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Quotes for
Gilligan (Character)
from "Gilligan's Island" (1964)

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Rescue from Gilligan's Island (1978) (TV)
[Spotting a Coast Guard helicopter]
Skipper: I can't believe it. After 15 years, we're finally rescued.
Mr. Howell: Rescued.
Mrs. Howell: Rescued.
Ginger Grant: Rescued.
Mary Ann: Rescued.
Professor: Rescued.
Gilligan: Rescued.

[The castaways are planning to tie their huts together to make a raft]
Skipper: Only question is, will it have enough bottom?
Gilligan: If that's the question, Skipper, you sure got the answer.

Gilligan: Hey Skipper, why don't you donate your pants? When they fill with air, we can fly to Hawaii.

[The seat of the chair the Skipper is sitting in has been varnished]
Skipper: What could be stupider than varnishing the seat of a chair?
Gilligan: Sitting in the seat of a chair that's just been varnished.

[last lines]
Gilligan: [after the castways have been re-stranded] What's wrong, everybody? We're home again!
Skipper: Yes, Gilligan, WE'RE HOME AGAIN.

Gilligan: [after telling the Skipper that "Star Wars" is a dirty movie] "Skipper, don't you know? R2D2 is a four-letter word!"

"Gilligan's Island: Home Sweet Hut (#1.2)" (1964)
Jonas 'The Skipper' Grumby: How are we ever going to get the hut done if you keep lending our tools out? Now I don't want you to do that again, you understand that? that's an order!
Gilligan: Yes, sir.
Jonas 'The Skipper' Grumby: Gilligan, anyone who comes up to you, wants anything, the answer is no, no, no, NO, NO! NOW HAVE YOU GOT THAT?
Gilligan: [Immediately yells it] NO! I mean yes!
Jonas 'The Skipper' Grumby: [Slams bamboo poles on ground] Gilligan!

Thurston Howell III: Oh, Shut up, will you Gilligan!
Jonas 'The Skipper' Grumby: You can't tell Gilligan to shut up! I'll tell him when to shut up!
Gilligan: Thanks skipper. Now folks...
Jonas 'The Skipper' Grumby: Shut up, Gilligan!

Jonas 'The Skipper' Grumby: We've got to have this hut finished by tonight, there's a storm brewing out there someplace.
Gilligan: Oh.
[Spills water on The Skipper]
Jonas 'The Skipper' Grumby: Thanks a lot, Gilligan! This was the only dry shirt I had left!

Gilligan: [Inside the Professor's hut] Could I get back the saw and the chisel that you borrowed?
Professor Roy Hinkley: Oh yeah. I loaned the chisel to the girls, but the saw's over here some place.
[as he looks, Gilligan looks around at the hut rather impressed, then pulls out a small palm leaf no more than three inches long, and the wall it was in immediately falls down, surprising both the Professor and Gilligan]
Professor Roy Hinkley: Gilligan! What did you do to that wall?
Gilligan: Oh I'm sorry, Professor. All I did was pull out this one little palm leaf, and the whole thing fell down.
Professor Roy Hinkley: [Disbelieving] Oh, Come on!
Gilligan: Honest, Professor! That's what happened!
Professor Roy Hinkley: You can't tell me that pulling out one little palm leaf could make a whole wall fall down.
[With that, he walks over to the opposing wall, with Gilligan in tow, and pulls about three feet of palm leaf out of the wall and shows it to him]
Professor Roy Hinkley: I built this place! You remember?
[Gilligan then looks closely at the wall, and pulls out a similar short palm leaf to the one he originally pulled out, making that wall fall, and the rest of the hut to collapse as well]

Gilligan: [after the storm, Gilligan opens the door to the hut they were all taking shelter in] Skipper? What are you doing in the lagoon?
Jonas 'The Skipper' Grumby: Never mind what am I doing in the lagoon! What's the *hut* doing out here?

"Gilligan's Island: Two on a Raft (#1.1)" (1964)
[first lines]
Skipper Jonas Grumby: Hey, Gilligan! Gilligan!
Gilligan: Oh, my gosh. Man overboard. I'll save you, Skipper!

