Mike Wazowski
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Quotes for
Mike Wazowski (Character)
from Monsters, Inc. (2001)

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Monsters, Inc. (2001)
[from teaser trailer]
Mike: Oh, that's great, blame it on the little guy. How original. He must've read the schedule wrong with his one eye.

Mike: Roz, my tender, oozing blossom, you're looking fabulous today. Is that a new haircut? Come on, tell me it's a new haircut, isn't it? It's got to be a new haircut. New makeup? You had a lift? You had a tuck? You had something? Something has been inserted in in you that makes you look... Listen, I need a favor. Randall was working late last night out on the scare floor. I really need the key to the door he was using.
Roz: Well, isn't that nice? But guess what? You didn't turn in your paperwork last night.
Mike: He didn't... I... no paperwork?
Roz: This office is now closed.
[closes the window on Mike's fingers]

Mike: [as the Scream Extractor approaches] What is that thing? What is that thing? Hey, hey, hey, that thing is moving. I don't like big, moving things that are moving towards me.
[the Scream Extractor comes to a stop, pointing itself directly at Mike]
Randall: Say hello to the Scream Extractor.
Mike: Hello. Hey, where are you going? C'mon, we'll talk! We'll have a latte!

Mike: Psst, Fungus. Fungus, you like cars? Because I got a really nice car. You let me go, I'll give you... a ride... in the car.
Fungus: I'm sorry, Wazowski, but Randall said I'm not allowed to fraternize with victims of his evil plot.
[Sulley Grabs Fungus from above, Mike looks up overjoyed. In the Next Scene, Randall gets the Scream Extractor working again, only to find Fungus where Mike should be]
Randall: What are you doing? Where's Wazowski?
[Randall turns off the machine as Fungus, now turned white and pale from the Scream Extractor, weakly points out to him]

Mike: Good morning, Roz, my succulent little garden snail. And who will we be scaring today?
Roz: Wazowski! You didn't file your paperwork last night.
Mike: Oh, that darn paperwork! Wouldn't it be easier if it all just blew away?
Roz: Don't let it happen again.
Mike: Yes, well, I'll try to be more careful next time.
Roz: I'm watching you, Wazowski. Always watching. Always.
Mike: Ooh, she's nuts.

Mike: [Spotting Sulley while he's working out] 118. Do you have 119? Do I see 120? Oh, I don't believe it!
Sulley: I'm not even breaking a sweat.
Mike: Not you! Look! The new commercial's on.

Mike: I'm telling you, Big Daddy. You're gonna be seeing this face on TV more often.
Sulley: Yeah, like on "Monstropolis' Most Wanted"?
Mike: Ha, ha, ha. You've been jealous of my good looks since the fourth grade, pal.

Mike: [while Sulley brushes teeth] C'mon, fight that plaque! Fight that plaque! Scary monsters don't have plaque!

Celia: So, uh... are we going anywhere special tonight?
Mike: I-I just got us into a little place called, um... Harryhausen's.
Celia: Harryhausen's? But it's impossible to get a reservation there.
Mike: Not for Googlie Bear. I will see you at quitting time, and not a minute later.
Celia: Okay, sweetheart.
Mike: Think romantical thoughts.
Mike: You and me, me and you, both of us together!

Mike: [chanting] I don't know, but it's been said, I love scaring kids in bed!

Mike: Just think about a few names for a second: Bigfoot. Loch Ness. The Abominable Snowman. They all have one thing in common, pal: Banishment! We could be next!

Celia: [wearing a cone after being treated by the CDA] Last night was one of the worst nights of my entire life, bar none!
[the snakes on her hair, also wearing cones, pop out to hiss at Mike]
Celia: I thought you cared about me.
Mike: Honey, please. Schmoopsie, I thought you liked sushi.
Celia: Sushi? Sushi? You think this is about sushi?

[Mike and Sully are caught behind Boo's door]
CDA Agent: This is the CDA. Come out slowly with the child in plain sight.
Mike: [Steping out from behind the door with Boo's costume] Okay, okay! You got us. Here we are, here's the kid. I'm cooperating. But before you take us away, I have one thing to say.
[Takes Boo's sock out of his mouth and throws it at the CDA agents]
Mike: Catch!
CDA Agent: [as the others jump over the guy who gets the sock] 23-19!

Randall: [Finding out that he caught Mike instead of Boo] Wazowski! Where is it, you little one-eyed cretin?
Mike: Okay, first of all, it's "creetin". If you're gonna threaten me, do it properly. Second of all, you're nuts if you think kidnapping ME is gonna help YOU cheat your way to the top.
Randall: [chuckles evilly] You still think this is about that stupid scare record?
Mike: Well... I did. Right up until you... chuckled... like that... And now I'm thinking I should just get out of here.
[a Handle Bar is placed down preventing Mike from leaving, and his hands get cuffed on]
Randall: I am about to revolutionize the scaring industry, and when I do, even the great James P. Sullivan will be working of me. First I need to know where the kid is, and you're gonna tell me.

