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Capt. Malcolm Reynolds
: You had a gorram time bomb living with us! Who we gonna find in there when she wakes up? The girl? Or the weapon? Dr. Simon Tam
: I thought she was getting better. Jayne Cobb
: And I thought they was getting off. Didn't we have an intricate plan on how they was gonna be not here any more? Kaylee Frye
: We couldn't leave them now. Jayne Cobb
: No, now that she's a killer woman, we ought to be bringing her tea and dumplings.
] Kaylee Frye
: Don't pay anybody in advance. And don't ride in anything with a Capissen 38 engine, they fall right out of the sky.
Capt. Malcolm Reynolds
: Kaylee, what in the sphincter of hell are you playing at? We got the primary buffer panel coming right... Kaylee Frye
: Everything's shiny, Cap'n. Not to fret. Capt. Malcolm Reynolds
: You told me those entry couplings would hold for another week! Kaylee Frye
: That was six months ago, Cap'n. Capt. Malcolm Reynolds
: My ship don't crash. If she crashes, you crashed her.
Capt. Malcolm Reynolds
: I know she meant to kill me 'fore the Doc put her to sleep, which how exactly does that work anyhow? Dr. Simon Tam
: Safeword. The people who helped me break River out - they had intel that River and the other subjects were being embedded with behavioral conditioning. They taught me a safeword, in case... something happened. Kaylee Frye
: Not sure I get it. Dr. Simon Tam
: A phrase that's encoded in her brain, that makes her fall asleep. If I speak the words, "Eta... Jayne Cobb
: Well don't say it! Zoë
: It only works on her, Jayne. Jayne Cobb
: Oh... Well, now I know that.
: Sometimes people have feelings. I'm referrin' here to people.
Dr. Simon Tam
: We'll get off the ship. River and I will get off at Haven. It'll be for the best. Kaylee Frye
: Nobody's sayin' that. Hoban 'Wash' Washburn
: Nobody but Jayne is sayin' that.
: Have faith, Captain! Capt. Malcolm Reynolds
: Not today.
[Mal suspects Inara is being forced to lure them into a trap
] Kaylee Frye
: But how can you be sure Inara don't just want to see you? Sometimes people have feelings. I'm referring here to people. Capt. Malcolm Reynolds
: Y'all were watching I take it? Kaylee Frye
: Yes? Capt. Malcolm Reynolds
: Did you see us fight? Kaylee Frye
: No. Capt. Malcolm Reynolds
: Goin' on a year now I ain't had nothin' twixt my nethers weren't run on batteries! Capt. Malcolm Reynolds
: Oh, God! I can't *know* that! Jayne Cobb
: I could stand to hear a little more.
Dr. Simon Tam
: In all that time on the ship... I've always regretted... not being with you. Kaylee Frye
: With me? You mean to say... as in sex? Dr. Simon Tam
: I mean to say. Kaylee Frye
: To Hell with this. I'm gonna live!
: [to Simon who wasn't on the mission that the captain and others just got back from
] Are you ok? Capt. Malcolm Reynolds
: Is *he* OK?
: If you had a care for anybody's heart... Capt. Malcolm Reynolds
: You knew he was gonna leave. We never been nothing but a way station to those two. And how the hell do you know what he feels? He's got River to worry on, but he still could've shown you. If I truly wanted someone bad enough, wouldn't be a thing in the 'verse that could stop me from going to her. Kaylee Frye
: [nods disbelievingly
] Tell that to Inara!
: [hurries to turn off everything in the engine room; climbs up to turn off a light, room becomes pitch black
] Okay, now I can't get down.
: We're taking on passengers at Persephone? Mal
: Yeah, that's the notion. Could use a little respectability on the way to Boros. Not to mention the money. Jayne
: Pain in the ass. Kaylee
: No, it's shiny! I like to meet new people, they've all got stories... Jayne
: Captain, can you stop her from bein' cheerful, please? Mal
: I don't believe there's a power in the 'verse can stop Kaylee from bein' cheerful. Sometimes you just wanna duct-tape her mouth and dump her in the hold for a month. Kaylee
: [kisses Mal's cheek
] I love my captain.
