Gilligan
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Quotes for
Gilligan (Character)
from "Gilligan's Island" (1964)

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Rescue from Gilligan's Island (1978) (TV)
[Spotting a Coast Guard helicopter]
Skipper: I can't believe it. After 15 years, we're finally rescued.
Mr. Howell: Rescued.
Mrs. Howell: Rescued.
Ginger Grant: Rescued.
Mary Ann: Rescued.
Professor: Rescued.
Gilligan: Rescued.

[The castaways are planning to tie their huts together to make a raft]
Skipper: Only question is, will it have enough bottom?
Gilligan: If that's the question, Skipper, you sure got the answer.

Gilligan: Hey Skipper, why don't you donate your pants? When they fill with air, we can fly to Hawaii.

[The seat of the chair the Skipper is sitting in has been varnished]
Skipper: What could be stupider than varnishing the seat of a chair?
Gilligan: Sitting in the seat of a chair that's just been varnished.

[last lines]
Gilligan: [after the castways have been re-stranded] What's wrong, everybody? We're home again!
Skipper: Yes, Gilligan, WE'RE HOME AGAIN.


"Gilligan's Island: Two on a Raft (#1.1)" (1964)
[first lines]
Skipper Jonas Grumby: Hey, Gilligan! Gilligan!
Gilligan: Oh, my gosh. Man overboard. I'll save you, Skipper!

Gilligan: You know, Skipper. I'm very happy to be here. I'm so happy, I could kiss the ground.
[kisses the sand]
Gilligan: This island tastes terrible.

Gilligan: Skipper gone, Gilligan one smart Marubi.

Ginger Grant: I learned a little Hawaiian when I was singing in a club in Waikiki. Wahine wiki huki luki nu, and every word of it comes from the bottom of my heart.
Gilligan: Gee, that's real nice, Ginger. What does it mean?
Ginger Grant: "This bar is off limits to all military personnel."


"Gilligan's Island: Voodoo (#3.5)" (1966)
Gilligan: I'm hexed. I'm hexed.
The Skipper: What are you gonna do?
Gilligan: I'm getting the *hex* out of here!

The Professor: [to Skipper and Gilligan] I would say it was a geological phenomenon caused by volcanic activity beneath the Earth's surface resulting into concentration of heat at a specific location.
Gilligan: That makes sense to me, but there's one thing I don't understand.
The Professor: Oh, what's that?
Gilligan: How come the ground got so hot underneath our feet?

The Skipper: It all started when we took those relics out of the cave, right? So we collect them all, put them back in, and that oughta satisfy whoever's putting this curse on us!
Gilligan: Yeah, and once they're satisfied, they'll dezombie the Professor!
The Skipper: 'Dezombie'?
Gilligan: Unzombie... exzombie?
The Skipper: Well, never mind. Now look, I want you to get over to the girls' hut and collect all the stuff that you gave them. I'll go over to the Howells and collect their stuff.
Gilligan: Yeah.
The Skipper: Alright! Come on, on your way!
[Gilligan leaves the hut]
The Skipper: Unzombie? Dezombie? Exzombie? I wonder which one it is.
Gilligan: [Reentering behind Skipper] DISzombie!
The Skipper: [Turns around and glares at Gilligan]
Gilligan: Datzombie?


"Gilligan's Island: Gilligan's Mother-in-Law (#2.1)" (1965)
Native Warrior: [closing lines]
[says something unintelligible to Gilligan]
Gilligan: [calls to Professor] What's he saying, Professor?
Native Warrior: [turns, calls to Professor]
Professor Roy Hinkley: [calls to Gilligan] Oh, he just said you first have to pass the Best Man Test.
Gilligan: [calls to Professor] Best Man Test?
Native Warrior: [calls to Professor, makes throwing motion]
Professor Roy Hinkley: [calls to Gilligan] Poison darts at six paces!
Gilligan: [stands up in boat] Poison darts at six paces?
[leaps overboard, swims ashore]

Skipper Jonas Grumby: I am not marrying that fat native girl!
Gilligan: Well, you're not so skinny yourself.


"Gilligan's Island: Up at Bat (#3.1)" (1966)
Gilligan: Please help me, Professor! I... I wouldn't be a good vampire! I faint at the sight of blood! I'll starve to death!

Gilligan: [as a vampire, standing before an open window] I shall swoop down upon their unsuspecting necks!
[Gilligan jumps out of the window, followed shortly by a crashing sound. Gilligan is then seen climbing back in through the same window]
Ginger Grant: [as Gilligan the vampire's wife] What happened?
Gilligan: I forgot to turn into a bat!
Ginger Grant: What kind of a vampire are you, anyway?


