Joyce Summers
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Quotes for
Joyce Summers (Character)
from "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" (1997)

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"Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Becoming: Part 2 (#2.22)" (1998)
Buffy: I told you. I'm a vampire slayer.
Joyce: Well I just don't accept that.

Spike: What, your Mom doesn't know?
Joyce: Know what?
Buffy: That I'm, uh... in a band. A-A rock band with Spike, here.
Spike: Right, she plays the, duh, triangle.
Buffy: Drums.
Spike: Drums. Yeah, she's a-a hell on the old skins, you know.

Joyce: Have we met?
Spike: Uh, you hit me with an axe one time. Remember, uh, "Get the hell away from my daughter"?

Buffy: Open your eyes, Mom. What do you think has been going on for the past two years? The fights, the weird occurrences... how many times have you washed blood out of my clothing, and you still haven't figured it out?
Joyce Summers: Well, it stops now!
Buffy: No, it doesn't stop! It never stops! Do-do you think I chose to be like this? Do you have any idea how lonely it is, how dangerous? I would love to be upstairs watching TV or gossiping about boys or, God, even studying! But I have to save the world, again.

Buffy: What's the deal, Spike? You've got five minutes. Talk.
Spike: Simple: I help you kill Angel, stop him from awakening Acathla thus destroying the world, you let me and Dru skip town.
Joyce: [to Buffy] Angel your boyfriend?
Buffy: Forget it. You can walk, she doesn't.
Spike: There's no deal without her.
Buffy: She killed Kendra!
Spike: Dru bagged a slayer? S-She didn't tell me. Hey, good for her!
[at Buffy's angry look]
Spike: Though not from your perspective, I suppose.

Buffy Summers: Open your eyes, Mom! What do you think has been going on for the past few years? The fights, the weird occurrences... how many times have you washed blood out of my clothing, and you still haven't figured it out?
Joyce Summers: Well, it stops now!
Buffy Summers: No, it doesn't stop! It never stops! Do you... do you think I chose to be like this? You have any idea how lonely it is? How dangerous? I would love to be upstairs, watching TV or gossiping about boys or... God, even studying! But I have to save the world. Again.

"Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Dead Man's Party (#3.2)" (1998)
Joyce Summers: It's, uh, Nigerian. We got a very exciting shipment in at the gallery. I, um, thought I'd hang a few pieces in here. It cheers up the room.
Buffy Summers: It's angry at the room, mom, it wants the room to suffer.

Buffy Summers: I'd like to find Willow and Xander.
Joyce Summers: Will you be slaying?
Buffy Summers: Only if they give me lip.

Principal Snyder: I have not only the right, but also a nearly physical sensation of pleasure at the thought of keeping her out of school. I'd describe myself as tingly.
Joyce Summers: Buffy was cleared of all those charges
Principal Snyder: Yes, and while she may live up to the not-a-murderer requirement for enrollment, she is a troublemaker, destructive to school property and the occasional student. And her grade point average is enough to... I'm sorry. Another tingle moment.

Joyce Summers: Don't worry about school, honey. If we can't get you back into Sunnydale, maybe we can swing private school.
Buffy Summers: Private school? You mean like jackets and kilts? You want me to get field hockey knees?
Joyce Summers: It's not that bad.
Buffy Summers: What about home schooling? You know, it's not just for scary religious people anymore.
Joyce Summers: We'll work something out. Say hi to Willow?

Joyce Summers: That does it! You and I are gonna have a talk right here!
Buffy Summers: Mom, please...
Joyce Summers: I don't care! I don't care what your friends think of me or you for that matter because you put me through the ringer, Buffy. Do you have any idea what it's been like for me. You disappear for over three months... three months of not knowing if you were lying dead in a ditch somewhere or living it up?
Buffy Summers: But you told me! You told me to leave! You said that if I leave this house, don't come back. You found out who I really was and you couldn't handle it! These were your very own words: "I don't accept that!"
Joyce Summers: Buffy, you didn't give me any time to deal with it! You just dump this revelation on me and expect me to get it? Well, guess what? I'm not perfect! I'm sorry! I handled it badly! But that doesn't give you the right to punish me by running away!
Buffy Summers: Punish you? I didn't do this to punish you.
Xander: Well, you did, Buffy! You should have seen her worried about you. What you did in taking off was selfish and stupid!
Buffy Summers: Okay, I admit it! I screwed up, but you have no idea what happened to me or what I was feeling after confronting Angel!
Xander: Did you even try talking to anybody?
Buffy Summers: There was nothing any of you could do! I don't want to talk about it! I just had to deal with this on my own!
Xander: Yeah, you see how that worked out, Buffy. You can't just bury stuff like your feelings. It will come right back up to get you.

"Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Blood Ties (#5.13)" (2001)
Dawn: They were talking about me, just like everybody is.
Xander: Again, not so much. In fact, none.
Anya: We were talking about sex. I mean, you know us, sometimes we like to pretend stuff...
Joyce: Um...
Xander: Anya.
Anya: You know, like, say there's a fireman, or a shepherd...
Buffy: You know what? Let's not have this exchange of images right now.

Dawn: [Dawn appears in the living room, dazed, with her arms outstretched and covered in blood] Is this blood?
Buffy: Dawn!
Joyce: Oh, baby!
Buffy: What did you do?
Dawn: This is blood, isn't it? It can't be me. I'm not a key. I'm not a thing
Joyce: Oh, Sweetie, no. Wha-what is this all about?
Dawn: What am I?
[starting to cry]
Dawn: Am I real? Am I anything?

"Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Normal Again (#6.17)" (2002)
Joyce Summers: I know you're afraid. I know the world feels like a hard place, sometimes. But you've got people who love you. Your dad and I, we have all the faith in the world in you. We'll always be with you. You have got a world of strength in your heart. I know you do. You just have to find it again. Believe in yourself.

Doctor: A magical key. Buffy inserted Dawn into her delusion, actually rewriting the entire history of it to accommodate a need for a familial bond.
[to Buffy]
Doctor: Buffy, but that created inconsistencies, didn't it? Your sister, your friends - all of those people you created in Sunnydale - they aren't as comforting as they once were, are they? They're coming apart.
Joyce Summers: Buffy, listen to what the doctor's saying. It's important.
Doctor: Buffy, you used to create these grand villains to battle against, and now what is it? Just ordinary students you went to high school with. No gods or monsters, just three pathetic little men... who like playing with toys.

"Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Nightmares (#1.10)" (1997)
Joyce Summers: Time to get up for school.
Buffy: [half asleep] Oh, mom...
Joyce Summers: Are you alright?
Buffy: [jumps out of bed] No... yeah, I'm... school, great.
Joyce Summers: You want to go to school?
Buffy: [opens her closet doors] Sure, why not?
Joyce Summers: Okay, good day to buy that lottery ticket... I spoke with your father.
Buffy: [a little concerned] He's coming, right?
Joyce Summers: You're on for this weekend.

Joyce Summers: It's just... I know the situation's hard, You just always want to remember your father adores you - no more than I do by the way.
Buffy: Thanks and Mom, don't worry. I'm over the divorce. I officially release you from all guilt.
Joyce Summers: That's not what I was getting at. You feel like putting that in writing?

"Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Restless (#4.22)" (2000)
Joyce: I'm, uh, guessing I missed some fun?
Willow: The spirit of the first slayer tried to kill us in our dreams.
Joyce: Oh, you want some hot chocolate?

Xander Harris: [Xander's dream] I move pretty fast. You know, a man's always after...
Joyce: Conquest?
Xander Harris: I'm a conquistador.
Joyce: You sure it isn't comfort?
Xander Harris: I'm a comfortador also.
Joyce: I do know the difference. I've learned about boys.

"Buffy the Vampire Slayer: School Hard (#2.3)" (1997)
Spike: So. How 'bout this Slayer? Is she tough?
[Cut to Buffy's room. She's standing at her mirror, trying to brush her hair]
Buffy Summers: Ow!
Joyce Summers: What's wrong?
Buffy Summers: I spent a good part of my allowance on this new cream rinse, and it's neither creamy nor rinsey.
Joyce Summers: Life is hard, dear.
Buffy Summers: Don't I know it. Is that a split end?
Joyce Summers: I got the mail.
Buffy Summers: Good.
Joyce Summers: Which included a reminder notice about Parent-Teacher night. Thursday.
Buffy Summers: [in trepidation] That's good.
Joyce Summers: Which you were planning on telling me about...?
Buffy Summers: Oh, for... the last two weeks.
Joyce Summers: Uh-huh. So, what do you think your teachers are gonna tell me about you?
Buffy Summers: Well, I think they'll all agree that I always bring a pen to class, ready to absorb the knowledge.
Joyce Summers: And, uh, this absorption rate? How is it reflected in your homework and test scores?
Buffy Summers: What can you really tell about a person from a test score?
Joyce Summers: Whether or not she's ever going out with her friends again.