Sulley: Mike, this isn't Boo's door.
Mike: Boo? What's Boo?
Sulley: That's... what I decided to call her. Is there a problem?
Mike: Sulley, you're not supposed to name it. Once you name it, you start getting attached to it. Now put that thing back where it came from or so help me...
[pauses, realizing that they suddenly have the attention of the entire scare floor]
Mike: Oh, hey. We're rehearsing a - a scene for the upcoming company play called uh, Put That Thing Back Where It Came From Or So Help Me. It's a musical.
Mike: Put that thing back where it came from or so help me... so help me, so help me and cut. We're still working on it, it's a work in progress but, hey, we need ushers.

Randall: Cheating? Right. Okay, I think I know how to make this all go away. What happens when the whistle blows in five minutes?
Mike: Ah, I get a time-out?
Randall: Everyone goes to lunch! Which means: the scare floor will be...?
Mike: ...Painted?
Randall: EMPTY! It'll be empty, you idiot! You see that clock? When the big hand is pointing up...
[forces Mike's arm up]
Randall: and the little hand is pointing up...
[forces the other arm up]
Randall: the kid's door will be in my station. But when the big hand points down...
[forces Mike's arm down]
Randall: the door will be gone. You have until then to put the kid back. Get the picture?

[Sulley's alarm clock clicks, and Mike impersonates the radio announcer]
Mike: Hey, good morning, Monstropolis. It's now five after the hour of 6:00 A.M. in the big monster city. Temperature's a balmy 65 degrees, which is good news for you reptiles, and it looks like it's gonna be a perfect day to maybe, hey, just lie in bed, sleep in, or simply... Work out that flab that's hanging over the bed! Get up, Sulley!
[honks a horn right in Sulley's face; Sulley wakes up and screams, then starts working out]
Sulley: I don't believe I ordered a wake-up call, Mikey.
Mike: Hey, less talk, more pain, marshmellow boy!

[Mike and Sulley watch a commercial featuring them, but Mike is covered over by the Monsters Inc. logo]
Mike: I can't believe it...
Sulley: Oh, Mike...
Mike: I was on TV. Ha. Did you see me? I'm a natural.

[Mike and Sulley at a crosswalk next to a giant monster]
Sulley: Hey, Ted! Good morning!
[Ted clucks; light changes and they cross]
Sulley: See that, Mikey? Ted's walking to work.
Mike: Big deal. Guy takes five steps and he's there.

Mike: Oh, Schmootsie-poo?
Celia: Googlie Bear.

[Mike complains to Sulley about Randall]
Mike: One of these days I am really... gonna let you teach that guy a lesson.

Mike: Can I borrow your odorant?
Sulley: Yeah, I got, uh, Smelly Garbage or Old Dumpster.
Mike: You got, uh, Low Tide?
Sulley: No.
Mike: How about Wet Dog?
Sulley: Yep. Stink it up.

Roz: Hello, Wazowski. Fun-filled evening planned for tonight?
Mike: Well, as a matter of fact...
Roz: Then I'm sure you filed your paperwork correctly, for once.
[Mike smiles innocently]
Roz: Your stunned silence is very reassuring.

Celia: Oh, Michael, I've had a lot of birthdays - well, not a lot of birthdays but this is the best birthday ever.
[Mike stares lovingly at her]
Celia: What are you looking at?
Mike: I was just thinking about the first time I laid eye on you, how pretty you looked.
Celia: [shyly] Stop it.
Mike: Your hair was shorter then.
Celia: Mm-hmm. I'm thinking about getting it cut.
[the snakes in Celia's hair squeal with fear]
Mike: No-no, I like it this length.
[the snakes sigh in relief]
Mike: I like everything about you. Just the other day someone asked me who I thought the most beautiful was in all of Monstropolis. You know what I said?
Celia: What did you say?
Mike: I said...
[Just then, Sulley's face appears in the window behind Celia]
Mike: Sulley?
Celia: Sulley?

Sulley: Hey, Mike, this might sound crazy but I don't think that kid's dangerous.
Mike: Really? Well, in that case, let's keep it. I always wanted a pet that could kill me.

[Boo, in disguise, walks up to Mr. Waternoose]
Henry J. Waternoose: Well hello, little one. Where did you come from?
Sulley: Mr. Waternoose.
Henry J. Waternoose: Ah, James. Is this one yours?
Sulley: Ah, actually that's my uh, cousin's sister's daughter, sir.
Mike: Yeah, it's uh, "Bring an Obscure Relative to Work Day".
Henry J. Waternoose: Hmm, must have missed the memo.

Sulley: Mike, that's not her door.
Mike: What are you talking about? Of course it's her door. It's her door.
Sulley: No. Her door was white and it had flowers on it.
Mike: No. It must've dark last night because this is its door.
[opens the door. A bright light and polka music emanate from the room]
Mike: [to Boo] You hear that? Sounds like fun in there. Well, see ya kid. Send me a postcard. That's Mike Wazowski, care of 22 Mike Wazowsi-You-Got-Your-Life-Back-Lane.
Boo: Mowki Kowski.
Mike: Very good. Now bon voyage. See ya.
[waves a stick in front of Boo as if she were a dog]
Mike: Look at the stick. See the stick?
[throws the stick through the door]
Mike: Go get the stick. Go fetch.