"Batman: The Ogg and I (#3.8)" (1967)
Gilligan: Hello, Chief. The usual?
Chief O'Hara: Right, Gilligan. A large milk and a hot pastrami.
Egghead: Never mind the pastrami. Chief O'Hara would like half a dozen eggs. How do you like them, Chief?
[sits down]
Chief O'Hara: Why you!
[raises fist]
Egghead: Now, one hand on me and you'll never see your dear Commissioner again, Chief.
Chief O'Hara: You win, Egghead.
Egghead: Now how did you say you liked your eggs?
Chief O'Hara: [grumbling] Scrambled.
Egghead: Hmm. Bring Chief O'Hara half a dozen - no, make it a dozen scrambled eggs.


"Gilligan's Island: Topsy-Turvy (#3.10)" (1966)
[Gilligan sees everything upside down, so the Skipper reluctantly stands on his head]
Skipper Jonas Grumby: For a little guy, you sure get in a lot of trouble!
Gilligan: That's because I try harder.
Skipper Jonas Grumby: The things I do for you...
Gilligan: Sorry, Skipper, but this is the only way I can talk to you without falling down. Or up. Or sideways.
Professor Roy Hinkley: [Walks out of hut with a potion for Gilligan] Skipper, you are standing upside-down, aren't you?
Skipper Jonas Grumby: Well of course I'm standing upside-down, Professor!
Professor Roy Hinkley: Oh. Good; for a minute I thought I was working too hard.


"Gilligan's Island: Meet the Meteor (#2.32)" (1966)
Mary Ann Summers: [Gilligan is standing guard outside a hut where the Professor and the Skipper are assembling a geiger counter] Is everyone ready for the Christmas party?
Ginger Grant: Christmas party? You mean birthday party!
Lovey Howell: Anniversary party!
Thurston Howell III: Young man, what do you have to say for yourself?
Gilligan: Just one word.
[turns and opens door of hut]
Gilligan: HELP!
[Skipper and Professor fall over in surprise, ruining progress on assembling the Geiger counter]


"Gilligan's Island: The Matchmaker (#1.25)" (1965)
Jonas 'The Skipper' Grumby: This is your moment of truth, little buddy. Please don't spill the soup on the Howells.
Gilligan: Be of good cheer, Skipper. For I will
[picks up the tray of soup bowls]
Gilligan: not spill the soup.


"Gilligan's Island: The Little Dictator (#2.3)" (1965)
[dream sequence: Gilligan is the ruler of a small country. The Skipper is Secretary of the Navy]
Gilligan: How's my Navy holding up?
Jonas Grumby - Skipper: Well since you brought it up sir, why don't you come to the window and see for yourself?
Rodriguez: Again?
[Gilligan looks out of window. Stock footage of burning sinking ship rolls]
Rodriguez: Propaganda! Vicious Propaganda!
Gilligan: Are you doing something about that?
Jonas Grumby - Skipper: Yes sir, we are! We're teaching our sailors how to SWIM!
Gilligan: Good!
Jonas Grumby - Skipper: And the people on shore are learning mouth-to-mouth resuscitation -without becoming emotionally involved!
Rodriguez: How can you do that?
Jonas Grumby - Skipper: It ain't easy!


"Gilligan's Island: The Producer (#3.4)" (1966)
Gilligan: [as "Hamlet," flubbing his line about "get thee to a nunnery" to Ginger, playing "Ophelia"] There is nothing left to do, Ophelia... but to get thee to a notarary.
[Ginger nods]


"Baywatch: Now Sit Right Back and You'll Hear a Tale (#2.16)" (1992)
Willy Gilligan: I can't belive this. We're shipwrecked again!
Mary Ann Summers: But at least we're all safe. That's the important thing.
Captain Don Thorpe: Skipper, what are we going to do? I just bought my first corporation. Thorp Corp, and I so wanted to be there this morning for they're putting my name on the door.
Shauni McClain: What about the movie? They could give my part to someone else.
Willy Gilligan: You'll get used to that being shipwrecked.
[canned laughter from a laugh-track is heard]
Eddie Kramer: What was that?
Willy Gilligan: You'll get used to that too.


