Harmony Kendall
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Quotes for
Harmony Kendall (Character)
from "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" (1997)

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"Angel: Disharmony (#2.17)" (2001)
Wesley Wyndam-Pryce: [pointing at Harmony] That is not your friend. That thing may have your friend's memories, her appearances... , but it's just a filthy demon, an unholy monster.
[notices Harmony's listening]
Wesley Wyndam-Pryce: Eh... , no offense.
Harmony Kendall: [genuinely confused] About what?

[Harmony is popping and chewing gum, loudly]
Wesley Wyndam-Pryce: Doesn't appear to be hieroglyphic or- Do you mind?
Harmony Kendall: Well, I'm kinda bored, but, go ahead.

[Harmony tears a page out of a book to put her gum in. Wesley is livid]
Wesley Wyndam-Pryce: [shouting] What are you doing? This book is twelve centuries old!
Harmony Kendall: Okay, so it's not like I messed up a new one.

Cordelia: You got a place to stay?
Harmony Kendall: [with a sly smile] You offering?
Cordelia: Do I have to say it?
Harmony Kendall: Yeah!
Cordelia: Okay, you're coming home with me.
[starting to head out]
Cordelia: I hope you don't mind the couch.

Cordelia: [Harmony, now a vampire sneaks into Cordelia's room] Harmony, what are you doing in my...
Harmony Kendall: Nothing.
Cordelia: Harmony...?
Harmony Kendall: I'm sorry. I... thought I could... control myself... I thought I could resist these urges...
Cordelia: Urges...?
Harmony Kendall: You have no idea how hard it is to stay away from you. I mean, seeing you there, looking so... so luscious.
Cordelia: Oh...
[Cordelia takes a moment, then suddenly it dawns on her that Harmony is a lesbian]
Cordelia: Ohh! You're a...
Harmony Kendall: [Harmony turns back barely able to look at her] I should have told you. I was scared... Scared that if you found out... what I was... , you'd kill me.
Cordelia: Oh, no! Harmony... God, you really think I'm that narrow-minded? I don't care about that.
Harmony Kendall: [squinting] You... You don't?
Cordelia: No. Not as long as you're happy.
Harmony Kendall: [Harmony snorts, bitterly] Happy, what's that? The last time I remember being truly happy was back in school with you.
Harmony Kendall: Now, here I am, taking advantage of you.
Cordelia: No. It's just... It's just that I had no idea that you... , you know... thought of me... that way.
Harmony Kendall: I don't! I swear. I just... Well, I haven't had any for a while and... Forget it.
[she gets up and moves to the door]
Harmony Kendall: This is stupid. I'll just go back to the couch. I'm sorry really.
Cordelia: Don't be. If you want to stay and talk...
Harmony Kendall: No, I'd better... You know, I'd appreciate it if you didn't, mention this to anyone.
Cordelia: It's our secret.
[Harmony smiles gratefully and closes the door]

Cordelia: [to Wesley] Hey, I told you, Harmony is my friend and I trust her completely. Harmony can stay here.
Harmony Kendall: [nervous] I don't want to stay here alone with the ghost.

Harmony Kendall: Eww. It tastes funky.
Angel: It's pig's blood.
Harmony Kendall: Uch! Well, that's gonna go straight to my hips.

Harmony Kendall: [to Cordelia] We always said we were going to do something cool with our lives. Now look at us: You're an office manager and I'm dead.

Cordelia: Harmony... , I have to go. Work stuff. You okay here?
Harmony Kendall: You kidding? Free blood. And potato skins.
[regarding the karaoke list]
Harmony Kendall: Hey, I'm thinking about doing another number. What do you think: "Candle In The Wind" or "Princess Diana Candle In The Wind"?
Cordelia: Go nuts. Do 'em both.

"Angel: Shells (#5.16)" (2004)
Harmony Kendall: Gonna torture him?
Charles Gunn: Thinkin' about it.
Harmony Kendall: Can I help? I'm really good at it.

Harmony Kendall: Wait. I'm confused. It looks like Fred, but it's not?
Knox: She's so much more than that now. Beyond flesh. Beyond perfection. I loved Fred. I really did. She had a warmth that took you in and held you until everything cold and distant melted away. She was the most beautiful, perfect woman I ever met. That's why I chose her. She's the only one that was worthy.

Harmony Kendall: The girl of your dreams loved you. That's more than most people ever get.
Wesley Wyndam-Pryce: I know. But it isn't enough.

Wesley Wyndam-Pryce: You tied Knox up.
Harmony Kendall: We're gonna torture him!
Wesley Wyndam-Pryce: Good. Why?

