Marv Merchants
Quicklinks
Top Links
main detailsbiographyby votesphoto galleryquotes
Filmographies
by yearby typeby ratingsby votesby TV seriesby genreby keyword
Biographical
biography
Did You Know?
photo galleryquotes

Quotes for
Marv Merchants (Character)
from Home Alone (1990)

The content of this page was created by users. It has not been screened or verified by IMDb staff.
Home Alone 2: Lost in New York (1992)
Harry: Here we are Marv. New York City, the land of opportunity.
[sniffs]
Harry: Smell that?
Marv: [sniffs] Yeah.
Harry: Know what that is?
Marv: Fish.
Harry: It's freedom.
Marv: No, it's fish.
Harry: It's freedom, and it's money.
Marv: Okay, okay, it's freedom.
Harry: Come on, let's get out of here before somebody sees us.
Marv: And it's fish.

Kevin McCallister: You guys give up? Have you had enough pain?
Marv: Nevah!
Harry: [Shakes head at Marv]

Marv: [seizes a brick] SUCK BRICK KID!
[throws down to Kevin]

Harry: You better say every prayer you ever heard, kid.
Marv: I hope your parents got you a tombstone for Christmas!

Harry: [opens the cash register and steals money from it] Merry Christmas, Harry.
Marv: [opens the money chest and steals money from it] Happy Hanukkah, Marv.

[climbing down the rope]
Marv: Harry, are you wearing aftershave?
Harry: That's not aftershave, Marv. That's kerosene. The rope is soaked in it.
Marv: Now why would anyone wanna soak a rope in kerosene?
[Kevin lights a match]
Kevin McCallister: Merry Christmas.
Harry: Go up!
Marv: Aaaah!

Harry: Yep, one quick score. We get ourselves a couple of phony passports and we hightail it to some foreign country.
Marv: Arizona?
Harry: [rolls his eyes]
Marv: [swipes coins from a street Santa]
Harry: That's very smart, Marv. You bust outta jail to rob 14 cents from a Santa Claus?
Marv: Every little bit helps. Besides, now we got our new nickname: we're the Sticky Bandits.
Harry: Real cute. Very cute.
Marv: Huh?

Harry: I hate throwing a job knowing that little creep is on the loose.
Marv: Yeah but what can he do? He's a kid. Kids are helpless.
Harry: Not this kid.
Marv: Yeah but this time he doesn't have a house full of dangerous goodies to get us with. He's in the park. He's alone. Kids are scared of the park.
Harry: Yeah. Grown men come into the park and never leave alive. Good luck little fella.

[Marv has just had a brick dropped on his head from three stories up and is reeling on the sidewalk]
Harry: [holding up three fingers on one hand] Marv, how many fingers am I holding up?
Marv: Uh, hmmmmmm, eight?

Marv: [looks up after falling through a huge hole in the floor] Whoa! What a hole!

Harry: [hears a loud rumbling] What's that sound?
[a tool chest bursts through the door, pinning Marv and Harry to the wall]
Marv: [congested] That was the sound of a tool chest, falling down the stairs.
Harry: Oh.

Harry: [while Harry and Marv are robbing Duncan's Toy Chest, Kevin takes their picture] He took our picture!
Marv: How'd my hair look?

Marv: [stealing money from Duncan's Toy Chest] This is more money than I can even count.
Harry: I don't know why we wasted so much time robbing private homes.
Marv: [stuffing the bag with cash] The amazing thing is: we're fugitives from the law, we're up to our elbows in cash, and there's nobody that even knows about it.
[Kevin taps on the window and waves]
Harry: He's back!