Parent: I'm not waiting for them to open the doors. I'm getting out.
Joyce Summers: Don't be an idiot.
Principal Snyder: I'm beginning to see a certain mother/daughter resemblance.

"Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Faith, Hope & Trick (#3.3)" (1998)
Buffy: Mom, the only way you get a new slayer is when the old slayer dies.
Joyce: Then that means you... When did you die? You never told me you died.
Buffy: No it-it was just for a few minutes.

Buffy: So, let me get this strait. I'm really back in school because the School Board overruled you. Wow! That's like having your whole ability to do this job called into question, when you think about it.
Joyce: I think what my daughter's trying to say is, "Nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah."

"Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Lovers Walk (#3.8)" (1998)
[Spike tells Joyce about his breakup with Drusilla]
Spike: So I'm strolling through the park looking for a meal, and I happen to walk by and she's making out with the Chaos Demon. And so I said, "You know, I don't have to put up with this." And she said, "Fine." So I said, "Fine! Do whatever you like." I mean, I thought we were gonna make up, you know.
Joyce: Well, she sounds very unreasonable.
Spike: She is, she's out of her mind. That's what I miss most about her.
Joyce: Well Spike, sometimes even when two people seem right for each other their lives just take different paths. Like when Buffy's father and I...
Spike: No, this is different. Our love was eternal, literally. You got any of those little marshmallows?

Joyce: You belong in a good old fashioned college with keg parties and boys. Not here with Hellmouths and vampires.
Buffy: Not really seeing the distinction.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1992)
Buffy's Mom: Bye-Bye Bobby!
Jeffrey: Bye! She thinks my name is Bobby?
Buffy: It's possible she thinks *my* name's Bobby.

Buffy's Mom: [Buffy walks in late] Do you know what time it is?
Buffy: Uh... around ten?
Buffy's Mom: [looks at her watch] I *knew* this thing was slow. You pay a fortune for something...
[shouts to Buffy's father]
Buffy's Mom: Honey, come on, we're gonna be late!

"Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Gingerbread (#3.11)" (1999)
Joyce: This is *not* a good town. How many of us have-have lost someone who-who just disappeared... or-or got skinned or suffered 'neck rupture'? And how many of us have been too afraid to speak out? I-I was supposed to lead us in a moment of silence, but, silence is this town's disease. For too long we-we've been plagued by unnatural evils. This isn't our town anymore. It belongs to the monsters, and the witches and the Slayers.

Joyce: [about to light their children on fire] We should stay close, have lunch.
Sheila Rosenberg: Oh, I'd like that. How nice.

"Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Checkpoint (#5.12)" (2001)
Joyce Summers: I love what you've, um, neglected to do with the place.

[Joyce and Dawn are staying with Spike]
Spike: Just don't break anything. And don't make a lotta noise. Passions is comin' on.
Joyce Summers: Passions? Oh, do you think Timmy's really dead?
Spike: Oh, no, no. She can just sew him back together. He's a doll, for God's sake.
Joyce Summers: Ah, what about the wedding? I mean, there's no way they're gonna go through with that.

"Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Conversations with Dead People (#7.7)" (2002)
Joyce Summers: [as the First] I love you and I love Buffy but she won't be there for you. When it's bad, Buffy won't choose you. She'll be against you.

"Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Earshot (#3.18)" (1999)
[Buffy reads her mom's thoughts]
Buffy: You had sex with Giles? You had *sex* with Giles?
Joyce: It was the candy, we were teenagers.
Buffy: On the hood of a police car?
Joyce: I'll be downstairs. You feel better.
Buffy: *Twice*?

"Buffy the Vampire Slayer: I Was Made to Love You (#5.15)" (2001)
Joyce: Buffy, what do you think? Should I, you know, try to make things romantic, or sorta let him set the pace?
Buffy: Oh, no. Love Doctor Buffy is not in. I'm not qualified to give dating advice. I've had exactly two boyfriends and they both left. Really left. Left town left.

"Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Band Candy (#3.6)" (1998)
Joyce Summers: [teenage Joyce] Screw you. I want candy.

"Buffy the Vampire Slayer: This Year's Girl (#4.15)" (2000)
Faith: You are thinking, "You'll never get away with this!" Warm?
Joyce: Actually, I was thinking my daughter is going to kill you soon.

"Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Witch (#1.3)" (1997)
Buffy: Mom, I've accepted that you've had sex. I am not ready to know that you had Farrah hair.
Joyce: This is Gidget hair. Don't they teach you anything in history?

"Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Bad Eggs (#2.12)" (1998)
[on children]
Joyce Summers: They can be such a... oh, I don't wanna say burden, but, uh... actually, I kind of *do* wanna say burden.

"Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Crush (#5.14)" (2001)
Joyce Summers: Honey, did you somehow, unintentionally, lead him on in any way? Uh, send him signals?
Buffy: Uh... I do beat him up a lot. For Spike, that's like third base.

"Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Passion (#2.17)" (1998)
Willow: [Buffy and her mother have just had "the talk" after Angelus told Joyce that he and Buffy slept together] So was it horrible?
Buffy: It wasn't too horrible.
[the phone rings]
Buffy: Hello?
Giles: Buffy...
Buffy: Giles!
[She begins to tell him they managed to retract Angelus's invitation into the Summers home]
Buffy: Hey, we finished the spe...
Giles: [he cuts her off] Jenny... Ms. Calendar... she's been killed.
Buffy: What?
Giles: It was Angel.
Willow: [a horrified look crosses Buffy's face as she absentmindedly hands the phone to Willow, sliding down onto the kitchen floor] Buffy?
[she grabs the phone]
Willow: Giles?
Giles: Willow, Angel's killed Jenny.
Willow: Really?
[She bursts into tears and puts the phone down]
Willow: No... no! NO!
Joyce Summers: [Running into the room to check on the girls, a sobbing Willow grabs onto her] Willow! My God, Buffy... what's wrong? Has something happened?
[Buffy hangs her head on her knees as Joyce continues to try to comfort Willow. The three of them are unaware that Angelus has been watching them from Buffy's front yard the whole time, a look of voyeuristic pleasure on his face]

"Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Listening to Fear (#5.9)" (2000)
Joyce Summers: I bet it's not even hooked up to anything. Just like the push-buttons at the cross-walk that are supposed to make the signal change.
Buffy: I'm sure someone's on- Wait, the push-buttons aren't hooked up to anything?

"Buffy the Vampire Slayer: The Body (#5.16)" (2001)
Joyce: I think we're just about ready for pie.
Xander: Then I'll be pretty much ready for barf.
Buffy: Xander!
Dawn: Gross.
Xander: No, no, barf from the eating. 'Cause all was good, and too much goodness...
Joyce: I'm taking it as a compliment.

"Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Amends (#3.10)" (1998)
Joyce Summers: [Buffy and Joyce are decorating their tree, Buffy is zoned out] So Angel's on top again.
Buffy: What?
Joyce Summers: Angel or Star?
Buffy: Oh, uh, star.

"Buffy the Vampire Slayer: The Prom (#3.20)" (1999)
Joyce: I don't have to tell you that you and Buffy come from different worlds.
Angel: No, you don't.
Joyce: She's had to deal with a lot, grow up fast. Sometimes even I forget that she's still just a girl.
Angel: And I'm old enough to be her ancestor.
Joyce: She's just starting out in life.
Angel: I know. I think about it more now that she's staying in Sunnydale.
Joyce: Good. Because when it comes to you, Angel, she's just like any other young woman in love. You're all she can see of tomorrow. But I think we both know that there are some hard choices ahead. If she can't make them, you're gonna have to. I know you care about her. I just hope you care enough.

"Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Innocence (#2.14)" (1998)
Joyce: So what'd you do for your birthday? D'you have fun?
Buffy: I got older.

"Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Bad Girls (#3.14)" (1999)
Joyce Summers: Some days you just want to wake up and say, to hell with the diet. You want to make waffles? Big Sunday brunch?
Buffy: I'm not really that hungry.
Joyce Summers: What did you and Faith do last night?
Buffy: Nothing. I mean it's not important.
Joyce Summers: Don't worry, I won't meddle in your slaying. Just so long as you're being careful...
Buffy: I am.

"Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Buffy vs. Dracula (#5.1)" (2000)
Joyce Summers: Buffy? If you're going out, why don't you take your sister?
Buffy, Dawn Summers: [in unison] Mom!

"Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Welcome to the Hellmouth (#1.1)" (1997)
Joyce Summers: Are you going out tonight?
Buffy Summers: Yeah, I'm going to a club.
Joyce Summers: Oh. Will there be boys there?
Buffy Summers: No, Mom. It's a nun club.