Chas Tenenbaum
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Quotes for
Chas Tenenbaum (Character)
from The Royal Tenenbaums (2001)

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The Royal Tenenbaums (2001)
Royal: I got a pretty bad case of cancer.
Chas: [yawns] How long you gonna last?
Royal: Not long.
Chas: A month? A year?
Royal: About six weeks. Let me get to the point, the three of you and your mother are all I've got and I love you more than anything.
[Chas scoffs and mock laughs]
Royal: Chas, let me finish here. I've got six weeks to set things right with you and I aim to do it. Will you give me a chance?
Chas: No.
Royal: Do you speak for everyone?
Chas: I speak for myself.

[after the fire drill]
Chas: Four minutes, forty-eight seconds. We're all dead. Burned to a crisp.

Ethel: What are you talking about?
Chas: The apartment. I have to get some new sprinklers and a back-up security system installed.
Ethel: But there are no sprinklers here either.
Chas: We might have to do something about that too.

Uzi Tenenbaum: Who's your father?
Chas: His name is Royal Tenenbaum.
Ari: You told us he was already dead.
Chas: Yeah, well, now he's really dying.

Richie: I think he's very lonely. Lonelier than he lets on. Maybe lonelier than he even realizes.
Ethel: Have you spoken to him about this?
Richie: Briefly. And he agreed that...
Chas: I'm sorry, maybe I'm a little confused here. What are you suggesting?
Richie: That he come here and stay in my room.
Chas: Are you out of your mind?
Richie: No. I'm not. Anyway I think he'd be much more comfortable here than at...
Chas: Who gives a shit?
Richie: I do.
Chas: You poor sucker. You poor, washed up papa's boy.

[after seeing Royal asleep on a hospital bed with a heart monitor and IV at his bedside]
Chas: Get out.

Chas: Looks like you and Dad are back together again, huh.
Richie: He's your dad too, Chas.
Chas: No, he's not.
Richie: Yes, he is.
Chas: You really hate me, don't you?
Richie: No. I don't. I love you.
Chas: Well, I don't know what you think you're gonna get out of this, but believe me, whatever it is, it's not worth it.
Richie: Chas. I don't want to hurt you. I know what you and the boys have been through. You're my brother and I love you.
Chas: Stop saying that!

[to Royal]
Chas: Please don't come in this room.

Chas: Please don't get in the middle of this, Mr. Sherman. This is a family matter.
Margot: Don't talk to him like that.
Henry Sherman: Call me Henry.
Chas: I prefer Mr. Sherman.
Ethel: Call him Henry.
Chas: Why? I don't know him that well.
Ethel: You've known him for 10 years.
Chas: As your accountant, Mr. Sherman, yes.

Royal: [laying some flowers on the grave of his mother - Helen O'Reilly Tenenbaum, 1899-1954] She was a tough old broad, wasn't she?
Chas: I wouldn't know. Excuse me.
[he starts to head off with his sons Ari and Uzi to visit their mother's grave]
Royal: Oh, that's right, we've got another body buried here, haven't we?

[in a hospital ward]
Chas: Why did you try to kill yourself?
Ethel: Don't press him right now.
Richie: I wrote a suicide note.
Chas: You did?
Richie: Yeah. Right after I regained consciousness.
Chas: Can we read it?
Richie: No.
Chas: Can you paraphrase it for us?
Richie: I don't think so.
Chas: Is it dark?
Richie: Of course it's dark, it's a suicide note.

Royal: First thing I want to do is take you out to see your grandmother, at some point.
Richie: I haven't been out there since I was 6.
Margot: I haven't been out there at all, I was never invited.
Royal: Well, she wasn't your real grandmother, and I never knew how much interest you had, uh, sweetie. Anyway, you're invited now.
Richie: You know, Rachael's buried out there too.
Royal: Who?
Chas: My wife.
Royal: Oh, that's right, isn't it. Well, we'll have to swing by her grave too.
[Chas slams his book shut and angrily walks out]

Royal: [to Chas] Well... you sued me... twice. Got me disbarred. I don't hold it against you, do I?
[cut to Chas and Royal in court, sitting with their lawyers in front of the Judge]
Judge: And how is it possible for Mr. Tenenbaum to withdraw these funds without your written authorization?
Royal: Objection, Your Honor. Damn it, I...
Royal's Lawyer: Why don't you leave the objections to me, Royal?
Chas: Because I started the corporation when I was a minor. So, my father was the primary signatory on most of my accounts.
[Chas' lawyer whispers in his ear]
Chas: He also stole bonds out of my safety deposit box when I was fourteen.
[Royal looks at Chas, then back at the judge. He chuckles uncomfortably]
Royal: [back in present day, to Chas] You think you could start forgiving me?
Chas: Why should I?
Royal: Because you're hurting me.

[Chas Tenenbaum and his sons enter his mother's house with several bags]
Etheline Tenenbaum: Chas? What's going on?
Chas: We got locked out of our apartment.
Etheline Tenenbaum: Well, did you call a locksmith?
Chas: Uh huh.
Etheline Tenenbaum: Well, I don't understand. Did you pack your bags before you got locked out?

Eli: Did I hit the dog?
Chas: Yeah.
Eli: Is he dead?
Chas: Yeah.
Eli: I need help.

[Chas has told Royal to get out of the house. As Royal gets up to leave he suddenly seems to suffer some kind of 'attack' and falls to the floor]
Chas: Are you OK?
Royal: [with a wooden spoon between his teeth] 'Fuck do you care?

Chas: I've had a rough year, dad.
Royal: I know you have, Chassie.

Young Chas Tenenbaum: [about Margot's play] Well, what'd you think, Dad?
Royal: Didn't seem believable to me.
[to Eli]
Royal: Why are you wearing pajamas? Do you live here?
Young Richie Tenenbaum: He has permission to sleep over.
Young Chas Tenenbaum: Well, did you at least think the characters were well developed?
Royal: What characters? This is a bunch of little kids dressed up in animal costumes.
Young Margot Tenenbaum: Good night, everyone.
Royal: Well, sweetie, don't be mad at me. That's just one man's opinion.
[Margot gets up and gathers her presents just as Ethel comes in with the birthday cake and everyone starts singing Happy Birthday, which trails off as she leaves the room. Ethel glares at Royal]
Narrator: He had not been invited to any of their parties since.

[Royal is telling his children that he and their mother are splitting up]
Young Margot Tenenbaum: Is it our fault?
Royal: No, no. Obviously, we made certain sacrifices as a result of having children, but no, Lord, no.
Young Richie Tenenbaum: Then why'd she ask you to leave?
Royal: I don't really know anymore. Maybe, uh, I wasn't as true to her as I could have been.
Young Chas Tenenbaum: Well, she said...
Royal: Let's just drop it, shall we, Chassie?

[During a war game with BB guns]
Royal: [on top of a roof, aiming at Chas] Hold it Chassie. Hold it right there.
Young Chas Tenenbaum: What are you doing? You're on my team!
Royal: Ha-ha! There are no teams!
[he shoots at Chas, hitting his hand. Chas screams in pain and shoots back at him. Royal laughs as he ducks out of the way]
Narrator: The BB was still lodged between two knuckles in Chas's left hand.