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Quotes for
Victor Quartermaine (Character)
from The Curse of the Were-Rabbit (2005)

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The Curse of the Were-Rabbit (2005)
Lord Victor Quartermaine: You can hop, but you can't hide!

Lord Victor Quartermaine: I know your little secret, Pesto. I know exactly what's going on.
Wallace: Your Lordship...
Lord Victor Quartermaine: Oh, yes. You think you can pilfer my filly, don't you? You think you can con an innocent woman out of her fortune?
Wallace: Who, me?
Lord Victor Quartermaine: Well, I got here first! I've spent a long time reeling in that fluffy-headed bunny-lover, and I'm not about to let some puddle-headed peasant poach her from me. Comprenez?

[Quartermaine's hairpiece has been sucked up in the Bunvacc]
Lord Victor Quartermaine: I want...
[lowers voice]
Lord Victor Quartermaine: ... toupée, please.
Wallace: Oh, grand. We take cheques or cash.
Lord Victor Quartermaine: Toupée, you idiot! My hair is in your machine.
Wallace: Oh, no, it's only rabbits in there. The hare, I think you'll find, is a much larger mammal.

Lord Victor Quartermaine: How on earth would those tiny-minded buffoons ever catch such a big rabbit?
Lady Tottington: Mr. Wallace?
Wallace: Um... with a big trap!
[Gromit slaps his face]
Mr. Crock: By Jove, he... he's got it!

Lord Victor Quartermaine: [after Gromit intercepts the gold carrot-bullet meant for the Were-Rabbit] Aarrghh! Potty poo!

Lord Victor Quartermaine: No nonsense with Victor Quartermaine. What you see is what you get.
[his toupee is sucked into a rabbit hole and Lady Tottington screams]

Lord Victor Quartermaine: [on the rooftop, preparing to shot the rabbit] This buck stops here!

Lord Victor Quartermaine: Spare me the sermon, vicar! Just tell me how I can kill him!... I mean, it.

Reverend Clement Hedges: To kill such a creature will require nerves of steel and... a bullet!
[lightning strikes]
Lord Victor Quartermaine: A bullet?
[lightning strikes]
Reverend Clement Hedges: A bullet!
[lightning strikes]
Lord Victor Quartermaine: A bull...
[lightning strikes]
Lord Victor Quartermaine: Oh!
[closing the window]
Lord Victor Quartermaine: What kind of bullet?
Reverend Clement Hedges: A bullet... of pure gold.
Lord Victor Quartermaine: Gold?
Reverend Clement Hedges: Yes... 24 "carrots"
[chuckles]

Lord Victor Quartermaine: If I can't have your money, I'll can still bag your Bunny!

[Victor rams a pitchfork into Lady Tottington's hair]
Lord Victor Quartermaine: Hmm. I rather like your hair pinned back.

Lord Victor Quartermaine: Your loyalty's moving. Sadly, you won't be.

Lady Tottington: But Victor, didn't we agree, no more thoughtless killing?
Lord Victor Quartermaine: Quite right, my dear, so I thought this one out very carefully.
[Aims his gun at a rabbit]
Lord Victor Quartermaine: It's off to bunny heaven for you, big ears!

Lady Tottington: You see, Victor, there is hope for the vegetables yet.
Lord Victor Quartermaine: Not the ones I'm looking at.

Lord Victor Quartermaine: Vicar! Vicar! Oh, where the devil is he?
Reverend Clement Hedges: Do you want to confess?
Lord Victor Quartermaine: I want to talk to you about... The beast.
[lightning strikes]
Reverend Clement Hedges: Everything you need to know is inside this book.
Lord Victor Quartermaine: Nun Wrestling?
Reverend Clement Hedges: No I meant this book.
[lays a book on the table]

[repeated line]
Lord Victor Quartermaine: What ho! Heard you had a spot of rabbit bother.

[after both of Victor's shots miss]
Lord Victor Quartermaine: [Grabbing the Reverend] Quick! I need another gold bullet!
Reverend Clement Hedges: They don't come cheap, you know!

Lord Victor Quartermaine: [to Lady Tottington] I'm sorry my dear but I refuse to suffer any more humiliation at the hands of these blundering nittwits. I therefore bid you good day.
[Leaves, wearing a rabbit for a toupee]

Lord Victor Quartermaine: No one beats Victor Quartermain!
Lady Campanula Tottington: Is that so?
[Hits Victor over the head with her giant carrot]
Lady Campanula Tottington: Consider yourself dumped.

Lord Victor Quartermaine: [preparing to engage Wallace in fisticuffs] And don't think that acting like a big girl's blouse will get you out of it. There's no mercy with Victor Quartermaine.

[after everyone thinks that the wererabbit is dead and everyone is celebrating]
Lord Victor Quartermaine: [whispering] I don't want to alarm anyone, but the beast isn't actually dead yet.
PC McIntosh: [shouting through his loudspeaker] *The beast isn't actually dead yet?*
[everything stops]
PC McIntosh: [into loudspeaker] Oops.


Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit (2005/I) (VG)
Victor Quartermaine: Argh! Foiled at the last hurdle!
Lady Tottington: [hitting him with a carrot] Never mind! Take that instead baldy!