Harry: What store is going to make the most cash on Christmas Eve that nobody's gonna think to rob?
Marv: Candy stores!
Harry: Nine year-olds rob candy stores, Marv. This is what I had in mind.
[shows him an ad for Duncan's Toy Chest]
Marv: That's brilliant, Harry. Brilliant.
Harry: Yep. There's nobody dumb enough to knock off a toy store on Christmas Eve.
Marv: Oh yes, there is.
[Points to Harry, then points to self]

[in the basement, Marv built a tower out of assorted items]
Harry: Marv, are you sure this is safe?
Marv: Oh yes. I've worked all the kinks out. Solid as a rock.
[They climb up. Seconds later, it all comes crashing down]
Harry: Like a rock, huh, Marv?

Marv: He made us hide out in the store so we could steal all the kiddies' charity money.
Harry: [Kicks Marv] Shut up, Marv! You got the right to remain silent, you know.
Marv: He's a little cranky. We just broke out of prison a few days ago.
Harry: [Kicks Marv again] Shut up, Marv! Geez.
Policeman: Get'em outta here.
Marv: Remember, if this makes the papers, we're no longer the Wet Bandits, we're the Sticky Bandits!
Harry: [Kicks Marv again] Shut up!
Marv: That's S...
Harry: [Kicks Marv again] Shut up!
Marv: ...T...
[Gets kicked again]
Marv: Ummm...
Harry: I.
Marv: ...I...

Marv: I'm gonna murder that kid.

Marv: Let's kill!
Harry: Hold on, peabrain. We got busted last time because we underestimated that little bundle of misery.
Marv: This ain't like the last time. This ain't his house. The kid's running scared. He ain't got a plan.
Harry: May I do the thinking, please?

Harry: [Harry and Marv have captured Kevin outside the Plaza Hotel] We spent nine months in jail, thinking we had the worst luck in the universe. We were wrong, little buddy.
Marv: We're busted out of the clink and we're doing fine. We're going to be doing even better. Because we're not robbing houses anymore. Now we're robbing toy stores. At midnight tonight, we're hitting Duncan's Toy Chest. Five floors of cash. Then after that we get a couple of phony passports then it's off to Rio...
Harry: Marv! Marv! You want to shut up?
Marv: What's the difference? He's not going to talk to anyone. Except maybe a fish. Or the undertaker.

[Marv stands in the doorway of the under re-construction brownhouse, in front of a big hole in the floor]
Marv: Harry, I've reached the top!
[Marv steps forward and falls through the hole to the very bottom of the house, in the basement]

Marv: [Kevin reaches the entrance to the park, but slips on the ice - causing his vision to spin, as Harry and Marv appear over him] My, how the tables have turned.
Harry: How do you like the ice kid?
[Harry and Marv look at each other, they both laugh and pick Kevin up]
Harry: Let's go for a little stroll in the park.

Marv: [they catch Kevin] You may have won the battle, little dude, but you lost the war.

Harry: [Yelling up to Kevin] Sonny. Nothing would make me happier than to kill you. Knockin' off a youngster doesn't mean a lot to me. But, since we're in a hurry, I'll make a deal with you. Throw down your camera, and we won't hurt you, you'll never hear from us again.
Kevin McCallister: You promise?
Harry: [Rubbing his chest with his finger] I cross my heart and hope to die.
Kevin McCallister: Okay.
[Then Kevin picks up a brick and tosses it down, hitting Marv in the forehead and Marv collapses to the ground]
Harry: [Holding up three fingers] How many fingers am I holding up, Marv?
Marv: [Dazed] Uh, eight.
Harry: [to Kevin] You wanna throw bricks, go ahead and throw another one.
[Kevin throws down another brick, hitting Marv in the forehead again]
Harry: If you can't do any better than that kid, you're gonna lose.
[Kevin throws down another brick, hitting Marv in the forehead again]
Harry: You got anymore?
[to Marv]
Harry: C'mon Marv, get up, he's outta bricks.
[Marv points up and makes incoherent noises, signaling that Kevin is about to throw another brick]
Harry: What?
[Kevin throws the brick, and once again hits Marv in the forehead]
Harry: C'mon Marv, get up; nobody throws bricks at me and gets away with it.
[to Marv]
Harry: Go in the front, I'm going around the back.
Marv: [Still Dazed] Harry. Harry. Harry.

