King John
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Quotes for
King John (Character)
from Ironclad (2011)

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Robin Hood (1973)
Hiss: Sire, sire, they may be bandits.
Prince John: Oh, poppycock. Female bandits? What next? Rubbish. Um, um, my dear ladies, you have my permission to kiss the royal hands. Whichever you like, first.

Prince John: I sentence you to sudden, instant, and even immediate death!
Marian: Oh, no. Please. Please, sire. I beg of you to spare his life. Please have mercy.
Prince John: My dear, emotional lady, why should I?
Marian: Because I love him, Your Highness.
Prince John: Love him? And does this prisoner return your love?
Robin Hood: Marian, my darling, I love you more than life itself.
Prince John: [Sincerely] Young love, your pleads have not fallen upon a heart of stone.
[Tone changes to fierce and determined]
Prince John: But traitors to the crown must die!
Robin Hood: [cutting him off] Traitor to the crown? That crown belongs to King Richard. Long live King Richard!
Crowd: Long live King Richard!
Prince John: [gives the crowd a dirty look]
[Throwing a childish tantrum]
Prince John: Enough! I am King! King! King! Off with his head!

Little John: [as Sir Reginald] Ah, milord, the esteemed royal sovereign of the realm. The head man himself. You're beautiful.
Prince John: Such savoir faire eclat elan, Hiss.
Little John: You took the words right out of my mouth, P.J.
Prince John: [Absolutely delighted] P.J.! I like that, do you know I do! Hiss, put it on my luggage.

Little John: [after sitting on Hiss] Oh, excuse me, Buster.
Hiss: Buster? You, sir, have taken my seat!
Prince John: [laughs] Hiss, with you around, who needs a court jester?

Clucky: [smacking Prince John on the head with the golden arrow] Take that, you scurvy knave!
Prince John: Seize the fat one!

Prince John: [sobs] Mother. Mother always did like Richard best.

Prince John: [chasing Sir Hiss into the burning castle] You cowardly cobra! Procrastinating python! Agravating asp! Ooh, you eel in snake's clothing!

Prince John: Robbed! I've been robbed! Hiss! You're never around when I need you!
[clears his throat]
Prince John: I've been robbed.
Hiss: Of course you've been robbed!

Prince John: One more hiss out of you uhm Hiss. And you are walking to Nottingham.
Hiss: [to himself] Snakes don't walk, they slither. Hmph. So there.

Prince John: Taxes! Taxes! Beautiful, lovely taxes! Ah-hah! Ah-hah!
Hiss: Sire, you have an absolute skill for encouraging contributions from the poor.
Prince John: To coin a phrase, my dear counselor, rob the poor to give the rich.

Prince John: [talking in his sleep] It's Robin Hood I-Iwant.

Hiss: Sire, taxes are pouring in, the jail is full. Oh and good news, Sire. Friar Tuck is in jail.
Prince John: [Angry] Friar Tuck? It's Robin Hood I want, you idiot! Oh, I'd give all my gold if I could get my hands on. Did you say, Friar Tuck?
Hiss: Did I? Y-yes, I did.
Prince John: Yes, yes! I have it, Hiss! I'll use that fat friar as bait to trap Robin Hood.
Hiss: Another trap?
Prince John: Yes, you stupid serpent. Friar Tuck will be led to the gallows at the village square, don't you see.
Hiss: B-But Sire! Hang Friar Tuck? A man of the Church?
Prince John: Yes, my reluctant reptile, and when our elusive hero tries to rescue the corpulent cleric
[laughs evilly]
Prince John: my men will be ready.
[laughs evilly]

Hiss: [Prince John is sucking his thumb] Sire, if you don't mind my saying, you see you have a very loud thumb.
[starts to hypnotize him]
Hiss: Hypnosisss can cure you of your psychosis so easy.
Prince John: [Snaps out of it and screams] No, no! None of that!
Hiss: Well, I was only trying to help.
Prince John: I wonder. Silly serpent.
Hiss: Silly serpent?

Prince John: Hiss, this is a red letter day. A coup d'etat, to coin the Norman phrase.

Prince John: That insolent blackguard. Oooh! I'll show him who wears the crown!
Hiss: I share your loathing, Sire. That scurrilous scoundrel who fooled you with that silly disguise, who dared to rob you and made you look so utterly ridiculous.
Prince John: Enough!
[swings at Hiss, who dodges him]
Prince John: Hiss, you deliberately dodged.
Hiss: But, but, but Sire, please.
Prince John: Stop sniveling and hold still.
[Hiss holds still while Prince John hits him]
Hiss: [dazed] Thank you, Sire.

