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: This trial... the whole world... it's all... show business.
: Give 'em a show that's so splendiferous, row after row will grow vociferous.
: Miss Kelly, do you know the meaning of perjury? Velma Kelly
: Yes, I do Billy Flynn
: You also know that it's a crime? Velma Kelly
: Yes Billy Flynn
: For example, if you knew this diary was a fake, I'd hate to see you rot away in prison especially since you just won your freedom... Velma Kelly
: Look, all I know is what I was told! Billy Flynn
: Oh, so you didn't find this diary in Roxie's cell? Velma Kelly
: No. Mama - Miss Morton gave it to me. She said someone sent it to her Billy Flynn
: Someone... did she have any idea who this mysterious benefactor could be? Velma Kelly
] No, she didn't know!
: I don't mean to toot my own horn, but if Jesus Christ lived in Chicago today, and he had come to me and he had five thousand dollars, let's just say things would have turned out differently.
: They LOVE me. Billy Flynn
: They'd love you a lot more if you were hanged. You know why? Because it would sell more papers!
[his last lines
] Billy Flynn
: You're a free woman, Roxie Hart. And God save Illinois.
: Would you please tell the audience... err... the jury what happened?
: Give 'em the old razzle dazzle. Razzle razzle 'em. Give 'em an act with lots of flash in it and the reaction will be passionate.
: Do you promise to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God? Velma Kelly
: And then some. Bailiff
: Take a seat. Assistant District Attorney Martin Harrison
: Would you state your name for the record, please? Velma Kelly
: Velma Kelly. Assistant District Attorney Martin Harrison
: Ms. Kelly, would you please tell the court if the object that I am holding is the one you happened to come across in the defendant's jail cell? Velma Kelly
: Yes, it is. Assistant District Attorney Martin Harrison
: I submit this as Exhibit X - Roxie Hart's diary! Billy Flynn
: I object! My client has never held a diary! And even if she did, this would be... invasion of privacy, and violation of the fourth amendment, and... and illegal search without a warrant! Roxie Hart
: Yeah, AND she broke the lock!
: Objection! Judge
: Sustained. Assistant District Attorney Martin Harrison
: Your Honor, I haven't even asked a question yet.
: God that's beautiful. Billy Flynn
: Cut out God. Stay where you're better acquainted.
: Mr. Flynn!
[pretends to faint
] Billy Flynn
: Someone open this door immediately! Ms. Sunshine
: Oh, my God! Roxie! What is it, dear? Roxie
: Oh! Oh! Oh, no no no. Don't, don't worry about me. Oh, I only hope the fall didn't hurt the baby. Matron Mama Morton
: Baby? Velma Kelly
: This dress makes me look like a Woolworths lamp shade. I'm not wearing this dress. Billy Flynn
: You're wearing cause I tell you too. Roxie
: I'm not wearing it.
: My client feels that it was a combination of liquor and jazz that led to the downfall.
: Miss Kelly, did you make a deal with Assistant D.A. Harrison to drop all charges against you in exchange for your testimony? Velma Kelly
: Why, sure. I'm not a complete idiot.
: I don't want ya to give a damn when people... Amos
: When people what? Billy Flynn
: Laugh. Amos
: Laugh? Why would they laugh? Billy Flynn
: 'Cause they can count. Can you count?
: This is Chicago, kid. You can't beat fresh blood on the walls.
: I don't care about expensive things / Cashmere coats, Diamond rings / Don't mean a thing / All I care about is love / That's what I'm here for.
: You're a phony celebrity and in two weeks no one's going to give a shit about you... that's Chicago.
: I bet you want to know why I shot the bastard. Billy Flynn
] Shut up, dummy.
: [to Roxie
] You are a phony celebrity. You're a flash in the pan. In a couple of weeks, no one's gonna give a shit about you. *That's* Chicago.
] Razzle dazzle them and they'll never catch wise.