: I'd sure love to find a brand new compression coil for the steamer. Mal
: Yes, I'd like to be king of all Londinium and wear a shiny hat. Just get us some passengers. Them as can pay. All right? Kaylee
: If the compression coil busts, we're drifting. Mal
: Best not bust then.
: [after being shot by Dobson, sounds disoriented
] Why did he... Mal
: [looking at her wound
] Oh, wow. That ain't hardly a mosquito bite. Kaylee
: Big mosquito.
: [after Kaylee is shot
] Can you move your feet? Kaylee
: Are you asking me to dance?
: You're gonna come with us. Book
: Excuse me? Kaylee
: You like ships. You don't seem to be lookin' at the destinations. What you care about is the ships, and mine's the nicest. Book
: She don't look like much. Kaylee
: Oh, she'll fool ya.
: How come you don't care where you're going? Book
: 'Cause how you get there is the worthier part.
: I'm called Book.
[shakes Kaylee's hand
: Been out of the world for a spell... like to walk it a while. Maybe bring the word to them as need it told. Kaylee
: Well, I'm Kaylee. And this here's Serenity; and she's the smoothest rid from here to Boros for anyone can pay. Can you - pay, or... Book
: Well, I have a little cash. And uh...
[pulls out & opens a box filled with, what we find out is, strawberries
: Ooh, *grandpa*. Book
] I never married.
: [sounding weak, but cheery
] Oh, don't you worry none. Doc fixed me up... pretty. He's nice. Mal
: Don't go working too hard on that crush, mei-mei. Doc won't be with us for long. Kaylee
: [big smile
] You're nice, too. Mal
] No, I'm not. I'm a mean old man. Kaylee
: He wasn't gonna let me die... He was just trying to... It's nobody's fault.
[trying to pat his arm, which Mal then reaches for
: Okay. Just promise me you're gonna remember that. Mal
: [holding her hand with both of his
] I'll keep it in mind. Kaylee
: You *are* a nice man, Captain. You're always looking after us. You just gotta have faith in people.
: Jayne, open the port jack control,
[nods towards it
: cut the hydraulics. Jayne
: [looks around
] Where the hell is it? Kaylee
] Look! Look! Look where I'm pointing! Kaylee
: [Jayne follows her finger to the box
] Okay. Now it's real simple.
[Jayne opens the box, revealing a mesh of complex wiring; looking dubious
: Wash, you gotta give me an Ivan. Wash
: I'll see what I can do.
[over the intercom
: Kaylee, how would you feel about pullin' a Crazy Ivan? Kaylee
: [sounds weak but positive
] Always wanted to try one.
: [petting the ship; in a whisper
] That's my girl. That's my good girl.
: My way of being polite or however it's... well, it's the only way I have of showing you that I like you. Of showing respect. Kaylee
: So, when we made love last night... Simon
: When we *what*? Kaylee
] You really are such an easy mark.
: Come on, admit it. It's true. Simon
: No, I won't, because it's not. I use swear-words, like anybody else. Kaylee
: Oh really? See, I never heard you. So when is it that you do all this cussin'? After I go to bed, or... Simon
: I swear... when it's appropriate Kaylee
: Simon, the whole point of swearin' is that it ain't appropriate.
] Kaylee Frye
: Bye now! Have good sex!
[looking at the statue of Jayne
] Kaylee Frye
: Everywhere I go, his eyes keep following me.
] You know, I've saved lives. Dozens. Maybe hundreds. I - I re-attatched a girl's leg. Her whole leg. She named her hamster after me. I got a hamster. He drops a box of money, he gets a town. Kaylee
: [also drunk
] Hamsters is nice. Simon
: To Jayne! The box dropping, man-ape-gone-wrong-thing.
[both drunk, Simon more than Kaylee
: You know, you are pretty funny. Simon
: You're pretty... pretty.
: Mal, I, uh, uh... No, n-n-nothing happened. There was, uh, there was - there was some drinking, but, uh - No-no, we-we certainly didn't - I would never. Not with Kaylee. Kaylee
: What do you mean, not with me? Mal
: Yeah, uh-huh. Where's my hero?
