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: I burn, I pine, I perish.
[Lucentio's line from The Taming of the Shrew Act I Scene 1
: Of course you do. You know, she's beautiful and deep, I'm sure.
: I learned French for you!
: She never wanted me. She wanted Joey the whole time. Patrick
: Cameron, do you like the girl? Cameron
: Yeah. Patrick
: Yeah, and is she worth all this trouble? Cameron
: Well, I thought she was, but you know, I... Patrick
: Well, she is or she isn't. See first of all, Joey is not half the man you are. Secondly, don't let anyone ever make you feel like you don't deserve what you want. Go for it.
: Wow, is this what a bar looks like?
[reaches into a jar
: Don't touch anything! You may get hepatitis.
[they find Patrick drinking and smoking
: So what have ya got for me? Cameron
: A little insight into a very complicated girl. Michael
: Excuse me, uh, just one question before we start. Should you be drinking alcohol when you don't have a liver? Patrick
] What? Michael
: Nothing. Nothing. Cameron
: Alright, uh, first thing, Kat hates smokers.
[slowly removes Patrick's cigarette
: So, you're telling me I'm a... non-smoker. Michael
: Yes. Well, just for now. Cameron
: And, um, and here's another problem. Bianca said that Kat likes pretty guys. Patrick
: [looks confused and slowly rises
] Are you telling me I'm not a pretty guy? Michael
: H-He's very pretty. He's a gorgeous guy. Cameron
: Yeah. I-I just wasn't sure. I didn't know. Michael
: [gives him two thumbs up
] You're a gorgeous guy. Cameron
: [Patrick sits back down
] Alright, uh, yeah, okay, here's this, uh... Likes: Thai food, feminist pros and angry girl music of the Indie Rock persuasion. Here's a list of the CDs that she has in her room. Patrick
: So, I'm supposed to buy her some noodles and a book and sit around listening to chicks who can't play their instruments, right? Michael
: Have you ever been to Club Skunk? Cameron
: Her favorite band's playing there tomorrow night. Patrick
: I can't be seen at Club Skunk. All right? Cameron
: But she'll be there, she's got tickets. Michael
: Hey listen, assail your ears for one night. Cameron
: She has a pair of black underwear, if that helps. Michael
: [laughing cooly
] Couldn't hurt, right?
: Nine schools in ten years. My, my. Army brat? Cameron
: Yeah, my-my dad is, uh... Ms. Perky
: That's enough. I'm sure you won't find Padua any different than your old schools. Same little asswipe shit-for-brains everywhere. Cameron
: Excuse me? D-Did you just say... Am I in the right office? Ms. Perky
: Not any more you're not. I've got deviants to see and a novel to finish. Now scoot. Scoot!
: Just 'cause you're beautiful, that doesn't mean that you can treat people like they don't matter.
: I thought you wanted out. Cameron
: Yeah, well, I did, but, uh... that was until she kissed me. Patrick
: Where? Cameron
: In the car.
: These delusionals are your White Rastas. Uh, they're big Marley fans, they think they're black, semi-political, but mostly... Cameron
: Smoke a lot of weed?
: Alright. Uh, I talked to her; I got the scoop. Cameron
: What'd she say? Michael
: "Hates him with the fire of a thousand suns." That's a direct quote. Patrick
: Thanks Michael. That's very comforting of you.
: Well, you don't know. She could, uh, she could need a day to cool off.
[they all duck as a soccer ball flies past them
: Maybe two.
: We are screwed. Michael
: Hey, no, hey. I don't wanna hear that defeatist attitude... I wanna hear you upbeat! Cameron
: [more upbeat
] We are screwed! Michael
: There ya go.
[both speaking french
: May I offer you a parsnip? Bianca
: No, you may not. Cameron
: Where is my uncle's pencil? Bianca
: I don't know. Maybe it is up your ass?
: And I'm BACK IN THE GAME!
: You embarrassed the girl. Sacrifice yourself on the altar of dignity and even the score.
: What is it with this chick, she have beer flavored nipples? Cameron
[Patrick is refusing to help Cameron go out with Bianca
: Joey can plough whatever he wants. Cameron
] Hey! There will be no ploughing!
: [about Bianca
] What's there is a snotty little princess wearing a strategically planned sundress to make guys like us realize we can never touch her, and guys like, uh, Joey realize they want to. She, my friend, is what we will spend the rest of our lives not having, Put her in your "Spank Bank" and move on. Cameron
: No, no, no! You're wrong about her. I mean, you know, not about the spanking, but the rest, you're wrong!
: Cameron, how's it going? Cameron
: Not so good. I feel weird. Ever since Bianca got here, my head has been filled with rainbows and Enya.
: [about Chastity
] Kat was right. For a popular girl, she is a teenage Long Duk Dong. Cameron
: I'm sorry, who? Bianca Stratford
: The dictator of North Korea.
: [to the angry crowd who realizes that there is no beer at the party
] See, I didn't realize that the person who throws the party is also supposed to supply the alcohol. But I have a surprise!
[pulls on a string to reveal a piñata
: But you're gay! Cameron James
: I'm not gay! At all! In fact, you're gayer than I am because you kissed a girl. Bianca Stratford
: That was for money.