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Quotes for
Morris Fletcher (Character)
from "The X-Files" (1993)

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"The X-Files: Dreamland II (#6.5)" (1998)
JoAnne Fletcher: I've heard enough from you for one lifetime, Morris. Go tell it to that tramp of yours, that Scully, what's-her-name.
Morris Fletcher: Dana Scully - Special Agent Dana Scully.
JoAnne Fletcher: Special Tramp Dana Scully!
Morris Fletcher: She's my partner, Joanne.
JoAnne Fletcher: I'm supposed to be your partner.
Morris Fletcher: My name is not Morris Fletcher. It's Fox Mulder. Special Agent Fox Mulder with the FBI. Dana Scully is my FBI partner. I am not your husband, we are not married, we are complete strangers and I have a whole other life that I'm desperately trying to get back to.
JoAnne Fletcher: You know, Morris, most men when they have a mid-life crisis they go out and buy themselves a sports car. They don't run around calling themselves Fox.

[after finding Mulder's bedroom full of junk]
Morris Fletcher: This guy hasn't been laid in 10 years.

Morris Fletcher: the Lone Gunmen, aren't you? You guys are my heroes. I mean look at the crap you print.
Byers: We uncover the truth.
Morris Fletcher: The truth? That's what's so great about you monkeys. Not only do you believe the horse pucky we create, you broadcast it as well. I mean look at this!
[headline reads: "Saddam testing mandroid army in Iraqi desert."]
Morris Fletcher: There is no Saddam Hussein. This guy's name is John Gillnitz, we found him doing dinner theatre in Tulsa. Did a mean "King and I." Plays good ethnics.
Ringo Langly: to say that Saddam Hussein is a government plant?
Morris Fletcher: I'm saying I invented the guy. We set him up in '79. He rattles his saber whenever we need a good distraction. Ah... if you boys only knew how many of your stories I dreamed up while on the pot.

Morris Fletcher: First time.
Scully: [Moriss handcuffs himself to the bed]
Morris Fletcher: Now what?
Scully: You're not Muldar.
Morris Fletcher: What?... Baby...
Scully: Baby me and you will be peeing through a catheter.

Morris Fletcher: Oh, I'm sorry, Melvin, that's classified.
Melvin Frohike: The name's *Frohike*, you punk-ass!

"The X-Files: Jump the Shark (#9.15)" (2002)
Morris Fletcher: Well, watching you three trying to find your butts with both hands is not my idea of a fun time.

Morris Fletcher: Once upon a time, there were three... how should I put this... geeks. Three more unlikely heroes... there never were. It wasn't long before their naiveté nearly got them killed. Until they hooked up with an FBI agent... And began publishing a - what shall I call it? "rag" called "The Lone Gunmen". From their cramped basement office they pointed fingers at powerful, evil forces... And some not so evil. In their own unique way, the three gunmen were patriots, fighting the good fight. And provided... expertise for their friends at the FBI. For a brief time it looked as if they might actually make a difference in this cold, cruel world. They acquired an intern who believed in their cause. And a powerful, beautiful nemesis... who became an ally. But the world is not kind to idealists... and those who fight the Good Fight don't always win.

Morris Fletcher: Anyway, I'm ready to make a deal.
John Doggett: What deal would that be?
Morris Fletcher: The one that saves my furry pink ass!

"The X-Files: Dreamland (#6.4)" (1998)
Scully: What is going on with you?
Morris Fletcher: [as Mulder] Will you please stop trying to pick a fight with me?
Scully: Mulder, you are acting bizarre.
[they turn to Kersh's assistant]
Morris Fletcher: [snickers] Jealous?
[slaps Scully's ass and walks away. Scully turns around in shock]