Detective Mike Lowrey
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Quotes for
Detective Mike Lowrey (Character)
from Bad Boys (1995)

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Bad Boys II (2003)
Marcus Burnett: You a virgin?
Reggie: Yes, sir.
Marcus Burnett: Good. Keep it that way. Ain't gonna be no fucking tonight.
Mike Lowery: You ever made love to a man?
Reggie: No.
Mike Lowery: You want to?

Mike Lowery: Now *that's* how you supposed to shoot! From now on, that's how you shoot! Oh man, I want my next partner to shoot like that. WOOOOO... it takes a dysfunctional motherfucker to bust somebody in the head like that. That's some dysfunctional shit! My next partner's gonna invite me to his barbeques and shit, though.

Mike Lowery: You know, Dan Marino should definitely buy this car. Well, not this one, 'cause I'm gonna fuck this one up. But he should definitely get one just like it.

Mike Lowery: [singing] Bad boys, bad boys what ya gonna do? What ya gonna do when we come for you?
[Marcus starts ad-libbing the first verse]
Mike Lowery: Dude, you gotta learn the words.
Marcus Burnett: We usually only do the chorus.

Mike Lowery: It ain't exactly a pool, man. It's like a big-ass puddle wrapped in blue plastic.

Mike Lowery: We ride together, we die together. Bad boys for life.

Marcus Burnett: [on seeing a rat] Oh, shit. These ain't normal rats.
Mike Lowery: What my partner means is that these are a special breed called, umm...
Marcus Burnett: Big motherfuckers.

Mike Lowery: [pointing a flashlight at Marcus' eyes] What are you on? Look at your pupils.
Marcus Burnett: Look at my pupils? How the hell am I gonna look at my pupils?
[tries to cross his eyes]

Floyd Poteet: We've got our rights.
Mike Lowery: Why don't you exercise your right to shut the fuck up?

Marcus Burnett: You see that?
Mike Lowery: They throwin' cars! How'd I not see that?
Marcus Burnett: Hey, Mike, I'm just trying to be helpful.
Mike Lowery: Hey, you'd know what would be fuckin' helpful, Marcus? Just shut the fuck up and let me drive, let's try that!

[repeated line]
Mike Lowery: That's that bullshit.

Mike Lowery: Crash the ambulance into the mortuary now.
Detective Mateo Reyes: [over radio] No way. I'm not getting suspended again.
Mike Lowery: I'm gonna whoop your asses if you don't crash that ambulance into the mortuary now.

Mike Lowery: Change the station. More music, less Marcus. If you open the door, he'll be a black Dr. Phil for the next 40 minutes.

Mike Lowery: Captain, is it possible we can discuss potential reimbursement...
Capt. Howard: The department doesn't cover personal property, that's why we drive police cars.

Marcus Burnett: [during a gun fight] Sir, we just want to talk.
Mike Lowery: You want to talk? All right, go ahead, go ahead.
Marcus Burnett: We're not immigration!
[more gunfire]
Mike Lowery: They can't hear you, 'cause they're still shooting at you!

[after Mike's flashback about his therapy]
Marcus Burnett: Mike, you go to therapy to get your issues worked out, not bang your therapist.
Mike Lowery: Now you just talking nasty.

Marcus Burnett: Look, Mike. Calm down!
Mike Lowery: Calm down? I'm calm! I'm calm... Whoaa! Whoa! I am way too unstable for that bullshit! Stop all the goddamn movement! Everybody stop moving!

Marcus Burnett: Mike! There's a papa rat humping the shit out of this mama rat. No, he's straight pile-driving her!
Mike Lowery: Now how is that information gonna help me do my job?
Marcus Burnett: They fuck just like us!

[Mike's way of saying I'm sorry]
Mike Lowery: It's a donut. It's a medical thing. I got it from a maternity store. You know, a lot of pregnant women use it. They can put one cheek here and take the pressure off the other. For you, dawg.
Marcus Burnett: Thoughtful.