[in the basement, looking up at the hole he fell through]
Marv: Wow! What a hole!

Marv: You may have won the battle, little dude, but you lost the war.
Harry: You shouldn't have messed with us, pal. We're dangerous.
[draws his gun]


Home Alone (1990)
Marv: Kids are scared of the dark.
Harry: You're afraid of the dark, too, Marv.

Marv: He's only a kid Harry. We can take him.

Harry: Where did he go?
Marv: Maybe he committed suicide.
Kevin McCallister: I'm over here you big horse's ass, come and get me before I call the police.

Marv: [the McCallister house is filled with supposed partygoers; music is blasting] Did they come back?
Harry: From *Paris*?

Harry: [Kevin was almost mowed down by Harry and Marv] Hey, hey! You gotta watch out for traffic, son. You know?
Kevin McCallister: Sorry.
Harry: Damn!
Marv: [to Kevin] Santy don't visit the funeral homes, little buddy.
Harry: Okay, okay. Merry Christmas.
[smiles; his gold tooth glistens; Kevin gasps]

Marv: [as they follow behind Kevin, he suddenly runs] Why is he going faster?
Harry: See, I told you something was wrong. See I knew he looked at me weird. Why would he run?

Harry: [pointing to the McCallister house] That's the one, Marv, that's the silver tuna.
Marv: Oh, it's very gee.
Harry: Very gee, huh? It's loaded. It's got lot's of top-flight goods. Stereos, VCRs...
Marv: Toys?
Harry: Probably looking at some very fine jewelry. Possible cash hoarde. Odd marketable securities... Who knows. It's a gem. Hand me a crow bar. Crow bars up.
[they clink their crow bars together]

Marv: [listening to a phone message in the house they are robbing] Hey, Harry, that house we were at last night, was that the McCallisters?
Harry: Yeah.
Marv: You're right. They're gone.
Harry: I knew they were.
Marv: Silver tuna tonight!

Harry: [Marv brings a load of stolen goods from the Murphy household to the van and Harry sees him laughing] What's so funny? What are you laughing at? You did it again didn't you? You left the water running. What's wrong with you? Why do you do that? I told you not to do it.
Marv: Harry, it's our calling card!
Harry: Calling card.
Marv: All the great ones leave their mark. We're the wet bandits!

Marv: [Harry and Marv arrive at the Mcallister house at 9:00PM] So how do you want to get in?
Harry: We'll go thru the back. Maybe the kid will let us in, you never know.
Marv: Yeah. He's a kid. Kids are stupid.

Harry: [sitting outside the McCallister house] I don't get it. I mean right now it looks like there's nobody home. Last night the place was jumping. Something ain't right.
Harry: [to Marv]
Harry: Go check it out.
Marv: [Stares blankly] Now?
Harry: No tomorrow, egghead. NOW! GET! "Now".

Harry: Why the hell did you take your shoes off?
Marv: Why the hell are you dressed like a chicken?

Marv: [shouting after stepping on ornaments] I'm gonna kill that kid!

Officer Devereux: Hey, you know we've been looking for you two guys for a long time. You guys are always leaving the water running whenever you break in, now we know each and every house you guys have hit.
Marv: Yeah. But remember, we're the wet bandits. The wet bandits. W-E-T.
Harry: [shouting] Shut up.