Mike: Look at the big jerk. He ruined my life, and for what? A STUPID KID! Because of you, I am stuck in this frozen wasteland!
Yeti: Wasteland? I think you mean "Wonderland"! I mean, how about all this fabulous snow, huh? Oh, and wait until you see the local village, cutest thing in the world. I haven't mentioned all the free yak's milk.
Sulley: Wh... What did you say?
Yeti: Yak's milk. Milking a yak isn't exactly a picnic; but once you pick the hairs out, it's very nutritious.
Sulley: No, No. Something about a Village. Are there any Kids there?
Yeti: Oh, sure. Tough kids, sissy kids, kids who climb on rocks...
Sulley: Where is it?
Yeti: Bottom of the Mountain. A 3 Day hike from here.
Sulley: 3 Days? We need to get there NOW.
[Sulley bangs his fists against the wall in Frustration. A fallen icicle rolls over to a Toboggan and Lantern over in the corner, which could help him get down the mountain quickly]

Mike: Sulley, what are we doing?
Sulley: We have to get Boo's door and find a station.
Mike: What a plan. Simple, yet insane.

Mike: Oh, you should have seen the look on Waternoose's face when that wall went up. Woo-hoo! I hope we get a copy of that tape. Hey, you all right? Come on, we did it. We got Boo home. Sure, we put the company in the toilet, and, gee, hundreds of people will be out of work now, not to mention the angry mob that'll come after us when there's no more power... but hey, at least we had a few laughs, right?
Sulley: [Having had an idea, from seeing what Boo's laughing could do] Laughs!

Mike: I think I have a plan here: using mainly spoons, we dig a tunnel under the city and release it into the wild.
Sulley: Spoons?
Mike: That's it, I'm out of ideas. We're closed. Hot air balloon? Too expensive. Giant slingshot? Too conspicuous. Enormous wooden horse? Too Greek.

Henry J. Waternoose: This has gone far enough, James.
Sulley: She's home now. Just leave her alone!
Henry J. Waternoose: I can't do that, James. She's seen too much. You both have.
Sulley: It doesn't have to be this way.
Henry J. Waternoose: I have no choice. Times have changed. Scaring isn't enough anymore.
Sulley: But kidnapping children?
Henry J. Waternoose: I'll kidnap a thousand children before I let this company die, and I'll silence anyone who gets in my way!
[Waternoose knocks Sulley to the ground and lunges at Boo. He instead finds the simulated child]
Voice: Simulation terminated. Simulation terminated...
Henry J. Waternoose: [confused] Huh? But... What?
[the lights come on and it's revealed that Boo's room is really the simulation room; Mike and several CDA agents are standing behind the console]
Mike: I don't know about you guys, but I spotted several big mistakes. You know what? Let's watch my favorite part again, shall we?
[replays the tape of Waternoose over and over]

Mike: Follow the sultry sound of my voice

[Mike and Sully have transported to Hawaii]
Mike: Why couldn't we have been banished here?

Yeti: Abominable. Can you believe that? Do I look abominable to you? Why can't they call me the Adorable Snowman, or the Agreeable Snowman, for crying out loud? I'm a nice guy. Snow cone?
Mike: Yuck.
Yeti: No, no, no, don't worry. It's lemon. How about you Big Fella? Snow cone?
Sulley: [Feeling sad after accidentally Scaring Boo at the Scare Simulator] Did you see the way she looked at me?

[Boo's laugh made all the lights go out]
Sulley: What was that?
Mike Wazowski: I have no idea. But it would be a really good idea if it didn't do it again.

Mike: Get out of here. You're ruining everything.
Sulley: I went back to get your paperwork and there was a door.
Mike: What? A door?
Sulley: Randall was in it.
Mike: Wait a minute, Randall? That cheater! He's trying to boost his numbers.
Sulley: There's something else.
Mike: What?
Sulley: Ook-lay in the ag-bay.
Mike: What?
Sulley: Look in the bag.
Mike: [the Bag Sulley carried over with Boo inside is missing] What bag?

Sulley: [is fighting the invisible Randall when he is hit with a snowball] Mike?
Mike: Look, it's not that I don't care about the kid.
Sulley: Mike, you don't understand.
Mike: Yes, I do. I was just mad, that's all. I needed some time to think, but you shouldn't have left me out there.
Sulley: I'm being attacked!
Mike: No, I'm not attacking you. I'm trying to be honest, just hear me out. You and I are a team. Nothing is more important than our friendship.
[Boo approaches Mike, frightened]
Mike: I-I know, kid. He's too sensitive.
Mike: [Sulley is being strangled] Come on, pal. If you start crying, I'm gonna cry, and I'll never get through this. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you, but I am now. Hey, Sulley, I am baring my soul here. The least you can do is pay attention!
[Throws snowball; it hits Randall, making him visible enough for Sulley to knock him out]
Mike: Hey, look at that, it's Randall. It's... Oh.

