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Quotes for
Principal Snyder (Character)
from "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" (1997)

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"Buffy the Vampire Slayer: School Hard (#2.3)" (1997)
[Principal Snyder and the Police Chief are surveying the school after the vampire attack]
Bob, Sunnydale Chief of Police: I need to say something to the media people.
Principal Snyder: So?
Bob, Sunnydale Chief of Police: So, you want the usual story? Gang-related... PCP?
Principal Snyder: What'd you have in mind? The truth?
Bob, Sunnydale Chief of Police: Right. Gang-related... PCP.

[first lines]
Principal Snyder: A lot of educators tell students, "Think of your principal as your pal." I say, "Think of me as your judge, jury, and executioner." Tell me, who do you think is the most troublesome student in this school? Well, it is quite a match between you two. On the one hand, Buffy hasn't stabbed a horticulture teacher with a trowel.
Sheila Martini: I didn't stab no one with a trowel. They were pruning shears.
Principal Snyder: On the other hand, Sheila has never burnt down a school building.
Buffy Summers: Well, that was never proven. The Fire Marshall said it coulda been mice.
Principal Snyder: Mice.
Buffy Summers: Mice that were smoking?
Principal Snyder: The two of you seem to be tied in the class-cutting and fight-starting events. You really are neck and neck here. It's quite exciting.
Sheila Martini: [smirking] What does the winner get?
Principal Snyder: Expelled.

Principal Snyder: [at Parent-Teacher night] Was that your mother?
Buffy Summers: Here.
[She fakes a spill of handing a lemonade cup to him]
Buffy Summers: Oh! Oh, sorry! Um, yeah! Yeah, I was gonna introduce you, but, um, she wouldn't have said much. Y'know, she doesn't speak a word of English.

[Trapped by vampires in a school room]
Buffy Summers: You can't go outside. They'll kill you.
Principal Snyder: You don't tell me! I tell *you*!
Buffy Summers: They will kill everybody in this room. Nobody goes out, nobody comes in until I say so. Do you hear me?
Principal Snyder: Who do you think you are?
Buffy Summers: I'm the one that knows how to stop them.

Parent: I'm not waiting for them to open the doors. I'm getting out.
Joyce Summers: Don't be an idiot.
Principal Snyder: I'm beginning to see a certain mother/daughter resemblance.

"Buffy the Vampire Slayer: The Puppet Show (#1.9)" (1997)
Principal Snyder: Kids today need discipline. That's an unpopular word these days - discipline. I know Principal Flutie would have said, "Kids need understanding. Kids are human beings." That's the kind of wooly-headed liberal thinking that leads to being eaten.
Giles: I- I think perhaps it was a little more complex than, um...

Principal Snyder: There are things I will not tolerate: students loitering on campus after school, horrible murders with hearts being removed, and also smoking.

Principal Snyder: My predecessor, Mr. Flutie, may have gone in for all that touchy-feely relating nonsense, but he was eaten. You're in my world now, and Sunnydale has touched and felt for the last time.

Principal Snyder: I don't get it. What is it? Avant-garde?

"Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Band Candy (#3.6)" (1998)
[all the adults are acting like teenagers]
Buffy: Principal Snyder?
Principal Snyder: Call me Snyder. Just a last name, like... Barbarino.

Principal Snyder: You will sell it to raise money for the marching band. They need new uniforms.
Xander Harris: Yeah, those tall, fuzzy hats ain't cheap, huh?
Oz: But they go with everything.

Principal Snyder: Summers, you drive like a spaz!

"Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Choices (#3.19)" (1999)
Principal Snyder: Okay, what's in the bag?
Student: My lunch.
Principal Snyder: Is that, the new drug lingo?
Student: No, it's my lunch.

Principal Snyder: You... All of you. Why couldn't you be dealing drugs like normal people?

"Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Restless (#4.22)" (2000)
Principal Snyder: I walked by your guidance counselor's office one time. A bunch of you were sitting there, waiting to be shepherded. I remember it smelled like dead flowers, like decay. Then it hit me. The hope of our nation's future is a bunch of mulch.
Xander Harris: You know, I never got the chance to tell you how glad I was you were eaten by a snake.