Hiss: [hisses in Prince John's ear after Little John steals the diamonds from his rings]
Prince John: [screams and chuckles] Hiss oh you have hissed your last hiss.
Hiss: [gulps after his neck has been tied into a knot and has a dirty look after Prince John puts him in his basket]
Prince John: Suspicious snake.

Sheriff of Nottingham: [Little John is secretly holding a dagger on Prince John and demanding Robin Hood's release] There's something funny going on around here.
Little John: [whispering] Now, P.J. tell my pal to kiss Maid Marian, or I've just found a new pincushion.
[the Sheriff goes behind the throne and sees Little John]
Sheriff of Nottingham: Why, you!
[tries to hit Little John with his sword, but misses. Little John lets go of Prince John and hits the Sheriff back]
Prince John: [shouts] Kill him! Don't stand there, kill him!

[the Sheriff of Nottingham enters the castle singing]
Sheriff of Nottingham: He throws an angry tantrum if he cannot have his way / He calls for Mom and sucks his thumb and doesn't want to play / Too late to be known as John the First, he's sure to be known as John the Worst!
[to Sir Hiss]
Sheriff of Nottingham: [speaking] Am I right?
Hiss: [chuckles] That's P.J. to a "T". Let me try, let me try.
[lowers his voice]
Hiss: [singing] Too late to be known as John the First, he's sure to be known as John the Worst!
[sees an angry Prince John peeking behind a door, with a glass jug of wine in his hand, shrivels]
Hiss: The Fabulous, Marvelous, Merciful, Chivalrous.
Sheriff of Nottingham: Oh, you've got it all wrong, Hiss. The Sniveling, Groveling, Measely, Weaseling.
Prince John: [shouts] Enough!
[throws the glass jug at the Sheriff, but it hits the wall and the wine rains down on him]
Sheriff of Nottingham: But, but Sire, it's a big hit. The whole village is singing it.
Prince John: Oh, they are, are they? Well, they'll be singing a different tune. Double the taxes! Triple the taxes!
[grabs Sir Hiss by the neck]
Prince John: Squeeze every last drop out of those insolent musical peasants.

Hiss: How nobly King Richard's crown sit on your royal brow.
Prince John: Doesn't it? King Richard?
[wrings Hiss' neck]
Prince John: I told you never to mention my brother's name!
Hiss: A mere slip of the forked tongue, Sire.

Prince John: What is the next stop Sir Hiss?
Hiss: Let's see. I. Oh the next stop is Nottingham, sire.

Prince John: Hiss! You're never around when I need you!
Hiss: Coming, coming.
[begins singing 'For I'm a Jolly Good Fellow' until Prince John uncorks the barrel he's in]
Hiss: Oh! there you are old boy! P.J., you're not going to believe this, but the stork is really Robin Hood.
Prince John: Robin Hood?
[screams angrily]
Prince John: [ties Hiss around a pole]
Prince John: Get out of that if you can.

Prince John: Stop! Executioner, stop! Hold your axe!
Little John: [threatening him with a dagger] Okay, big shot, now tell him to untie my buddy, or I'll.
Prince John: Sheriff, release my buddy! I mean, release the prisoner!
Sheriff of Nottingham: Untie the prisoner?
Clucky: You heard what he said, bushel britches!
Prince John: Sheriff, I make the rules! And since I'm head man.
[to Little John]
Prince John: Not so hard, you mean thing.
[back to the Sheriff]
Prince John: Let him go, for heaven sakes! Let him go!

Prince John: This crown gives me a feeling of power! Power! Forgive me a cruel chuckle. Heh-heh-heh. Power.

[Prince John and Hiss have just been robbed by Robin Hood and Little John]
Hiss: I knew it! I knew this would happen! I tried to warn you, but no, no, no, you wouldn't listen. You just had to.
[Prince John is about to hit Hiss with his mirror]
Hiss: Ah! Ah! Ah! Seven years bad...
[Hiss yelps as the mirror crashes right down on him]
Hiss: Luck. That's what it is. Besides, you broke your mother's mirror.
Prince John: Ahh! Mommy!
[sucks his thumb and gets mud all over it]
Prince John: I've got a dirty thumb.

Hiss: A perfect fit, Sire! Looks most becoming! You look regal, dignified, sincere, masterful, noble...
Prince John: Don't overdo it, Hiss!

Prince John: Stop, hee hee hee, stop hissing in my ear!