Yeti: You wanna go to the village? Okay, rule number one out here: Always... no, Never go out in a blizzard.
Sulley: We need to get to Boo.
[a snowcone gets thrown at Sulley from off-screen. The Yeti points at Mike]
Mike: Boo? What about us?
[Throws another snowcone]
Mike: Ever since that kid came in, you've ignored everything I've said, and now look where we are!
[Throws another snowcone]
Mike: Oh, we were about to break the record, Sulley. We would've had it made!
Sulley: None of that matters now.
Mike: None of it matters?
[Drops the snowcone he was about to throw onto the floor]
Mike: Wa-wait a second. None of it matters? Oh, okay, that's - no. Good. Great. So now the truth comes out, doesn't it?
Yeti: Oh, would you look at that? We're out of snowcones. Let me... just go outside and make some more.
Mike: Sulley, what about everything we ever worked for? Does that matter? Huh? What about Celia? I am never... never gonna see her again. Doesn't that matter? What about me? I'm your pal, I'm-I'm your best friend. Don't I matter?
Sulley: I'm sorry, Mike. I'm sorry we're stuck out here. I didn't mean all this to happen. But Boo's in trouble. I think there might be a way to save her if we can just get down to that...
Mike: We? Whoa, whoa. We? No. There's no we this time, pal. If-if-if you wanna go out there and freeze to death, you be my guest, because you're on your own.

Sulley: The power's out. Make her laugh again.
Mike: All right, I got a move here, it'll bring down the house. Up!
[Does a backflip, lands on his crotch]
Sulley: Oh, sorry, she didn't see that.
Mike: What? What'd you do, forget to check if her stupid hood was up, you big dope?
Sulley: Uncle Mike, try not to yell in front of her. You know we still need her to laugh.
Mike: Right. He-he! Hey, Boo! Just kidding. Look!
[Slams the door on his face, making baby noises]
Mike: Funny, right? Huh? With the... These are the jokes, kid.

[Celia is hanging on to Mike while Sulley is dragging him]
Celia: Michael, if you don't tell me what's going on right now, we are through! You hear me? Through!
Mike: Okay, here's the truth. You know that kid they're looking for? Sulley let her in. We tried to get her back, but Waternoose had a secret plot, and now Randall's right behind us, and he's tring to kill us.
Celia: You expect me to believe that pack of lies, Mike Wazowski?
Boo: [peeking from Sulley's shoulder] Mike Wazowski!
[Celia screams and lets go]

Mike: You're the boss! You're the boss! You're the big, hairy boss!

Mike: Hey, genius. Wanna know why I bought the car?
Sulley: Not really.
Mike: To drive it! You know, like on the street? With the honk-honk and the vroom-vroom, and the no walking involved?
Sulley: Wah, wah, wah. Will you give it a rest, butterball? C'mon, you could use the exercise.
Mike: I could use the exercise? Look at you. You have your own climate.

[Sully goes looking for Boo; Mike tries to talk him out of it]
Mike: Someone else will find the kid. I'll be their problem, not ours. She's out of our hair!
[they bump into an Invisible Randall]
Randall: [Turning Visible again] What are you two doing?
Monster: They're rehearsing a play.
Mike: [singing] She's out of our hair...!

[Sully thinks Boo has been crushed into a cube of garbage]
Sulley: [tearfully] I can still hear her little voice.
Boo: [from down the hall] Mike Wazowski!
Mike: Hey, I can hear her too.
Kids: Mike Wazowski!
Mike: How many kids you got in there?

[Mike and Sulley, with the help of Waternoose, are preparing to send Boo home, but a huge metal door is brought out instead of Boo's]
Mike: Sir, that's not her door.
Henry J. Waternoose: I know, I know...
[Suddenly, Randal materializes in front of the door and opens it, which leads out to a Harsh Cold Environment]
Henry J. Waternoose: ...It's yours.
[Waternoose, holding Boo, pushes Mike and Sulley through the door]

Randall: [materializes in front of Mike's locker] WAZOWSKI!
[Mike falls from the chair]
Randall: Well what do you know? It scares little kids and little monsters.
Mike: I wasn't scared, I have allergies

Sulley: How can I do this? How could I be so stupid? This could ruin the company.
Mike: The company? Who cares about the company? What about us? That thing is a KILLING MACHINE!
[points at Boo, who is babbling harmlessly]
Mike: I bet it's waiting for us to fall asleep, and then - bam! Oh, we're easy prey, my friend. Easy prey! We're sitting targets!

Mike: She's the one. I'm telling ya, she is the one.
Sulley: I'm happy for you.
Mike: Oh, by the way, thanks for hooking me up with those reservations.
Sulley: No problem. They're under the name Googlie-Bear.
Mike: Thanks, I... you know, that isn't very funny.

