Sir Galahad
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Quotes for
Sir Galahad (Character)
from Galahad (????)

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Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975)
Sir Galahad: Is there someone else up there we can talk to?
French Soldier: No, now go away or I shall taunt you a second time!

Sir Lancelot: [Sir Galahad the Chaste is being seduced by an entire castle full of young women] We were in the nick of time. You were in great peril.
Sir Galahad: I don't think I was.
Sir Lancelot: Yes, you were. You were in terrible peril.
Sir Galahad: Look, let me go back in there and face the peril.
Sir Lancelot: No, it's too perilous.
Sir Galahad: Look, it's my duty as a knight to sample as much peril as I can.
Sir Lancelot: No, we've got to find the Holy Grail. Come on.
Sir Galahad: Oh, let me have just a little bit of peril?
Sir Lancelot: No. It's unhealthy.
Sir Galahad: I bet you're gay.
Sir Lancelot: Am not.

Sir Lancelot: Look, my liege!
[trumpets play a fanfare as the camera cuts briefly to the sight of a majestic castle]
King Arthur: [in awe] Camelot!
Sir Galahad: [in awe] Camelot!
Sir Lancelot: [in awe] Camelot!
Patsy: [derisively] It's only a model!
King Arthur: Shh!

Bridgekeeper: Stop. Who would cross the Bridge of Death must answer me these questions three, ere the other side he see.
Sir Lancelot: Ask me the questions, bridgekeeper. I am not afraid.
Bridgekeeper: What... is your name?
Sir Lancelot: My name is Sir Lancelot of Camelot.
Bridgekeeper: What... is your quest?
Sir Lancelot: To seek the Holy Grail.
Bridgekeeper: What... is your favourite colour?
Sir Lancelot: Blue.
Bridgekeeper: Go on. Off you go.
Sir Lancelot: Oh, thank you. Thank you very much.
Sir Robin: That's easy.
Bridgekeeper: Stop. Who would cross the Bridge of Death must answer me these questions three, ere the other side he see.
Sir Robin: Ask me the questions, bridgekeeper. I'm not afraid.
Bridgekeeper: What... is your name?
Sir Robin: Sir Robin of Camelot.
Bridgekeeper: What... is your quest?
Sir Robin: To seek the Holy Grail.
Bridgekeeper: What... is the capital of Assyria?
[pause]
Sir Robin: I don't know that.
[he is thrown over the edge into the volcano]
Sir Robin: Auuuuuuuugh.
Bridgekeeper: Stop. What... is your name?
Galahad: Sir Galahad of Camelot.
Bridgekeeper: What... is your quest?
Galahad: I seek the Grail.
Bridgekeeper: What... is your favourite colour?
Galahad: Blue. No, yel...
[he is also thrown over the edge]
Galahad: auuuuuuuugh.
Bridgekeeper: Hee hee heh. Stop. What... is your name?
King Arthur: It is 'Arthur', King of the Britons.
Bridgekeeper: What... is your quest?
King Arthur: To seek the Holy Grail.
Bridgekeeper: What... is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?
King Arthur: What do you mean? An African or European swallow?
Bridgekeeper: Huh? I... I don't know that.
[he is thrown over]
Bridgekeeper: Auuuuuuuugh.
Sir Bedevere: How do know so much about swallows?
King Arthur: Well, you have to know these things when you're a king, you know.

Dingo: And after the spanking, the oral sex.
Galahad: Well, I could stay a bit longer...

[Holding the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch]
King Arthur: How does it... um... how does it work?
Sir Lancelot: I know not, my liege.
King Arthur: Consult the Book of Armaments.
Brother Maynard: Armaments, chapter two, verses nine through twenty-one.
Cleric: [reading] And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, "O Lord, bless this thy hand grenade, that with it thou mayst blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy." And the Lord did grin. And the people did feast upon the lambs, and sloths, and carp, and anchovies, and orangutans, and breakfast cereals, and fruit bats, and large chu...
Brother Maynard: Skip a bit, Brother...
Cleric: And the Lord spake, saying, "First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it.
Brother Maynard: Amen.
All: Amen.
King Arthur: Right. One... two... five!
Galahad: Three, sir.
King Arthur: Three!

King Arthur: Can we come up and have a look?
French Soldier: Of course not. You're English types.
King Arthur: What are you then?
French Soldier: I'm French. Why do you think I have this outrageous accent, you silly king?
Sir Galahad: What are you doing in England?
French Soldier: Mind your own business.

Sir Galahad: What a strange person.

Zoot: Welcome, brave sir Knight. Welcome to the Castle Anthrax.
Sir Galahad: The Castle Anthrax?
Zoot: Yes... it's not a very good name, is it? Oh, but we are nice, and we'll attend to your every need.