Gilligan: You know, Skipper. I'm very happy to be here. I'm so happy, I could kiss the ground.
[kisses the sand]
Gilligan: This island tastes terrible.

Gilligan: Skipper gone, Gilligan one smart Marubi.

Ginger Grant: I learned a little Hawaiian when I was singing in a club in Waikiki. Wahine wiki huki luki nu, and every word of it comes from the bottom of my heart.
Gilligan: Gee, that's real nice, Ginger. What does it mean?
Ginger Grant: "This bar is off limits to all military personnel."

"Gilligan's Island: Voodoo (#3.5)" (1966)
Gilligan: I'm hexed. I'm hexed.
The Skipper: What are you gonna do?
Gilligan: I'm getting the *hex* out of here!

The Professor: [to Skipper and Gilligan] I would say it was a geological phenomenon caused by volcanic activity beneath the Earth's surface resulting into concentration of heat at a specific location.
Gilligan: That makes sense to me, but there's one thing I don't understand.
The Professor: Oh, what's that?
Gilligan: How come the ground got so hot underneath our feet?

The Skipper: It all started when we took those relics out of the cave, right? So we collect them all, put them back in, and that oughta satisfy whoever's putting this curse on us!
Gilligan: Yeah, and once they're satisfied, they'll dezombie the Professor!
The Skipper: 'Dezombie'?
Gilligan: Unzombie... exzombie?
The Skipper: Well, never mind. Now look, I want you to get over to the girls' hut and collect all the stuff that you gave them. I'll go over to the Howells and collect their stuff.
Gilligan: Yeah.
The Skipper: Alright! Come on, on your way!
[Gilligan leaves the hut]
The Skipper: Unzombie? Dezombie? Exzombie? I wonder which one it is.
Gilligan: [Reentering behind Skipper] DISzombie!
The Skipper: [Turns around and glares at Gilligan]
Gilligan: Datzombie?

"Gilligan's Island: Topsy-Turvy (#3.10)" (1966)
[Gilligan sees everything upside down, so the Skipper reluctantly stands on his head]
Skipper Jonas Grumby: For a little guy, you sure get in a lot of trouble!
Gilligan: That's because I try harder.
Skipper Jonas Grumby: The things I do for you...
Gilligan: Sorry, Skipper, but this is the only way I can talk to you without falling down. Or up. Or sideways.
Professor Roy Hinkley: [Walks out of hut with a potion for Gilligan] Skipper, you are standing upside-down, aren't you?
Skipper Jonas Grumby: Well of course I'm standing upside-down, Professor!
Professor Roy Hinkley: Oh. Good; for a minute I thought I was working too hard.

Gilligan: [Gilligan is now seeing double; the Howells come up to him] Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Howell and friends.

"Gilligan's Island: Meet the Meteor (#2.32)" (1966)
Mary Ann Summers: [Gilligan is standing guard outside a hut where the Professor and the Skipper are assembling a geiger counter] Is everyone ready for the Christmas party?
Ginger Grant: Christmas party? You mean birthday party!
Lovey Howell: Anniversary party!
Thurston Howell III: Young man, what do you have to say for yourself?
Gilligan: Just one word.
[turns and opens door of hut]
Gilligan: HELP!
[Skipper and Professor fall over in surprise, ruining progress on assembling the Geiger counter]

Jonas 'The Skipper' Grumby: [Coming outside to Gilligan after he woke up from the dream and had tried to get the lightning rod to the meteor, but tripped and inadvertently threw it and it stuck in the meteor] Gilligan! Are you okay?
Gilligan: Yeah I'm okay!
Jonas 'The Skipper' Grumby: Where's the lightning rod!
Gilligan: I don't know! I tripped and it flew out of my hand and I don't know where it landed!
Jonas 'The Skipper' Grumby: [Points] LOOK!
[Cut to the meteor, where the lightning rod has attracted a bolt, which after a few seconds, helps to blow up the meteor]
Jonas 'The Skipper' Grumby: Oh my goodness! That lightning bolt blew it into a million pieces!

