Joshua 'Josh' Leonard
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Quotes for
Joshua 'Josh' Leonard (Character)
from The Blair Witch Project (1999)

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The Blair Witch Project (1999)
Joshua Leonard: Are you happy?
Heather Donahue: I'm not happy, no. But the car's not far - we're just not going to be able to find it in the dark.

Joshua Leonard: I gave you BACK the map, Heather.
Heather Donahue: I gave you the map.
Joshua Leonard: I gave you BACK... THE MAP.

[On "Gilligan's Island."]
Joshua Leonard: There was no beer on the island, man. If they had beer they would have had, like, big-ass orgies.

Michael Williams: What's with that slime on your backpack?
Joshua Leonard: That's not slime, it's just water. No wait, it is slime, what the fuck?

Joshua Leonard: I heard two noises coming from two separate areas of space over there. One of them could have been an owl, but the other one sounded like a cackling.
Heather Donahue: No way!
Joshua Leonard: Yeah, it was like a serious cackling.
Heather Donahue: See, my problem is that I sleep like a fucking rock.
Michael Williams: If I heard a cackling, I would have shit in my pants!

Joshua Leonard: [Looking through Heather's camera] It's not the same on film is it? I mean, you know it's real, but it's like looking through the lens gives you some sort of protection from what's on the other side.

Josh Leonard: I see why you like this video camera so much.
Heather Donahue: You do?
Josh Leonard: It's not quite reality. It's like a totally filtered reality. It's like you can pretend everything's not quite the way it is.

Josh Leonard: OK, here's your motivation. You're lost, you're angry in the woods, and no one is here to help you. There's a fucking witch and she keeps leaving shit outside your door. There's no one here to help you! She left little trinkets, you fucking took one of them, she ran after us. There's no one here to help you! We walked for 15 hours today, we ended up in the same place! There's no one here to help you, THAT'S your motivation! THAT'S YOUR MOTIVATION!

Josh Leonard: You gonna write us a happy ending, Heather?

Heather Donahue: Ok I'm not allowed to smoke, but Mike's allowed to fart as much as he wants?
Josh Leonard: I didn't give Mike any fart allowance.

Heather Donahue: [walking up to Josh's car to greet him] Hey there! It's Mr. Punctuality! How the *hell* are ya this morning?
Josh Leonard: [getting out of car] Tired.

Josh Leonard: What the hell is this blue jelly shit all over my shit?

Heather Donahue: I hear it.
Joshua Leonard: I don't hear shit.
Heather Donahue: [branch snaps in distance] Did you hear that?

Michael Williams: You know what? I kicked the fu... I'm sorry it's fucked up. It's fucked up but I kicked that fucking map into the creek yesterday! It was useless! I kicked that fucker into the creek!
[laughs hysterically]
Heather Donahue: I fucking hope he's kidding.
Michael Williams: WAHOO! WOW!
Joshua Leonard: Mike...
Michael Williams: [laughing] Holy shit.
Heather Donahue: I really fucking hope he's kidding.
Joshua Leonard: Mike are you kidding?
Heather Donahue: I really fucking hope he's kidding.
Joshua Leonard: Mike, are you fucking kidding?
Michael Williams: [laughing] I'm sorry, man.
Heather Donahue: You have gotta be kidding me. You have gotta fucking be kidding me!
Joshua Leonard: Is this some fucking game?
[shoves Mike]
Michael Williams: Get the fuck off me man!
[the two scuffle]
Heather Donahue: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU OUTTA YOUR FUCKING MIND?
Michael Williams: No I'm not outta my mind! The map wasn't doing shit all day!
Heather Donahue: DO YOU REALIZE - NOT TO YOU - BUT I KNEW WHAT THE FUCK THAT MAP SAID!
Michael Williams: I'm sorry!
Heather Donahue: YOU ARE A FUCKING ASSHOLE!
Michael Williams: I'm sorry!
Heather Donahue: You are a fucking asshole! And if we...
Michael Williams: The map wasn't doing shit all day!
Heather Donahue: If we get hurt or if we die up here it is your fucking fault! It is YOUR... FUCKING... FAULT! DO YOU UNDERSTAND? I can't believe you could be such an ASSHOLE! WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING?

Joshua Leonard: Heather, Heather, Heather, if you make me yell at this point... I'm going to yell at you, man.

Heather Donahue: Do you just expect me to do something or say something? What do you want me to do, Josh? Josh?
Joshua Leonard: I wanna make movies, Heather. Isn't that what we're here to do? Just to make some movies.
Heather Donahue: Fuck you. Fuck you. Really. Fuck you.

Joshua Leonard: What's that? Is that the Blair Witch? No, it's Heather, taking a piss.

Joshua Leonard: I see a dirty behind!

Joshua Leonard: [Filming the Hanging Stickmen] Ok let's go I got everything on video... Oh, Jesus Chris I didn't even fucking see these!

Michael Williams: [Josh, Heather and Mike had been walking south all day to get out of the woods. They came across a log they previously crossed supposedly the same day] That's the tree we crossed. That tree's down. Same one.
[walks to the log site]
Michael Williams: OH, GOD!
Heather Donahue: Uh, no...
Michael Williams: YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME! THIS IS A JOKE!
Heather Donahue: Uh, no...
Michael Williams: THIS IS NOT FUNNY!
Heather Donahue: Mike, just please stop... please, please stop...
Michael Williams: UH NO!
Heather Donahue: It's not the same log, Mike. It's not the same log.
Michael Williams: SAME LOG!
Heather Donahue: Look, it's not!
Michael Williams: IT IS! OPEN YOUR EYES!
Heather Donahue: It's not the same log.
Heather Donahue: [looks at the log]
Heather Donahue: It's not... it's not the same log...
Heather Donahue: [starts crying quietly as Mike and Josh yells furiously]
Heather Donahue: It's the same log.
Joshua Leonard: FUCK! YOU! GOD!
Heather Donahue: [attempts to calm herself down] It's the same log. OK. It's OK. It's OK... OK...
Heather Donahue: [later, at noon] Where do you want to go to camp? I guess that south didn't work, so tomorrow, we'll go east. I don't know what to say, Josh.
Joshua Leonard: How the fuck did we wind up in the same fucking place...
Heather Donahue: We walked south ALL DAY! OK, we've walked south ALL FUCKING DAY! I DON'T KNOW HOW WE END UP HERE!