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Quotes for
Wallace (Character)
from The Curse of the Were-Rabbit (2005)

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The Curse of the Were-Rabbit (2005)
Lady Tottington: [over the phone] It's a disaster. I have the most terrible rabbit problem. The competition's only days away. You simply have to do something.
Wallace: Certainly, M'um.
Wallace: [Aside, to Gromit] I think we're about to go up in the world, lad.
Wallace: [Back on phone] Just stay right where you are, Your Ladyship, and we'll be with you in an...
[hits the control panel and gets dragged up through the ceiling]
Wallace: Ahhhh!
Lady Tottington: In an hour? But I can't wait an hour. I have a major infestation. Hello? Hello?

Wallace: [sobbing] Oh, Gromit! I don't wanna be a giant rabbit!
Hutch the Rabbit: Aww. The bounce has gone from his bungee.

Wallace: I'm sorry, Gromit. I know you're doing this for my own good, but the fact is I'm just crackers about cheese. Look, if I must change me ways, at least let me do it my way, with technology.
[Lowers the Mind Manipulation-omatic onto his head]
Wallace: It's time we tried my latest invention, the Mind Manipulation-omatic. It extracts unwanted thoughts and desires. I haven't tested it yet, but it should be perfectly safe. Just a bit of harmless brain alteration, that's all.

Wallace: Burrowing bounders! They must be breeding like... well, rabbits.

Lord Victor Quartermaine: I know your little secret, Pesto. I know exactly what's going on.
Wallace: Your Lordship...
Lord Victor Quartermaine: Oh, yes. You think you can pilfer my filly, don't you? You think you can con an innocent woman out of her fortune?
Wallace: Who, me?
Lord Victor Quartermaine: Well, I got here first! I've spent a long time reeling in that fluffy-headed bunny-lover, and I'm not about to let some puddle-headed peasant poach her from me. Comprenez?

Wallace: Veg bad. Veg bad. Veg bad. Say no to carrots, cabbage and cauliflower.

[Quartermaine's hairpiece has been sucked up in the Bunvacc]
Lord Victor Quartermaine: I want...
[lowers voice]
Lord Victor Quartermaine: ... toupée, please.
Wallace: Oh, grand. We take cheques or cash.
Lord Victor Quartermaine: Toupée, you idiot! My hair is in your machine.
Wallace: Oh, no, it's only rabbits in there. The hare, I think you'll find, is a much larger mammal.

[Wallace is holding a carrot and has fluffy rabbit-ears]
Wallace: [to Gromit] What's up, Dog?

Wallace: It's a veritable vegetable paradise!

Lord Victor Quartermaine: How on earth would those tiny-minded buffoons ever catch such a big rabbit?
Lady Tottington: Mr. Wallace?
Wallace: Um... with a big trap!
[Gromit slaps his face]
Mr. Crock: By Jove, he... he's got it!

[first lines]
Wallace: Oh ho ho, cracking job, Gromit!

Wallace: [Falling down bed into hole] I'm in the mood for food!
[Wallace gets stuck in the hole]
Wallace: Uh, Gromit old pal, it happened again. I'll need assistance.
[Gromit slowly walks towards a switch cleverly marked "assistance" and pulls it. Camera then shows that a giant hammer comes out of Wallace's wardrobe and hits Wallace on the head]
Wallace: Ouch!

Wallace: [tugging on his rabbit ears] I can't answer the door! Not like this!
Hutch the Rabbit: [going up the stairs] Charming! I'm Wallace.
Wallace: Ah! I already am!

Wallace: [referring to vegetables] Oh, lovely food! For rabbits that is!

Wallace: [showing the rabbit-sucking machine to Lady Tottington] Aah, the old BV6000, Ma'am, err... capable of 125 rpm - that's "rabbits per minute".

Wallace: [strapped into the Mind Manipulation-omatic] . Their tiny bunny brains are being saturated in my veg-free mind waves.

Wallace: Ah, love, Gromit. That's the biggest trap of all. The tender trap, they call it. And that's how we'll capture this thing. A lovely lady rabbit. How could any hot-blooded rabbit beast resist?

[Gromit is manipulating a large female rabbit puppet to lure the Were-Rabbit]
Wallace: Oh, come on, Gromit. A bit more, you know... alluring.
[Gromit vamps it up]
Wallace: Oho, very cheeky.

Wallace: Oh, Gromit. We've created a monster. Hutch is the beast. The lunar panels! They must've ovestimulated his primitive bunny nature. And now when the moon is out, he undergoes a hideous transformation.
[Suddenly Hutch starts twitching and growling until... he lets out a loud belch]
Wallace: This is absolutely... fantastic! Sure, we've created a veg-ravaging monster, but we have also captured it, just like we promised Lady Tottington.

Wallace: And slow down, for pity's sake! You'll buckle me trunnions!

Wallace: [as the BunVac 6000 labours] Sounds like a really big brute, this one. Give it some more welly.

Wallace: [Entering through the gates of Tottington Hall] Ho-ho! Very classy

Wallace: Full suction.

A Close Shave (1995)
Wendolene Ramsbottom: Yer dog's waiting.
Wallace: Aye, I'd better see to him. The bounce has gone from his bungee.

Wallace: Won't you come in? We were just about to have some cheese.
Wendolene: Oh no, not cheese. Sorry. Brings me out in a rash. Can't stand the stuff.
Wallace: [gulp] Not even Wensleydale?