"Gilligan's Island: Quick Before It Sinks (#2.6)" (1965)
[last lines]
Jonas 'The Skipper' Grumby: Just look at that mess, Gilligan.
Gilligan: It won't take long to clean it up with all three of us.
Jonas 'The Skipper' Grumby: "All three of us?"
Professor Roy Hinkley: "All three of us?"
Gilligan: Yeah, all three of us. Me, myself, and I.

Professor Roy Hinkley: [Sees Gilligan coming back with a lobster trap and the stick the Professor was using] Gilligan, where did you find that stick?
Gilligan: Oh this old stick? I've been using it to tie my lobster trap from.
Professor Roy Hinkley: Oh really? Well that old stick just happens to be the same stick I had been using to measure the water in the lagoon.
Gilligan: [Gulps] I've been putting it out deeper to catch bigger lobsters.
Professor Roy Hinkley: Well, that explains it. The island isn't sinking after all.

"Gilligan's Island: The Producer (#3.4)" (1966)
Gilligan: [as "Hamlet," flubbing his line about "get thee to a nunnery" to Ginger, playing "Ophelia"] There is nothing left to do, Ophelia... but to get thee to a notarary.
[Ginger nods]

Gilligan: [Last lines]
[In his hammock, singing]
Gilligan: I ask to be or not to be, and that is the question that I ask of me...
Jonas 'The Skipper' Grumby: [Calmly] Gilligan, will you cut that out? I'm trying to get some sleep.
Gilligan: [Quieter, but still loud enough for the Skipper to hear] I ask to be or not to be, and that is the question that I ask of me...
Jonas 'The Skipper' Grumby: [Yelling] Gilligan, cut it out!
Gilligan: [Looks back, then sings almost inaudibly, but still loud enough for the Skipper to hear] I ask to be or not to be, and that is the questi... WHOA!
[His singing is interrupted when the skipper tips him out of his bunk onto the floor]
Jonas 'The Skipper' Grumby: [singing] And that is the answer that you get from me!

"Gilligan's Island: The Pigeon (#3.28)" (1967)
Professor Roy Hinkley: It's working, he's afraid of himself.
Gilligan: That makes it unanimous!

Jonas 'The Skipper' Grumby: [about stray pigeon] Let's attach a note to him and send him off.
Professor Roy Hinkley: He's been through a great ordeal with storm. He's lost feathers, and he's lost weight.
Gilligan: Well, maybe we can just send a short note.

"Gilligan's Island: Gilligan's Mother-in-Law (#2.1)" (1965)
Native Warrior: [closing lines]
[says something unintelligible to Gilligan]
Gilligan: [calls to Professor] What's he saying, Professor?
Native Warrior: [turns, calls to Professor]
Professor Roy Hinkley: [calls to Gilligan] Oh, he just said you first have to pass the Best Man Test.
Gilligan: [calls to Professor] Best Man Test? What's that?
Native Warrior: [calls to Professor, holds up six fingers and mimes blowing a small dart]
Professor Roy Hinkley: [calls to Gilligan] Poison darts at six paces!
Gilligan: [stands up in boat] Poison darts at six paces?
[leaps overboard, swims ashore, and runs away]

Skipper Jonas Grumby: I am not marrying that fat native girl!
Gilligan: Well, you're not so skinny yourself.

"Gilligan's Island: Mine Hero (#2.14)" (1965)
Gilligan: Dumb old mine! I'm going to give it a good, swift kick!
Jonas 'The Skipper' Grumby: Gilligan, don't!
[steps between Gilligan and the mine. Gilligan ends up kicking him]
Jonas 'The Skipper' Grumby: Oh, my shins!