Robin Hood: [posing as a fortune teller] A face appears. A crown is on his noble brow.
Prince John: Oo-dee-lally! A crown! How exciting!
Robin Hood: His face is handsome, regal, majestic, lovable. A cuddly face.
Prince John: Handsome, regal, majestic, ha ha. Lovable, yes, yes. Cuddly.
Prince John: Oh, that's me to a T. It truly is.
Robin Hood: [is slapped by Hiss] Ooh!
Prince John: Now what?
Robin Hood: I uh I see your elustrious name.
Prince John: [shouts] I know my name! Get on with it!
Robin Hood: Your name will go down, down, down in history, of course.
Prince John: Yes! I knew it! I knew it! You hear that, Hiss? Oh you can't. He's in the basket. Don't forget it!

Little John: And now, your mightiness, allow me to lay some protocol on you.
Prince John: Oh, no, forgive me, but I lose more jewels that way.

Prince John: My trap is baited and set! And then, revenge! Ahh.
[screams so loud it almost blows off Hiss' skin]
Prince John: Revenge!
Hiss: Shh! Not so loud, sire! Remember, only you and I know, and your secret is my secret.

Robin Hood: Men in Tights (1993)
Prince John: Such an unusual name, "Latrine." How did your family come by it?
Latrine: We changed it in the 9th century.
Prince John: You mean you changed it TO "Latrine"?
Latrine: Yeah. Used to be "Shithouse."
Prince John: It's a good change. That's a good change!

Prince John: And why should the people listen to you?
Robin Hood: Because, unlike some other Robin Hoods, I can speak with an English accent.
[referring to the then recent blockbuster Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves, in which Kevin Costner played the role with an American accent]

Prince John: Tell everyone that when the day is out we shall have a wedding. Or a hanging. Either way, we're gonna have a lot of fun, huh?

Sheriff of Rottingham: King illegal forest to pig wild kill in it a is!
Robin Hood, Maid Marian: What?
Sheriff of Rottingham: I mean, don't you know it's illegal to kill a wild pig in the king's forest?
Robin Hood: Is it not also illegal to sit on the king's throne and usurp his power in his absence?
[crowd gasps]
Prince John: Careful Robin, you go too far.

Prince John: Save me, save me! Hurt them, hurt them!
Sheriff of Rottingham: Right! Save them, save them, hurt you, hurt you! I've got it!

Maid Marian: Wait!
Sheriff of Rottingham: What for?
Maid Marian: If you promise not to kill Robin, I shall do the most disgusting thing that I can think of.
Prince John: Oooohhh.
Sheriff of Rottingham: Oh? And what's that?
Maid Marian: I shall marry you.
Sheriff of Rottingham: What? You'll be mine? You'll give yourself to me every night? And sometimes, right after lunch?
Maid Marian: Yes, but only my body. You can never have my heart, my mind, or my soul!
Sheriff of Rottingham: Oh, oh yes! I respect that.

Sheriff of Rottingham: This is a stealth catapult, we've been working on it secretly for months. It can hurl one of these heavy boulders undetected, over a hundred yards, completely destroying anything in its path.
Prince John: Wow! How's it work?
Sheriff of Rottingham: It's rather simple. You get one of these heavy boulders, put it here where I'm sitting, and then pull on that lever.
Prince John: Like this?
[John pulls the lever and flings Mervin into the air]
Latrine: [praying by her bed in her boudoir] Oh dear Lord, if you see fit to send me my one true love...
[the Sheriff crashes through the roof and lands on the bed]
Latrine: [looks up and grins] Thank you!
[starts to climb on top of the Sheriff]
Latrine: Oh my god! Oh my god!
Sheriff of Rottingham: [struggles] No! No! I have a headache!
[runs away]
Latrine: OH BUGGER!
[breaks the fourth wall]
Latrine: I was *that* close! I touched it.

Prince John: Send word to one and all, and all and one... that's a little redundant, isn't it?
Herald: WHAT?
Prince John: Shut up!

King Richard: [taking Prince John's crown] You are no longer worthy to wear this sacred symbol of authority.
Prince John: Oh please have mercy on me, brother. It wasn't my fault. I got some really bad advice from Rottingham.
Crowd: [coughs] Bullshit! Bullshit!
King Richard: Brother, you have surrounded your given name with a foul stench!
[to the crowd]
King Richard: From this day forth, all the toilets in the kingdom shall be known as... johns!
Crowd: [cheers]
King Richard: Take him away! Put him in the Tower of London! Make him part of the tour.

Sheriff of Rottingham: The old man is Loxley.
Prince John: Are you sure? He looks like Mark Twain.