Mike: Hello, is this thing on? Hey, good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Nice to be here in... your room. Hi, where are you from?
[kid doesn't answer]
Mike: You're in kindergarden, right? I used to love kindergarden. Best three years of my life.
[still no answer]
Mike: Of my life. But I love sports. Dodgeball was the best. I was the fastest one out there. Course, I was the ball. You see, I... was the ball. All right, kid.
[Mike swallows his microphone and after a few seconds burps it out louldy; kid laughs]
Mike: Thank you! You've been a wonderful audience. I'll be here all week. Don't forget to tip your waitress.

Sulley: Nice job, Mikey. You filled your quota on the first kid of the day.
Mike: You know, only someone with great comedic timing could produce this much energy in one shot.
Sulley: Uh-huh, and the fact that laughter has ten times the energy of scream had nothing to do with it.

[running from Randall in the door vault, Sulley and Mike's shadows appear behind a Japanese paper screen]
Mike: Come on, it slides, it slides!

Needleman: Hey, Mr. Sullivan!
Sulley: Guys, I told you, call me Sulley.
Smitty: [Giggling] I don't think so.
Needleman: We just wanted to wish you good luck today.
Mike: Hey, hey, hey, hey. Come on, get lost, you two. You're making him lose his focus.
Needleman: Oh, sorry.
Sulley: See you later, fellas.
Smitty: Go get 'em, Mr. Sullivan!
Needleman: Quiet! You're making him lose his focus.
Smitty: Oh, no. Sorry!
Needleman: Shut up!

Mike: You know, I am so romantic, sometimes I think I should just marry myself.
Sulley: Give me a break, Mike.
Mike: What a night of romance I got ahead of me. Tonight it's about me and Celia. Ooh, the Love Boat is about to set sail. Toot-toot! Cause I gotta tell you, buddy, that face of hers , it just makes my heart go...
[Sees Roz in front of him]
Mike: Yikes!

Mike: On my desk, Sulley. The pink copies go to Accounting, the fuchshia ones go to Purchasing, and the goldenrod ones go to Roz. Leave the puce.

Sulley: [Sulley and Mike have just been banished to the Himalayas on Earth - Sulley opens the door to find nothing beyond it] BOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Sulley: [Opens and closes door, pushes frame, nothing happens] No, no! No, no, no, no, NO!
Mike: It's too late! We're banished, genius! We're in the human world! Oh, what a great idea; goin' to your old pal Waternoose! Too bad he was in on the whole thing! All you hadda do, was listen to me, just once! But you didn't, did you?
[Sulley continues to fret in the doorway]
[Mike jumps at Sulley in Frustration sending them down a hill. Then they get Company]
Yeti: Welcome to the Himalayas.

Randall: So, how about this kid getting loose? Crazy, huh?
Sulley: Uh, yeah, crazy.
Randall: Word on the street is the kid has been traced to the factory. Know anything about that?
Sulley: Uh, no, uh...
Mike: No, no way. But if it was an inside job, I'd put my money on Waxford.
Randall: Waxford?
Mike: Yeah, works over in sector 6, he's got those shifty eyes.
Randall: Hey, Waxford!

Mike: Come on, the coast is clear. Ok, all we have to do is get rid of that thing, so wait here while I get its cardkey.
Sulley: But she can't stay here this is the men's room.
Mike: That is the weirdest thing you have ever said. Its fine, it's ok! Look, it loves it here, its dancing with joy!
[Boo needs to 'go' badly and is struggling to hold it in]
Mike: I'll be right back with its door key.
Sulley: [laughs] That's a cute little dance you got. Almost looks like you gotta - Oh.

Mike: Scary feet, scary feet, scary feet, scary feet, oop! The kid's awake!
[Sulley ducks down]
Mike: Okay, scary feet, scary feet, scary feet, scary feet, kid's asleep!
[Sulley roars]
Mike: Twins! In a bunk bed!
[Sulley growls high, then low, then high then low again]
Mike: Darn I thought I had you with that one!

Mike: [unlocks his car] Come on, hop on in.
Sulley: No way, there's a scream shortage. We're walking.
Mike: No, come on, It's just-I... just...
[is pulled away from his car after a struggle and locks his car again]
Mike: I-I'll call ya!

[Sulley enters the Scare Simulator room with Mike and Boo in her costume, willing to ask for help which can send Boo home, forgetting Waternoose had been expecting him]
Sulley: Mr. Waternoose?
Henry J. Waternoose: James! You're just in time. OK Gentleman. It's time for you to see how scaring really works.
[Mike picks up Boo and walks away]
Sulley: But sir, I just wanted to ask...
[the lights go out, as if it's nighttime, and the Simulator Child goes to sleep]
Boo: [Excited to watch Sulley] Kitty!
Mike: No Boo. I wouldn't...
Henry J. Waternoose: Now, give us a a Great Big Roar.
Sulley: Sir, can I just...
Henry J. Waternoose: Roar!
Sulley: But sir...
Henry J. Waternoose: ROAR!
[Sulley without choice, lunges out at the Simulator Child and lets out a load roar, causing it to scream. Little did he know that Boo was standing close by, watching in horror]
Henry J. Waternoose: [Applauds] Well done James. Well done. Well Gentleman, I hope you've all learnt a valuable lesson...
[Sulley notices Boo run off crying, terrified from his roar]

