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Quotes for
Buzz McCallister (Character)
from Home Alone (1990)

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Home Alone (1990)
Kevin McCallister: Can I sleep in your room? I don't want to sleep on the hide-a-bed with Fuller. If he has something to drink, he'll wet the bed.
Buzz McCallister: I wouldn't let you sleep in my room if you were growing on my ass.

Kevin McCallister: Did anyone order me a plain cheese?
Buzz McCallister: Yeah, we did. But if you want any, somebody's gonna have to barf it all up, 'cause it's gone.

Megan McCallister: You're not at all worried that something might happen to Kevin?
Buzz McCallister: No, for three reasons: A, I'm not that lucky. Two, we use smoke detectors and D, we live on the most boring street in the whole United States of America, where nothing even remotely dangerous will ever happen. Period.

[last lines]
Buzz McCallister: [shouting] Kevin, what did you do to my room?

Kevin McCallister: [apprehensively] I made my family disappear.
[thinks back to family members saying bad things about him]
Megan McCallister: Kevin, you're completely helpless!
Linnie McCallister: You know, Kevin, you're what the French call les incompetents.
Buzz McCallister: Kevin, I'm going to feed you to my tarantula.
Jeff McCallister: Kevin, you are *such* a *disease*!
Kate McCallister: There are 15 people in this house and you're the only one who has to make trouble.
Frank McCallister: Look what you *did*, you little *jerk*.
Kevin McCallister: [gleefully] I made my family disappear.

Rod McCallister: Who's gonna feed your spider while we're gone?
Buzz McCallister: He just ate a whole load of mice guts. He should be good for a couple of weeks. Say... isn't it true that French babes don't shave their pits?
Rod McCallister: Some don't.
Buzz McCallister: But they've got nude beaches.
Rod McCallister: Not in the winter.
[Buzz sulks]

Rod McCallister: [watching Old Man Marley] What's he doing now?
Buzz McCallister: He walks up and down the streets every night, salting the sidewalks.
Rod McCallister: Maybe he's just trying to be nice.
Buzz McCallister: No way. See that garbage can full of salt? That's where he keeps his victims. The salt turns the bodies... into mummies.
Rod McCallister: Whoa.
Kevin McCallister: Mummies?
[Marley looks up at the boys]
Rod McCallister: Look out!
[they close the drapes and run]

Kevin McCallister: Buzz?
Buzz McCallister: Don't you know how to knock, phlegm-wad?

Heather McCallister: [lines up the family near the airport vans] 1, 2...
Buzz McCallister: [rudely interrupting] 11, 92, 12...
Heather McCallister: Buzz, don't be a moron.
[Heather contines counting the rest of the family to go into the vans]

Kevin McCallister: I went shopping yesterday.
Jeff McCallister: You? Shopping?
Kevin McCallister: I got you milk, eggs, and fabric softener.
Peter McCallister: No kidding. What a funny guy. What else did you do while we were away?
Kevin McCallister: Just hung around.
Buzz McCallister: He went shopping? He doesn't know how to tie his shoe and he's going shopping!

Harry: [Harry, disguised as a cop greets Peter who's just come down the stairs] Are you Mr McCallister?
Peter McCallister: Yeah.
Harry: The Mr McCallister who lives here?
Peter McCallister: Yes.
Pizza Boy: [chiming in] Oh good, because someone owes me $122.50.
Harry: I'd like a word with you, Sir.
Peter McCallister: Am I under arrest or something like that?
Harry: No, no, no, no, no. It's Christmastime. There's always a lot of burglaries around the holidays. So we're just checking the neighbourhood to see if everyone's taking the proper precautions. That's all.
Peter McCallister: Oh, well we have automatic timers for our lights. Locks for our doors. That's about as good as you can get these days. Did you get some egg nog or something like that?
Buzz McCallister: [comes down the stairs] Come on, Dad. Let's eat.
Harry: Egg... egg nog?
[Peter goes off with Buzz]
Harry: Hey, listen will you be leaving... er?
[trailing off]
Kevin McCallister: [Kevin charges down the stairs] Pizza! Pizza! Pizza!


