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Quotes for
Ponton (Character)
from The Pink Panther (2006)

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The Pink Panther (2006)
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Without warning, I will attack you. In this way, I will keep you vigilant and alert.
[attacks Ponton, but Ponton hits Clouseau]
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Good one.
Ponton: Thank you.

Ponton: You never cease to surprise me, sir.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: With me, surprises are rarely unexpected.

Inspector Jacques Clouseau: What? What did you say?
Ponton: Nothing.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: You mean, you didn't just say: Stop the car, dear God, I beg of you, stop the car?

Ponton: [after Xania has invited Clouseau to dinner] It could be a trap.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Who cares?

Ponton: He was just found dead in a training facility locker room. Shot in the head.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Was it fatal?
Ponton: Yes.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: How fatal?
Ponton: Um, completely.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: I want to talk to him now!

Inspector Jacques Clouseau: [asking Ponton about his wife] Tell me about her.
Ponton: I consider her the most beautiful woman in the world.
Ponton: What about yourself?
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: No, I don't consider myself a beautiful woman.

Inspector Jacques Clouseau: The good-cop/bad-cop routine is working perfectly.
Ponton: You know, usually two different cops do that.

Ponton: Have you ever had a hamburger?
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Well, of course not. It's a disgusting American food.
[starts eating the hamburger he was holding and enjoys it]

Ponton: [chasing masked assassin]
Chief Inspector Dreyfus: It's Clouseau. Arrest him.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: [running after Ponton]
Chief Inspector Dreyfus: ...Which one is he?
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: [falls off banister]
Chief Inspector Dreyfus: That would be him.

Inspector Jacques Clouseau: [about Bizu - dead] It's amazing how he fell perfectly into the chalk outline on the floor.
Ponton: I think they drew the outline after he was shot.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Ah! We must be working with some kind of mastermind!

Inspector Jacques Clouseau: And you are?
Ponton: Gilbert Ponton. Detective, second class. I've been assigned to work with you.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: And what qualifications do you have for police work?
Ponton: My family's done police work in Paris for nine generations.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: And before that?
Ponton: We were policemen in the surrounding areas for 200 years.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: And before that?
Ponton: Immigrants from various countries in Europe all involving police work.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: And before that?
Ponton: Farmers.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Hmm. So you are a little lamb who has come to Clouseau for to learn.

Inspector Jacques Clouseau: The day before the murder, you were seen hitting the victim and saying... what?
Ponton: 'I am going to kill you, I am going to kill you'

Inspector Jacques Clouseau: I've got Bizu in the interrogation room.
Ponton: What's the plan?
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: I'm going to give him the "good-cop / bad-cop" routine.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: You are the soccer player known as Bizu?
Bizu: Yes.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: You were acquainted with Yves Gluant?
Bizu: I am glad he is pushing up daisies.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: He is not pushing up daisies, he is dead!
Bizu: It's an idiom.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: You sir, are the idiom!
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Now, unless you want to spend the rest of your life in prison, you will answer the next question: Did you kill him?
Bizu: I would have loved to have killed him, but some lucky bastard beat me to it.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: You disgust me. I'll be right back!
[leaves room]
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: [re-enters room] Cigarette?
Bizu: No. Thanks.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Good for you. Bizu, I knew you didn't do it; someone else did, and they are trying to set you up.
Bizu: You'll help me?
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Of course I'll help you. Now, do you have any idea who else might have done this terrible thing?
Bizu: His partner in those stupid restaurants, Larocque.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Raymond Larocque, the casino owner.
Bizu: Gluant would steal money from the restaurants and use it to gamble. My guess is Larocque got fed up and had him killed.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Bizu, I like you. I'm going to help you. You and I are going to make a great team.
[leaves room and shuts door]
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: The good cop / bad cop routine is working perfectly.
Ponton: You know, usually two different cops do that.

[repeated lines]
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: [after Ponton blocks one of Clouseau's surprise attacks with a counter-attack of his own] Good one.
Ponton: Thank you.

The Pink Panther 2 (2009)
Insp. Jacques Clouseau: And she does not think she is pretty... And I can never tell her that she is pretty, otherwise...
Ponton: Otherwise, what?
Insp. Jacques Clouseau: If she knew how pretty she is, she might choose someone other than me.