: Mmm. They call it Mudder's Milk. All the protein, vitamins and carbs of your grandma's best turkey dinner, plus fifteen percent alcohol. Wash
: It's horrific! Simon
: Worked for the Egyptians. Jayne
: What's that? Simon
: The ancient Egyptians, back on Earth-That-Was. It's not so different from the ancestral form of beer they fed to the slaves who built their pyramids. Liquid bread. Kept them from starving, and knocked them out at night, so they wouldn't be inclined to insurrection. Kaylee
: Wow, Simon. That's so... so historical. Jayne
: [to Simon
] Tell me, Lil' Miss Big Words. You see a pyramid sittin' out there? Simon
: ...No. Jayne
: Neither do I. So here, let me pour you a big frosty mug of "shut-the-hell-up".
: This here's all part of our new plan!
[Mal walks away
: Captain, how exactly is this part of our... Mal
: Still workin' the details.
: [about Jayne's statue
] I think they really captured his essence. Kaylee
: He looks angry. Wash
: Yeah, that's kinda what I mean.
: Proximity alert. Must be coming up on something. Hoban 'Wash' Washburne
] Oh, my God. What can it be? We're all doomed!
] Hoban 'Wash' Washburne
: Who's flying this thing!? Zoë Washburne
: [straight faced
] Hoban 'Wash' Washburne
: Oh right, that would be me. Uh, back to work. Kaylee
: So I guess that makes us one man short. Jayne
: Little Kaylee's always one man short.
[laughs; Kaylee punches his arm lightly
: Ow! Hey!
: You tell me right now, little Kaylee. You really think you can do this? Kaylee
: Sure. Yeah. I think so. Besides, if I mess up, it's not like you'll be able to yell at me.
: [has ordered the crew to be taken into custody
] I want every inch of this junker tossed. Kaylee
] "Junker"? Mal
: Settle down, Kaylee. Kaylee
: But Captain, did you hear what that purple-belly called Serenity? Mal
: Shut up!
[the crew is being interrogated individually
] Commander Harken
: You fought with Captain Reynolds in the war? Zoë
: [terse; slightly irritated tone
] Fought with a lot of people in the war. Commander Harken
: And your husband. Zoë
: Fight with him sometimes, too. Commander Harken
: Is there any particular reason you don't wish to discuss your marriage? Zoë
: Don't see that it's any of your business, is all. We're very private people.
[in Wash's interrogation
: [enthusiastic; animated
] The legs!
: Oh, yeah! I definitely have to say it was her legs. You can put that down! Her legs, and right where her legs meet her back. That - actually that whole area. That and - and above it.
[in Kaylee's interrogation
: [angry; slightly defensive
] Six gerslters crammed right under every cooling drive so that you strain your primary artery function and you end up having to recycle secondary exaust through a bypass system...just so's you don't end up pumping it through the main atmofeed and asphyxiating the entire crew. Now *that's* junk!
[back to Wash
: [very enthusiastically
] Have you seen what she wears? Forget about it. Have you ever been with a warrior woman?
: [to Simon, about his space suit
] You, um, had this on wrong.
: I ain't sayin' there's any peace to be had, but on the off chance there is, those folks deserve a little of it. Zoë
: Just when I think I've got you figured out.
: If I didn't know better, I'd think we were dangerous.
: I'm gonna make a leap here... and figure this is your first tour out here on the border.
: Commander, I'm not what you need to be concerned about right now. Things go the way they are, there's gonna be blood.
: Does, uh... does this seem kind of tight? Kaylee
: Shows off your backside. Did you see the chandelier? It's hovering. Mal
: What's the point of that, I wonder? Kaylee
: Oh, mangos! Mal
: I mean, I see how they did it. I just ain't gettin' the why. Kaylee
: These girls have the most beautiful dresses. And so do I. How 'bout that? Mal
: Yeah, well, just be careful. We cheated Badger out of good money to buy that frippery, and you're supposed to make me look respectable. Kaylee
: Yes, sir, Cap'n Tight-Pants.
