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Quotes for
Ezra Standish (Character)
from "The Magnificent Seven" (1998)

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"The Magnificent Seven: Sins of the Past (#2.2)" (1999)
Ezra Standish: What does eveyone in this town want to do? What does every visitor here want to do?
Nathan: Leave?

Ezra Standish: He'd eat you like half a sandwich.

Ezra Standish: I was not made for honest labor.

Ezra Standish: You know what this means.
Maude Standish: A little war?
Ezra Standish: I'll run you into the ground.
Maude Standish: Well, we'll just see who buries whom
Ezra Standish: Well then, the gauntlet is thrown.

Josiah: A woman like that renews a man's faith.
Ezra: In what?

Ezra: [about his mother] Yes, indeed, an amazing woman.

Buck: [trying to escape Lucy] You haven't seen me.
[sidles out the back door]
Ezra Standish: [sees Lucy open the bat wing doors] I haven't seen him.
[she leaves in tears]

"The Magnificent Seven: The Collector (#1.6)" (1998)
Ezra Standish: What are you attempting to suggest, Mr. Tanner?
Vin: I'm suggesting that you have more than three hundred dollars tucked right there in that fancy boot.
Ezra Standish: What, do you think I'm going to donate to this wizened crone - no offense, Ma'am. Have you taken leave of your senses?

Vin: You probably don't know this, but Ezra here's a gambler.
Nettie Wells: He sure ain't a ranch hand.
Ezra: Thank you.

Nettie Wells: [about the $300] Thank you.
Ezra: Oh, don't thank me, that's Robin Hood over there.

Vin: A man never drown himself in his own sweat, Ezra.
Ezra: A gentleman does not debase himself by engaging in menial labor.

Ezra Standish: Just don't blow up the son of a bitch who's wearing my coat.

"The Magnificent Seven: Witness (#1.4)" (1998)
Maude Standish: Raised you better than that.
Ezra: Raised me? Did you say raised me? Come now, mother. You didn't raise me as well as a... as a stray cat raises a litter. You dumped me remember? At every aunt and uncle's home you could find. Unless you needed me... for a con.

[looking at a beautiful woman]
Josiah: Now that, my friends, is proof that there is a God.
Vin: Amen, brother.
Ezra Standish: Mother!
Josiah: Mother? I always thought Ezra was raised by wolves.

[Mr. Wheeler returns the handkerchief Maude "accidentally" dropped]
Ezra Standish: A handkerchief? The oldest ruse in the book.
Maude Standish: One can always count on the classics.

[Ezra drops Maude's heavy suitcase and its contents, several dozen bricks, spill out on the boardwalk]
Maude Standish: Appearances are everything, darlin'.
Ezra Standish: [to a gawking towmsman] Rare masonry from ancient Rome. Very valuable.

Ezra Standish: Listen, Mother, I've got this town believin' that they can trust me to protect it from people like you... Hell, from people like me.

"The Magnificent Seven: Ghosts of the Confederacy (#1.0)" (1998)
J.D. Dunne: My name is J.D. Dunne and I can ride. And I can shoot.
[J.D. fires his pistol causing his horse to buck him off]
Buck Wilmington: And he can fly!
[J.D. stumbles into a water trough]
Ezra Standish: And he can swim, too.

Vin Tanner: You shoot a cannon pretty well, pard.
Ezra Standish: Dreadful. I was trying to hit Anderson.

Ezra Standish: Prepare to be amazed.

Ezra Standish: [about conning a church congregation] Did fine too, until I attempted to save the soul of the mayor's daughter.
Josiah Sanchez: Saving souls has its hazards.

[Ezra has just won a bet by placing six shots dead center in a playing card]
Chris Larabee: The first shot was louder than the other five.
Ezra Standish: What are you attempting to suggest?
Chris Larabee: The first bullet was real and the last were blanks.
Ezra Standish: Well, suh, I abhor gambling and as such leave nothing to chance.

