The content of this page was created by users. It has not been screened or verified by IMDb staff.
: There's a tiny door in my office, Maxine. It's a portal and it takes you inside John Malkovich. You see the world through John Malkovich's eyes... and then after about 15 minutes, you're spit out... into a ditch on the side of the New Jersey Turnpike. Maxine
: Sounds great! Who the fuck is John Malkovich? Craig Schwartz
: Oh, he's an actor. He's one of the great American actors of the 20th century. Maxine
: Oh yeah? What's he been in? Craig Schwartz
: Lots of things. That jewel thief movie, for example. He's very well respected. Anyway, the point is... this is a very odd thing. It's supernatural, for lack of a better word. I mean, it raises all sorts of philosophical-type questions, you know... about the nature of self, about the existence of a soul. You know, am I me? Is Malkovich Malkovich? I had a piece of wood in my hand Maxine. I don't have it any more. Where is it? Did it disappear? How could that be? Is it still in Malkovich's head? I don't know! Do you see what a metaphysical can of worms this portal is? I don't see how I could go on living my life the way I've lived it before.
[Maxine gestures toward a 7.5 story high window
Craig Schwartz (in John Malkovich)
: You see, Maxine, it isn't just playing with dolls. Maxine
: You're right, my darling, it's so much more. It's playing with people!
: Meet you in Malkovich in one hour.
: Craig, I don't find you attractive, but Lotte, I'm smitten with you. I am... but only when you're in Malkovich. When I was with him last night, I was looking into his eyes and could sense your feminine longing.
: Can I buy you a drink, Maxine? Maxine
: Are you married? Craig Schwartz
: Yes, but enough about me.
] John Malkovich
: Did you call me Lotte? Maxine
: Yeah, do you mind? John Malkovich
: No, not really.
: Have you ever had two people look at you, with complete lust and devotion, through the same pair of eyes?
: Tell me a little about yourself. Craig Schwartz
: Well, I'm a puppeteer... Maxine
: [turns to bartender
: If I can guess your name in three tries, you have to come have a drink with me tonight. Maxine
: Why not? Craig Schwartz
: Okay. You look like a... BarrrRuuu - BellllLuuuu - Lllll - Carolllll - Taaaa-Sharrr - - SusaaannnEmmmmilllly - - Marr - laaarr - Maax... ine - M-M-M - Maxine? Maxine
: Yeah! Who told you? Craig Schwartz
: Nobody told me. That just came out. Isn't that odd?
First J.M. Inc. Customer
: Now when you say that I can be somebody else, whaddya mean exactly? Craig Schwartz
: Well, we mean exactly that. We can put you inside someone else's body, for fifteen minutes. First J.M. Inc. Customer
: Can I be anybody that I wanna be? Craig Schwartz
: Well, you... actually... Maxine
: You can be John Malkovich. First J.M. Inc. Customer
: Perfect! It's... my... second choice, but it's wonderful. I'm a fat man. I'm sad and I... Maxine
: Two hundred dollars.
: I was thinking about what you were saying the other day, about the orientation film being bullshit. Maxine
: Yes? Craig Schwartz
: I think maybe you're on to something. Maxine
: And fifty other lines to get into a girl's pants.
: Here's the thing: If you ever get me, you wouldn't have a clue what to do with me.
: I like you, I don't know what it is about you. Maxine
: My tits? Craig Schwartz
: No! No, no, no. Maxine
: No? Craig Schwartz
: It's your energy, your attitude, you know, the way you carry yourself. Maxine
: You're not a fag, are you? Craig Schwartz
: No, I am really attracted to you. Maxine
: "No, I am really attracted to you", Christ, you are a fag. Okay, we can share recipes if you like, darling. Craig Schwartz
: No, no, I love your tits, love 'em, I wanna fondle 'em. Maxine
: Great, now we're getting somewhere. Not a chance.
: You're not someone I could get interested in, Craig, you play with dolls.
: I've fallen in love, and this is what people who've fallen in love look like. Maxine
: Well, you picked the unrequited variety. It's very bad for the skin.
: Let's have sex on his table and then make him eat an omelette off of it. John Malkovich
[Craig regains control
] Craig Schwartz (in John Malkovich)
: Shut up, you overrated piece of shit.
: Hi. Do you know that I don't even know your name, or where you work? Maxine
[Answering the phone
: J.M. Inc.: Be all that someone else can be.
: Meet me at the Stuck Pig... at eight o'clock. If you're late, I walk.