Carey Mahoney
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Quotes for
Carey Mahoney (Character)
from Police Academy (1984)

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Police Academy (1984)
Carey Mahoney: [Hightower smashes into the bumper of another car] You didn't hit the brakes.
Moses Hightower: You didn't tell me to.

Carey Mahoney: Sleeping is for fags.

Lieutenant Thaddeus Harris: Mahoney! Remember, that nobody screws with me.
Carey Mahoney: Well, maybe you'll meet the right girl and all that will change.

Lieutenant Thaddeus Harris: You make me sick.
Carey Mahoney: Thank you, sir. I make everybody sick.

Carey Mahoney: Sir. Look, sir, new pants.
Lieutenant Thaddeus Harris: [notices that Mahoney is holding the megaphone] What are you doing with that? Give me that.
[Harris grabs his megaphone from Mahoney and uses it, without noticing that Mahoney applied brown shoe polish on it]
Lieutenant Thaddeus Harris: All right, you scumballs. You have a 30 minutes to hit the showers and get to class. Let's go! Move it! Move it! Move it! Pick it up! Pick it up! Pick it up, assholes!
[Harris then turns to Cmdt. Lassard, with shoe polish from his megaphone all around his lips, looking like a goatee]
Lieutenant Thaddeus Harris: So far, nobody's quit, but they will.
[Cmdt. Lassard laughs at Harris. Harris, thinking that perhaps he said something funny, joins his laughter]

Moses Hightower: I was a florist.
Carey Mahoney: A florist?
Moses Hightower: Yeah, you know, flowers and shit.

Lieutenant Thaddeus Harris: [having had his head recently removed from a horse's behind] You told, no one?
Carey Mahoney: Not a soul.
[Harris passes in front of the line of cadets, and is annoyed to see that they are all straining not to laugh at him. He becomes even more annoyed when he notices that Sgt. Callahan is also on the verge of bursting out laughing. When he passes near Jones, Jones makes sound of horse neigh, as if to make it clear that everyone heard about the embarrassing incident]

[Mahoney and Thompson, both in full dress uniform, are kissing passionately before the graduation ceremony]
Cmndt. Eric Lassard: You men stop that!
[Thompson turns around, removes her cap and smiles, showing her face and long hair to Lassard]
Cmndt. Eric Lassard: Oh... OHHH! Well. That's more like it, Mahoney. Good man. Keep up the good work!
Carey Mahoney: Yes, sir!

Carey Mahoney: Thompson, Why you do want to be a cop?
Cadet Karen Thompson: I like to dress as a man
Carey Mahoney: Me too


Police Academy 2: Their First Assignment (1985)
Mahoney: Never fool with a fuzz ball.

Lt. Mauser: Any day now, Mahoney, and your little ass is mine.
Mahoney: You wanted to see me, sir?
Lt. Mauser: Mahoney, didn't your mother teach you how to knock?
Mahoney: It depends. Sir? I hope this isn't going to be too personal? I heard what you said about my little butt and I don't know how to break this to you, sir, but I'm straight.

[after seeing his cat pooped in the cereal]
Sgt. Vinnie: Oh I'm sorry, would you like some?
Mahoney: [shocked] I'm on a diet.

[Sargent Vinnie picks up a chocolate bar out of a rubbish bin]
Sgt. Vinnie: Look at that. A half eaten Nestle Crunch bar. It's hardly been touched.
Mahoney: Vinnie, you're not gonna eat that are you?
Sgt. Vinnie: Why, you wanna split it?

[Mahoney wears a microphone while infiltrating Zed's gang]
Mahoney: So what is this place? It smells like animals.
Sgt. Vinnie: They took him to my place?

Lt. Mauser: Mahoney, what kind of clown do you think I am?
Mahoney: A juggling clown?

Mahoney: You have the right to remain silent. You have the right to a court appointed attorney. You have the right to sing the blues. You have the right to cable TV... that's very important. You have the right to sublet. You have the right to paint the walls... no loud colors.

Sgt. Vinnie: Hey, would it be OK if I eat real quick?
Mahoney: Yeah, go ahead, go ahead.
Sgt. Vinnie: Aw, thanks. Y'know, next to lunch and dinner, breakfast is the most important meal of the day.


Police Academy 3: Back in Training (1986)
[Cmndt Lassard drops his fish bowl out of his office window]
Cmndt. Lassard: AHH. MAHONEY.
[Sgt Mahoney catches the Cmdt's fishbowl]
Cmndt. Lassard: Thanks, Mahoney.
Sgt. Carey Mahoney: Your welcome, sir.

Cadet Karen Adams: You see this ear, Mahoney? It's a finely tuned crap detector.
Sgt. Carey Mahoney: Oh, and what a lovely ear it is. If I blow in it, will you follow me anywhere?

[after hearing Hedges' call for help]
Cadet Fackler: Did you read that? Was that for real?
Cadet Karen Adams: We heard it. Sir?
Cmndt. Lassard: Maybe we'd better check it out.
Sgt. Carey Mahoney: What about the evaluation?
Cmndt. Lassard: One of my boys might be in trouble. Screw the evaluation!
Sgt. Carey Mahoney: I love it when you talk dirty, sir.


Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol (1987)
[Mahoney talking to Captain Harris, who just ripped his pants trying to get over a fence]
Mahoney: Did anyone tell you what a great tailor you have, Sir?
Proctor: I mentioned that, just last week.

Sgt. Eugene Tackleberry: You want to become one with the gun. Feel the gun, caress the gun until it's a living, breathing, vibrating extension of yourself.
Mahoney: I look for the same in a woman.

Cmndt. Eric Lassard: What is the most frustrating thing about police work?
Tackleberry: Not being able to carry hand grenades, sir.
Lt. Debbie Callahan: Separate locker rooms, sir.
Mahoney: Icky blue uniforms.