Home Alone 2: Lost in New York (1992)
Tracy McCallister: [Opening lines at the beginning of the movie; Tracy's frantically looking for her sunblock] Has anybody seen my sunblock?
Sondra McCallister: What's the point in going to Florida if you're going to put on sunblock?
Megan McCallister: I don't care if I age like an old suitcase, I'm getting toasted.
Buzz McCallister: Great, now you can be a skag with a slightly darker shade of skin.
Brooke McCallister: He's just jealous because he doesn't tan. His freckles just connect.
Uncle Frank McCallister: [walks by, sees his son Fuller drinking a Coke, and snatches it away from him] Hey, easy on the fluids, pal, the rubber sheets are packed.
[Uncle Frank then drinks the Coke himself]

[last lines]
Cedrick the Bellman: Mr. McCallister's room service bill, sir.
[he hands Buzz the bill]
Cedrick the Bellman: Merry Christmas, sir.
[he hold out his hand for a tip, of which Buzz hands him: Gum]
Cedrick the Bellman: Nice family. Really.
[Buzz looks at the long room service bill worth over $967.00]
Buzz McCallister: [sarcastically] Merry Christmas, indeed. Oh, Daaaad...
Peter McCallister: [yells out] KEVIN! YOU SPENT $967 ON ROOM SERVICE?

Buzz McCallister: [after making a formal apology to the family; whispers to Kevin] Beat that, you little trout sniffer.
Kevin McCallister: [gets up] I'm not sorry. I did what I did because Buzz humiliated me and since he gets away with everything, I let him have it. And since you're all so STUPID to believe his lies, I don't care if your idiotic Florida trip gets wrecked or not! Who wants to spend Christmas in a tropical climate, anyway?
[turns to leave]
Kate McCallister: Kevin!
Peter McCallister: Kevin, you walk out of here and you sleep on the third floor.
Fuller McCallister: [gleefully] Yeah, with me.
Kevin McCallister: So what else is new?
Uncle Frank McCallister: You better not wreck my trip, you little sour puss, your dad's paying good money for it.
Kevin McCallister: Oh, wouldn't wanna spoil your fun, Mr. Cheap Skate!
[Exits]
Buzz McCallister: What a troubled young man.

[at the airport waiting for their luggage passing Kevin's bag]
Kate McCallister: Give this to Kevin.
Aunt Leslie McCallister: Give this to Kevin.
Rod McCallister: Give this to Kevin.
Sondra McCallister: Kevin.
Buzz McCallister: Give this to Kevin.
Megan McCallister: Give this to Kevin.
Linnie McCallister: Give this to Kevin.
Tracy McCallister: Give this to Kevin.
Fuller McCallister: Here you go Kevin.
[startled when he sees an elderly couple; he turns away and thinks of what to say before passing Kevin's duffel back]
Fuller McCallister: Kevin's not here.
Tracy McCallister: Kevin's not here.
Linnie McCallister: Kevin's not here.
Megan McCallister: Kevin's not here.
Buzz McCallister: Kevin's not here.
Sondra McCallister: Kevin's not here.
Rod McCallister: Kevin's not here.
Aunt Leslie McCallister: Kevin's not here.
Kate McCallister: Kevin's not here.
Peter McCallister: WHAT?
Kate McCallister: [laughs then surprised] KEVIN!
[faints]

Buzz McCallister: [looking at the Chistmas tree] Ladies and gentlemen of the jury...
[turns around to face the family]
Buzz McCallister: I'd like to apologize to my family for whatever displeasure I may have caused you...
Kevin McCallister: What?
Buzz McCallister: My prank was immature and ill-timed.
Uncle Frank McCallister: Immature or not, it was pretty gol-darn hilarious.
[laughs while everyone else glares]
Buzz McCallister: I'd also like to apologize to my brother. Kevin, I'm sorry.

Buzz McCallister: Okay, everybody, calm down! Calm down! Hey, hey! All right, now, if Kevin hadn't have screwed up in the first place again... Then we wouldn't be in this most perfect and huge hotel room with a truck load of all this free stuff. So I think it only fair that Kevin get to open up the first present. And then I'll go, and the rest of you, and so on.
[Tosses a package to Kevin]
Buzz McCallister: Merry Christmas, Kevin.
Kevin McCallister: Thanks, Buzz.
Peter McCallister: [the entire family applauds] Merry Christmas, Kevin.
Uncle Frank McCallister: Okaaay, Kevin! All right. Merry Christmas!
Buzz McCallister: Okay enough of this gooey sh... Show of emotion. All right, everyone, let's dig in!


Home Alone 4 (2002) (TV)
[driving a minivan and speeding]
Buzz McCallister: Mom... do you think you can slow down a little bit... Kevin's probably fine
Kate McCallister: You just keep an eye out for cops... OK