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Quotes for
Billy Tessio (Character)
from Stand by Me (1986)

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Stand by Me (1986)
Eyeball: So, what's with you and this Connie Palermo chick?
Billy Tessio: I've been seeing her for over a month now and all she'll let me do is feel her tits.
Ace: She's a Catholic, man. There'll all like that. If you wanna get laid, you gotta get yourself a Protestant. A Jew's good.

Billy Tessio: [about to get in Ace's car to find Ray Brower's body] Hey, Ace, uh... maybe me and Charlie shouldn't go.
Charlie Hogan: Yeah, maybe you guys could go without us.
Ace: [sighs] You guys are like my grandmother having a conniption fit. I don't see your problem. We brought a whole bunch of fishing gear, and if a cop asks us what we're doing here, we're just here to take a couple steelhead out of the river, and look what we found!
Vince Desjardins: Yeah! Come on, man, we're gonna be famous! We're gonna be on every radio and TV show in the country!
Charlie Hogan: I still don't think we should go.
Ace: Okay... okay... you've stated your position clearly. Now I'm gonna state mine: get in the fucking car, now!

Eyeball: [about Ray Brower] Shit! When they gonna give up? The kid's gone. They ain't never gonna find him.
Charlie Hogan: Not where they're looking.
Billy Tessio: Hey, Eyeball's right, Charlie. They ain't never gonna find him.
Eyeball: ["tatooing" Eyeball's arm with a knife blade] Would you hold still? You're making me fuck up the snake part.
Vince Desjardins: I'll tell you how they're gonna find him. Ten years from now, some hunter's gonna go in the woods to take a leak, wind up pissing on his bones.
Charlie Hogan: I bet you a thousand bucks they'll find him before then.
Eyeball: Bet you two thousand dollars they don't.
Charlie Hogan: Well, asshole...
Billy Tessio: Hey, what's the big deal? Who cares?
Ace: Will you two just shut the fuck up? If either of you assholes had two-thousand dollars, I'd kill you both.

Charlie Hogan: [Charlie and Billy are discussing the discovery of Ray Brower's body] I still think we should call the cops.
Billy Tessio: You don't go squawkin' to the cops when ya boosted a car, you idiot. They're gonna wanna know how we got all the way out on the Back Harlow Road. Now, they know we ain't got no car. It's best we just keep our mouths shut, and then they can't touch us.
Charlie Hogan: We could make a 'nonymous call.
Billy Tessio: They trace those calls, stupid. I seen it on "Highway Patrol" and on "Dragnet."

The Writer: [voiceover] Around this time, Charlie and Billy were playing "Mailbox Baseball" with Ace and Eyeball.
[cuts to Ace hitting mailboxes with a bat in a moving car]
Ace: [Ace hits a wooden mailbox] Ahh shit! I'm out! Goddammit!
Eyeball: You shouldn't have gone for a wooden one. Huh-huh!
Ace: [Stares at Eyeball intensely] Why don't you tell me something I don't know, asshole?
[Hands bat to Billy]
Ace: Billy, you're up.
Billy Tessio: Nah, you guys win. I don't wanna play no more.
Eyeball: Hey, you can't quit! We've only played three innings! That would be a non-official game!
Charlie Hogan: Hey, Ace. Uh, we...
[Billy nudges him in the arm]
Ace: What's with you homos? You guys've been acting psycho all day.
[Long pause]
Ace: What is it?
Billy Tessio: It's nothin'! It's nothin'! It's nothin', right?
[Looks over at Charlie who concurs]
Ace: Then, if you gentlemen don't mind, I'd like to finish this game before I start collecting my goddamn Social Security, okay? You're up Billy. Move it!
Billy Tessio: All right! Gimmie this fuckin' thing.
[grabs bat and assumes batter's position]
Ace: Let's play ball!
Eyeball: Yeah!