Mrs. Teevee
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Quotes for
Mrs. Teevee (Character)
from Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory (1971)

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Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory (1971)
Violet Beauregarde: Well, they can't be real people.
Willy Wonka: Why, of course they're real people.
Mr. Salt: Stuff and nonsense!
Willy Wonka: No, Oompa Loompas.
The Group: [turning around] Oompa Loompas?
Willy Wonka: From Loompaland.
Mrs. Teevee: Loompaland? There's no such place.
Willy Wonka: Excuse me, dear lady, but...
Mrs. Teevee: Mr. Wonka, I am a teacher of geography.
Willy Wonka: Oh, well, then you know all about it and what a terrible country it is. Nothing but desolate wastes and fierce beasts. And the poor little Oompa Loompas were so small and helpless, they would get gobbled up right and left. A Wangdoodle would eat ten of them for breakfast and think nothing of it. And so, I said, "Come and live with me in peace and safety, away from all the Wangdoodles, and Hornswogglers, and Snozzwangers, and rotten, Vermicious Knids."
Mr. Salt: Snozzwangers? Vermicious Knids? What kind of rubbish is that?
Willy Wonka: I'm sorry, but all questions *must* be submitted in writing. And so, in the greatest of secrecy, I transported the entire population of Oompa Loompas to my factory here.
Veruca Salt: Hey, Daddy, *I* want an Oompa Loompa! I want you to get me an Oompa Loompa right away!
Mr. Salt: All right, Veruca, all right. I'll get you one before the day is out.
Veruca Salt: [whining] I want an Oompa Loompa now!
Violet Beauregarde: Can it, you nit!

Willy Wonka: [making a mysterious formula] Invention, my dear friends, is 93% perspiration, 6% electricity, 4% evaporation, and 2% butterscotch ripple.
Mrs. Teevee: [as Mr. Wonka drinks the formula] That's 105%!
Sam Beauregarde: Any good?
Willy Wonka: [smacks his lips, then speaks in falsetto] Yes.

[Wonka walks down the hall which gets shorter as it goes on in the skewed perspective room]
Charlie Bucket: Hey, the room is getting smaller.
Mrs. Teevee: No, it's not. *He's* getting *bigger*!
Mr. Salt: He's at it again!
Mike Teevee: Where's the chocolate?
Sam Beauregarde: I doubt if there is any.
Mr. Salt: I doubt if any of us will get out of here alive.
Willy Wonka: Oh, you should never, never doubt what nobody is sure about.
Mrs. Gloop: You're not squeezing me through that tiny door!
Mr. Salt: You're off your bleeding nut, Wonka. No one can get through there!

Charlie Bucket: Hey Grandpa, what was that we just went through?
Willy Wonka: Hsaw Aknow.
Mrs. Teevee: Is that Japanese?
Willy Wonka: No, that's Wonka wash, spelled backwards. That's it, ladies and gentlemen, the journey's over!
Grandpa Joe: Finest bath I've had tin 20 years!

[Willy Wonka and the group are still on the boat and are at the hallway outside the inventing room]
Willy Wonka: We're there.
Mrs. Teevee: Where?
Willy Wonka: Here. A small step for mankind, but a giant step for us. All ashore!
Mr. Beauregarde: Let me off this crate!
Mike Teevee: Now why don't they show stuff like that on T.V.?
Mrs. Teevee: I don't know.
Mr. Salt: What a nightmare.
Veruca Salt: Daddy, I do not want a boat like this.
[Charlie Bucket and Grandpa Joe read a sign]
Charlie Bucket: Dairy cream...
Grandpa Joe: Whipped cream...
Charlie Bucket: Coffee cream...
Grandpa Joe: Vanilla cream...
Charlie Bucket and Grandpa Joe: Hair cream?
Willy Wonka: Meine Herrschaften, schenken Sie mir ihre aufmerksamkeit
[My friends (masters), please give me your attention]
Willy Wonka: .
Mrs. Teevee: That's not French.
Willy Wonka: Sie kommen jetzt in den interessantesten und gleichzeitig geheimsten raum meiner fabrik.
[You have now come to the most interesting and, at the same time, the most secret room of my factory]
Mr. Salt: I can't take much more of this.
Willy Wonka: Meine Damen und Herren, der Inventing Room
[Ladies and Gentlemen, The Inventing Room]
Willy Wonka: . Now remember, no messing about. No touching, no tasting, no telling.
Grandpa Joe: No telling what?
Willy Wonka: You see, all of my most secret inventions are cooking and simmering in here. Old Slugworth would give his false teeth to get inside for just five minutes, so don't touch a thing!