: [pointing to a pink frilly dress
] Say, look at the fluffy one! Zoë Washburne
: Too much foofaraw. If I'm going to wear a dress, I'd want something with some slink. Hoban 'Wash' Washburne
: You want a slinky dress? I can buy you a slinky dress. Captain, can I have money for a slinky dress? Jayne Cobb
: I'll chip in. Zoë Washburne
: [to Jayne
] I can hurt you.
: Up until the punching, it was a real nice party.
: I'm not saying the 80-04's hard to repair. It just ain't worth it. Older Farmer
: It's a fine machine, you just keep it tuned. Kaylee
: T-sai boo shr! The extenders ain't braced. Murphy
: I've been telling him to buy an 80-10 for years. Kaylee
: Those tenders snap off, don't matter how good the engine's cycling. Younger Farmer
: Miss Kaylee, I wonder if I could request the honor of having this... Murphy
] Wait a minute, let her talk! She's talkin'. Kaylee
: By the way, the 80-10's the same machine. They just changed the plating, hoped no one noticed.
: 'Kay, help me find our man. He's supposed to be older, kind of stocky, wears a red sash crossways. Kaylee
: Why does he do that? Mal
: Maybe he won the Miss Persephone pageant. Just help me look. Kaylee
: Is that him? Mal
: That's the buffet table. Kaylee
: Well, how can we be sure, u-unless we question it?
: Look at the pretties! Wash
: What am I looking at, the girls or the clothes? Jayne
: There's girls? Zoë
: The clothes please.
: Don't you just love this party? Everything's so fancy, and there's some kind of hot cheese over there. Cabott
: It's not as good as last year. Kaylee Frye
: Oh, really? What-what'd they have last year? Cabott
: [about the Captain
] He said not to do anything. He'll join us after he wins the duel. Zoë
: It doesn't hurt to have a contingency plan, Kaylee.
: Shepherd Book was just tellin' us funny stories about his life at the monastery. Wash
: Monastic humor, I miss out on all the fun. And all the food, too, apparently!
: [about Simon's birthday cake
] Couldn't get ahold of no flour, so it's mostly protein. In fact, it's pretty much what we just had for dinner.
: But I tried to get the frosting as chocolatey tasting as possible.
: Well, Shepherd told us a funny story about being a preacher. Now you tell us a funny story about being a doctor. Dr. Simon Tam
: Ah, a funny story. Jayne
: Yeah, cus sick people are hi-lar-ious.
: Kaylee. Kaylee, look at me. I need you up in the engine room figurin' out what caused this. Kaylee
: [looking toward the injured Zoë
] She ain't moving.
: Serenity's not moving.
: Catalyzer on the port compression coil blew. It's where the trouble started. Mal
: Okay, I need that in captain dummy talk, Kaylee.
: You got much experience with a vessel like this? Kaylee
: I never even been up in one before. Mal
: Sometimes a thing gets broke can't be fixed.
: So, do aliens live among us? Kaylee Frye
: Yeah. One of them's a doctor.
: And your eyes are... Kaylee
: Yeah, eyes, yeah?
: [In Chinese
] Why don't you tell the cow about its beautiful eyes?
: [to Simon
] Tell me more good stuff about me!
: I'm glad I rated higher than dead bessie here.
: My food is problematic.
: You have such lovely hair. I'm sure the doctor would agree. Kaylee
: Who? Simon? No, he's much too- I mean I'm just- Do you think it looks better up? Inara
: We can experiment. We might even get wild later and wash your face.
: So, what happened? Another terrible brawl? Zoë
] Oddly enough, there was. Wash
: Are you getting my wife into trouble? Mal
: Wha- I didn't start it. I just wanted a quiet drink. Zoë
: Funny sir how you always seem to find yourself in an Alliance-friendly bar come "U" day... looking for a quiet drink. Mal
: See, this is another sign of your tragic space dementia, all paranoid and crotchety. Breaks the heart.
[Kaylee laughs inaudibly at the exchange
: So, what are we doing? Kaylee
: [looks up
] Oh, crime. Simon
: Crime! Good! Okay! Crime. Kaylee
: It's a train heist. See we fly over the train car, the captain and Zoë sneak in, we lower Jayne onto the car, and they bundle up the booty, and we haul 'em all back up. Easy as lyin'. Simon
: So you've done this before? Kaylee
] Oh, hell no.
