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: We're attacking Toad Hall tonight. Mr. Toad
: Right! Oh! Oh, with armies, and navies, and... Badger
: No, no, no, just *ourselves*. Mr. Toad
] A bit of a comedown on that. Hmm. We'll never get past the sentries. Ratty
: We are *not* going PAST them! We are going unnnnnder them. Moley
: Gonna use the secret tunnel to Toad Hall. Mr. Toad
: Splendid idea!
: [as Ratty starts digging snow away to reveal Badger's doorscraper
] Wha - what're you doin? My leg *hurts*! Ratty
: [stops digging when he sees half the doorscraper
] Oh, ha-ha! Bravo!
[starts dancing triumphantly
: Aha - bra - vo, I found whatcha tripped over! Moley
: *What?* Ho - how? Ratty
: [digging more snow to reveal the other half of the doorscraper
] Look, see? It's a doorscraper. Moley
: A what? Ratty
: Used to scrape mud off the boots.
: Ah dear, ther-there's no bread. An-and no butter! Mr. Toad
: No bread? But I distinctly recall purchasing several crisp baguettes this morning, along with some marvelous French "beurre", butter to you. Ratty
: [going inside the wagon
] Wouldn't it be in there, right next to the pate de foie gras?
: [rummaging through the wagon for pate de foie gras
] Not only is there not any pate de foie gras, there's no champagne!
[peering out the wagon door towards Toad, calls to him accusingly
] *You* have forgotten everything! Mr. Toad
: Oh, surely there's *something*. Moley
: There's *nothing*! Ratty
: It would be easier to say what we *don't* have.
: [after Ratty dances next to Badger's doorscraper a second time
] How dare you dance a jig around a doorscraper while my leg is throbbing? Ratty
: [impatiently but stiffly
] But don't you see what that means, you dull-witted animal?
: [during Toad's victory banquet
] He kept his word. Ratty
: Quiet as a possum. Moley
: Modest as a mouse. Badger
: Too good to be true. I don't trust the little bounder.
: Ratty... Ratty... Ratty
] Time for a nap. Moley
] Before you slip off, uh-uh... uh, Ratty? Ratty
: Huh? What is it? Moley
: Couldn't we invite Badger over? I-I haven't met him yet. Ratty
: I told you a thousand times...
: he'd never come. Moley
: Oh uh, Ratty, Ratty... Ratty
: Uh... uh... what? Moley
: But suppose we call on him? Ratty
: *Nooooo*! He hates company, society invitations, and all that sort of...
: thing. Moley
: Well, we could chance it. All he could do is turn us out. Ratty
: [rising to ultimately warn Moley in an arm-flailing manner
] He lives in the middle Wild Wood, and nobody would dare the Terror of the Wild Wood at this time of year. Moley
: [trying to retreat back
] But, but uh... Ratty
: It's a long way, and *much* too dangerous!
: Help me right the boat, then we'll both row down to Toad Hall, and I'm going to give him what for. Moley
: Together? Ratty
: Of course. Moley
: After all these years alone in the hole, I would thoroughly enjoy doing something - together.
: [glancing toward Badger's doormat
] Look. A doormat. Moley
: So - can we eat a doormat, or can we sleep under a doormat, or ride home in the snow on it, you exasperating rodent? Ratty
] Doesn't it tell you anything? Moley
: Whoever heard of a doormat telling - ? Ratty
: Not another word, you thick-headed beast. Dig.
[he and Moley dig snow around Badger's home till it all collapses to reveal his home
: [observing Toad's confrontation with Badger
] Toad's skin is hanging like an old leather bag. His legs are wobbling. He's down on his knees. He's crying. His cheeks are furrowed with tears. He's re-penting!
: [riding in Ratty's boat for the first time
] So uh, this is a river? Ratty
: *The* river. It's my world, and I don't know any other.
: [with a dreamy look on his face at first, then looking up briefly
] The song has died away into reed-talk. Moley
: But what do the words mean? Ratty
: Ah, that I don't know. I really passed them onto you the way they reached me.
: Well now, what's the news on the riverbank? How's old Toad getting on? Ratty
: From bad to worse. Moley
: With all of his contraptions, you know. Badger
: All? How many has he had? Moley
: He smashed up six, then - then there was that stone wall, and then...
] I hate company. If you're company, I'll hate you with the rest. Moley
] He hates company. Badger
: I hate company. Moley
: Don't invite him, he's a certifiable pest. Badger
: I hate company! Moley
: He hates company. Badger
: Being alone is best.
: The snow's changed everything!
: I don't recognize a thing. Moley
] Well... actually, it - it's a bit late to call on Badger. And Rat, we'd better head back home. Ratty
: And what makes you think that we can *find* our way home?
: We're lost, my friend! Lost...!