Sheriff of Rottingham: Sire, I have news!
Prince John: And what sort of news do you have? It's not bad news, is it? You know I can't take bad news. The day started out so good. I had a good night's sleep, I had a good B.M. I don't want to hear any bad news. So, what kind of news is it?
Sheriff of Rottingham: Well, to be perfectly frank, it's bad.
Prince John: [shouts] I knew it! I knew it would be bad news. Wait, I have an idea. Maybe if you tell me the *bad* news in a *good* way, it wouldn't sound so bad.
Sheriff of Rottingham: [thinking] The bad news in a good way. Yes, I can do that. The bad news in a good way. Well, here it goes.
Sheriff of Rottingham: W-wait till you hear this! I just saw Robin of Locksley, he's back from the crusades.
Sheriff of Rottingham: You know, he just beat the *crap* out of me and my men.
Sheriff of Rottingham: He hates you and he loves your brother, Richard!
Sheriff of Rottingham: And...
Sheriff of Rottingham: ... he wants to see you hanged!
Sheriff of Rottingham: We, we're in a lot of trouble!
[laughs and snorts loudly]
Prince John: [furious] What, are you crazy? Why are you laughing? This is terrible news!

Prince John: What can you tell me about Robin of Loxley?
Latrine: Robin of Loxley? Robin of Loxley? Hmm, let me see.
[starts cooking up a potion in her cauldron]
Latrine: Raven's egg! Blood of a hen! A little more blood, yes! Eyeballs of a crocodile! Testicles of a newt! I bet he's a transsexual now! Robin of Loxley is handsome and brave. He seeks to regain his family's honor. Little sod could be trouble.
Prince John: Are you certain?
Latrine: Certain? You want certain, hire yourself a witch! Me, I'm just your cook.
[serves contents of the cauldron]
Latrine: Here, eat that.

Sheriff of Rottingham: Wasn't your... didn't your mole used to be on the other side?
Prince John: I have a MOLE?

Prince John: I hope's it worth the NOISE!

Sheriff of Rottingham: [after Robin has fired his shot, hitting the bullseye dead center] Don't worry, Dirty Ezio still has another shot.
Prince John: But he hit the very center of the bullseye... schmuck!

Sheriff of Rottingham: Struckey has loxed again.
Prince John: What?
Sheriff of Rottingham: Loxley has struck again.

"Robin Hood: Do You Love Me? (#3.6)" (2009)
Prince John: You're still alive.
Sheriff of Nottingham: Yes, of course.
Prince John: How surprising. I don't particularly like surprises. What's your name?
Isabella: Isabella.
Prince John: Lovely. Italian or Spanish?
Isabella: Which do you prefer?

Prince John: No, no, no, no, no! They're trying to put the fire out! That's not what I want!

Prince John: Bored now.

Prince John: Why didn't you tell me?
Benjamin Palmer: Because you put me... Because the Sheriff put me in this cage.
Prince John: What does the Sheriff think he's doing? The man's my physician!

Prince John: It is with great sadness that I must announce the death of the Sheriff of Nottingham. He has been murdered by the villainous Robin Hood. These outlaws must be stopped!

Isabella: Long live Prince John!
[Nobles raise glasses and echo]
Prince John: Long live me!

Prince John: Say it. Like you said it before, say it.
Isabella: King John.
Prince John: It DOES sound good!

Prince John: Why do the people not love me as you love me, Isabella?
Isabella: You burnt their church to the ground with them in it.
Prince John: Yes. And?

Prince John: Do you love me, Gisborne?
Guy of Gisborne: Yes, Sire.
Prince John: I'm so pleased to hear it, because I don't think the Sheriff loves his Prince. No, I don't think he does at all. My time is almost here, Gisborne. You know, my father, Henry, God rest his soul, wanted me to be king, not my brother, Richard. Me. King. That was his wish. And I will be, soon. My father taught me to surround myself with only those most loyal, with only those who love me. You'd make a fine sheriff, Gisborne. I'm confidant in that. Does it please you that I have such confidence in you?
Guy of Gisborne: Yes, Sire.
Prince John: Hmm. Robin Hood isn't dead. I told you, I told the Sheriff I wanted Robin Hood dead. His blood is a gift I covet, and yet no one gives it me. If the Sheriff loves Prince John, he would give it me. And yet I do not have it. Ergo, he doesn't love me. Well, I will have blood. The Sheriff's blood. You will kill the Sheriff for me, Gisborne. Discreetly. Only the two of us will know. A private secret we can share. And you will do this for me, Gisborne... because you love me.

Isabella: Do you want them to love you?
Prince John: Of course! And I think they do love me. But I will have respect as well as love.
Isabella: Any landowner can subjugate his surf but only a King can liberate them. A benevolent king is loved!
Prince John: But I AM benevolent.