Pepperidge: Gentlemen, we first have to determine how the crime was committed. And as I am an expert at deduction...
Insp. Jacques Clouseau: You are an expert at deduction?
Pepperidge: That is my field.
Insp. Jacques Clouseau: I believe deduction is my field, and since you are experiencing hip pain...
Pepperidge: How did you know that?
Insp. Jacques Clouseau: One side of the sole of your shoe is more worn than the other; you're favoring your right leg.
Pepperidge: Tell me, did you enjoy your double espresso this morning?
Insp. Jacques Clouseau: How did you...
Pepperidge: Your pupils are noticeably dilated.
Insp. Jacques Clouseau: And will you be moving out of the Hotel Montmartre? They are doing construction at night around the Montmartre so as not to disturb daytime traffic. From your puffy eyes, I deduce you spent a sleepless night.
Pepperidge: Speaking of traffic, are you enjoying your Smart car? Your trousers are wrinkled behind the knees.
Insp. Jacques Clouseau: And how do you think your favorite football team, Arsenal, will do this year? That matchbox is from the only bar in Paris that shows English football telecasts.
Pepperidge: You have tissues in your shoes to make you look taller.
Insp. Jacques Clouseau: You were finally 14 before you finally learned to enjoy avocado.
Pepperidge: Tell me, how did you enjoy your trip to the airport this morning?
Insp. Jacques Clouseau: Now, how did you know that?
[the airport stamp on Clouseau's hand is visible to everyone]
Ponton: Perhaps one of you should begin.
Insp. Jacques Clouseau: Yes, this is silly.
Pepperidge: You've recently lost your favorite cheese grater.
Insp. Jacques Clouseau: You have an aversion to cow bells!
Vicenzo: Stop the insanity and look at this:
[Vincenzo picks up a piece of broken glass]
Vicenzo: Il Tornado is not as careful as he thinks.

Insp. Jacques Clouseau: You are under arrest!
Sonia: Let me go, or I will destroy it.
[Sonia takes what she believes to be the Pink Panther from her purse, and draws a gun]
Dreyfus: Let her go.
Insp. Jacques Clouseau: Let her do it.
Dreyfus: [shocked] Are you insane?
Insp. Jacques Clouseau: [Sonia tosses what appears to be the Pink Panther into the air, shooting it into millions of fragments; she attempts to run into a hallway, only for Ponton to hit her face with a metal serving tray] Good work, Ponton.
Ponton: Thank you.
Dreyfus: You moron! You twerp! You sad excuse for a human being! You have just destroyed the sacred symbol of France!
Insp. Jacques Clouseau: Ponton, did you bring what I asked for? Boys...
[Louis and Antoine bring a small jewelry case]
Louis: Here it is, Uncle Jacques.
Insp. Jacques Clouseau: Yes, yes.
Insp. Jacques Clouseau: I knew the Tornado would eventually come after the Pink Panther, so I went to the museé with a simple plan in mind. I had convinced my old friend, Robert the night guard, to turn off the security system for the few moments necessary to save the most beautiful object in France. I then switched the Pink Panther with the replica I had at home.
[Clouseau takes the real Pink Panther from the case]
Insp. Jacques Clouseau: This is the real Pink Panther. It was the fake that was stolen.
Dreyfus: [to himself] Nightmare, nightmare.
Insp. Jacques Clouseau: And when the Tornado, an expert on the quality of gems, wrote in his supposed suicide note of its great beauty, I knew he could never have been the thief; he would have recognized it as a fake.
Vicenzo: How did you figure out it was Sonia?
Insp. Jacques Clouseau: It was because I spent the last 17 months on parking duty.
Dreyfus: What?
Insp. Jacques Clouseau: Today I was staring at Miss Solandres' license plate. I recognized it because of my... unique system of cross-referencing. I became aware that I had given a parking ticket to the same car, two days before Miss Solandres claimed she arrived in Paris... one day before the Pink Panther was stolen.
[the guests applaud Clouseau, who has just thwarted Sonia Solandres]
Dreyfus: You followed my instructions very well, Clouseau. It was I, of course, who put Clouseau onto the parking ticket assignment. Isn't that so, Inspector?
Insp. Jacques Clouseau: No.
[Clouseau winks at Chief Inspector Dreyfus, who instructed him to deny any knowledge of the assignment]
Insp. Jacques Clouseau: And at Avellaneda's mansion, when I sensed the presence of the Tornado, he was there, all right. But it was not a he, it was a she!
[the guests and the Dream Team applaud Clouseau's success]