: [his boat perched atop a tree
] You ought to be arrested, Toad! Moley
: [after coming out from his hole, he ducks back inside, blinded by the day light
] Oh... oh, my eyes. Ratty
: What's wrong down there? Moley
: It's - it's the day light. I've never seen it before. Ratty
[he and his boat fall from the tree when a green bird takes flight from it; he and his boat crash next to Moley's hole
: Ahh, ooh, unh!
: [about Toad
] He'll end up killed or bankrupt. We're his friends. Shouldn't we do something? Badger
] Of course. I can't do anything now. It's winter.
: Dozing? Badger, too? Ratty
: [almost whispering
] No animal is ever expected to do anything strenuous, heroic, or even moderately active during winter. Badger
: When winter's over, we'll take Toad seriously into hand. We'll stand no nonsense. We'll bring him back to his senses even if force is needed. We'll make him a sensible Toad. But now...
: It's time for bed. Ratty
: Yes... we've got a long journey home tomorrow. Moley
: Not the Wild Wood again.
: [covering himself with leaves while escaping from the ghosts of Wild Wood creatures
] Now I know what Ratty meant by the Terror of the Wild Wood.
: [as he and Ratty slide down what turns out to be Badger's roof, he trips what later appears to be his doorscraper
] Ow! Oh, my le - g! Ratty
: [hearing Moley's cry for help, he stops sliding and climbs back up to Moley to investigate his leg
] Let me look at that. Your cut... it looks as if... that was made by the edge of something metal. Moley
: Well, never mind what's done it; it hurts just the same, whatever's done it.
: [to the weasels, who are mopping the banquet hall to prepare for Toad's victory banquet
] And make sure you get it spotless; everything must be just so for Toad's victory banquet. Mr. Toad
: But why must I have a banquet? Badger
: It's expected of you; it's the rule! Mr. Toad
: It's short-noticed. But I can whip up an interesting program, I'm sure.
] Mr. Toad
: I could give several speeches of course. Moley
: [as he and Badger shake their heads
] No. Mr. Toad
: And address on our prison system?
[Ratty shakes his head
] Mr. Toad
: A lecture on the techniques of escaping? Badger
: No speeches. Mr. Toad
: Just one little speech? Ratty
: *No*! Your speeches are all conceit and *boasting*, and... Badger
: And gas. Mr. Toad
: Oh, I know then, a short song.
[Badger, Ratty, and Moley shake their heads in unison
] Mr. Toad
: Ah, very well. In sport, I - I will be a very different toad. But oh dear, oh dear, oh dear, oh, this is a haaaard world...
: Dog food factory!
: I can't throw for toffee!
St John Weasel
: [as Badger comes across the walk bay throwingg the weasels off the side
] Oh! Steady on! Listen N... n... no... n... Calm down! n... n... no Mole
: [Badger has thrown three weasels off
] I say! Badger! St John Weasel
: [backing up with Badger walking towards him
] I... I'm not really a weasel... I'm a rabbit
[does rabbit teeth
] St John Weasel
: They forced me to work he and you saved me, oh thank you, thank you! Badger
: Shut up! Keep moving!
: [pointing the gun at St John
] You destroyed my home to build a dog meat factory. St John Weasel
: [hands up
] The area needs one. Our market research shows... Mole
: You put my friends in a mincer! St John Weasel
: Just a harmless joke!
St John Weasel
: You've only got one shot. Give me the gun... and we'll all be friends! Mole
: Friends? Thought you said there was no such thing St John Weasel
: Oh come on! That was just the intro to a song!
[Toad enters Rat and Mole's house and faints
: Why... it's a poor old lady. Let's move her over by the fire.
[They move Toad, then his chain ball lands on Rat's foot
: Oww! Toad! What are you doing here? Mr. Toad
: Well, I just, um... sort of... Mole
: Well, this is a merry Christmas... but aren't you afraid of the police? Mr. Toad
: Afraid of the police?
] Mr. Toad
: I? Toad? Afraid of the police?
[laughs more. Then a loud knock and yelling comes from the door
] Angus MacBadger
: [from behind the door
] OPEN UP! OPEN UP, I SAY! Mr. Toad
: THE POLICE!
[while trying to get Toad Hall in order, MacBadger gets interrupted by two knocks on the door, the second one, thankfully, from Rat and Mole
] Angus MacBadger
: Oh, it's you, Rat. And Mole, too. Thank goodness, lads. You've come at last.
