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: My insurance does not cover PMS! Kat Stratford
: Well then, tell them I had a seizure.
: Hello, Katarina. Make anyone cry today? Kat Stratford
: Sadly, no. But it's only 4:30.
: I'm down, I've got the 411, and you are not going out and getting jiggy with some boy, I don't care how dope his ride is. My momma didn't raise no foo'!
: Do you know what happens at proms? Bianca
: Yes. We'll dance, we'll kiss, we'll come home. It's not quite the crisis situation you imagine. Walter Stratford
: Kissing? That's what you think happens? I've got news for you. Kissing isn't what keeps me up to my elbows in placenta all day long. Bianca
: Can we, for two seconds, ignore the fact that you're severely unhinged and discuss my need for a night of teenage normalcy? Walter Stratford
: What's normal? Those damn... Dawson's river kids sleeping in each other's beds and what not? Bianca
: Daddy that is so not... Walter Stratford
: I've got news for you. I'm down, I've got the 411, and you are not going out and getting jiggy with some boy, I don't care how dope his ride is. Mamma didn't raise no fool.
: Where's your sister going? Kat Stratford
: She's meeting some bikers. Big ones. Full of sperm. Walter Stratford
: [Bianca and Chastity are sneaking past Bianca's father
] Shoulda used the window! Bianca
: Hi Daddy! Walter Stratford
: Hi... where're we going? Bianca
: Well, if you must know... a small study group of friends. Walter Stratford
: Otherwise known as an orgy? Chastity
: Mr. Stratford, it's just a party! Walter Stratford
: And hell is just a sauna.
: This morning, I delivered a set of twins to a fifteen-year-old girl, do you know what she said to me? Bianca
: "I'm a crack-whore who should have made my skeazy boyfriend wear a condom"? Walter Stratford
: Close, but no. She said, "I should have listened to my father". Bianca
: She did not. Walter Stratford
: Well, that's what she would have said if she wasn't so doped up!
: People expect me to be there! Walter Stratford
: Kat's not going, you're not going! Bianca
: Why can't you be normal? Kat Stratford
: Define normal. Bianca
: Bogey Lowenstein's party is normal. Walter Stratford
: What's a Bogey Lowenstein? Kat Stratford
: Bogey's party is just a lame excuse for all the idiots at our school to drink beer and rub up against each other in hopes of distracting themselves from the pathetic emptiness of their meaningless... Bianca
: ...meaningless, consumer-driven lives.
: You're 18, you don't know what you want. And you won't know what you want 'til you're 45, and even if you get it, you'll be too old to use it.
: Can we for two seconds ignore the fact that you're severely unhinged and discuss my need for a night of teenage normalcy? Walter Stratford
: What's normal? Those damn Dawson's River kids, sleeping in each other's beds and whatnot?
: But she's a mutant! What if she never dates? Walter Stratford
: Then you'll never date. Oh, I like that.
: And I'll get to sleep at night. The deep slumber of a father whose daughters aren't out being impregnated.
: I know who you wanna bend the rules for. It's that hot-rod Joey. Bianca
: What's a hot-rod?
: You know fathers don't like to admit it when their daughters are capable of running their own lives. It means we've become spectators. Bianca still let's me play a few innings - you've had me on the bench for years. When you go to Sarah Lawrence, I won't even be able to watch the game. Kat Stratford
: *When* I go? Walter Stratford
: Oh, boy. Don't tell me you changed your mind. I already sent 'em a check.
[Kat gasps in surprise, then hugs her father
: We're going now. Walter Stratford
: Alright, wait a minute. No drinking, no drugs, no kissing, no tattoos, no piercings, *no* ritual animal slaughters of any kind. Oh, God, I'm giving them ideas.
: What are the two house rules? Number One: No dating till you graduate. Number Two: No dating till you graduate.
: Bianca, calm down. I'll take you to the party... and I'll just wait for you in the car outside. Bianca Stratford
: Sure, Dad, why don't you carry me in a BabyBjörn?
: [referring to Bianca
] If she is your little flower, what am I? Walter Stratford
: You're my big, tough cactus! Kat Stratford
: Green, spiny and phallic. That's great, Dad.
: When I go out, I have to file the flight plans with the FAA. But she gets to go out without questions asked? Walter Stratford
: [to Kat
] Gonna drink? Kat Stratford
: No. Walter Stratford
: Drugs? Kat Stratford
: No. Walter Stratford
: Sex? Kat Stratford
: Gross. Walter Stratford
: [to Bianca
: What's wrong with being popular? I loved it. I loved being captain of the football team, president of the Student Council. Any girl I wanted. Kat Stratford
: Dad, that was Uncle Jimmy. Walter Stratford
: So, it was.
: Dad, you realize we know where babies come from, right? Walter Stratford
: Do you realize where they come out? Trust me. Not pretty. Kat Stratford
, Bianca Stratford
: [after Walter suggests to Bianca to have a car wash for a fundraiser
] Great idea, Dad! Half-naked cheerleaders, wet and soapy, standing on a street asking for money. Dr. Walter Stratford
: No car wash. Bianca Stratford
: Daddy. Dr. Walter Stratford
: No car wash!
: We takin' my Bike? Walter Stratford
: Please tell me he's talking about his ten speed. Kat Stratford
: Don't worry we're taking my car.