Harmony Kendall: Who did he think he was fooling? You know, apart from all of us.

Harmony Kendall: How could you do that? To your friends? To Fred?
Charles Gunn: Because I was weak. Because I wanted to be somebody that I wasn't. Because I don't know where I fit. Because I never did. Because a thousand other reasons that don't mean a damn because she's gone.
Charles Gunn: She's gone... and she's not coming back because of me. I did this, and I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Harmony Kendall: Come on, I got a degree in tearing things up.
Spike: Never a truer word.

"Buffy the Vampire Slayer: The Harsh Light of Day (#4.3)" (1999)
Willow: Harmony, hey! Hey, I haven't seen you since...
Harmony: Since Graduation... Big snake, huh?
Willow: Yeah.

Harmony: Is Antonio Banderas a vampire?
Spike: No.
Harmony: Oh. Can I make him a vampire?
Spike: No. Wait, on second thought, yeah. Go do that. Take your time. Do Melanie and the kids, as well.

Harmony: Being a vampire sucks.

Harmony: Hey, I don't have a pulse. Cool. Can we eat a doctor so I can get a stethoscope and hear my heart not beating?

[Buffy runs into Spike and Harmony at a fraternity party]
Buffy: What's the matter, Spike? Dru dump you again?
Spike: Maybe I dumped her.
Harmony: She left him for a Fungus Demon. That's all he talks about most days.

Spike: Harm, what are you doing?
Harmony: I'm writing "Spike loves Harmony" on your back.
Spike: Why?
Harmony: I don't know, it's fun. I'm bored. You can write on me.
Spike: I've got to get back to work.
Harmony: You love that tunnel more than me.
Spike: I love syphilis more than you.

"Angel: Just Rewards (#5.2)" (2003)
Harmony: [to Spike] Oh, my God! You and the Slayer actually... I mean, I know you had that twisted obsession with her, but - ugh! That's just - ugh!

[Spike materializes in Angel's office at Wolfram & Hart, and bends over in pain, then realizes he's facing some familiar faces and some strangers]
Spike: What? What?
Harmony: What the hell are you doing here, Spike?
Wesley: Harmony, please.
Gunn: This is Spike? *The* Spike?
Fred: Wait a minute. Who's...
Lorne: [calmly, to Spike] Easy, slim. Easy. No one's gonna hurt you.
Gunn: Speak for yourself, Green Jeans.
Fred: OK, would somebody please tell me who...
Wesley: William the Bloody. He's a vampire. One of the worst recorded. Second only to...
Angel: Me. But you're dead.
Harmony: Well, yeah. Who here isn't?
[looks around]
Harmony: Besides him and him and her and...
[to Lorne]
Harmony: What are you, again?
Spike: [lunges at Angel in game-face, but goes right through him and winds up standing in Angel's desk] Bugger.

Angel: And let's be discreet about this for the time being, okay?
Harmony: Discreet? Oh, you mean like not tell anyone about bucket o' lawyer.

Harmony: Just since you're all soulful now, I thought maybe, just maybe, you might've learned to open up a little. You know, talk? But I guess a leopard can't change his stripes.
Spike: Spots, you dink. Leopards have spots.
Harmony: Oh! Excuse me, Mr. Brainy. Thank you so much for sharing. Wow. What a breakthrough.

Spike: What's happened to me?
Harmony: Well, I'm no doctor, but I think you're a ghost.
Spike: I'm no bloody ghost.
Harmony: Hey, you're the one sticking out of a desk, pal.

Angel: I'm meeting with Grox'lars? They eat babies!
Harmony: [cheerily] Just their heads.

"Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Out of My Mind (#5.4)" (2000)
Spike: Okay. Is it bigger than a breadbox?
Harmony: No. Four left.
Spike: So it's smaller than a breadbox.
Harmony: Heh heh! No. Only three.
Spike: Harmony... is it a sodding breadbox?
Harmony: Yes! Oh, my God! Someone's blondy bear is a 20-Question genius!

Harmony: Pretty please? I'll do anything.
Spike: Anything, will you?
Harmony: Yeah, I said I'll do anything.
[Spike searches her eyes with his]
Harmony: Ohh. You mean, will I have sex with you? Well, yeah.

Spike: Taking up smoking, are you?
Harmony: I am a villain, Spike. Hello.

