Ace Merrill
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Quotes for
Ace Merrill (Character)
from Stand by Me (1986)

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Stand by Me (1986)
Ace: Okay, Chambers, you little faggot. This is your last chance. What do you say, kid?
Chris: Why don't you go home and fuck your mother some more?
[Ace pulls out a knife]
Ace: You're dead.

Ace: What are you gonna do? Shoot us all?
Gordie: No, Ace. Just you.

Eyeball: So, what's with you and this Connie Palermo chick?
Billy Tessio: I've been seeing her for over a month now and all she'll let me do is feel her tits.
Ace: She's a Catholic, man. There'll all like that. If you wanna get laid, you gotta get yourself a Protestant. A Jew's good.

Ace: We're gonna get you for this.
Chris: Maybe you will, maybe you won't.
Ace: Oh, we will.

Billy Tessio: [about to get in Ace's car to find Ray Brower's body] Hey, Ace, uh... maybe me and Charlie shouldn't go.
Charlie Hogan: Yeah, maybe you guys could go without us.
Ace: [sighs] You guys are like my grandmother having a conniption fit. I don't see your problem. We brought a whole bunch of fishing gear, and if a cop asks us what we're doing here, we're just here to take a couple steelhead out of the river, and look what we found!
Vince Desjardins: Yeah! Come on, man, we're gonna be famous! We're gonna be on every radio and TV show in the country!
Charlie Hogan: I still don't think we should go.
Ace: Okay... okay... you've stated your position clearly. Now I'm gonna state mine: get in the fucking car, now!

Eyeball: [about Ray Brower] Shit! When they gonna give up? The kid's gone. They ain't never gonna find him.
Charlie Hogan: Not where they're looking.
Billy Tessio: Hey, Eyeball's right, Charlie. They ain't never gonna find him.
Eyeball: ["tatooing" Eyeball's arm with a knife blade] Would you hold still? You're making me fuck up the snake part.
Vince Desjardins: I'll tell you how they're gonna find him. Ten years from now, some hunter's gonna go in the woods to take a leak, wind up pissing on his bones.
Charlie Hogan: I bet you a thousand bucks they'll find him before then.
Eyeball: Bet you two thousand dollars they don't.
Charlie Hogan: Well, asshole...
Billy Tessio: Hey, what's the big deal? Who cares?
Ace: Will you two just shut the fuck up? If either of you assholes had two-thousand dollars, I'd kill you both.

Ace: You got two choices. You leave quietly, we take the body. Or, you can stay, we beat the shit out of you, we take the body.

Eyeball: Hey girls, where ya goin'?
Gordie: [Ace passes Gordie on the sidewalk and snatches his baseball cap off his head] Hey, my brother gave me that!
Ace: [holds the hat up high so Gordie can't reach it] Now, you're giving it to me.
Gordie: Hey! C'mon, man! That's mine!
Chris: [glaring at Ace] You're a real asshole, you know that?
Ace: [flicks his cigarette to that ground] Ooo. You're brother's not very polite, Eyeball.
Eyeball: Now, Christopher. I know you didn't mean to insult my friend.
Ace: I know he didn't mean to insult me. That's why I'm going to give him the chance of taking it back.
Ace: [thrusts Chris on his stomach against the sidewalk and begins holding the lit cigarette close to his eye] Take it back, kid.
Chris: You bastard! Let go, man! Shit!
Gordie: Stop it, man! You're hurting him!
Chris: Filthy bastard...! Okay, I take it back! I take it back!
Ace: Now, I feel a whole let better about this. How 'bout you?
[grins at Chris and pats him on the cheek]
Ace: Good.
Eyeball: See ya later, girls.

The Writer: [voiceover] Around this time, Charlie and Billy were playing "Mailbox Baseball" with Ace and Eyeball.
[cuts to Ace hitting mailboxes with a bat in a moving car]
Ace: [Ace hits a wooden mailbox] Ahh shit! I'm out! Goddammit!
Eyeball: You shouldn't have gone for a wooden one. Huh-huh!
Ace: [Stares at Eyeball intensely] Why don't you tell me something I don't know, asshole?
[Hands bat to Billy]
Ace: Billy, you're up.
Billy Tessio: Nah, you guys win. I don't wanna play no more.
Eyeball: Hey, you can't quit! We've only played three innings! That would be a non-official game!
Charlie Hogan: Hey, Ace. Uh, we...
[Billy nudges him in the arm]
Ace: What's with you homos? You guys've been acting psycho all day.
[Long pause]
Ace: What is it?
Billy Tessio: It's nothin'! It's nothin'! It's nothin', right?
[Looks over at Charlie who concurs]
Ace: Then, if you gentlemen don't mind, I'd like to finish this game before I start collecting my goddamn Social Security, okay? You're up Billy. Move it!
Billy Tessio: All right! Gimmie this fuckin' thing.
[grabs bat and assumes batter's position]
Ace: Let's play ball!
Eyeball: Yeah!


"Family Guy: Three Kings (#7.15)" (2009)
[the boys just found the body and while observing, Ace appears]
Ace: Out of my way you little pip-squeaks. I'm taking credit for finding this body.
Richard Dreyfuss: [Narration] It was the meanest guy in town, Ace, and his whole gang, Beast Man, Mer-Man, and for some reason, Norm from Cheers.
Norm Peterson: Hey gang. What, are we beating somebody up?
Ace: Now get lost. We'll take it from here.
[Ace walks over to Quag Chambers and holds up a knife to his neck. Petey Lachance retaliates by firing a warning shot, then points gun at Ace]
Petey Lachance: Kiss my grits, you cheap dime-store hood.
Ace: This ain't over, Lachance. I mean, you have a gun right now but tomorrow I'll get a gun and come to your house and kill you.
Petey Lachance: Oh, yeah, I guess you could do that, huh? I mean, we live in the same town, and I can't just be on my guard for the rest of my life. Boy, that is a major hole in this story. Okay, take the body.