"The Magnificent Seven: Inmate 78 (#1.8)" (1998)
J.D.: A three-legged dog walks into the saloon, walks right up to the bartender and says, "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
Ezra: You might want to work on your repertoire, son.

Ezra Standish: If I may, allow me to interview the deputy.
Buck: Why you?
Ezra Standish: Don't take this the wrong way, but you gentlemen occasionally lack the essential skills of tact and diplomacy.
Buck: What are you saying?
Josiah: I think he's sayin' we're rude.
Ezra Standish: Rude? No, rude would be a definite improvement. I'm sayin' you scare people and perhaps terrorizing them won't buy you any answers this time.
Vin: What do you have in mind?
Ezra Standish: I believe a little subtlety is in order.

Ezra: Don't take this the wrong way, but you gentlemen occasionally lack the essential skills of tact and diplomacy.
Buck: What are you saying?
Josiah: I think he's saying we're rude.
Ezra: Rude? No. Rude would be a definite improvement. I'm saying you scare people. And perhaps terrorizing them won't buy you any answers this time.

Ezra: Y'all are worse than General Sherman on a Georgia plantation.

"The Magnificent Seven: Working Girls (#1.2)" (1998)
Ezra Standish: A lady would have slapped his oafish, drooling face.
Buck: I resent that!

Nathan: You know, it takes a bold man to talk about "dignity" when he's trying to sell women off like they're cattle.
Ezra Standish: I'll ignore that.
Nathan: Yeah, you'd better do that - how else are you going to get some sleep tonight.
Ezra Standish: Anything else?
Nathan: About making a profit off the back of another human being? Hell yeah I've got a lot to say! But it'd just be wasted on you.

Ezra: Oh, God, consumption. Call a priest.

Ezra Standish: [dressed as a woman in Wickes' bar] I'm an entertainer.
Man in Bar: Hello, darlin.
Ezra Standish: Not that kind of entertainer.

"The Magnificent Seven: One Day Out West (#1.1)" (1998)
Judge Oren Travis: [leveling shot gun] Drop your gun belt.
Lucas James: [surprised] Don't know who I am, do ya?
Judge Oren Travis: No, and I don't care.
Lucas James: Well, you're makin' a big mistake pointin' that thing at me.
Judge Oren Travis: Sawed-off coach gun, double aught buck, should cut all three of you in half.
Lucas James: That stuff in there was self defense. Weren't it, boys?
Judge Oren Travis: He's unarmed, you shot him twice. That's murder in my book.
Lucas James: I admire your courage, old man, but there's three of us and one of you.
Vin: [drinking from a canteen] Hardly sounds fair.
Nathan Jackson: [leading horse] Nope.
Buck Wilmington: Well, howdy... boys.
[sits down]
Lucas James: [sees Chris] You stay outta this, cowboy, this ain't your fight!
Chris Larabee: [to JD] Did he just call me a cowboy, JD?
J.D. Dunne: [almost apologetically] I think he did, Mr Larabee.
Ezra Standish: [dusting himself off] At least once.
Josiah Sanchez: [smiling] He hates that.
Chris Larabee: [smiling, but threatening] You just call me a cowboy?
Lucas James: [backing off] Nah, I was just saying, it ain't your fight.
Chris Larabee: Not yet.
Judge Oren Travis: [advances] Drop the gunbelt.
Lucas James: [bewildered] Who the hell are you?
Judge Oren Travis: I'm a circuit judge. Oren Travis. You're under arrest, young man.
Lucas James: [looks around, drops gun belt]

Ezra: Now that we are rid of that loathsome curmudgeon, you may effect my emancipation.
J.D.: Huh?
Ezra: Let me out.

Ezra Standish: Mr. Larabee, might I assume you've come to take me with you?
Chris Larabee: Oh, I couldn't do that.
Ezra Standish: May I ask why?
Chris Larabee: You broke the law. You've been a bad boy.

"The Magnificent Seven: Safecracker (#1.3)" (1998)
Card Player: You sayin' I cheated?
Ezra: Oh no, not at all. I'm sayin' you cheated badly.

