Ponton
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Quotes for
Ponton (Character)
from The Pink Panther (2006)

The content of this page was created by users. It has not been screened or verified by IMDb staff.
The Pink Panther (2006)
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Without warning, I will attack you. In this way, I will keep you vigilant and alert.
[attacks Ponton, but Ponton hits Clouseau]
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Good one.
Ponton: Thank you.

Ponton: You never cease to surprise me, sir.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: With me, surprises are rarely unexpected.

Inspector Jacques Clouseau: What? What did you say?
Ponton: Nothing.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: You mean, you didn't just say: Stop the car, dear God, I beg of you, stop the car?

Ponton: [after Xania has invited Clouseau to dinner] It could be a trap.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Who cares?

Ponton: He was just found dead in a training facility locker room. Shot in the head.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Was it fatal?
Ponton: Yes.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: How fatal?
Ponton: Um, completely.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: I want to talk to him now!

Inspector Jacques Clouseau: [asking Ponton about his wife] Tell me about her.
Ponton: I consider her the most beautiful woman in the world.
[pauses]
Ponton: What about yourself?
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: No, I don't consider myself a beautiful woman.

Inspector Jacques Clouseau: The good-cop/bad-cop routine is working perfectly.
Ponton: You know, usually two different cops do that.

Ponton: Have you ever had a hamburger?
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Well, of course not. It's a disgusting American food.
[starts eating the hamburger he was holding and enjoys it]

Ponton: [chasing masked assassin]
Chief Inspector Dreyfus: It's Clouseau. Arrest him.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: [running after Ponton]
Chief Inspector Dreyfus: ...Which one is he?
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: [falls off banister]
Chief Inspector Dreyfus: That would be him.

Inspector Jacques Clouseau: [about Bizu - dead] It's amazing how he fell perfectly into the chalk outline on the floor.
Ponton: I think they drew the outline after he was shot.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Ah! We must be working with some kind of mastermind!

Inspector Jacques Clouseau: And you are?
Ponton: Gilbert Ponton. Detective, second class. I've been assigned to work with you.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: And what qualifications do you have for police work?
Ponton: My family's done police work in Paris for nine generations.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: And before that?
Ponton: We were policemen in the surrounding areas for 200 years.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: And before that?
Ponton: Immigrants from various countries in Europe all involving police work.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: And before that?
Ponton: Farmers.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Hmm. So you are a little lamb who has come to Clouseau for to learn.

Inspector Jacques Clouseau: The day before the murder, you were seen hitting the victim and saying... what?
Ponton: 'I am going to kill you, I am going to kill you'

Inspector Jacques Clouseau: I've got Bizu in the interrogation room.
Ponton: What's the plan?
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: I'm going to give him the "good-cop / bad-cop" routine.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: You are the soccer player known as Bizu?
Bizu: Yes.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: You were acquainted with Yves Gluant?
Bizu: I am glad he is pushing up daisies.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: He is not pushing up daisies, he is dead!
Bizu: It's an idiom.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: You sir, are the idiom!
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Now, unless you want to spend the rest of your life in prison, you will answer the next question: Did you kill him?
Bizu: I would have loved to have killed him, but some lucky bastard beat me to it.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: You disgust me. I'll be right back!
[leaves room]
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: [re-enters room] Cigarette?
Bizu: No. Thanks.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Good for you. Bizu, I knew you didn't do it; someone else did, and they are trying to set you up.
Bizu: You'll help me?
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Of course I'll help you. Now, do you have any idea who else might have done this terrible thing?
Bizu: His partner in those stupid restaurants, Larocque.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Raymond Larocque, the casino owner.
Bizu: Gluant would steal money from the restaurants and use it to gamble. My guess is Larocque got fed up and had him killed.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Bizu, I like you. I'm going to help you. You and I are going to make a great team.
[leaves room and shuts door]
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: The good cop / bad cop routine is working perfectly.
Ponton: You know, usually two different cops do that.

[repeated lines]
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: [after Ponton blocks one of Clouseau's surprise attacks with a counter-attack of his own] Good one.
Ponton: Thank you.


The Pink Panther 2 (2009)
Insp. Jacques Clouseau: And she does not think she is pretty... And I can never tell her that she is pretty, otherwise...
Ponton: Otherwise, what?
Insp. Jacques Clouseau: If she knew how pretty she is, she might choose someone other than me.

