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: Can you believe these new girls? None of them use birth control and they eat all the steak!
: May I speak with William, please? Sapphire
: He's not here. He's down in the bar with the band. They just got back from the radio station. Is this Maryann with the pot?... Hello? Elaine Miller
: No, this is not Maryann with the pot. This is Elaine. His mother. Could you please give him a message for me? Could you tell him to call home immediately? And could you also tell him - I KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON. Sapphire
: All right. But I'm just going to say this, and I'm going to stand by it: you should be really proud of him. 'Cause I know men, and I'll bet you do too. And he respects women, and he likes women, and let's just pause and appreciate a man like that. I mean, you created him out of thin air, and you raised him right, he's having a great time, he's doing a good job, and don't worry - he's still a virgin. And we're all looking out for him. And that's more than I've ever even said to my own parents, so there you go... This is the maid speaking, by the way.
: They don't even know what it is to be a fan. Y'know? To truly love some silly little piece of music, or some band, so much that it hurts.
: Just think, any other city in the world and you'd still be a virgin.
: Does anybody remember laughter?
: Let's deflower the kid.
: William? I forgot to tell you. Your mom called. She says you gotta call home immediately. And she says to tell you, ''I know what's going on.''
: Opie must die!