Ginger Grant: [She finished talking to Gilligan seductively with her arms around his neck in order to distract him enough to discreetly take his four-leaf clover medallion off his neck and slip it in her pocketbook, after she finished she seems disappointed she couldn't successfully seduce him] Oh well. I guess I don't have what it takes.
Gilligan: [Holding up the medallion to show her] You also don't have what you took, either.
Ginger Grant: [Shocked, she opens her pocketbook to see it's not in there] Oh Gilligan! You're impossible!
[She storms off while Gilligan acts giddy]

"Gilligan's Island: Waiting for Watubi (#1.10)" (1964)
Professor Roy Hinkley: [Gilligan & The Professor are digging a hole to bury the statue of Kona] There. That should be deep enough.
Gilligan: Make it a little deeper, Professor. I want to put him down so deep he'll get the bends.
Professor Roy Hinkley: Gilligan, that statue is not getting out of this hole.
Gilligan: Please make it a little deeper.
[the professor digs for a bit more, then puts the statue in the hole]
Jonas 'The Skipper' Grumby: [the Skipper comes along and falls into the hole. He sees what's in the hole with him, jumps out and runs away] Aaah! Kona!
Gilligan: Hey Skipper! Watch out for that
[sharp cracking sound]
Gilligan: tree.

Jonas 'The Skipper' Grumby: [Convinced that he is dying, The Skipper asks Gilligan to bring him his sea chest. Gilligan does, setting it down next to him] Gilligan, it's on my fingers.
Gilligan: [Gilligan moves the chest and opens it, hitting the Skipper with the lid] Wow! Look at all this junk!
Jonas 'The Skipper' Grumby: Junk? My life is in that chest!
Gilligan: A bottle cap?
Jonas 'The Skipper' Grumby: [Wistfully ] Singapore, 1946, the first bottle of beer I ever opened with my teeth.
Gilligan: Why'd you do that?
Jonas 'The Skipper' Grumby: I didn't want to, but some guy hit me in the mouth with the bottle. You can have it.
Gilligan: [Shows the Skipper a large spider in his hand ] What does this remind you of?
Jonas 'The Skipper' Grumby: Nothing. It must've just crawled in there.
[Gilligan quickly throws it away. ]

"Gilligan's Island: Up at Bat (#3.1)" (1966)
Gilligan: Please help me, Professor! I... I wouldn't be a good vampire! I faint at the sight of blood! I'll starve to death!

Gilligan: [as a vampire, standing before an open window] I shall swoop down upon their unsuspecting necks!
[Gilligan jumps out of the window, followed shortly by a crashing sound. Gilligan is then seen climbing back in through the same window]
Ginger Grant: [as Gilligan the vampire's wife] What happened?
Gilligan: I forgot to turn into a bat!
Ginger Grant: What kind of a vampire are you, anyway?

"Gilligan's Island: My Fair Gilligan (#1.35)" (1965)
Gilligan: [At the end of the dream sequence, Gilligan took off his crown, placed it in front of his feet and is shown stomping on it to destroy it] I don't wanna be king! I don't wanna be king! I don't wanna be king!

"Batman: The Ogg and I (#3.8)" (1967)
Gilligan: Hello, Chief. The usual?
Chief O'Hara: Right, Gilligan. A large milk and a hot pastrami.
Egghead: Never mind the pastrami. Chief O'Hara would like half a dozen eggs. How do you like them, Chief?
[sits down]
Chief O'Hara: Why you!
[raises fist]
Egghead: Now, one hand on me and you'll never see your dear Commissioner again, Chief.
Chief O'Hara: You win, Egghead.
Egghead: Now how did you say you liked your eggs?
Chief O'Hara: [grumbling] Scrambled.
Egghead: Hmm. Bring Chief O'Hara half a dozen - no, make it a dozen scrambled eggs.

"ALF: Somewhere Over the Rerun (#2.2)" (1987)
Gilligan: I wish you would stop calling me little buddy im in my 40s for crying out loud.

"Gilligan's Island: All About Eva (#3.14)" (1966)
Eva Grubb: My name is Eva Grubb.
Gilligan: [sympathetically] Well, it's not too great a name, but you always can change it!

"Gilligan's Island: The Sweepstakes (#2.5)" (1965)
Gilligan: [regarding the lost ticket] Let's see... it couldn't be in that tin box buried down at the base of that big palm tree by the lagoon.
Ginger Grant: I didn't know there was a tin box buried under that tree!
Gilligan: There isn't. That's why it couldn't be there.

"Gilligan's Island: The Matchmaker (#1.25)" (1965)
Jonas 'The Skipper' Grumby: This is your moment of truth, little buddy. Please don't spill the soup on the Howells.
Gilligan: Be of good cheer, Skipper. For I will
[picks up the tray of soup bowls]
Gilligan: not spill the soup.