Mike Lowery: [pretending to be drunk] Nigga, who is it at the door?
Marcus Burnett: It's Reggie!
Mike Lowery: Who the fuck is Reggie?
Marcus Burnett: Came to take Megan out.
Mike Lowery: [to Reggie] What you want, nigga?
Reggie: I'm here... to take his daughter out.
Mike Lowery: Motherfucker, I heard the boy say your name Reggie? You wanna be takin' Megan out?
Reggie: Yes, sire?
Mike Lowery: How old is you?
Reggie: Fifteen.
Mike Lowery: Shit, nigga. You at least thirty.

Marcus Burnett: Police! Pull over! Stop the car!
Mike Lowery: Not your badge, man! He has a gun, shoot him!

[after decimating the gang with gunfire]
Mike Lowery: Now show 'em your badge!

[as Marcus starts to examine a dead body, the top of its head falls off and hits the ground. Marcus retches, stumbles to a sink, and spits up]
Mike Lowery: That's that bullshit, that I be talking about.
Marcus Burnett: Mike, the motherfuckin' head fell off!

Mike Lowery: Rodney, I hear there's a boat on fire off the coast of Cuba.
Rodney: Don't you think we oughta break international waters to help them out?
Mike Lowery: That's my DAWG.

[after Mike lifts the sheet covering the dead bimbo in the morgue]
Marcus Burnett: Mike!
Mike Lowery: What?
Marcus Burnett: Show some dignity!
Mike Lowery: I ain't doin' nothin'.
Marcus Burnett: Cover her titties up!
Mike Lowery: What-what-what am I gonna do with these, these big-ass dead titties?
Marcus Burnett: But you're *lookin'* at them.
Mike Lowery: There is something seriously wrong with your brain, man.
Marcus Burnett: Just cover up her titties.

[Mike walks into the room, wearing a new purple suit]
Marcus Burnett: Are you a model or a cop?
Mike Lowery: Hey, man, I like lookin' good, that's all.
Marcus Burnett: For who?
Mike Lowery: Hey man, don't hate the playa, hate the game.
Marcus Burnett: Hate the tailor.

Mike Lowery: We got a tip that the Zopehounders were gonna do a hit on cash or drugs from this big time X-man.
Marcus Burnett: That's what they call an ecstasy dealer on the streets.
Capt. Howard: Marcus, I know what they call them. That's why I'm Captain.

[Marcus interrogates a dead gang member]
Marcus Burnett: Hey look, man, can you tell me who was driving the black Suburban? Huh? Oh he don't know nothin'. His brains is under the end table.
[turns around to see another dead gang member]
Marcus Burnett: He can't tell us shit, Mike. He's all fucked up.
Mike Lowery: What's your point?
Marcus Burnett: My point is that dead suspects can't say shit.

Marcus Burnett: My ass stills hurts from what you did to it the other night.
Mike Lowery: Hey, it got rough. We got caught up in the moment, shit got crazy. You know how I get.
Marcus Burnett: When you popped me from behind I think you damaged some nerves.

Mike Lowery: Okay, look, we're a partnership, but we're a partnership with boundaries. We got a new rule. From now on, you can't say the word "flaccid" to me. This is our little "boundary box." We're gonna take the word "flaccid" and put it in there with my mom's titties, and your erection problem, and we gonna close this box and we gonna throw this bitch in the ocean. And the only way that you can get to this box is you gotta be motherfuckin' Jacques Cousteau.

Blond Dread: Who that? Who in MY HOUSE?
Mike Lowery: I'm the Devil! Who's asking?
Blond Dread: The Devil... is not welcome... HEEEEEERRE!

Mike Lowery: [a car flies over, nearly colliding with Mike's Ferrari] WHOOOOO, THAT one puckered up my butt-hole!

Mike Lowery: [in a stand off] A bullet in the head will really mess up your extensions!

Mike Lowery: Vargas, abort, abort! We're not gonna make it to the tunnel! Go to Plan B! We're going to Plan B!
Marcus Burnett: What Plan B?
Mike Lowery: [pause] You don't pay attention to SHIT! That's your problem...!
[they start arguing in the middle of the gunfight]
Syd: Are you fucking shitting me? LET'S GO!
Mike Lowery: [to Marcus] Follow me, FOLLOW ME!
Detective Mateo Reyes: [in the escape tunnel] Plan B? What the hell is Plan B?

Marcus Burnett: [driving with Mike down a hill, through cocaine-processing shacks, in a stolen Humvee] Is this still plan B?
Mike Lowery: Naw, this is definitely plan C!