Prince John: You're being punished for intolerable disloyalty to me! For harboring and assisting Robin Hood and his outlaws! And may God forgive you!

Prince John: They are sad little creatures, really, aren't they?
Prince John: I sense disagreement.
Isabella: One cannot disagree with one's king.
Prince John: King? You see me as your King? How delightful of you. I wish others accepted me as readily as you do.
Isabella: Perhaps I've had the good fortune to know you better then most.
Prince John: Perhaps. And perhaps you'd like to get to know me better still.
[Isabella chuckles]
Prince John: Ah, you'll make me work for my conquest.
Isabella: Was not France more valuable because it was fought for?
Prince John: You make this such good sport.

Prince John: These villagers helped attack me? Why? They look so lovely...

Prince John: Do you love me, Sheriff?
Sheriff of Nottingham: With all my heart, Sire.
Prince John: Would you give your life for me?
Sheriff of Nottingham: My life? Is that all? Of course.
Prince John: Would you take a life for me?
Sheriff of Nottingham: Even easier to answer.
Prince John: Gisborne has so disappointed me...
Sheriff of Nottingham: Disappointed us both, Sire.
Prince John: Obedience. Loyalty. Love. Is it too much to ask? A king requites all three. Who's more loyal to me, Sheriff? You or Gisborne?
Sheriff of Nottingham: Of course I am, Sire. My loyalty is infinite.
Prince John: Good. Then prove it to me. Rid me of Gisborne, Sheriff. Quickly, discreetly. We don't want to disturb our noble guests with this messy business. Kill him for me, Sheriff.
Sheriff of Nottingham: A privilege, Sire.

Prince John: And where were you attacked?
Benjamin Palmer: Near a village.
Sheriff of Nottingham: Locksley village.
Benjamin Palmer: We fought courageously, but we were dreadfully outnumbered.
Sheriff of Nottingham: No doubt the villagers helped the outlaws.
Benjamin Palmer: And eventually, I was captured, by Robin Hood himself!
Sheriff of Nottingham: Or so he said. I mean, we've all been proved wrong in the past, haven't we, Gisborne?
Benjamin Palmer: But this time Robin Hood was fooled. Yes, Your Highness.
Prince John: Excellent! And was he angry that I'd made such a fool of him?
Benjamin Palmer: Very angry!
Prince John: He did curse us?
Benjamin Palmer: Fulsomely.
Prince John: Wonderful! What did he say?
Benjamin Palmer: I couldn't tell, Your Highness.
Prince John: Oh please, tell me exactly what he said.
Benjamin Palmer: But, Your Highness...
Prince John: Do you not love me?
Benjamin Palmer: Of course.
Prince John: Well, then say!
Benjamin Palmer: He called you a coward. He said only a coward would have a double.
Prince John: ...arrest him.
[Him meaning Palmer]

"Robin Hood: The King Is Dead, Long Live the King... (#3.8)" (2009)
Townspeople: Long live the King! Long Live the King! Long live the King!
Prince John: ...long live me!

Prince John: Stop! Fragile! This is what happens when you employ incompetents. I trust you will not make the same mistake, Sheriff.
Isabella: Oh, fear not, Sire. By the time you return I intend to have Robin Hood in shackles alongside my brother... or coffins.

Prince John: I want the theme of my coronation to be "Out of the darkness, into the light." And I want all the guards with mirrored shields to reflect the glory of my leadership far and wide.
Archbishop Walter: I wonder if this opulence is appropriate while people starve.
Prince John: Well, I'm giving them something to aspire to. Archbishop. All right,very well, I'll compromise. I'll use rubies instead of diamonds.

Isabella: I wanted to give you a personal coronation gift from me.
Prince John: you take me to your bedchamber?

Lord Sheridan: Lady Isabella.
Prince John: Pay her no heed. She's a prisoner of state for aiding and abetting her terrorist brother, Gisborne, in the attempted assassination of the new King of England.
Lord Sheridan: A serious crime.
Prince John: For which she will be punished as seriously as you shall be rewarded.
Lord Sheridan: Perhaps she merely requires the firm hand of a man to encourage her to mend her ways.
Prince John: But where, where would I find such a man willing to martyr himself?
Lord Sheridan: Always at your service, Your Highness.
Prince John: She's all yours.
Isabella: Please, Sire...
Prince John: Or she can rot alone down here.