[last lines]
Wallace: What's wrong with Wensleydale? Talking of which, all the more for us. And not a sheep to worry us.
[Lifts the cover of the cheese tray to discover Shaun eating the cheese]
Wallace: Get off me cheese! Get off! Get o... Gromit? Gromit! Go for 'im! Oh!

[to Gromit, after he escapes from jail with the help of Wallace and the sheep]
Wallace: I suppose you'll have to skip the country, now. A fugitive, ay? You'll be hunted down like... well, a dog.

Wendolene Ramsbottom: I'm sorry about this.
Wallace: For what?
Wendolene Ramsbottom: Nothing. Just stay away from me, from my shop, and my silly, silly windows.

Wendolene Ramsbottom: He's malfunctioning.
Wallace: Mal what?
Wendolene Ramsbottom: Malfunctioning. Preston is a cyberdog.
Wallace: Cyber what?
Wendolene Ramsbottom: A robot. Daddy created him for good, but he's turned out evil.

Wallace: Have you been peckish during the night? Only, someone's been at me cheese.

Wallace: Is this place yours?
Wendolene Ramsbottom: Mm-hmm. My father left it to me. Along with his debts, and a few other things.

[the sheep have climbed on top of Wallace in order to help Gromit escape from prison]
Wallace: [as they pull Gromit to safety] Oh, brilliant teamwork, lads!
Wallace: [he slips on a bar of soap randomly lying about on the pavement and they all come crashing down] Oh!

Wallace: [seeing Preston operate a replica of Wallace's Wash-O-Matic] Where'd you get that from? That's MY machine! I've got patent pending on that!

The Wrong Trousers (1993)
Wallace: Cracking toast, Gromit!

Wallace: Ah, well, it's no use prevaricating about the bush...

Wallace: They're techno-trousers, ex-NASA, fantastic for walkies!

Wallace: It's the wrong trousers Gromit, and they've gone wrong!

[last lines]
Wallace: Ah, but I do like a bit of gorgonzola!

Wallace: [of the trapdoor that slid him out of bed onto the kitchen chair] Well, that went as well as could be expected, didn't it, hmm? Though I might have to make a small adjustment to the drop, a touch painful on reentry.

Wallace: No more lodgers - more trouble than they're worth!

Wallace: [as he goes flying around the room] Don't worry, Gromit! Everything's under control!

Wallace: [upon falling into the techno-trousers] It's the wrong trousers! The wrong trousers!
[sees controls on trousers missing]
Wallace: What have you done with the controls, Gromit?

[Wallace has fallen into the techno-trousers and, thanks to Feathers McGraw controlling them, sent Wallace rampaging about town before returning him home to bed, tired]
Wallace: A good doze, that's what I need. Get me strength back. What a... What a shocking calam... calam... calamity...
[falls asleep, snoring]

Wallace & Gromit in Project Zoo (2003) (VG)
[Wallace and Gromit enter the zoo]
Wallace: Crikey O'Reilly, Gromit. It's a jungle in here.
[looks around]
Wallace: I wonder who does their windows?

Wallace: Anything planned for today, Gromit?
[Gromit points to the calendar, the date today showing it's Archie's birthday]
Wallace: Oh, is it his birthday already? Oh, champion! That means a trip to the zoo. Er, did you remember to get him a little something-or-other?
[Gromit puts on the table a wrapped-up fish]
Wallace: Oh, my word, yes, Archie'll love that. Much fresher than "tinned".
[shows off a picture of Archie, who is a polar bear]
Wallace: Just the thing for a growing polar bear. He's lucky to have us as sponsors.

Wallace: The zoo's gone ex-directory? This is most irregular.

Wallace: [seeing Feathers McGraw holding Archie on a leash] Release that bear cub at once, Feathers McGraw, or I'll set me dog on you!

Wallace: There's something pretty fishy going on here, lad, and it's not just Archie's birthday present.

Wallace: [seeing Feathers holding Archie hostage] Feathers McGraw? But he's supposed to be doing porridge in the Penguin House!

A Grand Day Out (1989)
Wallace: No cheese, Gromit! Not a bit in the house!

Wallace: Gromit, that's it! Cheese! We'll go somewhere where there's cheese!
[Looks at "Cheese Holidays" magazine, then out window]
Wallace: Everybody knows the moon is made of cheese...

[a machine malfunctions]
Wallace: Well, what's wrong with this stupid...?
[it breaks down]
Wallace: [stunned slightly] Oh

[eating the moon]
Wallace: It's like no cheese I've ever tasted...

[Wallace and Gromit are on their spaceship, about to leave Earth]
Wallace: No crackers Gromit! We've forgotten the crackers!

A Matter of Loaf and Death (2008)
[Wallace and Gromit are in the baker's van]
Wallace: How's that breakfast coming on?
[Gromit presses a button on the car radio and a slice of cremated toast pops out from the cassette slot]
Wallace: Well done, lad.
[looks at the burnt toast]
Wallace: *Very* well done.

Wallace: But Piella, you're the Bake-O-Lite girl!
Piella Bakewell: *Was* the Bake-O-Lite girl. I ate too much, you see.
Wallace: Oh, really?
Piella Bakewell: I couldn't ride the balloon anymore.
Wallace: Oh dear.
Piella Bakewell: So they dropped me.
Wallace: What a blow. Ooh!
Piella Bakewell: ME! A curse on bakers and their loathsome confections!

Wallace: Farewell, my angel cake. You'll always be my Bake-O-Lite Girl.

Wallace & Gromit's Grand Adventures: Fright of the Bumblebees (2009) (VG)
Felicity: Have you lost your mind, Wallace?
Wallace: Er, I'm not sure to be honest.