[while driving across Tapia's estate in a stolen Humvee, being shot at by the Cuban Army]
Mike Lowery: Man, Plan B does not have that big-ass gun in it!
Marcus Burnett: You call this Plan B? What does Plan B stand for? Bullshit!
Mike Lowery: Look, do you want to drive?
Marcus Burnett: Yeah, pull over by those motherfuckers with the MACHINE GUN!

Mike Lowery: See, that's that new spiritual shit my partner's on. Me? I actually prefer shooting motherfuckers.

Mike Lowery: Hey, isn't it low tide?
Marcus Burnett: Yes, I think it is.
Mike Lowery: Don't you have some relatives that you need to go pick up?
Detective Mateo Reyes: You went too far on that one.

Klan Leader: WHITE POWER!
Klansman: WHITE POWER!
[Two of the guys in hoods whip them off, revealing Mike and Marcus, pointing guns at the Klan]
Mike Lowery: Blue power, motherfuckers! Miami PD!
Marcus Burnett: Aw, damn! It's the niggras!

Mike Lowery: [on hearing the repair bill for his Ferrari] TWENTY-ONE THOUSAND? Oh, kiss my black ass...!

Marcus Burnett: Mike, the man has a gun to my head!
Mike Lowery: I bet he'll put it down if I put a hollow point in his eye, now won't he?
Casper: Your partner's a cocky nigger!
Mike Lowery: Oh damn, now was that necessary, sir? Why can't he just be a cop? He got to be a nigga too?

Marcus Burnett: [while ingested with ecstasy, Marcus is wearing Captain Howard's robe walking downstairs talking on the phone] I love it when you call me bunny lobe.
Mike Lowery: SHIT!
Marcus Burnett: Yeah girl, you should see this sexy shit I got on.
Capt. Howard: Who the hell are you talking to?
Marcus Burnett: Vargas and Rub... Reyes. They said they down for whatever.

Marcus Burnett: Have my daughter back by 10:01. If she's not back by 10:01 I'm in the car, locked, loaded and hunting your motherfucking ass down.
Mike Lowery: And I'ma be with him.
[pulls gun]
Mike Lowery: You know what it gonna be if I'm there, gonna be Chitty Chitty Bang Bang nigga.

Capt. Howard: I can't believe you guys. Do you get up in the morning, call each other up - "Good morning, Marcus." "Good morning, Mike." "How you doin'?" "Ai'ight." "So, how are we going to fuck up the captain's life today?" "Gee, I don't know, I don't know... Ooh, look! Over there. Let's kill three fat people and leave them on the street?"
Mike Lowery: They were dead before we ran over them.
Capt. Howard: It doesn't matter if they were dead or not, goddamn it! Every time you leave a corpse on the street, I have to get these detective guys to come in and see what happened. See? They're detecting shit. Then I've gotta get these forensic coroner guys to stick 'em back in the fucking bag! Jesus Christ!

[after Mike and Marcus's latest massive gunfight/car chase]
Capt. Howard: [trying to stay calm] So, you got the drugs.
[they shake their heads]
Capt. Howard: No drugs. Oh, okay. What about the money?
[they shake theirs heads]
Capt. Howard: No money. Well then, who's this x-man?
Marcus Burnett: Captain, I was at a family barbecue...
Mike Lowery: We don't know, but we are going to find out.
Capt. Howard: [points to the TV news] Well then, all that... was for nothing?
Mike Lowery: Oh, we didn't do *all* of that.

Marcus Burnett: [about Mike] Motherfucker shot me in the ass, man.
Mike Lowery: Who shot you in the ass?
Marcus Burnett: Who? That "who" would be you.
Mike Lowery: Me? I shot you? I mean, I was shooting. I did at lot of shooting. But I'm not saying I shot you in the ass... but I'm not saying I didn't shoot you...
Mike Lowery: But damn! Somebody shot you in the ass!
Marcus Burnett: Tell me about it.

[while fleeing Tapia and the Cuban Army in a stolen Humvee, armed with almost-empty guns]
Mike Lowery: Hey, Marcus, you know how when we usually get in these situations, you know I'm always trying to make you feel better, like we're gonna be all right, like we're gonna make it?
Marcus Burnett: Yeah, yeah...
Mike Lowery: I could say it, but... it'd be a bunch of bullshit today.