Tim: There he is!
King Arthur: Where?
Tim: There!
King Arthur: What? Behind the rabbit?
Tim: It *is* the rabbit!
King Arthur: You silly sod!
Tim: What?
King Arthur: You got us all worked up!
Tim: Well, that's no ordinary rabbit.
King Arthur: Ohh.
Tim: That's the most foul, cruel, and bad-tempered rodent you ever set eyes on!
Sir Robin: You tit! I soiled my armor I was so scared!
Tim: Look, that rabbit's got a vicious streak a mile wide! It's a killer!
Sir Galahad: Get stuffed!
Tim: He'll do you up a treat, mate.
Sir Galahad: Oh, yeah?
Sir Robin: You manky Scots git!
Tim: I'm warning you!
Sir Robin: What's he do? Nibble your bum?
Tim: He's got huge, sharp... er... He can leap about. Look at the bones!
King Arthur: Go on, Bors. Chop his head off!
Sir Bors: Right! Silly little bleeder. One rabbit stew comin' right up!

King Arthur: [about the inscription on the rock] What does it say, Brother Maynard?
Brother Maynard: It reads, "Here may be found the last words of Joseph of Aramathia. He who is valiant and pure of spirit may find the holy grail in the Castle of Aaauuuggghhh... "
King Arthur: What?
Brother Maynard: "The Castle of Aaaauuuggghhhh"
Sir Bedevere: What is that?
Brother Maynard: He must have died while carving it.
King Arthur: Oh come on!
Brother Maynard: Well, that's what it says.
King Arthur: Look, if he was dying, he wouldn't have bothered to carve 'Aaaauuuggghhhh'. He'd just say it.
Sir Galahad: Maybe he was dictating it.
King Arthur: Oh shut up!
Sir Robin: Well does it say anything else?
Brother Maynard: No, just "Aaaaauuuugggghhh".
[knights making groaning sounds]
Sir Bedevere: Do you think he could have mean, 'Camaaaauuuuggghhhh'?
Sir Galahad: Where's that?
Sir Bedevere: France, I think.
Sir Lancelot: Isn't there a Saint "Aaaaavvvveeeesss" in Cornwall?
King Arthur: No that's Saint "Ives".
Sir Lancelot: Oh, yes. "Iiiiiivvvveeessss"!
[All knights saying, "Iiiiiivvvveeessss"]
Sir Bedevere: Whooooouuuuaaa!
Sir Lancelot: No no no, it's "Aaaaauuuugggghhhh" from the back of the throat.
Sir Bedevere: No I mean, "Whoooouuuuaaa!" as in surprise and alarm.
Sir Lancelot: Oh, you mean like, "AAAHH!"
Sir Bedevere: Yes, that's it. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

King Arthur: Go and tell your master that we have been charged by God with a sacred quest. If he will give us food and shelter for the night, he can join us in our quest for the Holy Grail.
French Soldier: Well, I'll ask him, but I don't think he will be very keen. Uh, he's already got one, you see.
King Arthur: What?
Sir Galahad: He said they've already got one!
King Arthur: Are you sure he's got one?
French Soldier: Oh yes, it's very nice!

Sir Galahad: Zoot!
Dingo: No, I am Zoot's identical twin sister, Dingo.
[He tried to get past her]
Dingo: Where are you going?
Sir Galahad: I seek the Grail! I have seen it, here in this castle!
Dingo: Oh, no! Oh, no! Bad, bad Zoot!
Sir Galahad: What is it?
Dingo: Oh, wicked, bad, naughty Zoot! She has been setting a light to our beacon, which, I've just remembered, is Grail shaped. It's not the first time we've had this problem.
Sir Galahad: It's not the real Grail?
Dingo: Oh, wicked, bad, naughty, evil Zoot! Oh, she is a bad person, and she must pay the penalty!
[Turns to camera]
Dingo: Do you think this scene should have been cut? We were so worried when the boys were writing it, but now we're glad! It's better than some of the previous scenes I think.
Left Head: At least ours was better visually.
Dennis: At least ours was committed, it wasn't just a string of pussy jokes.
Bridgekeeper: Get on with it.
Tim: Yes! Get on with it!
Army: Yeah! Get on with it!
Dingo: Oh, I am enjoying this scene!
God: Get on with it!


The Adventures of Sir Galahad (1949)
Sir Galahad: If you're half as brave as you talk, you'll have the courage to unmask!
Bartog, Ulric's Aide: We'll see if YOU have the courage to die!