"Gilligan's Island: Smile, You're on Mars Camera (#2.4)" (1965)
Professor Roy Hinkley: [Last lines; Skipper and The Professor are doing a chore, completely cleaned of the feathers from earlier] Skipper, aren't you being a little hard on Gilligan?
The Skipper: Absolutely not, Professor. All of this is his fault with those feathers and stuff. Speaking of that, do you have the time?
Professor Roy Hinkley: [Looks at his watch] Yeah, it's 3 o'clock.
The Skipper: [Yells back to the hut] Gilligan! Get out here! It's 3 o'clock!
Gilligan: [the door to the hut opens slowly, and Gilligan shuffles out, with the feathers still on his body, then makes a 90 degree turn, and stops]
[Flapping his arms]
Gilligan: Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo!
[Then turns and shuffles back into the hut as the door slowly closes behind him]

"Gilligan's Island: The Little Dictator (#2.3)" (1965)
[dream sequence: Gilligan is the ruler of a small country. The Skipper is Secretary of the Navy]
Gilligan: How's my Navy holding up?
Jonas Grumby - Skipper: Well since you brought it up sir, why don't you come to the window and see for yourself?
Rodriguez: Again?
[Gilligan looks out of window. Stock footage of burning sinking ship rolls]
Rodriguez: Propaganda! Vicious Propaganda!
Gilligan: Are you doing something about that?
Jonas Grumby - Skipper: Yes sir, we are! We're teaching our sailors how to SWIM!
Gilligan: Good!
Jonas Grumby - Skipper: And the people on shore are learning mouth-to-mouth resuscitation -without becoming emotionally involved!
Rodriguez: How can you do that?
Jonas Grumby - Skipper: It ain't easy!

"Baywatch: Now Sit Right Back and You'll Hear a Tale (#2.16)" (1992)
Willy Gilligan: I can't belive this. We're shipwrecked again!
Mary Ann Summers: But at least we're all safe. That's the important thing.
Captain Don Thorpe: Skipper, what are we going to do? I just bought my first corporation. Thorp Corp, and I so wanted to be there this morning for they're putting my name on the door.
Shauni McClain: What about the movie? They could give my part to someone else.
Willy Gilligan: You'll get used to that being shipwrecked.
[canned laughter from a laugh-track is heard]
Eddie Kramer: What was that?
Willy Gilligan: You'll get used to that too.

"Gilligan's Island: Gilligan's Living Doll (#2.21)" (1966)
Professor Roy Hinkley: [All the castaways are present, seated or standing around the communal table with the radio on it. They are all ad-libbing as the Professor hears the radio] Wait a minute! Quiet! The announcement, quiet! Quiet!
Radio Announcer: And now they are activating the robot's receptor spools to see if they can find out how it got to Hawaii. The next voice you hear will be that of the robot.
Robot: [mechanically] I have been on a deserted island. The putt breaks to the right.
Thurston Howell III: Well, it was a lucky shot!
Robot: [mechanically] Sweep back and forth, back and forth. I was stranded. This is the way we wash our clothes.
Radio Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, the scientists from the laboratory are checking to see exactly what went wrong. Perhaps now we can learn the reason the recorded messages are all scrambled... A WHAT?... Ladies and gentlemen, believe it or not, a RABBIT'S FOOT was just found in the robot!
[Everyone slowly looks directly at Gilligan, with those who were seated slowly getting up. Gilligan smiles rather embarrassingly whilst shying away from their stares]
Radio Announcer: It demagnetized the entire receptor spools. There is now no chance of finding out where the robot has been, who reprogrammed it, or how it got to Hawaii. For that matter, how the rabbit's foot got in there in the first place!
Jonas 'The Skipper' Grumby, Thurston Howell III, Mrs. Lovey Howell, Ginger Grant, Professor Roy Hinkley, Mary Ann Summers: [Almost unbelievingly] GILLIGAN?
Gilligan: I just thought it'd bring us some luck, ya know?
[Gilligan then slips under the table while the Skipper and Professor go after him as the scene fades out]

"Gilligan's Island: The Second Ginger Grant (#3.24)" (1967)
Professor Roy Hinkley: Ginger, the blow to her head caused Mary Ann to assume the identity of the only famous actress she's ever known, you.
Gilligan: It's a lucky thing she didn't know Lassie.