Prince John: You impersonate the King?
Robin Hood: Just like you. PRINCE John.
Prince John: Arrest him!
Robin Hood: You can do what you want! These people, they know the truth.
Archbishop Walter: And so do I. I will never make you King.
Prince John: Where's my crown?
Guy of Gisborne: Is this what you're looking for? How about a state funeral?
[aims crossbow at Prince John]
Robin Hood: Gisbrone! Don't do it. I know he deserves it, but with no leader at home, England could be ripped apart, torn up by war.
Guy of Gisborne: What has England ever done for me?
Isabella: Brother...
Guy of Gisborne: Don't think I won't shoot you as well after everything you've done.
Isabella: I know. But you'll have to decide which one of us you want dead the most - Prince John or me. Because as much as I hate Robin Hood, he loves his country. And he won't give you a second shot.

Prince John: Do you love me? I said, DO YOU LOVE ME?
[Crowd cheers]

Prince John: You know, I think I prefer this one to the real thing. At least this one doesn't lie and double deal. And steal his brothers place on his fathers throne... or in his mother's heart.I've been in your shadow too long, brother. It's my turn to step into the light while you burn in the pits of hell!

Prince John: Wakey, wakey, Archbishop! No rest for the wicked. You've got a coronation to attend - mine. All mine. And no one to stop me.

"Robin Hood: Too Hot to Handle (#3.7)" (2009)
Prince John: "Dead," you said. "Taken care of," you said.
Isabella: He's always lied, Sire. In fact, he was going to let me go and not tell you about it.
Guy of Gisborne: No...
Isabella: ...until I knocked him unconscious.
Guy of Gisborne: No, Sire.
Prince John: You let the team down, Guy. You've let yourself down. In fact, you're a liability.
Guy of Gisborne: No...
Prince John: Gisborne, you're fired.
Guy of Gisborne: No, you will not fire me. I've waited all my life to be Sheriff and I will NOT be fired by YOU!
[Draws sword on Prince John]
Guy of Gisborne: You're not a monarch. You're a pretender, a fake, a fraud!
Isabella: Oh no, not as big a fraud as him
[points to Robin]
Isabella: I've been a fool, Sire. A weak, vain woman, blinded by his flattery. But now I see the truth, and I beg you, Sire, let me show you how sorry I am!
[Holds club out at Robin]
Robin Hood: Isabella, put it...
Isabella: your honeyed words for someone who cares... Hood.
Prince John: Be my guest.

Prince John: Do you know, I don't know who's hotter, you or me.
Isabella: It's you, sire. You are hot... hot... hot.
Guy of Gisborne: ...if we could get back to the business at hand, Sire.
Prince John: Oh, do we have to?

Prince John: You've seen already how your treachery pays! You like my water so much, from now on, you pay for it! A penny a gallon!
Eleanor: But Sire, we don't have that sort of money!
Prince John: Well, sell something! Some grain, a cow, a grandparent, I don't care.
Eleanor: My baby needs water to live, Sire!
Prince John: Yes. On that, we both agree.

Prince John: If you won't love me, then by God you'll fear me!

Prince John: It's a fine line, isn't it, between love and hate? Two sides of the same coin, really. Maybe they need to truly hate me before they can understand how to truly love me.

Guy of Gisborne: We need to make arrangements.
Prince John: Oh, do stop whingeing, Gisborne. I've already told you, you're as good as Sheriff already. The only thing you don't have is the title or the power... or the castle. Truth is, right now, there are more pressing matters.
Guy of Gisborne: Robin Hood.
Prince John: Now, obviously he has to hang. The only problem is people rather do insist on adoring him still.
Guy of Gisborne: The people are fools, sire.
Prince John: Well, of course they are. But we need their cooperation if my plans for England are to come to fruition. So, I need to woo them. Make them love me.
Guy of Gisborne: Yes, Sire, but how?
Prince John: By giving them what they want, of course. What they want more then anything in this drought... water.

Prince John: Well?
Guy of Gisborne: She was as you suspected.
Prince John: She followed Hood?
Guy of Gisborne: She did.
Prince John: And?
Guy of Gisborne: ...and I solved the problem, Sire.
Prince John: h, please, don't go all enigmatic on me, Gisborne, are they dead?
Guy of Gisborne: Yes.
Prince John: Well, have a drink, man! It's not every day you get to celebrate killing a national treasure and one's own sister!
Guy of Gisborne: No, I don't want a drink, Sire. I merely ask that you fulfill your side of the bargain.
Prince John: You're right. You're owed that much at least. There you are. The keys to Nottingham.
[Standing up]
Prince John: My Lords, Ladies, let it never be said that I am a man who does not deliver on his promises. Robin Hood is dead. Executed by my loyal friend here, My Lords and Ladies, I give you Sir Guy of Gisborne, the new Sheriff of Nottingham!
[All toast "The Sheriff of Nottingham!"]
Prince John: So, go on, do tell. Did they squeal?