Spike: Buffy, Buffy, Buffy! Everywhere I turn she's there! That nasty little face! That fancy shampoo commercial hair! That whole sodding holier-than-thou attitude!
Harmony: Well, aren't we kinda unholy by def...?
Spike: She follows me, you know. Tracks me down. I'm her pet project. Drive Spike round the bend. Makes every day a fresh bout of torture.
[picks up a headstone and throws it]
Harmony: Spike!
Spike: You don't understand. I can't get rid of her. She's everywhere. She's haunting me, Harmony. This has got to end.

Harmony: Is it safe? Has Buffy gotten to you yet? I saw her patrolling just now... with a stake. She won't give up until she's killed me to death.
Spike: Buffy's looking for you?
Harmony: Of course. That's why I'm on the lam. Didn't you hear? I'm totally her arch-nemesis.
Spike: Is that right? I must've missed the memo.
Harmony: There was a mem-? Ugh. Spike, oh my God! This is, like, a real emergency.

Harmony: Do you know what it means that he can't hurt any living thing? It means he can't even pick flowers.

"Angel: Conviction (#5.1)" (2003)
[last lines]
Wesley Wyndam-Pryce: Spike!
Angel: Spike.
Harmony: Blondie Bear?

Angel: Harmony.
Harmony: Hey. Boss.
Angel: You're my secretary?
Harmony: [scoffs] Hello. Assistant.
Angel: Explain why I shouldn't kill you?
Harmony: Secretary's fine.
Angel: No, it's not fine. Where is it fine? You've been working here?
Harmony: Yeah-huh.
Angel: Why?
Harmony: Well, duh, I'm a single undead gal trying to make it in the big city. I have to start somewhere. And they're evil here. They don't judge. They've got the necro-tempered glass.
[does a little dance]
Harmony: No burning up. A great medical plan. And who needs dental more than us?

[after finding out that Cordelia's in a coma]
Harmony: [sad] Cordy was my best friend, like, my whole life. She's my role model. How can she-
Harmony: So anyway, I really think you should not fire me. And Wes does, too.

"Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Restless (#4.22)" (2000)
Riley Finn: Why, hello, little lady. Can I hold those milk pails for you?
Harmony Kendall: Why, thank you but they're not very heavy. Why have you come to our lonely small town, which has no post office and very few exports?
Riley Finn: I've come looking for a man. A salesman.

Giles: All right everyone, pay attention! In just a few moments, that curtain is going to open on our very first production. Now everyone that Willow's ever met is out in that audience, including all of us. That means we have to be perfect. Stay in character, remember your lines and energy, energy, energy especially in the musical numbers!
Willow: [not paying attention] Did anyone see that?
Giles: Acting is not about behaviour, it's about hiding. The audience wants to find you, strip you naked and eat you alive, so hide.
[Harmony bites at his neck]
Giles: Stop that. Now, costumes, sets, um, the things that you, uh, you know, uh, you, um, you hold them, you touch them, uh, use them, um...
Harmony Kendall: Props?
Giles: No.
Riley Finn: Props?
Giles: Yes! It's all about subterfuge.
[Harmony continues attempting to bite him]
Giles: That's very annoying. Now, go on out there, lie like dogs and have a wonderful time. If we can stay in focus, keep our heads, and if Willow can stop stepping on everyones cues, I know this will be the best production of 'Death of a Salesman' we've ever done.
[Harmony continues attempting to bite him]
Giles: Stop it. Good luck everyone! Break a leg!

"Angel: Harm's Way (#5.9)" (2004)
Harmony Kendall: Oh, what? I don't get a goodbye just because I went crazy and tried to rip your throat out while we were having sex?
Spike: Keep it simple, Harm. It suits you.

Harmony Kendall: You're forgetting one thing.
[vamps out]
Harmony Kendall: Kinda have the advantage.
Tamika: [vamps out as well] Kinda not!

"Angel: Destiny (#5.8)" (2003)
Spike: Try staking your mother when she's coming on to you!
Harmony Kendall: Well, that explains a lot.

[Spike grabs Harmony and kisses her]
Harmony Kendall: Get off!
Spike: That's the idea.

"Angel: Not Fade Away (#5.22)" (2004)
[Angel is thrown through a window and lands in the building lobby]
Harmony: Oh, my God!
Angel: Hamilton...
Harmony: He's not my boyfriend! I mean... I certainly didn't betray you!
Angel: Drop the act, Harm.
Harmony: It's not an act. I'm really this nervous.
Angel: I knew you'd turn on me. I just didn't know when.
Harmony: What do you mean you knew?
Angel: Loyalty... really isn't high on your list.
Harmony: Oh, is that right? I'll have you know I am damn loyal, dumb-ass!
Angel: You betrayed me! You are betraying me now even as we are talking.
Harmony: Because you never have any confidence in me.
Angel: No. Because you have no soul.
Harmony: I would if you had confidence in me!
Angel: Get out of the building.
Harmony: Are you firing me?
Angel: Among other things, yes!
Harmony: Do you think I could get a recommendation?
Angel: Yeah, okay.
Harmony: But, see, if you don't so much live as the other thing, how will I...
Angel: It's already on the desk.
Harmony: Oh, you're the best!