Mike Lowery: All right, everybody start shooting at somebody! Shoot! Shoot!
[everyone does, then]
Marcus Burnett: Shit, I'm out!
Mike Lowery: [checks his pistol] I got two rounds left.
Marcus Burnett: [checks his pistol] One in the chamber.
Syd: [checks her pistol] I'm out.
Mike Lowery: All these guns in here, and don't none of y'all got no bullets?
Tito Vargas: I got one, in my hip!
Syd: Oh God, he's hit!

Mike Lowery: You got three seconds to put your gun down, sir.
Marcus Burnett: He has emotional anger issue problems!
Mike Lowery: One...
Marcus Burnett: He goes to bed early for this shit! Just to wake up to pop one in a motherfucker!
Mike Lowery: Two...
Marcus Burnett: Mike, no...!
[a Klansman behind Mike grabs a shotgun]
Marcus Burnett: GUN!
[Mike spins and shoots the Klansmen, then shoots Casper between the eyes as Marcus ducks. Far away, the TNT team hears the gunfire]
TNT Leader: Rock and roll, let's go!
Klan Leader: Kill them cops!
[gunfight begins]

Mike Lowery: Just 'cause you got that gun to my partner's head, you're thinking I ain't gonna splatter your shit all over this swamp, huh?
Marcus Burnett: That's what I'm thinking!
Mike Lowery: See, what you don't understand is my partner came here tonight prepared to die.
Marcus Burnett: He... Hell, no!

[after Marcus vomits in the morgue]
Mike Lowery: Come here!
Marcus Burnett: I'm... I'm back in the game.
Mike Lowery: [searching a corpse's cavity] Think I got something... feels like a bag.
[pulls it out]
Mike Lowery: Shit, naw, it's his kidney.
[Marcus runs back to the sink and retches again]

Mike Lowery: Look, I'm down with your spiritual enlightenment and all that, but I need to know right now some crackhead come rollin' up behind me with a nine you gonna cook that fool.
Marcus Burnett: Of course, shoot him in the leg.
Mike Lowery: Forget that leg shit, man.
Marcus Burnett: Everybody deserves a little dignity.
Mike Lowery: What about my dignity? Your crackhead gonna be missin' a kneecap, I'm gonna be in a body bag.

Mike Lowery: Look, Captain, these were not normal corpses.
Capt. Howard: If I threw you out of moving truck and then ran over your head, you wouldn't be normal either!

Mike Lowery: [to Tapia, who has him at gunpoint] Look, why don't we all go home... well we'll go home, you go to a hotel, and we'll work this shit out another day cause none of us is really having a good day right now.

Mike Lowery: [after a car nearly kills Mike and Marcus during the MacArthur causeway chase] Woooooooo!
Marcus Burnett: That motherfucker flipped!
Mike Lowery: That one puckered up my butthole.
Marcus Burnett: Almost fuckin' crushed my head.

[during the car chase/gunfight with the Haitian gang, a stray shot smashes the headlight of Mike's Ferrari]
Mike Lowery: Ah, shit, shit! Hey, definitely shoot that motherfucker that just... aw, man, my headlight!

Bad Boys (1995)
Mike Lowrey: What the hell are you doin'?
Marcus Burnett: Keepin' my shit quick.
Mike Lowrey: Oh, I see. You aren't gettin any at home, so you got a lot of extra energy. Go ahead, burn it off.

Mike Lowrey: Hello?
Marcus Burnett: We're your new neighbors.
Mike Lowrey: Don't be alarmed, we're negros.
Marcus Burnett: Naw man, naw. There's too much bass in your voice. That scares white folks. You got to sound like them.
[In high pitched voice]
Marcus Burnett: We were wondering if we could borrow some brown sugar...?

Mike Lowrey: You know you drive almost slow enough to drive Miss Daisy.

Mike Lowrey: King Dingaling.

[Mike, Marcus, and Julie start arguing, nobody paying attention to his gun; Julie just walks out]
Store Clerk: Hey, freeze bitch!
Mike Lowrey: [as he points the gun her way, in a flash Mike and Marcus stop arguing and point their guns at his head] YOU freeze, bitch!
Store Clerk: Oh shit, I'm fucked.
Mike Lowrey: Now back up, put the gun down, and get me a pack of Tropical Fruit Bubblicious.
Marcus Burnett: And some Skittles.