The Adventures of Robin Hood (1938)
Robin Hood: I'll organize revolt, exact a death for a death, and I'll never rest until every Saxon in this shire can stand up free men and strike a blow for Richard and England.
Prince John: Are you finished?
Robin Hood: I'm only just beginning. From this night forward I'll use every means in my power to fight you!

High Sheriff of Nottingham: I hope our little golden hook will catch the fish.
Prince John: You hope?
High Sheriff of Nottingham: Oh it will... if he's here.
Prince John: If he's not we'll stick your head upon the target and shoot at that.

Sir Guy of Gisbourne: Let me ram those words down his throat your highness!
Prince John: No... later. Let him spout for the moment.

Prince John: Any objections to the new tax, from our Saxon friends?

Prince John: Ho, varlets, bring Sir Robin food! Such insolence must support a healthy appetite!

Robin Hood (2010)
Prince John: Henceforth I declare you to be an outlaw.

Prince John: [sarcastically] Would every man have a castle?
Robin Longstride: In England, every man's home *is* his castle.

Eleanor of Aquitaine: Milking a dried udder get's you nothing but kicked off the milking stool!
Prince John: Mother, spare me your farmyard memories, you have none and I don't understand them.

Prince John: [Robin has delivered John the crown, disguised as Robert Loxley]
Prince John: Did you say from Nottingham?
[Robin nods]
Prince John: Your father Sir Walter owes taxes to the crown, my crown; tell him its bloody expensive running a country and everyone must pay their way

"Robin Hood: Rutterkin (#3.11)" (1986)
King's aide: You must rest...
Prince John: Rest? Rest? And who will deal with the unrest that de Rainault's fled from? Fine Sheriff! Trots off on a pilgrimage to Canterbury at the first sign of trouble!
Sir Guy of Gisburne: Perhaps he knew you were coming, my liege?
[the King shoots Gisburne a poisonous look]
Sir Guy of Gisburne: To, uh, deal with it...

Lord Edgar: [Claps his hands for the prisoner, Mad Mab, to be brought before the King] The witch employed by my brother, sir.
Prince John: She smells as evil as she looks.
Mad Mab: Where's Rutterkin?
Prince John: Rutterkin?
Lord Edgar: The pig, my lord.
Prince John: Oh yes, the little devil.
Mad Mab: Oh he can be, he can be!
Prince John: Ah! She confesses!

Prince John: And why did Robin Hood escape, Gisburne?
Sir Guy of Gisburne: My lord King...
Prince John: Because you are incompetent! Inept! Inadequate! And incompetent!

King John (1899)
King John: Good Hubert, Hubert, Hubert throw thine eye/ On yon boy: I'll tell thee what my friend,/ He is a very serpent in my way,/ And whereso'er this foot of mine does tread,/ He lies before me: does thou understand me?
Hubert de Burgh: And I'll keep him so,/ That he shall not offend your Majesty.
King John: Death.
Hubert de Burgh: My Lord.
King John: A grave.
Hubert de Burgh: He shall not live.
King John: Enough.

King John: Ay marry, now my soul hath elbow room,/ It would not out at windows, nor at doors,/ There is so hot a summer in my bosom,/ That all my bowels crumble up to dust:/ I am a scribbled form drawn with a pen/ Upon a parchment, and against this fire/ Do I shrink up.
Prince Henry: How fares your Majesty?
King John: Poison'd, ill fare: dead, forsook, cast off,/ And none of you will bid the winter come/ To thrust his icy fingers in my maw;/ Nor let my kingdom's rivers take their course/ Through my burn'd bosom: nor entreat the North/ To make his bleak winds kiss my parched lips,/ And comfort me with cold. I do not ask you much,/ I beg cold comfort: and you are so straight/ And so ungrateful, you deny me that.
Prince Henry: Oh that there were some virtue in my tears,/ That may relieve you.
King John: The salt in them is hot./ Within me is a hell, and there the poison/ Is, as a fiend, confin'fd to tyrannize,/ On unreprievable condemned blood.

Philip Faulconbridge: Oh I am scalded with my violent motion/ And spleen of speed, to see your Majesty.
King John: Oh Cousin, thou art come to set mine eye:/ The tackle of my heart, is crack'd and burnt,/ And all the shrouds wherewith my life should sail,/ Are turned to one thread, one little hair:/ My heart hath one poor string to stay it by,/ Which holds but till thy news be uttered,/ And then all this thou sees, is but a clod,/ And module of confounded royalty.
Philip Faulconbridge: The Dolphin is preparing hitherward,/ Where heaven he knows how we shall answer him./ For in a night the best part of my power,/ As I upon advantage did remove,/ Were in the Washes all unwarily,/ Devoured by the unexpected flood.
[the King dies]
Earl of Salisbury: You breath these dead news in as dead an ear/ My Leige, my Lord: but now a King, now thus.
Prince Henry: Even so must I run on, and even so stop./ What surety of the world, what hope, what stay,/ When this was now a King, and now is clay?