Angel: I don't remember what it was like. Being human. It was too long ago.
Harmony: Not so great. Zits, dandruff, mortality. Although, I do remember... my heart. And the way it would thump when I kissed a really hot boy for the first time. That was cool.

"Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Crush (#5.14)" (2001)
Harmony: [to Spike] I gave you the best... bunch of months of my life!

Harmony: You've got some nerve showing up here like this. After all this time. After breaking my sweet Boo-boo's heart!
Drusilla: [silently, to Spike] Boo-boo?

"Angel: Soul Purpose (#5.10)" (2004)
Lorne: Hey, down in front!
Harmony Kendall: Yeah, Angel. You're blocking the apocalypse.

Wesley Wyndam-Pryce: I say we make a pre-emptive strike. Remove him before he and his followers go underground.
Charles Gunn: Assassination?
Wesley Wyndam-Pryce: We're talking about an evil warlock here. The longer we wait, the more powerful he becomes.
Charles Gunn: I don't plan on waiting.
Wesley Wyndam-Pryce: Really? What is your plan?
Charles Gunn: We open a can of Machiavelli on his ass.
Harmony Kendall: [condescendingly] It's Matchabelli, Einstein, and it doesn't come in a can.

"Angel: You're Welcome (#5.12)" (2004)
Angel: Harmony, guard Eve. She moves, eat her.
Harmony: Really? Thanks.

Cordelia: Okay, this is getting us nowhere. Angel, torture her.
Angel: What?
Eve: What?
Cordelia: You heard me. Building's clearing out means we don't have a lot of time. Have at it.
Angel: I can't just... torture her.
Cordelia: Like, wha...
Fred: He's right, Cordy. If we sink to their level, then...
[Harmony grabs Eve throws her on the desk]
Angel: Harmony!
Harmony: Is this okay? I mean. I am evil, technically. I don't mind torturing her for the team.
Angel: Yeah. Okay.

"Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Real Me (#5.2)" (2000)
Harmony: I'm not gonna make the same mistakes you did. I've been doing my homework, reading books 'n stuff.
Spike: What, "Evil for Dummies?"

Harmony: We're gonna kill the Slayer.
Spike: Singing my song now, are you? You should pay me royalties for that one, or at least get your own tune.

"Angel: Life of the Party (#5.5)" (2003)
Harmony: Oh, my God. They shot Lorney-Tunes.

Eve: Simply put, this is a morale thing.
Harmony: Good luck. Morale around here stinks.
Angel: What?
Harmony: Uh-huh. Everybody out there thinks you suck. Well, come on, boss. They're all out there sweating through their matsudas, worried if you're gonna axe them or, you know, axe them.
Angel: OK, look, hey! I haven't... OK, I may have... killed... maybe a couple of them.
Lorne: And clients... And potential clients.

"Angel: Smile Time (#5.14)" (2004)
Angel: Harmony, get my call list.
Harmony: Um...
Angel: And Spike needs a car.
Spike: You heard the puppet.

"Angel: Damage (#5.11)" (2004)
Harmony Kendall: Boss, we just got a tip some loony's hatched from the bin...
Angel: A who did a what?
Harmony Kendall: A girl over in the nuthouse went all Cuckoo's Nest, hacked up a couple of guards and went over the wall.

"Angel: Underneath (#5.17)" (2004)
Harmony Kendall: Uh-oh.
Lorne: This thing comin' after you, how bad on a scale of, say, one to Terminator?
Eve: [man walks out of elevator] Oh, God. He's here.
Harmony Kendall: That's the guy? He's just a suit.
Security Guard: Hey, you. Stop. Put your hands up!
[man punches the guard through the stomach]
Eve, Lorne, Harmony Kendall: Aaaaaaaahhhhh!

"Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered (#2.16)" (1998)
Cordelia: Do you know what you are, Harmony? You're a sheep.
Harmony Kendall: I'm not a sheep.
Cordelia: You're a sheep. All you ever do is what everyone else does just so you can say you did it first. And here I am, scrambling for your approval, when I'm way cooler than you are 'cause I'm not a sheep. I do what I wanna do, and I wear what I wanna wear. And you know what? I'll date whoever the hell I wanna date. No matter how lame he is.