Sulley: [Hugging Boo, who wandered off with a Group of Little Monsters] Boo, I was so worried. Don't you ever run off like that again Young Lady.
Babysitter: Aww, what a nice father.
Sulley: Actually she's my Cousin's Sisters Daughter.
Baby Smitty: Mike Wazowski!
Mike: Hi there, shoo shoo.
[Smitty bites Mike's hand]
[Boo laughs at seeing that, which causes the Lights in the Hallway to go out, and the Little Monsters begin to scream in panic]
Sulley: Stop making Boo laugh!
Mike: I didn't!

[From the Teaser Trailer]
Mike: [Holding a Hula Hoop around him] Hey, guess which planet I am.
[Spins in Circles]
Sulley: [Walks to the door] I'm gonna go check on the Donuts.
Mike: [as Sulley closes the door] Don't you even get it, you big Fur Rug?
[Growling is heard]
Mike: Oh, nice doggy. Nice *Big* Doggie.
Mike: [Struggling to open the Closet Door] Sulley, open the door. Open the door.
[Mike yells, then Sulley opens it and pulls him back in in the nick of time]

Mike: [Boo is holding onto Mike's Teddy Bear, after Sulley tossed it at her] OK, that's it, noone touches Little Mikey.

Monsters University (2013)
Mike Wazowski: I've been waiting for this my whole life! I'm gonna be a scarer!

Sulley: [Introducing himself] James P. Sullivan.
Mike Wazowski: Mike Wazowski.

Mike Wazowski: My chances are just as good as yours
Sulley: You're not even in the same league with me.
Mike Wazowski: Just wait, hotshot. I'm gonna scare circles around you this year.

[On the First Morning in the Oozma Kappa Fraternity home, Mike's lips press against Sulley's hand, and Sulley falls off the bunk after the alarm goes off]
Sulley: What happened?
Mike Wazowski: Your paw was hanging out the Side of my Bed.
Mike Wazowski: Were you kissing my hand?
Mike Wazowski: [laughs] No! And what about you with all your shedding?
Sulley: I don't shed.
Mike Wazowski: Really?
[punches the mattress of the top bunk and Sulley's hair falls everywhere]

Mike Wazowski: [Before the First Scare Games Challenge starts] Squishy. We're not gonna lose, because we have everything we need to win right here.
[points to his chest]
Squishy: [smiling] Heart.
Mike Wazowski: No, me! I'm gonna win the race for us.

Dean Hardscrabble: Mr. Wazowski, what you lack simply cannot be taught. You're just not scary. And you too will not be continuing into the Scare Program.
Mike Wazowski: No No No, you've got it all wrong. Please, let me up onto the Simulator. I'll surprise you.
Dean Hardscrabble: Surprise me with what? I doubt that very much.

Mike Wazowski: Um, h... hello? Fella
[as he and Sully walk down the basement into a candlelit are, where O.K fraternity surround it, wearing black clocks]
Don: Do you, pledge your souls to the Oozma Kappa brotherhood.
Mike Wazowski: [Terri and Terry hit Mike with a cricket bat] OW!
Terry: Do you swear to keep secret.
Terri: All that you learn
Art: No matter, how horrifying.
Sulley: [Squishy hit Sulley with cricket bat] Hey!
Squishy: Will take the scared oath of the...
[initiation interrupted by someone, turning on the lights]
Don: For crying out loud.
Ms. Squibbles: Sweetie, turn the lights on when your down here. You're going ruin your eyes.
Ms. Squibbles: Oh Scary, well go on. Just pretend that I'm not here
[turns off half the lights, and walk downstairs to the washing machine]
Squishy: This is my mom's house. Do you promise to look out for your brothers?
[Mrs. Squibbles turns on the laundry dial loudly]
Squishy: No what the peril?
[Laundry machine runs noisily]

Sulley: I act scary, Mike. But most of the time, I'm terrified.
Mike Wazowski: How come you never told me that before?
Sulley: Because we weren't friends before.

[Mike and Sulley are working in the mail room at Monsters Inc]
Yeti: Alright, newbies. Quit goofing around. I'll have you know that tampering with the mail is punishable by banishment.
Sulley: Yes Sir.
Mike Wazowski: We're right on it Mr. Snowman.

Johnny: Enjoy the attention while it lasts, boys. After you lose, no one will remember you.
Mike Wazowski: Maybe. But when you lose, no one will let you forget it.
Chet: Oh, boy. That is a good point.

Don: Sherri and I are engaged.
Mike Wazowski: Who's Sherri?
Squishy: [Embarrased] She's my Mom.
Don: Don't worry Scott. I don't want you to think of me as your new dad. After all, we're fraternity brothers first.
Squishy: This is so weird.
Don: Just think of me as your big brother that's marrying your mother. Wait, hold on, we're brothers who share the same mom slash wife.