Principal Snyder: [Xander's dreaming he is in Apocalypse Now] Are you a soldier?
Xander Harris: I'm a comfortador.
Principal Snyder: You're neither. You're a whipping boy. Raised by mongrels and set on a sacrificial stone.
Xander Harris: I'm getting a cramp.
[stands up]

"Buffy the Vampire Slayer: I Only Have Eyes for You (#2.19)" (1998)
[Snyder and the police chief survey the school after a massive snake attack]
Bob, Sunnydale Chief of Police: Schoolboy pranks?
Principal Snyder: Never sell.
Bob, Sunnydale Chief of Police: The sewer got backed up?
Principal Snyder: Better, I can probably make that one fly. But this is getting out of hand. People will talk.
Bob, Sunnydale Chief of Police: You'll take care of it.
Principal Snyder: I'm doing everything I can. But you people have to realize...
Passerby: Snyder, what's going on here?
Principal Snyder: [to passerby] Backed-up sewer line. Same thing happened in San Diego just last week.
[the passerby leaves and Sndyer turns back to the police chief]
Principal Snyder: We're on a Hellmouth. Sooner or later, people are gonna figure that out.
Bob, Sunnydale Chief of Police: The city council was told that you could handle this job. If you feel that you can't, perhaps you'd like to take that up with the Mayor.
Principal Snyder: [suddenly frightened] I'll handle it. I will.

Principal Snyder: I'm sure you know why I asked you here.
Buffy: To thank me?
Principal Snyder: That's right. I wanna thank you. What would Sunnydale High do without you around to incite mayhem, chaos and disorder?
Buffy: I don't incite! I stopped that boy from killing his girlfriend. Ask him. Ask the janitor.
Principal Snyder: People can be coerced, Summers. I'm no stranger to conspiracy. I saw JFK. I'm a truth seeker. I've got a missing gun and two confused kids on my hands; pieces of the puzzle. And I'm gonna look at all the pieces carefully and rationally, and I'm gonna keep looking until I know exactly how this is all your fault.
Intercom: [interrupts] Mr. Snyder, Billy Crandle chained himself to the snack machine, again.
Principal Snyder: Pathetic little no-life vegan.

"Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Becoming: Part 2 (#2.22)" (1998)
Buffy: You know I didn't do it. The police will figure it out.
Principal Snyder: In case you haven't noticed, the police of Sunnydale are deeply stupid. It doesn't matter anyway. Whatever they find, you've proved too much of a liability for this school. These are the moments you wanna savor. You wish time would stop so that you can live them over and over again. You're expelled.
Buffy: [draws a sword] You never ever got a single date in high school, did you?
Principal Snyder: Your point being?
[Buffy silently exits, and then Principal Snyder makes a call]
Principal Snyder: [into the phone] It's Snyder. Tell the Mayor I have good news. It's about the girl... Buffy.

"Buffy the Vampire Slayer: What's My Line?: Part 1 (#2.9)" (1997)
Xander: For what it's worth...
Principal Snyder: It's worth nothing, Harris. Whatever comes out of your mouth is a meaningless waste of breath. An airborne toxic event.
Xander: Well, I'm glad you feel comfortable enough to be so honest with me. And I can only hope that one day I'm in a position to be that honest with you.

"Buffy the Vampire Slayer: When She Was Bad (#2.1)" (1997)
Principal Snyder: There are some things I can just smell. It's like a sixth sense.
Giles: No, actually, that would be one of the five.
Principal Snyder: That Summers girl, I smell trouble. I smell expulsion and just the faintest aroma of jail.

"Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Becoming: Part 1 (#2.21)" (1998)
Principal Snyder: This isn't an orgy, people, it's a classroom.
Buffy: Yeah, where they teach lunch.

"Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Dead Man's Party (#3.2)" (1998)
Principal Snyder: I have not only the right, but also a nearly physical sensation of pleasure at the thought of keeping her out of school. I'd describe myself as tingly.
Joyce Summers: Buffy was cleared of all those charges
Principal Snyder: Yes, and while she may live up to the not-a-murderer requirement for enrollment, she is a troublemaker, destructive to school property and the occasional student. And her grade point average is enough to... I'm sorry. Another tingle moment.

"Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Graduation Day: Part 2 (#3.22)" (1999)
[introduction to graduation]
Principal Snyder: Congratulations to the class of 1999. You all proved more or less adequate. This is a time of celebration, so sit still and be quiet.