"Gilligan's Island: Beauty Is as Beauty Does (#2.2)" (1965)
Gilligan: Mr. Howell, are you trying to influence me?
Thurston Howell III: Oh, no, cherish the thought.

"Gilligan's Island: Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow (#3.8)" (1966)
Ginger Grant: [Gilligan puts a blanket around Ginger] Gilligan, it's much too hot for a blanket.
Gilligan: It won't be in a few minutes. I used a lot of bleach on your dress.
Ginger Grant: [Looks at her dress under the blanket] Oh no!
Gilligan: Oh yes!
Ginger Grant: [as her dress slides off under the blanket] Oh my!

"Gilligan's Island: Gilligan Gets Bugged (#2.13)" (1965)
Gilligan: You know I never play with a submarine in the bathtub. You gotta watch out where you sit.

"Gilligan's Island: Angel on the Island (#1.11)" (1964)
Jonas 'The Skipper' Grumby: What did you think of my Mark Anthony?
Parrot: Terrible! Terrible! Terrible!
Gilligan: Don't mind him, Skipper. He just says what he's taught.
Jonas 'The Skipper' Grumby: And who's been teaching him?
Gilligan: I don't know.
Parrot: Gilligan! Gilligan! Gilligan!
Gilligan: Blabberbeak!

"Gilligan's Island: Gilligan vs. Gilligan (#3.2)" (1966)
The Skipper: Gilligan, when they were passing out the brains, you weren't at the end of the line. YOU WERE ON VACATION!
Gilligan: That's what you think, fatso.

"Gilligan's Island: Court-Martial (#3.17)" (1967)
Jonas 'The Skipper' Grumby: Well, Gilligan... this is where we're going to spend the rest of our lives.
Gilligan: Well, maybe we won't live that long.

"Gilligan's Island: Music Hath Charms (#1.26)" (1965)
Mrs. Lovey Howell: [entering, seeing Gilligan playing a drum] Oh, Gilligan, I am hungry for music!
Gilligan: [pausing and holding up a drumstick] Would you like a drumstick?

"Gilligan's Island: The Invasion (#3.11)" (1966)
Professor Roy Hinkley: I want all of you to know that the attache case is missing and until it is recovered you are all suspects!
Gilligan: Does that mean none of us can leave the island?

"Gilligan's Island: Slave Girl (#3.26)" (1967)
Ugundi: [challenging him to a fight] Do you know what happen when sun go down?
Gilligan: Gilligan go down.

"Gilligan's Island: New Neighbor Sam (#1.27)" (1965)
Sam, the Parrot: Sam wants a cracker. Sam wants a cracker.
Jonas 'The Skipper' Grumby: Gilligan, your parrot would like another cracker.
Gilligan: I've already given him fifteen crackers.
Jonas 'The Skipper' Grumby: Gilligan?
[Gilligan reluctantly gets out of his hammock, goes over and tosses another cracker in Sam's cage, then goes to get back in his hammock when the Skipper stops him]
Jonas 'The Skipper' Grumby: Gilligan, as soon as you get back in your hammock, he's gonna want another cracker. Why don't you give him the whole box so we can *both* get some sleep.
[Gilligan nods, then goes back and throws the rest of the crackers in the box into Sam's cage, then returns to his hammock]
Jonas 'The Skipper' Grumby: There. That oughta do it.
Gilligan: Yeah. Couldn't imagine what he'd want now.
[Puts his hat over his face]
Sam, the Parrot: Sam wants a drink of water. Sam wants...
[drowned by the laughter, both the Skipper and Gilligan are startled enough from this to fall out of their respective hammocks]

"Gilligan's Island: Physical Fatness (#1.32)" (1965)
Skipper Jonas Grumby: There's a table in this Navy manual that tells me how much I should weigh.
Gilligan: Maybe it's under "tonnage".