"Maid Marian and Her Merry Men: Keeping Mum (#3.3)" (1993)
King John: I hate guests. Why shouldn't I put my feet up on the table?
The Sheriff: No reason at all, my Lord. I merely suggested that you don't start dusting your athlete's foot until the Countess has finished her pudding.

The Sheriff: So you'll marry her?
Guy of Gisborne: Oh yummy with knobs on!
King John: What?
The Sheriff: I think that's idiot speak for "I will".

"Maid Marian and Her Merry Men: Rabies in Love (#2.4)" (1990)
King John: Dearly beloved, we are gathered here to marry this woman...
Graeme: [off screen] What, all of us?
King John: this man.
Gary: [off screen] Oooh, I love weddings, don't you?
King John: Will the bridesmaids shut up, please?

King John: Fergie? What sort of a name is that? Girls are called things like Mandy and Claire and Eleanor of Aquitaine, not Fregie!

Robin Hood (1991)
Prince John: It's no good pining for my brother Richard, he won't be back!

Prince John: I will not have Saxon mock Norman, and I will have my money.

"Robin Hood: The Prophecy (#2.1)" (1984)
Prince John: God's teeth! I've heard nothing but "Robin Hood" since I came to Nottingham! What is wrong with everyone in this miserable county? Are they all sheep?

Abbot Hugo de Rainault: Where's Gisburne, My Lord?
Prince John: I've had him removed.
Abbot Hugo de Rainault: Removed?
Prince John: Not from this world, Abbot, though I confess I was tempted.

Ironclad (2011)
King John: I am the blood! I am God's right hand! And you will never dictate to me how I am to be a king!

King John: [as he tells a story from his childhood he quotes his own father] "You see John, any action against the throne must be punished ruthlessly, for that is the only way to maintain the absolute power of a King."

"Robin Hood: The Betrayal (#3.8)" (1986)
Prince John: De Rainault, your scribes have set down more evidence than in the Domesday Book. Utterly incredible. It is a conflicting mass of misinformation! Robin Hood is tall, short, stocky, slight, dark, fair, bearded, clean-shaven... This one insists that he is a dwarf! A dwarf! And where do we find him? In a cave, down a well, up a tree, near Wickham, Duxbury, Ashley, Calverton... Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera! Imbeciles!

Robert de Rainault: My liege, she's not to be trusted.
Sir Guy of Gisburne: She should be hanged at once!
Prince John: Silence, imbecile.
Robert de Rainault: [to Guy] Clown!

"Maid Marian and Her Merry Men: Rotten Rose: Part 2 (#2.6)" (1990)
King John: As you know, I'm not a strict man and seldom use the cane. But there are three rules in this castle which must be obeyed. One, everyone must wear full uniform and the correct footwear at all times. Doctor Martin's All Weather Goat Kickers do not constitute the correct footwear. Two, no-one is allowed behind the cow sheds during the lunch hour for any reason whatsoever. Three, no-one, but absolutely no-one, is allowed to date, marry or in any way get off with one of my deadly enemies!

Robin and Marian (1976)
Sir Ranulf: He's become a legend. Have you ever tried to fight a legend?
King John: Only my brother.

The Lion in Winter (2003) (TV)
John: He has a knife, a knife!
Eleanor of Aquitaine: Of course he has a knife! I have a knife. We all have knives. It's 1183 and we're all barbarians!

"Maid Marian and Her Merry Men: Driving Ambition (#3.2)" (1993)
Guy of Gisborne: [singing] Ding-a-ling-a-ling / Dong-a-long-a-long / I'm a little silly / And this is my song / Dong-a-long-a-long / Ding-a-ling-a-lilly / This is my song / And I'm a little silly.
King John: Guy, will you please stop putting me off with your mindless moronic drivel. It's bad enough to win the Eurovision Song Contest!

Long Live Robin Hood (1971)
Prince John: Never fall in love with a woman.

"Maid Marian and Her Merry Men: Rotten Rose: Part 1 (#2.5)" (1990)
King John: Robin Hood, Robin Hood, that's all I ever hear! I don't want much out of life: Robin Hood dead, my nephew off my hands, and a national anthem with a little bit of go in it. It's not a lot to ask, but do I get it? No way!