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: Tell me you did not go to Mexico to buy weed. Kemper
: We did not go to Mexico to buy weed.
[points cane in Kemper's chest
] Old Monty
: I said she could call him; you wait outside. Kemper
: Okay, chief. Old Monty
: I ain't lookin' for trouble! Kemper
: Don't shoot!
: I was like Erin don't drink the water down there... Erin
: I didn't! Kemper
: And she didn't drink the tequila, she didn't drink the weed, smoke the weed.
: I didn't go to Mexico to watch you get shit-faced for four days. Kemper
: That's what you do in Mexico!
: Morgan, how are you an expert on the dumbest shit?
: Yo, Kemp, can you do something about the A.C. back here? I'm melting. Kemper
: No. But if you or Pepper get too hot, you could always take your clothes off. Andy
: You'd like that, wouldn't you? Erin
: You are such a perv. Don't listen to him, Pepper. Pepper
: Why not? I think he's funny. Erin
: She's only known you for 19 hours. I've lived with him for 3 years, and trust me, he is not funny.
: I've never seen anybody die before. Morgan
: Yeah, most people never do.
: What are we gonna do? Kemper
: I don't know... uh... we gotta call the cops, I guess. Morgan
: Um, yeah, on a list of bad ideas, that one goes, way up there. Oh, police officers, please, as you inspect a crime scene, which is now our van, please, ignore the colorful pinata, filled with marijuana, in case you happen to come across it, because it played no part, you know, whatsoever in the demise of this unfortunate, young, woman.
: [after he sees a possum in a closet
] Give me something to hold!