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: Look, chief, I better blow 'cause if Columbo sees me, it's gonna be "Goodbye Charlie!" Mulligan
: Goodbye, Charlie.
: You better bring a check in case the joint is raided. Waiter
: Who's gonna raid a funeral? Mulligan
: Some people got no respect for the dead.
: What happened here? Little Bonaparte
: [referring to Spats and his thugs
] There was something in that cake that didn't agree with them. Mulligan
: My compliments to the chef. Nobody leaves this room until I get the recipe. Little Bonaparte
: You wanna make a federal case of it? Mulligan
: [grabs the speaker of Little Bonaparte's hearing aid
: All right, Charlie; that the joint? Toothpick Charlie
: Yes, sir. Mulligan
: Who runs it? Toothpick Charlie
: I already told you. Mulligan
: Refresh my memory. Toothpick Charlie
: Spats Columbo. Mulligan
: That's very refreshing; what's the password? Toothpick Charlie
: "I've come to Grandma's funeral." Here's your admission card.
[he gives Mulligan a mourning armband
: Thanks, Charlie. Toothpick Charlie
: Now if you want a ringside table, just tell 'em that you're one of the pallbearers. Mulligan
: OK, Charlie.
: Hello, copper. What brings you to Miami? Mulligan
: Heard you "opera lovers" were having a convention, so I thought I'd better be around in case anybody decided to sing.
: [when his speakeasy is raided
] What's the rap this time? Mulligan
: Embalming people with coffee - 86 proof.
: You shave with your spats on? Spats Colombo
: I sleep with my spats on.
: Alright Spats, services are over, lets go Spats Colombo
: Go where? Mulligan
: A little country club we run for retired bootleggers. I'm puttin your name up for membership Spats Colombo
: I dont join nothin' Mulligan
: Ahh... you'll like it there, I'll get the prison tailor to fit you with a pair of special spats - striped! Spats Colombo
: Big joke!