Pepperidge: Gentlemen, we first have to determine how the crime was committed. And as I am an expert at deduction...
Insp. Jacques Clouseau: You are an expert at deduction?
Pepperidge: That is my field.
Insp. Jacques Clouseau: I believe deduction is my field, and since you are experiencing hip pain...
Pepperidge: How did you know that?
Insp. Jacques Clouseau: One side of the sole of your shoe is more worn than the other; you're favoring your right leg.
Pepperidge: Tell me, did you enjoy your double espresso this morning?
Insp. Jacques Clouseau: How did you...
Pepperidge: Your pupils are noticeably dilated.
Insp. Jacques Clouseau: And will you be moving out of the Hotel Montmartre? They are doing construction at night around the Montmartre so as not to disturb daytime traffic. From your puffy eyes, I deduce you spent a sleepless night.
Pepperidge: Speaking of traffic, are you enjoying your Smart car? Your trousers are wrinkled behind the knees.
Insp. Jacques Clouseau: And how do you think your favorite football team, Arsenal, will do this year? That matchbox is from the only bar in Paris that shows English football telecasts.
Pepperidge: You have tissues in your shoes to make you look taller.
Insp. Jacques Clouseau: You were finally 14 before you finally learned to enjoy avocado.
Pepperidge: Tell me, how did you enjoy your trip to the airport this morning?
Insp. Jacques Clouseau: Now, how did you know that?
[the airport stamp on Clouseau's hand is visible to everyone]
Ponton: Perhaps one of you should begin.
Insp. Jacques Clouseau: Yes, this is silly.
Pepperidge: You've recently lost your favorite cheese grater.
Insp. Jacques Clouseau: You have an aversion to cow bells!
Vicenzo: Stop the insanity and look at this:
[Vincenzo picks up a piece of broken glass]
Vicenzo: Il Tornado is not as careful as he thinks.

Insp. Jacques Clouseau: You are under arrest!
Sonia: Let me go, or I will destroy it.
[Sonia takes what she believes to be the Pink Panther from her purse, and draws a gun]
Dreyfus: Let her go.
Insp. Jacques Clouseau: Let her do it.
Dreyfus: [shocked] Are you insane?
Insp. Jacques Clouseau: [Sonia tosses what appears to be the Pink Panther into the air, shooting it into millions of fragments; she attempts to run into a hallway, only for Ponton to hit her face with a metal serving tray] Good work, Ponton.
Ponton: Thank you.
Dreyfus: You moron! You twerp! You sad excuse for a human being! You have just destroyed the sacred symbol of France!
Insp. Jacques Clouseau: Ponton, did you bring what I asked for? Boys...
[Louis and Antoine bring a small jewelry case]
Louis: Here it is, Uncle Jacques.
Insp. Jacques Clouseau: Yes, yes.
Insp. Jacques Clouseau: I knew the Tornado would eventually come after the Pink Panther, so I went to the museé with a simple plan in mind. I had convinced my old friend, Robert the night guard, to turn off the security system for the few moments necessary to save the most beautiful object in France. I then switched the Pink Panther with the replica I had at home.
[Clouseau takes the real Pink Panther from the case]
Insp. Jacques Clouseau: This is the real Pink Panther. It was the fake that was stolen.
Dreyfus: [to himself] Nightmare, nightmare.
Insp. Jacques Clouseau: And when the Tornado, an expert on the quality of gems, wrote in his supposed suicide note of its great beauty, I knew he could never have been the thief; he would have recognized it as a fake.
Vicenzo: How did you figure out it was Sonia?
Insp. Jacques Clouseau: It was because I spent the last 17 months on parking duty.
Dreyfus: What?
Insp. Jacques Clouseau: Today I was staring at Miss Solandres' license plate. I recognized it because of my... unique system of cross-referencing. I became aware that I had given a parking ticket to the same car, two days before Miss Solandres claimed she arrived in Paris... one day before the Pink Panther was stolen.
[the guests applaud Clouseau, who has just thwarted Sonia Solandres]
Dreyfus: You followed my instructions very well, Clouseau. It was I, of course, who put Clouseau onto the parking ticket assignment. Isn't that so, Inspector?
Insp. Jacques Clouseau: No.
[Clouseau winks at Chief Inspector Dreyfus, who instructed him to deny any knowledge of the assignment]
Insp. Jacques Clouseau: And at Avellaneda's mansion, when I sensed the presence of the Tornado, he was there, all right. But it was not a he, it was a she!
[the guests and the Dream Team applaud Clouseau's success]