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Quotes for
David (Character)
from Shaun of the Dead (2004)

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Shaun of the Dead (2004)
Liz: Shaun?
Shaun: Yeah?
Liz: You see what I'm saying?
Shaun: Yep, totally.
Liz: I know he's your best friend, but you do live with him.
Shaun: I know.
Liz: It's not that I don't like Ed.
[Liz looks over at Ed who is playing an arcade game]
Liz: Ed, it's not that I don't like you.
Ed: It's all right.
Liz: It would just be nice if we could...
Ed: [talking to the arcade machine] Fuck!
Liz: ...spend a bit more time together...
Ed: [talking to the arcade machine] Bollocks!
Liz: ...just the two of us.
Ed: [talking to the arcade machine] Cock it!
Liz: It's just with Ed here, it's no wonder I always bring my flat-mates out and then that only exacerbates things.
Shaun: What do you mean?
Liz: Well you guys hardly get on, do you?
Shaun: No, what does "exacerbate" mean?
Liz: It means um, to make things worse.
Shaun: Right. Well I mean, it's not that I don't like David and Di.
[Shaun looks over at David and Di at the table next to them]
Shaun: Guys, it's not that I don't like you.
David, Dianne: [together] It's all right.
Shaun: And it's not that I don't want to spend time with you cause I do. It's just... Ed doesn't have too many friends.
Ed: Can I get... any of you cunts... a drink?

David: I'm not staying here.
Liz: David, don't, that's suicide.
Ed: I think you should go.

Dianne: I don't think he'd leave us, Davs.
David: Wouldn't he? Lizzy, how can you put your faith in a man you spectacularly binned for being unreliable? A man whose idea of a romantic nightspot and an impenetrable fortress are the same thing? It's... This is a pub! We are in a pub! What are we going to do now?
Ed: We could get a round in.

David: You still haven't met his mum?
Shaun: Not yet!
Dianne: Don't you get on with your mum, Shaun?
Shaun: It's not that I don't get on with her...
David: Are you ashamed by your mum, Shaun?
Shaun: No! I love my mum!
Ed: I love his mum too.
Shaun: Ed!
Ed: [singing] She's like butter!
Shaun: Ed!

[Shaun has just fought a zombie unassisted]
Shaun: [sarcastically] Feel free to step in any time!
Ed: You did all right.
David: I didn't want to cramp your style.

Shaun: David, kill the Queen!
David: What?
Shaun: The jukebox!

David: What are we going to eat?
Dianne: Toasties!
Ed: There's a Breville out back.
David: Great. Saved by nibbles.

[after Shaun gets shouted at by Liz]
David: Basically, I'd say your nine lives are up, Shaun
Shaun: Get fucked, four eyes! Why don't you go out with her if you love her so much?
David: What do you mean by that?
[storms off]
David: Well, I don't know what he meant by that.
[uncomfortable silence]

Shaun: You're the one that's gone from being a chartered accountant to Charlton Heston!
David: I'm not a chartered accountant!
Shaun: Well, you look like one!
David: I'm a lecturer.
Shaun: You're a twat!

[David discovers that the zombies have somehow made it into the bar. Shaun, Ed and Liz are still beating the barman]
Shaun: Why is Queen still playing?
David: Ah, we have a situation here.
Shaun: I KNOW!

David: For a hero, you're quite a hypocrite!

Ed: [Directing Shaun on where to shoot] There!
Shaun: Where?
Ed: Three o'clock!
Dianne: Oh! Over there again. Quarter to twelve.
Shaun: What?
David: Eleven forty-five!
Shaun: Keep it simple!
Ed: Top left!

David: [Points a gun at Shaun's mother Barbara]
Shaun: Don't point that gun at my mum!
Ed: Don't point that gun at Barbara!

Liz, Declan: [as each survivor passes by their parallel counterpart] Hi.
David, Mark: [formally] Hello.
Dianne, Maggie: [friendly] Hi!
Barbara, Yvonne's Mum: [politely] Hello.
Ed, Cousin Tom: [too involved with their cell phones, briefly glancing at each other, muttering] Hello.