Lt. Proctor
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Quotes for
Lt. Proctor (Character)
from Police Academy 5: Assignment: Miami Beach (1988)

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Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol (1987)
[Mahoney talking to Captain Harris, who just ripped his pants trying to get over a fence]
Mahoney: Did anyone tell you what a great tailor you have, Sir?
Proctor: I mentioned that, just last week.

Capt. Thaddeus Harris: Citizens On Patrol. What a joke. You know what C.O.P. really stands for Proctor?
Proctor: No sir what?
Capt. Thaddeus Harris: Collection Of Pissants.
[Proctor laughs]
Capt. Thaddeus Harris: That's not funny Proctor.
Proctor: No sir.

Capt. Thaddeus Harris: Proctor, this is an alley.
Proctor: I know sir but these are the directions Mahoney gave me.
Capt. Thaddeus Harris: Mahoney?
Proctor: Yes he says this restaurant has the best salad bar in town.
Capt. Thaddeus Harris: Well it damn sure better have!
[they go inside]
Capt. Thaddeus Harris: Proctor, I don't see a salad bar.
Proctor: [sees the name of the restaurant, "The Blue Oyster"] Look sir. Maybe they serve seafood.
Capt. Thaddeus Harris: Not funny you idiot!

Proctor: Gee, sir, I thought you could only get contempt of court for opening your mouth!

Police Academy 3: Back in Training (1986)
Capt. Proctor: Mahoney must think he's as dumb as we are.

[Capt. Proctor accompanies Cmndt. Mauser as he observes new cadets in a line-up]
Cmndt. Mauser: ...good tall, good strong. And who might you be?
Cadet Nogata: Atochigowa Noagata, of Tochigowa, Nogatas. And is this your lovely wife?
Cmndt. Mauser: Proctor.
Capt. Proctor: Yes sir.
Cmndt. Mauser: What's the story here with Fun Manchu?
Capt. Proctor: Fu Manchu? I don't have a Fu Manchu.
Cmndt. Mauser: I'm talking about the stir-fried shrimp from outta' town.
Capt. Proctor: Oh, he's part of an international exchange programme - here to study our methods.
Cmndt. Mauser: I'm not teaching our cadets how to use a wok.
Capt. Proctor: Nyuuuugh.
Cmndt. Mauser: Ship him off to Lassard's academy, he'll fit in perfectly over there. They could use a good sushi chef. No offense, huh?
Cadet Nogata: Arigatoo, thank you.
Cmndt. Mauser: Kiss my what?

Police Academy 2: Their First Assignment (1985)
Lt. Mauser: You're not playing with a full deck, are you?
Sergeant Proctor: Oh, I don't play cards.

Sergeant Proctor: Hightower!
Officer Moses Hightower: Yo!
Lt. Mauser: Yo?
Officer Moses Hightower: Yo, sir!
Lt. Mauser: Yo, sir... You must be from the south! That's "Yes, sir." You got foot patrol.

Police Academy 6: City Under Siege (1989)
[Harris has just been hurt in a multi-car pile-up]
Lt. Proctor: Sir...
Captain Harris: Don't say it, Proctor!
Lt. Proctor: But sir...
Captain Harris: Don't say it!
[Harris walks away]
Lt. Proctor: Told him so.
Captain Harris: [From a distance away] I heard that!

Police Academy 5: Assignment: Miami Beach (1988)
Capt. Thaddeus Harris: Some dickhead is standing in my sun!
Sgt. Nick Lassard: Oh, Captain Harris! Hey, I didn't see you there. You know, I don't think we've been introduced. My name is Nick...
Capt. Thaddeus Harris: I don't care who you are, buttwipe. Just get out of my sun!
Sgt. Nick Lassard: Buttwipe?
Capt. Thaddeus Harris: Scram, sleazeball!
Sgt. Nick Lassard: Okay, fine.
Sgt. Nick Lassard: Buttwipe, huh? Never heard that before.
Lt. Proctor: That was great, Sir!
Capt. Thaddeus Harris: Proctor?
Lt. Proctor: Yes, Sir?
Capt. Thaddeus Harris: Now you're in my sun.