: But I think it's gonna work.
: [about Simon
] You shouldn't be so rude to him. Jayne
: Why? Cause he's all rich and fanciable?
[Simon has taken River out to a shop and she keeps touching everything
] Dr. Simon Tam
: River, b- uh, be careful with that, that's, um... What is that? Kaylee Frye
: That's a post holer. You dig holes. For posts. Dr. Simon Tam
: It's, uh, it's dirty and sharp.
: Captain will come up with a plan. Kaylee
: Well, that's good. ZoÎ
: Possible you're not recalling some of his previous plans.
: Does it seem every supply store on every border planet has the same five rag dolls and the same wood carvings of... What is this, a duck? Kaylee
: It's a swan. I like it. Inara
: You do? Kaylee
: Looks like it was made with, you know, longing. Made by a person really longed to see a swan. Inara
: Perhaps because they'd only heard of them by rough description.
: You ever been raped?
[Kaylee looks at him in shock
: The captain is right down that hallway he can hear you... Jubal Early
: The captain's locked in his quarters. They all are. There's nobody can help you. Say it.
[she begins to cry
: There's - there's nobody can help me. Jubal Early
: I'm gonna tie you up now. And you know what I'm gonna do then?
[shakes her head
] Jubal Early
: I'm gonna give you a present. Get rid of a problem you've got. And I won't touch you in any wrong fashion, nor hurt you at all, unless you make some kind of ruckus. You throw a monkey wrench into my dealings in any way, your body is forfeit. Ain't nothing but a body to me. And I can find all unseemly manner of use for it.
: Don't let the space bugs bite!
: You couldn't possibly! Dr. Simon Tam
: No, I wish I was lying. I just - you know, we'd all ust made surgeon. That was it. We were the elite. The world was ours, you know? Kaylee
: So - so you had to be naked? Dr. Simon Tam
: Naked, yes. And, uh, on top of the statue of Hippocrates. Can you just picture me? Kaylee
: What, naked? Oh, well, hmm. Let's see. I'm gonna have to conjure up, uh yeah, that's - that's gonna be difficult.
: So, did the Feds come? Dr. Simon Tam
: Mm. There were no Feds. Until I started singing. Kaylee
] Oh, no. Dr. Simon Tam
: No, this - this is not funny. This is a morality tale about the evils of sake.
[Sees River, his thoughts are heard
] Dr. Simon Tam
: I would be there right now.
[Speaking and laughing again
] Dr. Simon Tam
: I mean, it was - it was - it was either - it was either that or National Anthem. I - reports vary. Kaylee
: You don't remember any of this? Dr. Simon Tam
: I remember talking the Feds out of telling my father. Or - or paying the Feds out telling my father. I get fuzzy on aspects.
: [comforting Saffron
] Oh sweetie, don't feel bad. He makes everybody cry. He's like a monster. Mal
: I'm not a monster! Wash, turn the ship around.
: It was your big makeout session that got us into this, sir. Mal
: I was poisoned! Inara
: You were drugged. Jayne
: That's why I never kiss 'em on the mouth.
: Everyone's got somebody. Wash, tell me I'm pretty. Wash
: Were I unwed, I would take you in a manly fashion. Kaylee
: 'Cause I'm pretty? Wash
: 'Cause you're pretty.
: Look, they got boy whores. Isn't that thoughtful? Simon
: Isn't there a pregnant woman I'm to examine?
: What's going on here? Kaylee Frye
: Oh, well, let's see. We killed Simon and River, stole a bunch of medicine, and now the Captain and Zoë are off springing the others got snatched by the feds. Oh, 'n here they are now!
[at a scrap yard
: Figures, first time on the Core, and what do I get to do? Dig through trash. Couldn't he send me shoppin' at the Tri-plex, or... Ooh! Synchronizers!
: Oh, my. Kaylee
: Oh, gosh, I - I-I knew she took female clients, I just... They look so glamourous together. Jayne
] I'll be in my bunk.
: Okay, people. If it moves, shoot it. Kaylee
: Unless it's the captain! Zoë
: Unless it's the captain.