Bors: Have you been doing battle with the spirits of the Enchanted Forest?
Sir Galahad: [trying to catch his breath] That... that must be it.
Bors: I take it that Merlin has caused you a little trouble.
Sir Galahad: Not half the trouble I'll cause you if you don't take me to King Arthur!
Bors: Your threat is my command.

Ulric - The Saxon King: You dare to challenge Excalibur?
Sir Galahad: I not only dare... I must!

Bors: Whoa. Galahad, I have an uncanny chill coursing up and down my spine. Have you never heard it said that rashness is the father of disaster?
Sir Galahad: True... but too much caution is the blood brother of cowardice.

Bors: Doubtless you think it's an easy matter to find that outlaw camp.
Sir Galahad: One more "doubtless" out of you and I'll *doubtless* crack you right on your thick...

Tavern Wench: What's your pleasure, gentlemen?
Sir Galahad: We had hoped to toast the health of Bartog and Cawker, but they don't seem to be here.
Tavern Wench: How could you, with them in the back room making great plans.
Sir Galahad: Some of those plans concern me. I've been made a captain on account of the attack on Camelot.
Tavern Wench: They were talking of Camelot true enough, when I last took a round of drinks.
Sir Galahad: [placing a coin in her hand] Give them another round. Say it's from two of their most loyal men.
[Bors also takes her hand and gives her another coin]
Tavern Wench: What's the extra one for?
Sir Galahad: That's to leave the door open when you come out. We'd like to hear the good news.

Sir Galahad: Arthur's sword - the true Excalibur - will be at the Ram's Head Inn this noon, but I'll need help to recover it.
Sir Lancelot: No doubt you will, but you've come to the wrong place. Who here will believe you?
Sir Galahad: You will.

Sir Lancelot: I can get you safely beyond the walls. We'll use the secret passageway.
Sir Galahad: Is it guarded?
Sir Lancelot: Certainly - by me!

Sir Galahad: Now there's nothing to stop the Black Knight from rallying the outlaws, joining with Ulric and storming Camelot!
Bors: Except us.

Sir Galahad: Put yourself in The Black Knight's place. Where would you go?
Bors: Home and lie down. I'm tired.


King Arthur (2004)
Arthur: Knights... Brothers and arms... Your courage has been testet beyond all limits.
Bors: Yes
Arthur: But I must ask you now for one further trial.
Bors: Drink.
Arthur: We must leave on a final mission for Rome before our freedom can be granted. Above the wall, far north, there is a Roman family in need of rescue. They are trapped by Saxons. Our orders is to secure their safety.
Bors: Let the Romans take care of their own.
Gawain: Above the wall is Woad territory.
Galahad: Our duty to Rome, if it ever was a duty, is done. Our pact with Rome is done.
Bors: Every knight here has laid his life on the line for you. For you. And instead of freedom you want more blood? Our blood? You think more of Roman blood than you do of ours?
Arthur: Bors! These are our orders. We leave at first light, and when we return your freedom will be waiting for you. A freedom we can embrace with honour.
Bors: I'm a free man! I will choose my own fate!
Tristan: Yeah, yeah, we're all going to die someday. If it's a death from a Saxons hand that frightens you, stay home.
Galahad: Listen, if you're so eager to die, you can die right now! I've got something to live for!
Lancelot: Enough. Enough!
Dagonet: The Romans have broken their word. We have the word of Arthur. That is good enough. I'll prepare.

Galahad: I don't like him - the Roman. If he's here to dispatch us, then why doesn't he just give us our papers?
Gawain: Is this your happy face? Galahad, do you still not know the Romans? They can't scratch their asses without holding a ceremony.

Tristan: Yeah, we're all going to die some day. If it's death from a Saxon hand that frightens you, stay home.
Galahad: If you're so eager to die you can die right now!

Galahad: I don't kill for pleasure.
Tristan: You should try it some day. You might get a taste for it.
Bors: It's in your blood boy.
Galahad: Oh no. No. After tomorrow, this was all just a bad memory.

Galahad: Imagine what a lovely, quiet place the world would be if everyone had their throats slit.

Bors: Well, now that we're free men, I'm gonna drink 'tll I can't piss straight.
Gawain: You do that every night.
Bors: I never could piss straight. Too much of myself to handle down there...
[looks at the Knights]
Bors: Well, it's a problem! No really, it is. It's a problem. It's like...
Bors, Gawain, Lancelot, Tristan, Galahad, Dagonet: ...a baby's arm holding an apple.


"Legends of Tomorrow: Camelot/3000 (#2.12)" (2017)
Ray Palmer: Apologies, you must get this all the time, but I must tell you, I am a really big fan.
Sir Galahad: A fan. So you make wind?
Ray Palmer: No, no, no, no, no, um... I mean, maybe after all this food.