[they go into Toad Hall
: Poor MacBadger, he'd reach the end of his rope, or as he said himself... Angus MacBadger
: I'm feelin' like a nervous wreck. Rat
: I say, MacBadger, what seems to be the trouble? Angus MacBadger
] Something's got to be done about Toad! This time, he is goin' too far! Mole
: But he promised us. Angus MacBadger
: Promises? Ha! What good are his promises when these wild manias take him? Now look, you're his dearest friends, are you not? Rat
: Yes. Mole
: Very dear friends. Angus MacBadger
: Then, lads, you've got to find Toad and stop him. Rat
: What's he doing? Angus MacBadger
: He's got a new mania. He's rampagin' about the county in a canary yellow gypsy cart with a horse named Cyril.
[Toad is acting like a motorcar. His friends blame it on his mania for cars and grab him and drag him home
: Mania, that's it. That's what it was, a positive mania. No telling where it would end, either; it may linger for months, and with Toad Hall at stake.
[Toad's friends have successfully escorted him to his room in his home at Toad Hall
: Well, they had no choice. There was only one thing to do: lock the poor chap in his chamber and keep him there until the poison worked out of his system.
[Rat and Mole dress Toad in his nightclothes and throw water over him to stop his acting like a car
: [after Toad stops
] That's better. Rat
: [to Toad
] And you can't escape, you know. Simply no use trying.
[They shut the door and lock it. Toad pounds on the door and tugs on it, trying to open it
] Mr. Toad
: Let me outta here! Open up! Open up, I say! Please, Ratty, Moley, open the door! Narrator
: Now, of course, playing jailer to one's dearest friend wasn't much of an enjoyable experience. In fact, Moley weakened right at the start and wanted to call it quits, but Ratty said, "No. Definitely not." This time they must be firm. After all, it wasn't just a matter of saving Toad from himself. There was MacBadger to consider, and Toad Hall and all that it stood for.
: A motorcar! Gad... what have I been missing?
[Toad, having just seen a motorcar go by him, is so enraptured by it that he starts making noises and moving around like a car
: Ratty! It isn't. He hasn't! Rat
: It is, and he has it: a new mania. Motor mania!
: Aye, lads, I've just made a very important discovery.
[as he speaks, we cut to Toad Hall, where Winky and the weasels are living now
] Angus MacBadger
: Toad Hall is ablaze with lights. And in possession, a pack of weasels. And the leader of the gang is none other than Mister... Weasels
[Winky shows he has the deed to Toad Hall
: Hip hip hooray!
[end of flashback
] Angus MacBadger
: And so you see, he DID trade Toad Hall for the motorcar. Rat
: Then, Toad was innocent all the time. Angus MacBadger
: Aye, lads, and if only he were here right now...
[Toad, who was clinging to the top of the Christmas tree, suddenly falls into MacBadger's arms
] Angus MacBadger
: Toad! Mr. Toad
] Angus! Rat
: Sorry, Toad. I misjudged you. Mole
: I hope, someday, you'll find it in your heart... Mr. Toad
: Tut, tut. Not another word. To err is human to forgive... Angus MacBadger
: [dropping Toad on the ground
] Thaddeus, not so fast! You're still guilty in the eyes of the law. To prove your innocence, we've got to get that paper away from Winky! Now, I have a plan. We'll sneak in through the secret tunnel...
: [Ratty and Moley are both lost in the woods when Mole trips over a boot-scraper, then Ratty finds a doormat
] Well? Doesn't that tell you something? Mole
: [Walking away grumpily
] Doormats tell one nothing. Doormats know their place.
: Onion sauce! Onion sauce! Clear the way!
: [narrating; scene show Mole in his home, whitewashing his ceiling
] Mole had been working very hard all morning, spring cleaning his little home, to the point where he had dust in his throat, and whitewash in his black fur. Mole
: [some of the white wash from his brush drips into his eye;incomprehensible
] Bother! Grandmother
: Spring was moving in the air above and below and around him, penetrating even his dark and lonely little place. It was a small wonder, when, suddenly... Mole
: [fed up
] Oh bother! D'oh!
[as he throws his whitewash brush down in a fit of frustration
: Oh, *BLOW*! Mole
: [taking off his apron
] *HANG" spring-cleaning.
[Mr. Toad has given up his obsession with gypsy caravans and began a whole brand new obsession for motor cars in short order; after a near head on collision with a speeding motorcar
: What are we to do with him? Rat
: [takes out his pipe; curtly and through his teeth, while smoking his pipe
] Nothing... Rat
: *AT* ALL! Toad
: [imitating a motorcar
: [after crashing his second car
] You know, I really am worried about Toad. Rat
: Oh, don't you worry. It's just another one of his passions. He'll grow out of it. Toad
: [off in the distance
] Poop-poop! Rat
: I hope.
: [having just overflown his friends in his new airplane
] Ha ha! Hello you fellows! Rat
: You maniac! Badger
: LOCK HIM UP! Mole
: Toad! This time you've gone too far! Toad
: Hang motoring! This is the life!