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: [bending over and talking from his behind
] Excuse me. I'd like to "ass" you a few questions. Emilio
: Ace, this is not the time. If Einhorn comes down here and sees me talking to you or your ass, I'm history.
: [after she finishes wrestling with Ace, to the surrounding police officers
] Shoot him! Shoot him! Emilio
] Hold your fire!
[walks in with Melissa, gun to his head
: Don't shoot! Melissa
: Put your guns down or this cop gets it. I mean it!
: She's not joking! Lois Einhorn
: [ignoring them
] He kidnapped Snowflake! He killed Roger Podator and was going to kill Dan Marino and meeeeee! Ace Ventura
: Ho ho ho Hooooooooooooo! Fiction can be fun, but I find the reference section a little more enlightening. For instance, if you were to look up the NFL's "All Time Bonehead Plays," you might read about a Miami Dolphin kicker named Ray Finkle, who missed the 26 yard field goal in the closing seconds of Super Bowl XVII.
[takes deep breath
] Ace Ventura
: What you wouldn't read about was how Ray Finkle lost his mind was committed to a mental hospital only to escape and join the police force under the assumed identity of a missing hiker manipulating his way to the top in a diabolical scheme to get even with Dan Marino for whom he blamed the entire thing!
[takes another deep, relief breath
: What the hell are you talking about? Ace Ventura
: SHE'S NOT LOIS EINHORN!, She's Ray Finkle, she's a man. Lois Einhorn
: He's lying. SHOOT HIIIIMMM!