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Quotes for
Randall (Character)
from Time Bandits (1981)

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Time Bandits (1981)
Randall: We made trees and shrubs. We helped make all this.
Kevin: Whew! That's not bad.
Randall: Yeah. But did we get a thimble full of credit for it? No! All we got was the sack. Just for creating the Pink Bunkadoo.
Kevin: Pink Bunkadoo?
Randall: Yeah. Beautiful trees that was. Og designed it. 600 feet high, bright red, and smelled terrible.

Strutter: [slaps Kevin] Get down, you nearly got us caught!
Randall: You silly fool, you could've ruined everything.
Kevin: Do you know where we are?
Randall: Shut up. Of course I do. 1796, Battle of Castiglione, see?
Strutter: [taps him] You sure we're not in somebody's bedroom?
Randall: Look,
[grabs Strutter]
Randall: do you want to be leader of this gang?
Strutter: No, we agreed: No leader!
Randall: Right. So shut up and do as I say.
[Strutter nods]

Randall: Well, this map, Kevin, used to belong to the Supreme Being.
Kevin: You mean you stole it?
Randall: No, no. Well, sort of.

Randall: People who are always right make me sick!
Fidgit: That's why you get along with yourself so well!

Supreme Being: I should do something very extroverted and vengeful to you. Honestly, I'm too tired. So, I think I'll transfer you to the undergrowth department, brackens, more shrubs, that sort of thing... with a 19% cut in salary, backdated to the beginning of time.
Randall: Oh, thank you, sir.
Supreme Being: Yes, well, I am the nice one.

Kevin: I'll never get the chance to meet Robin Hood again.
Randall: Oh, stop moaning. He's obviously a dangerous man, unbalanced if you ask me. Giving away what isn't even his!
Kevin: That's what Robin Hood always did. Even I know that.
Randall: Of course, you know it all.
Kevin: He was one of my heroes.
Randall: Heroes! Heroes! What do they know about a day's work?

Randall: Waiter, more champagne!
Waiter: Yes, sir.
Randall: And plenty of ice.
[followed immediately by the Titanic striking the iceberg]

Fidgit: You're gonna get us all killed, Randall!
Randall: Stop whimpering! How was I to know we were gonna run right into an iceberg? It didn't say 'Get off before the iceberg' on the ticket!

Kevin: Do you know where we are?
Randall: Of course I do. 1796, Battle of Castiglione. See?
Strutter: Are you sure we're not in somebody's bedroom?

Kevin: Is it always like this after you've done a raid?
Fidgit: I don't know. We've never done one before.
[Long pause]
Kevin: But I thought you were international criminals.
Randall: Going to be. Going to be.

Kevin: Who was that man?
Fidgit: That was no man. That was the Supreme Being.
Kevin: You mean God?
Fidgit: Well, we don't know Him that well. We only work for Him.
Randall: Shut up!

Robin Hood: The poor are going to be absolutely thrilled. Have you met them at all?
Randall: Who?
Robin Hood: The poor.
Randall: The poor?
Robin Hood: Oh you must meet them. I'm sure you'll like them. Of course they haven't got two pennies to rub together but that's because they're poor.

Fidgit: We should've stayed home making trees.
Randall: Oh shut up.
Fidgit: How could we have been so stupid?
Og: I don't know.

Kevin: What are we going to do here?
Wally: A robbery.
Kevin: A robbery?
Fidgit: Of course. We're international criminals. We do robberies!
Randall: Shut up!

Robin Hood: [Seeing the Bandits' haul] Crikey! I've been in robbing for years but I've never seen anything like this. Well, what can I say? Thank you. Thank you all very much indeed.
Randall: Oh don't men - What?

Randall: You see, to be quite frank, Kevin, the fabric of the universe is far from perfect. It was a bit of botched job, you see. We only had seven days to make it. And that's where this comes in. This is the only map of all the holes. Well, why repair them? Why not use them to get stinking rich?

[referring to an ancient Greek king]
Kevin: The money wasn't important to him.
Randall: He didn't have anything to spend it on, did he? Stuck out in Greece. Lowest standard of living in Europe.

[the gang is confronted by Kevin, who they think is the Supreme Being]
Randall: Heh heh. We can explain everything, sir. It's not as bad as it looks. We... We just borrows the map and... Sort of got rather happy about it and... Ran off in high spirits.
[They laugh]
Kevin: Who are you?
Strutter: That's not Him.
Fidgit: That didn't sound like Him, did it?
Wally: It doesn't even look like Him!
Strutter: It isn't him!
Randall: Let's get him!
[They all pounce on Kevin]
Randall: Strutter, get his torch! Shine it right in the face.
[Strutter shines the torch full in Randall's face]
Randall: His face, dummy!

Randall: [Kevin and the Time Bandits, booby-trapped and hanging upside down from a tree, are confronted by outlaws] Just leave it to me, Wally. You've just gotta treat them right, that's all. Waddaya want, you tatty-faced old scumbag?
Marion: What's your business, codfish?
Randall: Robbers!
Marion: Villainous robbers?
Randall: The worst!
Marion: Stop at nothing?
Randall: Nothing at all!
Marion: Steal the cup out' a beggar's hands?
Randall: Rather!
Marion: Teeth from blind old ladies?
Randall: Of course!
Marion: Toys from children?
Randall: Whenever we can!
Marion: Grrrrrrrr!
Randall: Arrrrrrrrrr!
Marion: Right! Cut them down!
Randall: They always crack in the end.

Randall: [On the deck of the Titanic] I've got something to say to you, Kevin.
Kevin: Go away.
Randall: It's about the map.
Kevin: The map? I don't understand you, Randall, you've got something really brilliant like that and you're just wasting it.
Randall: I wouldn't call this exactly "wasting it".
[sips champagne]

Randall: I told you, stick with me and you won't go far wrong.