Harry: [knocks on the back door] Merry Christmas, little fella. We know that you're in there, and that you're all alone.
Marv: Yeah, come on, kid, open up. It's Santy Claus... and his elf!
Harry: [snickers] We're not gonna hurt you.
Marv: Oh no, no, we got some nice presents for you.
[Below their heads, Kevin slowly pushes the barrel of the air rifle through the doggie door and takes aim at Harry's groin]
Harry: Be a good little fella now, and open the door.
[PING!]
Harry: [high-pitched] AAAAAAHHHHHHHHOOOO...
[Cursing fluently under his breath, he hops around holding his crotch, and falls to his knees]
Marv: What?
[Harry falls down, still groaning and cursing]
Marv: What? What happened?
Harry: Get the little...!
[Marv goes back and sticks his head through the dog door... and sees Kevin laying on his belly on the floor, aiming the air rifle right between his eyes. Marv smiles lamely]
Kevin McCallister: Hello.
[PING!]
Marv: AH! AHHH...!
[Marv falls back out of the doggie door, clutching his face]
Kevin McCallister: Yes! Yes! Yes-yes-yes-yes!
[He runs off to prepare the next trap]
Marv: The little jerk is armed!
Harry: That's it, that's it! I'm going round the front, you go down to the basement!
[He storms off, swearing under his breath]

[Harry and Marv have caught Kevin in the Murphy's house and hung him on the basement door]
Marv: What are we gonna do to him, Harry?
Harry: We'll do exactly what he did to us: we're gonna burn his head with a blowtorch!
Marv: And smash his face with an iron!
Harry: How about we slap him in the face with a paint can!
Marv: Or shove a nail through his foot!
[Behind them, Marley sneaks in with his snow shovel]
Harry: First thing I'm gonna do is to bite off every one of these little fingers, one at a time...
[Marley raises his shovel and knocks Marv out cold, Harry turns around only to be knocked out, too. Marley lifts Kevin off the door]
Marley: Come on, let's get you home.

Harry: [timidly] What're you doin', Marv?
Marv: [looking at Buzz's tarantula at rest on Harry; whispering warningly] Harry, don't move!
Harry: [questioningly] Maaarv?
Marv: [a little loudly at first, then to a whisper, then attempts to kill the tarantula with his crowbar] Don't...! Move...
Harry: [timidly again] What, what're you doin'? M - Marv...?
[Marv hits him with the crowbar, but the tarantula escapes into Buzz's room]
Harry: Aiee! Jeez... so... crumbin!
Marv: [hurriedly looking around for the tarantula] Did I get him?
[louder]
Marv: Did I get him? Where'd it go? Where is it?
Harry: [starts wacking Marv with his crowbar, the tossing it aside] Never mind, now how do you like that, *huh*? Ya jerk! Get that kid, Marv, get that kid!

Marv: He's gonna call the cops!
Harry: He's not callin' the - from a tree house?

[From trailer]
Marv: He's a kid. Kids are stupid. I know I was.
Harry: You still are, Marv.

Marv: [pulls on a light chain attached to an iron in the laundry chute. Notices the chain coiling and looks up to see the iron falling face first toward him] Uh-oh.

Marv: Out the window?
[Harry starts climbing out onto a zip line]
Marv: I'm not going out the window!
Harry: What're you scared, Marv? Are you afraid? C'mon, get out here.
Marv: [Marv follows Harry and they start across the rope] Ohhh, let's go back. Let's go back, Harry!
Harry: Shut up, Marv!
Kevin McCallister: [Holds a pair of hedge shears to the rope on his end] Hey guys, check this out!
Harry: Huh, oh, go back!
Marv: Oh! Good!
[They start making their way back]
Marv, Harry: [Kevin severs the rope and both of them drop] AHHHHHHHHHH!
[They slam into a brick wall and fall to the ground]


Home Alone 4 (2002) (TV)
Vera: Marv, I gotta pee.
Marv Merchants: Vera, you can pee next week.

Marv Merchants: [Vera and Marv enter Kevin's room, which appears deserted]
[whispering]
Marv Merchants: I think there's somebody here.
Vera: [yells] Anybody in here?
Marv Merchants: No, not now. Shhhh.
Vera: You shhhhhhhh.
Marv Merchants: SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Marv Merchants: Well, prison isn't so bad. We do get salisbury steak on Wednesdays.