Willy Wonka: Well, fortunately, small boys are extremely springy and elastic. So I think we'll put him in my special taffy-pulling machine. That should do the trick.
[to an Oompa Loompa]
Willy Wonka: To the taffy-pulling room. You'll find the boy in his mother's purse. But be extremely careful.
Mrs. Teevee: Uh, T-T-Taffy? Wh-What's he saying?
[Oompa Loompa whispers to Wonka]
Willy Wonka: No, no. I won't hold you responsible.
Willy Wonka: [Mrs. Teavee suddenly passes out] And now, my dearest lady, it's time to say good-bye.
[Mrs. Teevee groans]
Willy Wonka: No, no, don't speak. For some moments in life, there are no words. Run along now.
[two Oompa Loompas drag the limp Mrs. Teevee out of the room]

Mike Teevee: Where are you taking me?
[as Mrs. Teavee inserts him into her purse]
Mike Teevee: I don't wanna go in there...!
Mrs. Teevee: Be quiet.
Mike Teevee: Hey, let me out, it's dark in here. Come on, Mom, I want to be on TV. Let me out, Mom, or I'll gnaw my way out. I'm warning you, Mom, there's a nail file in here. If you don't let me out, I'll smear your lipstick all over everything.

Mike Teevee: Boy, what a great show.
Mrs. Teevee: I serve all his TV dinners right here. He's never even been to the table.

Charlie Bucket: [after eating the now-shrunken Wonka bar] It's perfect.
Mrs. Teevee: It's unbelievable!
Grandpa Joe: It's a miracle!
Mike Teevee: It's a TV dinner!
Willy Wonka: It's Wonkavision.
Grandpa Joe: It could change the world!

Mike Teevee: Look at me, I'm gonna be be the first person in the world to be sent by television!
Mrs. Teevee: Mike, get away from that thing!
Willy Wonka: [unenthusiastically] Stop. Don't. Come back.
Mike Teevee: Lights, camera, *action*!

Mrs. Teevee: I assume there's an accident indemnity clause.
Willy Wonka: Never between friends.

Mrs. Teevee: [while waiting for Mike to appear on the screen] Why is it taking so long?
Charlie Bucket: A million pieces take a long time to put together.

Willy Wonka: It's a musical lock.
[begins playing Mozart's 'Marriage Of Figaro']
Mrs. Teevee: Rachmaninoff.

Mrs. Teevee: [as the Wonkatania starts to move] I think I'm going to be seasick!
Willy Wonka: [handing something to Mrs. Teevee] Here, take these.
Mrs. Teevee: What are they?
Willy Wonka: Rainbow drops. Suck them and you can spit in seven different colors!
Violet Beauregarde: [as she digs around in her nostril] Spitting's a dirty habit.
Willy Wonka: I know a worse one.

Mrs. Teevee: [while the group is in the tiny, cramped hallway] Somebody's touching me!

Mrs. Teevee: [after getting covered in foam on the Wonkamobile] I'm sending you the cleaning bill, Mr. Wonka!

Mrs. Teevee: [as the Wonkatania begins its journey through the tunnel] I think I'm going to be sick!
[an image of a chicken getting its head chopped off flashes on the tunnel wall]
Mrs. Teevee: Now I AM going to be sick!