Sulley: We need to find a New Team.
Mike Wazowski: We can't just get a new team! I checked this morning, it's against the rules.

[after Dean Hardscrabble tells Mike that his team is short one person to compete in The Scare Games]
Mike Wazowski: But, you need six guys right?
Greek Council VP: We count Bodies, not Heads.
[Pointing at Terri & Terry]
Greek Council VP: That Dude counts as One.

[Mike notices that his settings on the Scare Simulator had been set to the Lowest Difficult instead of the Highest like the others, which is how he was able to mysteriously make a Record Breaking Scare to successfully beat the RORs in the Final Challenge of the Scare Games]
Mike Wazowski: [shocked] It's been tampered with.
Sulley: Uh, I don't think you should be messing with that.
Mike Wazowski: Why are my settings... different?
Sulley: Mike, we should leave.
Mike Wazowski: Did you do this?
Sulley: Mike...
Mike Wazowski: [louder] Did you do this?
Sulley: [sighs] Yes I did. But... you don't understand...
Mike Wazowski: Why? Why did you do this?
Sulley: You know... just in case.
Mike Wazowski: [angrily] In case of what? You don't think I'm scary. You said you believed in me. But you're just like Hardscrabble, you're just like everyone else!
Sulley: Look, you'll get better and better...
Mike Wazowski: I'm as scary as you! I'm as scary as anyone!
Sulley: I was just trying to help!
Mike Wazowski: No! You just wanted to help yourself!
Sulley: Well, what else was I supposed to do? Let the whole team fail because you don't have it?
[offended, Mike storms off. Nearby, their Teammates heard everything, and Squishy sadly places their trophy onto the ground]

[In the human world, Sulley is able to find Mike sitting sadly by the Pond]
Sulley: Psst Mike. Look, I'm sorry I messed up. Now let's get you outta here.
Mike Wazowski: You were right. They weren't scared of me. I did everything right. I wanted it more than anyone. And I thought... I thought that if I wanted it enough I could show everybody that Mike Wazowski is something special. And I'm just... not.
[brushes his reflection away in the water]
Sulley: Look, Mike, I know how you feel.
Mike Wazowski: [angrily] Don't do that! Please don't do that! You do not know how I feel!
Sulley: Mike, calm down.
Mike Wazowski: Monsters like you have everything! You don't have to be good! You can mess up over and over again, and the whole world loves you!
Sulley: Mike!
Mike Wazowski: You'll never know what it's like to fail, because you were born a Sullivan!
Sulley: Yeah I'm the Sullivan! I'm the Sullivan that flunked every test, the one who got kicked out of the program, the one who was so afraid to let everyone down that I cheated! And I lied!
Sulley: [sighs] Mike, I'll never know how you feel. But you're not the only failure here.

[while trying to find someone to join his team for the Scare Games, Mike spots his Roommate Randy in the Crowd]
Randy: Excuse me. I'm running a little late.
Mike Wazowski: Thank Goodness, Randy. My Old Friend, I really need you to be in my team.
Randy: Sorry Mike. I'm already part of a team.
[Randy walks out of the crowd, revealing a ROR Jacket that he received after Sulley was kicked out of their team, much to Mike's shock]
Randy: They really liked my performance in the Final Exam, that they accepted me into their team.
Johnny: [Calling out] Hey Boggs, over here.
[Randy walks over to the Rest of the RORS]
Johnny: Do your thing.
[Randy turns invisible, leaving only his jacket visible]
Chet: Woah, where did he go?

[Mike hasn't had luck finding someone to join his team, to make it Full to Compete in the Scare Games and get back into the Scaring Program]
Greek Council President: This doesn't look good. We really need to move on, so it looks like your team doesn't Qualify.
Sulley: Yes it Does.
[Climbs onto of a Nearby Vehicle]
Sulley: The Star Player, has just arrived.
Mike Wazowski: [Surprised] No No No. Please, anybody but him.
Greek Council President: [Losing her Patience] Look, we're shutting down Sign Ups. So is he on your team or not?
[Mike, aware that he signed up at the Last Minute, knows he hasn't got much a choice, seeing that no-one else is interested in joining his team, and he's really determined to get into the Scare Games to prove Dean Hardscrabble that he and his team really are scary. Sulley points at him and winks]
Mike Wazowski: Fine, yes he is.
[the Crowd starts to cheer, with the Scare Games about to start]

[Mike has received his Student ID Card, though it only shows the Top of his Head]
Mike Wazowski: I can't believe it.
Mike Wazowski: [Out Loud] I'm Officially a COLLEGE STUDENT!