Buck: What happened?
Ezra: Long story.
Vin: Where's Chris?
Buck: With the gang, on his way to rob the bank.
Nathan: What?
Buck: Long story.

Ezra: What's your pleasure, Olivia? Go Fish?
Olivia Greer: Five Card Stud, deuces wild.
Ezra: What a delightful child!

"The Magnificent Seven: Chinatown (#2.7)" (1999)
Nathan: It's not like you ridin' off alone to save the day. What's come over you?
Ezra: I'll let you know when I figure it out.

Ezra Standish: [Nathan accuses Ezra of keeping Li Pong for himself] Sir, I take umbrage at that heinous accusation.

Lei Pan: [assuming that Ezra will want to sleep with her] Then you don't want to?
Ezra Standish: [realizing what she means] Well, I-I am a man. I'll always w-want to.

"The Magnificent Seven: Love and Honor (#2.3)" (1999)
Ezra Standish: He'd eat you like half a sandwich.

Nathan Jackson: [Buck has just been publicly rejected by Inez] Let me translate for you Buck!
Ezra Standish, Nathan Jackson: NEVER!
Buck: Oh, hell, it wasn't that funny!

"The Magnificent Seven: The New Law (#2.1)" (1999)
Ezra: I neglected to abide by a fundamental tenet in my line of work: never gamble with an entire clan.

Ezra: I suggest we leave before the cold shroud of Puritanism smothers us all.

"The Magnificent Seven: Wagon Train: Part 2 (#2.6)" (1999)
Ezra Standish: There's gold in that ground, and the anticipation of it is burning a hole in my stomach.

Nathan Jackson: [setting of a booby trap which launches Ezra into a tree] Yep, that works.
Ezra Standish: That's not kind. Not kind at all.

"The Magnificent Seven: The Trial (#2.10)" (2000)
Ezra Standish: Well, sleep tight... don't let the, ah... well you know the rest.

"The Magnificent Seven: Manhunt (#1.7)" (1998)
Buck: This could get ugly. And I do hate ugly.
Ezra Standish: Well then brace yourself, Buck, 'cause here comes ugly.

"The Magnificent Seven: Lady Killers (#2.11)" (2000)
Casey Wells: You sure look handsome today, Ezra.
Ezra Standish: Why, thank you, Casey.
Casey Wells: Fact, I always thought you were the handsomest of all the seven.
Ezra Standish: And I always thought you were a very perceptive young lady.
Casey Wells: Um, you think I'm pretty?
Ezra Standish: As a picture.
Casey Wells: Good, 'cause I was wondering if you wanted to go to the livery stable with me, sow some wild oats.
Ezra Standish: [chokes on his drink] Uh, my darling girl!
Casey Wells: If you're worried about JD shootin' you or something, it doesn't matter. Him and me are through. Come on.
Ezra Standish: I- I- I'm, uh, sorry to hear that, but, unfortunately, that does not relieve me of my obligation.
Casey Wells: What obligation?
Ezra Standish: To the, uh, the - the... the brotherhood... of man. Uh, you see there's an unspoken rule which states that one must observe a waiting period before - before... courting a friend's former paramour.
Casey Wells: I'll bet that waiting period would be about 2 minutes, if you wanted.
[tosses the rest of his drink in his face then storms out hitting Vin with the bat wing door]
Vin: Ow! Oooh! Well done, Ezra.
Ezra Standish: What just happened there?

"The Magnificent Seven: Achilles (#2.8)" (1999)
Buck: A deck with six kings! That is something you don't see every day!
Ezra Standish: [absolutely astonished that he was cheated] You sir, have violated me.

"The Magnificent Seven: Vendetta (#2.4)" (1999)
Vin: [helping J.D. off the floor after having been thrown to the ground by one of Nichols boys] You alright, kid?
J.D. Dunne: Yeah, I'm fine. Just dustin' the floors.
Ezra Standish: [regarding Mrs. Nichols] And I thought my mother was bad.