Marcus Burnett: Hey man where-where-where's your cup holder?
Mike Lowrey: I don't have one.
Marcus Burnett: What the f- w'you mean you don't have one? Eighty thousand dollars for this car and you ain't got no damn cup holder?
Mike Lowrey: It's $105,000 and this happens to be one of the fastest production cars on the planet. Zero to sixty in four seconds, sweetie. It's a limited edition.
Marcus Burnett: You damn right it's limited. No cup holder, no back seat. Just a shiny dick with two chairs in it. I guess we the balls just draggin' the fuck along.

Mike Lowrey: I don't know why you going home to your wife. You got shot in the leg, your dick probably don't even work.

Mike Lowrey: You know what man? I'm so sick of this bullshit. What, I'm supposed to APOLOGIZE for my family leaving me money? All I EVER wanted to be was a cop. I go out there and take it to the max everyday. I'm the first guy through the door and I'm always the last one to leave the crime scene. So you know what? Fuck you, and fuck them, and fuck EVERYBODY that's got a problem with Mike Lowrey.
Marcus Burnett: I love you, man.
Mike Lowrey: Fuck you Marcus.
Marcus Burnett: I do. You're cool. You're my boy.
Mike Lowrey: Shut up, shut up Marcus. Slow-ass driver. Drivin' like a bitch. Slow-ass.
Marcus Burnett: Why I gotta be all that? I'll take you and me off this fuckin' cliff if you keep fuckin' with me. Then it'll be what, two bitches in the sea. Huh, is that it? Is that what you want?
Mike Lowrey: Shut up, Marcus.
Marcus Burnett: My wife knows I ain't no bitch. I'm a bad boy.

Mike Lowrey: [on Captain Howard and Captain Sinclair, having another vicious argument] They should just bone and get that shit over with.

Marcus Burnett: Look, now I ain't no Wesley Snipes! I just hang out with stupid ass friends, that drive stupid ass cars, that attract a lot of mother fuckin' attention!
Mike Lowrey: You know what, I need to jump over this car and smack you in your peasy ass head that's what I need to do.
Marcus Burnett: Well, you know what you're arguin' over a mother fuckin' french fry.
Mike Lowrey: It's not about the french fry, it's about your lack of respect for other people's property!
White Carjacker: Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
Black Carjacker: Shut the fuck up!
Marcus Burnett: [to Black Carjacker] Hold the fuck on!
[to Mike]
Marcus Burnett: You want some bad enough, come get some!
Marcus Burnett: [suddenly throws coke in the Black Carjacker's face and kicks him in the crotch, while Mike punches the White Carjacker in the face]
Marcus Burnett: [Pointing gun at the Black Carjacker, who is on the ground] You like that shit? Wesley Snipes, Passenger 57! Now gimme a mother fuckin' handy wipe!
Mike Lowrey: [Pointing gun at the White Carjacker, who is on the ground] Now let's hear one of those jokes, bitch.

Mike Lowrey: [to the White Carjacker holding a gun to his head] Let me tell you how bad a day you're having: right now you're jacking a couple of cops.
White Carjacker: Oh, yeah? Well, I'm a stand-up comedian. And I SUCK! That's why I need your car.

Marcus Burnett: [while pursuing Fouchet, who is up ahead in a roadster] You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can, and will be used against you in a court of law.
Mike Lowrey: Yo man, what the fuck are you doing?
Marcus Burnett: Getting it out the way.

Mike Lowrey: Please, man. Married life is easy. You only got one woman to satisfy.
Marcus Burnett: Yo, man, we ain't the Cosbys.

Marcus Burnett: You better do something quick, 'cause we're running out of road.
Mike Lowrey: Who picked this dumb-ass road? On the goddamn road in Miami, *you* run out of it!
Marcus Burnett: You better come up with an idea fast!
Mike Lowrey: Why I gotta come up with all the ideas?

