell: Why?
Jerry Maguire: I'm finished, I'm fucked. Twenty-four hours ago, man, I was hot! Now... I'm a cautionary tale. You see this jacket I'm wearing, you like it? Because I don't really need it. Because I'm cloaked in failure! I lost the number one draft picked the night before the draft! Why? Let's recap: Because a hockey player's kid made me feel like a superficial jerk. I ate two slices of bad pizza, went to bed and grew a conscience!
Rod Tidwell: Well, boo-fucking-hoo

Rod Tidwell: [while on a plane] I got a shelf life of ten years, tops. My next contract's gotta bring me the dollars that'll last me and mine a long time. Shit, I'm out of this sport in 5 years. What's my family gonna live on? Huh?

Rod Tidwell: [while on a plane] Anyone else would have left you by now, but I'm sticking with you. And if I have to ride your ass like Zorro, you're gonna show me the money.

Rod Tidwell: You are hanging on by a very thin thread and I dig that about you!

[Rod has just told Jerry he will keep him as his agent]
Jerry Maguire: That's, that's great. I'm very... happy.
Rod Tidwell: Are you listenin'?
Jerry Maguire: Yes!
Rod Tidwell: That's what I'm gonna do for you: God bless you, Jerry. But this is what you gonna do for me. You listenin', Jerry?
Jerry Maguire: Yeah, what, what, what can I do for you, Rod? You just tell me what can I do for you?
Rod Tidwell: It's a very personal, a very important thing. Hell, it's a family motto. Are you ready, Jerry?
Jerry Maguire: I'm ready.
Rod Tidwell: I wanna make sure you're ready, brother. Here it is: Show me the money. Oh-ho-ho! SHOW! ME! THE! MONEY! A-ha-ha! Jerry, doesn't it make you feel good just to say that! Say it with me one time, Jerry.
Jerry Maguire: Show you the money.
Rod Tidwell: Oh, no, no. You can do better than that, Jerry! I want you to say it with you, with meaning, brother! Hey, I got Bob Sugar on the other line; I bet you he can say it!
Jerry Maguire: Yeah, yeah, no, no, no. Show you the money.
Rod Tidwell: No! Not show you! Show me the money!
Jerry Maguire: Show me the money!
Rod Tidwell: Yeah! Louder!
Jerry Maguire: Show me the money!
Rod Tidwell: Yes, but, brother, you got to yell that shit!
Jerry Maguire: Show me the money!
Rod Tidwell: I need to feel you, Jerry!
Jerry Maguire: Show me the money!
Rod Tidwell: Jerry, you got to yell!
Jerry Maguire: [screaming] Show me the money! Show me the money!
Rod Tidwell: Do you love this black man!
Jerry Maguire: I love the black man! Show me the money!
Rod Tidwell: I love black people.
Jerry Maguire: I love black people!
Rod Tidwell: Who's your motherfucker, Jerry?
Jerry Maguire: You're my motherfucker!
Rod Tidwell: Whatcha gonna do, Jerry?
Jerry Maguire: Show me the money!
Rod Tidwell: Unh! Congratulations, you're still my agent.

Jerry Maguire: [while leaving the stadium after a game] How's your head?
Rod Tidwell: Bubblicious.

Rod Tidwell: I feel for you, man. But a real man wouldn't shoplift the pootie from a single mom.
Jerry Maguire: I didn't shoplift the pootie.
[Rod gives him a long Look]
Jerry Maguire: All right. I shoplifted the pootie.

Rod Tidwell: [over the phone] Jerry Maguire... How'm I doing? I'm sweating, dude! I'm sweatin' my contract! I'm sweating Bob Sugar calling me, telling me I'm missing the big endorsements by being with you! THAT'S how I'm doing - I'm sweating, dude!

Rod Tidwell: [over the phone] I am a valuable commodity! I go across the middle! I see a dude coming at me, trying to kill me, I tell myself "Get killed. Catch the ball!' BOO YA! Touchdown! I make miracles happen!
Jerry Maguire: Rod...
Rod Tidwell: I'm from Arizona, Jerry! I broke Arizona records! I went to Arizona State! I'm a Sun Devil, man!
Jerry Maguire: And now you want Arizona dollars?
Rod Tidwell: Exaaaacctly!

Rod Tidwell: [while on a plane] Ya know! Ya know! We're together on this one! Ya know! Ya know!
Jerry Maguire: Oh my god.

Rod Tidwell: [after showing up late to his game] Thanks for coming.
Jerry Maguire: I missed ya. What can I say? You're all I've got.

Jerry Maguire: I started talking to Dennis Wilburn about your re-negotiation this morning.
Rod Tidwell: [after stepping out of the shower] Talking. Jerry Rice, Andre Reed, Chris Carter... I smell all these fools. They are making the big sweet dollars. They are making the... quan, and you are talking.

Rod Tidwell: [to Jerry] You tell me to eat lima beans, I'll eat lima beans

Rod Tidwell: [to Jerry] Quit using that word. "Quan", that's my word!

Rod Tidwell: Jerry Maguire, my agent. You're my ambassador of Kwan.

Rod Tidwell: [sarcastically to Jerry] Is it my imagination or, didn't we arrive in a limo?

Rod Tidwell: [to Jerry] You bet on me like I bet on you.

Rod Tidwell: [while leaving the stadium after a game] Maybe you don't. Because it's not just the money I deserve. It's not just the "coin." It's the... - "the kwan".
Jerry Maguire: That's your word?
Rod Tidwell: Yeah, man, it means love, respect, community... and the dollars too. The package. The kwan.
Jerry Maguire: But how did you get "kwan?"
Rod Tidwell: I got there from "coin," dude. Coin, coin... kwaaaan.

Rod Tidwell: [to Jerry] No, I air-dry.