John Fitzgerald Byers
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Quotes for
John Fitzgerald Byers (Character)
from The X Files (1998)

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"The X-Files: Unusual Suspects (#5.3)" (1997)
Byers: John Fitzgerald Byers. 11 22 63.
Det. Munch: Seriously?
Byers: I was named after JFK. Before the assassination, my parents were going to call me "Bertram."
Det. Munch: Lucky you.

Byers: [trying to explain some improbable events] That was the last we saw of him. Almost immediately the police got there. We panicked and hid. You know the rest.
Det. Munch: Do I look like Geraldo to you? Don't lie to me like I'm Geraldo. I am not Geraldo!

Byers: [to Frohicke and Langly] Both of you relax!
Richard 'Ringo' Langly: [to Byers] Shut up, ya narc!
Frohike: It's your fault we're here!


"The X-Files: E.B.E. (#1.17)" (1994)
Byers: He's being put into power by the most heinous and evil force of the 20th century.
Mulder: Barney?

Ringo Langly: Yeah, UFOs caused the Gulf war syndrome, that's a good one.
Byers: That's what we like about you Mulder. Your ideas are weirder than ours.


"The X-Files: Three of a Kind (#6.20)" (1999)
Byers: My name is John Fitzgerald Byers. I was named after our 35th president, and I keep having this beautiful dream. In my dream, the events of November 22nd, 1963, never happened. In it, my namesake was never assassinated. Other things are different, too, in my dream. My country is hopeful and innocent - young again. Young in spirit. My fellow citizens trust their elect officials, never once having been betrayed by them. My government is truly "of the people, by the people, for the people". All my hopes for my country, for myself... all are fulfilled. I have everything a person could want - home and family... and love. Everything that counts for anything in life... I have it. But the dream ends the same way every time. I lose it all.


"The X-Files: Apocrypha (#3.16)" (1996)
Frohike: [examining a used envelope] I got something here. Writing. Somebody wrote on top of the package and left an impression.
Ringo Langly: Your sci-crime guys at the Bureau have a laser that can measure any change in a surface down to a few nano-meters.
Byers: Actually, they can lift a perfect impression using magnetic toner and a sheet of Mylar.
Frohike: Actually...
[while they have been debating, Mulder has used a pencil to make a rubbing of the impression on the envelope]
Mulder: Actually, it's a phone number, New York City area code.
[hands Frohike the pencil]
Mulder: Now don't drop that. That's a finely calibrated piece of investigative equipment. I gotta make a phone call.
Frohike: [looking at the pencil] I'll be damned.


"The X-Files: Fearful Symmetry (#2.18)" (1995)
Fox Mulder: Where's Langly?
Byers: He has a philosophical aversion to having his image bounced off a satellite.


"The X-Files: Dreamland II (#6.5)" (1998)
Morris Fletcher: You.re the Lone Gunmen, aren't you? You guys are my heroes. I mean look at the crap you print.
Byers: We uncover the truth.
Morris Fletcher: The truth? That's what's so great about you monkeys. Not only do you believe the horse pucky we create, you broadcast it as well. I mean look at this!
[headline reads: "Saddam testing mandroid army in Iraqi desert."]
Morris Fletcher: There is no Saddam Hussein. This guy's name is John Gillnitz, we found him doing dinner theatre in Tulsa. Did a mean "King and I." Plays good ethnics.
Ringo Langly: You.re to say that Saddam Hussein is a government plant?
Morris Fletcher: I'm saying I invented the guy. We set him up in '79. He rattles his saber whenever we need a good distraction. Ah... if you boys only knew how many of your stories I dreamed up while on the pot.


"The X-Files: The Truth: Parts 1 & 2 (#9.19)" (2002)
Byers: Why risk perfect happiness, Mulder? Why risk your lives?
Mulder: Because I need to know the truth.
Byers: You already know the truth.