Marcus Burnett: [driving the "ice-cream truck"] What am I smellin'?
Mike Lowrey: Just drive!
Marcus Burnett: What am I smellin'?
Julie Mott: [Sees barrels of ether hanging in the back of the van. Reads the label] Ether. Extremely... flammable... ether. Oh shit!
Mike Lowrey: God-damn...
Marcus Burnett: Oh, you-you-you-you da man. Oh you're the fuckin' man tonight! You go and pick an ice-cream truck that's a damn bomb!

Mike Lowrey: Hey, hey, what's this having-a-picnic shit in my car?
Marcus Burnett: Look man, I ain't getting my sex at home, OK? Don't deny me this.
Mike Lowrey: What are you talking about, man? You sleep with a beautiful woman everyday.
Marcus Burnett: I'm married. That's what married means. It means you sleep together, but you can't get none.

Theresa Burnett: Oh oh. Don't kiss me, Mike. I don't know where your lips were last night. Move.
Quincy Burnett: Uncle Mike, did you have a date last night?
Mike Lowrey: Whooo. Did I. Let me tell you, this girl was...
Theresa Burnett: Hey hey. Don't you go telling my boys none of your sleazy sex stories.
Mike Lowrey: Aw, no. I only tell your husband my sleazy sex stories.
Marcus Burnett: Hey.
Theresa Burnett: Well, I don't want him hearing either. Gives him ideas.
Marcus Burnett: Why are you doing this to me, man? I'm with my babies. Okay? Thank you.

Mike Lowrey: My shit always works sometimes!

[Casper answers the ringing cell phone]
Casper: Hello.
Mike Lowrey: Yeah, can I speak to Romeo?
Casper: No, there ain't no Romeo here, asshole.
[Ferguson laughs]
Casper: [to Ferguson] What the fuck are you laughing at?

Mike Lowrey: [to store clerk, who is pointing a gun at Mike] I'm gonna reach for my badge, ok?
Store Clerk: Badges? Do you want badges motherbitch? I give you badges! 99 cents each.
[throws some badges at Mike]
Store Clerk: I sell you some.

Mike Lowrey: Now that's how you supposed to drive! From now on that's how you drive!

Marcus Burnett: What are our chances?
Mike Lowrey: Remember Club Hell?
Marcus Burnett: Yeah.
Mike Lowrey: Worse.

Mike Lowrey: Marcus, I just have one question for ya bro. How the hell you gonna leave my ass at a gun fight to go get the car!

Marcus Burnett: You see what happens when you go off without me? You get into shit.
Mike Lowrey: Oh please, like shit don't happen when you're there.
Marcus Burnett: That - that ain't the point...

Marcus Burnett: You made me think you were gonna shoot me for a minute.
Mike Lowrey: I was.

Mike Lowrey: Everybody wants to be like Mike.
Captain Howard: Yeah, and you're gonna be retired like him too.

Mike Lowrey: [after Marcus outruns Fochet at the airport] Now that's how you s'pose to drive. From now on, that's how you drive!

Mike Lowrey: [while looking at a photo album with Marcus's wife, Theresa and answers the phone, which Marcus dials] Hey, is this you, man?
Theresa Burnett: No, no. Put that back in, c'mon put that back in.
[Marcus hears this over the phone, thinking that Mike and Theresa are having sex, and becomes overly upset]

Marcus Burnett: [to Sanchez and Ruiz] Where were y'all last night?
Mike Lowrey: Yeah, why don't you just tell your cousins to bring the shit back?
Detective Sanchez: Yeah we tried to, but you know what? We came up with a problem... your mama snorted it up!

Mike Lowrey: [Holding Jojo at gunpoint] Hey Jojo, I got 16 bullets in this gun and I swear I'll fill up your brain with some hot shit if you don't give me any answers.
Jojo: What? You're pulling a gun on me? I should turn you guys into Hard Copy.
Marcus Burnett: Mike, no. He's a smokin' ass motherfucker.
Mike Lowrey: [Takes out his other gun and points it at Marcus] You want some of this? I'll bust your ass too.
Marcus Burnett: So sad. You're on your own, Jojo. Remember this, you splatter his ass, he's no good to us.

Mike Lowrey: [Howard is yelling at Burnett for having a shootout outside a hotel] I haven't killed anyone today, yet, Captain...
Captain Howard: Hey, do you want me to yell at you? Cause I can do that!