[From the Teaser Trailer, Mike walks out of his dorm with Silver Plates glued to him, with other Monsters Partying outside]
Mike Wazowski: [laughs] OK. Very Funny Sullivan.
Sulley: You look great Wazowski!
Mike Wazowski: You know, if you're gonna prank someone. The least you can do is think of something clever.
[Sulley switches off the lights, and Mike begins to shine like a Crystal Ball as all the Other Monsters begin to party]

[as Mike and Sulley exit their Oozma Kappa Bedroom at the same time after waking up, they fall over, and Squishy suddenly snaps a photo of them]
Squishy: First morning in the house.
Art: That's going in the Album.
Don: [Arriving with a Scare Games Letter] Guys, it's arrived, our first challenge.
[Mike struggles to pull it off him]
Don: Sorry, Tentacles. Kinda Sticky.
[Mike reads the envelope]
Mike Wazowski: Wait a minute. They want us to meet where?

[In the First Challenge of the Scare Games, Mike and Sulley arrive badly stung from the Glowing Purple Urchins at the finish line, just behind the RORs]
Chet: Wait a blow Oozma Kappa!
Mike Wazowski: C'mon Guys. 2nd Place can't be that bad.
Greek Council VP: [Jaws Theta Chi arrive behind them, unharmed] 2nd Place, Jaws Theta Chi.
Mike Wazowski: *What*?
Johnny: Your whole team has to cross the finish line.
Greek Council VP: 3rd, Slugma Slugma Kappa. 4th, Python Nu Kappa. 5th, Eta Hiss Hiss. And in Last Place...
[the Rest of Mike and Sulley's Team arrive, very badly stung from the Urchins than they are]
Greek Council VP: Oozma Kappa!
Greek Council President: [Removing Oozma Kappa's name from the Leaderboard] Oozma Kappa have been eliminated!
[Dean Hardscrabble approaches a surprised and upset Mike, smiling]
Dean Hardscrabble: Don't look surprised Mr. Wazowski. It would've taken your team more than a miracle to win.
Greek Council VP: Attention everyone, we have an announcement. Jaws Theta Chi have been disqualified.
[Holds up a tin of Protective Gel that they've been using]
Greek Council VP: The use of Illegal Protective Gel, is the cause for elimination.
Big Red: [as referees remove the Protective Gel from him] Hey what are you doing, it's moisture.
[the referee stabs Big Red's arm with an Urchin, causing it to swell up like a balloon, with Big Red screaming in pain]
Greek Council VP: [Removing Jaws Theta Chi from the Leaderboard and adding Oozma Kappa back on] It's a Miracle, Oozma Kappa are back in the games. Only 1 team can go after each challenge.
Dean Hardscrabble: Your luck will run out eventually.
[Walks away]
Mike Wazowski: This is gonna be harder than I thought.

Young Mike: I found a nickel! Sure wish I had pockets.

[Frank McCay, right after doing his scare on the Scare Floor, is surprised to see Mike right behind him]
Frank McCay: That was real dangerous kid! I didn't even know you were in there. Good job!
[Gives Mike his MU Cap]
Mrs. Graves: What have you to say for yourself?
Young Mike: How do I become a Scarer?

Mike's New Car (2002) (V)
Sulley: What was wrong with your old car?
Mike Wazowski: Three little words, Sulley: Six-wheel drive!

Mike Wazowski: [Sully had just broken off the rearview mirror. Mike grabs it from him] Get out of the car! Out! Out!

Mike Wazowski: Push the button!

Cars (2006)
[a scene from "Monster Trucks Inc."]
Mike Car: We're banished, genius! Stuck out here in this wasteland without chains!
Sullivan Truck: But, Mike, the Boomobile's in trouble! She needs our help!
Mike Car: You're still not listening!
[Both turn around and Gasp]
Abominable Snowplow: Welcome to the Himalayas! Snow cone?
Mack: Oh, that Abominable Snowplow is quite the comic thespian!

[the cars are watching Monster Trucks, Inc. at the drive-in]
Mike Car: We're banished, genius! Stuck out here in this wasteland without chains!
Sullivan Truck: But Mike, the Boomobile is in trouble. She needs our help!
Mike Car: You're still not listening!
Mike Car: [Sulley turns around and gasps]
Abominable Snowplow: Welcome to the Himalayas! Snow cone?
Mack: [Chuckles] That Abominable Snowplow is quite the comic thespian.

Monsters, Inc. Scream Team (2001) (VG)
James P. Sullivan: This is it, buddy! The big time! If we can get through this, you and I can be the best scream team Monstropolis has ever seen. I can't believe we were handpicked by Waternoose himself to train at the Monsters Incorporated Private Facility!
Mike Wazowski: I can't do this! I'm too nervous. And you building up the situation like this is not helping!
James P. Sullivan: Relax, Mikey. Remember what happened on our first day of college.
Mike Wazowski: Please. Don't remind me.
James P. Sullivan: Yeah, okay. But I don't want to deal with another mess like that. It took them a whole semester to rebuild the dorm.
Mike Wazowski: Didn't I say not to remind me? Okay, you're right. It's no big deal. It's only one of the most respected companies in all of Monstropolis. No problem! It's not like we're on the verge of a scream shortage or anything. We'll be fine.