"Gilligan's Island: Gilligan's Living Doll (#2.21)" (1966)
Jonas 'The Skipper' Grumby: [All the castaways are present, seated or standing around the communal table with the radio on it. They are all ad-libbing as the Skipper hears the radio] Wait a minute! Quiet! The announcement, quiet! Quiet!
Thurston Howell III: [Radio Announcer] And now they are activating the robot's receptor spools to see if they can find out how it got to Hawaii. The next voice you hear will be that of the robot.
Mrs. Lovey Howell: [mechanically] I have been on a deserted island. The putt breaks to the right.
Ginger Grant: Well, it was a lucky shot!
Mrs. Lovey Howell: [mechanically] Sweep back and forth, back and forth. I was stranded. This is the way we wash our clothes.
Thurston Howell III: [Radio Announcer] Ladies and gentlemen, the scientists from the laboratory are checking to see exactly what went wrong. Perhaps now we can learn the reason the recorded messages are all scrambled... A WHAT?... Ladies and gentlemen, believe it or not, a RABBIT'S FOOT was just found in the robot!
[Everyone is now looking directly at Gilligan who is shying away from their stares]
Thurston Howell III: It demagnetized the entire receptor spools. There is now no chance of finding out where the robot has been, who reprogrammed it, or how it got to Hawaii. For that matter, how the rabbit's foot got in there in the first place!
[Everyone is now extremely upset with Gilligan and gives him even more intense dirty looks]
Jonas 'The Skipper' Grumby, Thurston Howell III, Mrs. Lovey Howell, Ginger Grant, Professor Roy Hinkley, Mary Ann Summers: GILLIGAN... !
Gilligan: I just thought it'd bring us some luck, ya know?
[Others are about to grab Gilligan for a good pounding when the scene fades out]


"Gilligan's Island: Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow (#3.8)" (1966)
Ginger Grant: [Gilligan puts a blanket around Ginger] Gilligan, it's much too hot for a blanket.
Gilligan: It won't be in a few minutes. I used a lot of bleach on your dress.
Ginger Grant: [Looks at her dress under the blanket] Oh no!
Gilligan: Oh yes!
Ginger Grant: [as her dress slides off under the blanket] Oh my!


"Gilligan's Island: Angel on the Island (#1.11)" (1964)
Jonas 'The Skipper' Grumby: What did you think of my Mark Anthony?
Parrot: Terrible! Terrible! Terrible!
Gilligan: Don't mind him, Skipper. He just says what he's taught.
Jonas 'The Skipper' Grumby: And who's been teaching him?
Gilligan: I don't know.
Parrot: Gilligan! Gilligan! Gilligan!
Gilligan: Blabberbeak!


"Gilligan's Island: The Pigeon (#3.28)" (1967)
Professor Roy Hinkley: It's working, he's afraid of himself.
Gilligan: That makes it unanimous!


"Gilligan's Island: Gilligan vs. Gilligan (#3.2)" (1966)
The Skipper: Gilligan, when they were passing out the brains, you weren't at the end of the line. YOU WERE ON VACATION!
Gilligan: That's what you think, fatso.


"Gilligan's Island: Mine Hero (#2.14)" (1965)
Gilligan: Dumb old mine! I'm going to give it a good, swift kick!
Jonas 'The Skipper' Grumby: Gilligan, don't!
[steps between Gilligan and the mine. Gilligan ends up kicking him]
Jonas 'The Skipper' Grumby: Oh, my shins!


"Gilligan's Island: Waiting for Watubi (#1.10)" (1964)
Professor Roy Hinkley: [Gilligan & The Professor are digging a hole to bury the statue of Kona] There. That should be deep enough.
Gilligan: Make it a little deeper, Professor. I want to put him down so deep he'll get the bends.
Professor Roy Hinkley: Gilligan, that statue is not getting out of this hole.
Gilligan: Please make it a little deeper.
[the professor digs for a bit more, then puts the statue in the hole]
Jonas 'The Skipper' Grumby: [the Skipper comes along and falls into the hole. He sees what's in the hole with him, jumps out and runs away] Aaah! Kona!
Gilligan: Hey Skipper! Watch out for that
[sharp cracking sound]
Gilligan: tree.


"Gilligan's Island: Music Hath Charms (#1.26)" (1965)
Mrs. Lovey Howell: [entering, seeing Gilligan playing a drum] Oh, Gilligan, I am hungry for music!
Gilligan: [pausing and holding up a drumstick] Would you like a drumstick?


"Gilligan's Island: Physical Fatness (#1.32)" (1965)
Skipper Jonas Grumby: There's a table in this Navy manual that tells me how much I should weigh.
Gilligan: Maybe it's under "tonnage".