Mike Teavee
Quicklinks
Top Links
main detailsbiographyby votesphoto galleryquotes
Filmographies
by yearby typeby ratingsby votesby TV seriesby genreby keyword
Biographical
biography
Did You Know?
photo galleryquotes

Quotes for
Mike Teavee (Character)
from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005)

The content of this page was created by users. It has not been screened or verified by IMDb staff.
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005)
Mike Teavee: Who wants a beard?
Willy Wonka: Well, beatniks for one, folk singers, and motorbike riders. Y'know. All those hip, jazzy, super cool, neat, keen, and groovy cats. It's in the fridge, daddy-o! Are you hip to the jive? Can you dig what I'm layin' down? I knew that you could. Slide me some skin, soul brother!

Willy Wonka: You're all quite short, aren't you?
Violet Beauregarde: Well yeah, we're children.
Willy Wonka: Well that's no excuse. I was never as short as you.
Mike Teavee: You were once.
Willy Wonka: Was not. Know why? Because I distinctly remember putting a hat on top of my head. Look at your short little arms. You could never reach.

Mike Teavee: You don't understand *anything* about science! First off, there's a difference between waves and particles! DUH! Second, the amount of power it would take to convert energy into matter would be like nine atomic bombs!
Willy Wonka: MUMBLER! Seriously, I can't understand a word you're saying!

Mike Teavee: Why is everything here completely pointless?
Charlie Bucket: Candy doesn't have to have a point. That's why it's candy.

[Mike starts stomping on a candy pumpkin, completely destroying it]
Mr. Teavee: Son, please.
Mike Teavee: Dad, he said, "Enjoy!"

Mike Teavee: [seeing the Oompa-Loompas for the first time] Are they real people?
Willy Wonka: Of course they're real people. They're Oompa Loompas.
Mr. Salt: Oompa Loompas?
Willy Wonka: Imported. Direct from Loompaland.
Mr. Teavee: There's no such place.
Willy Wonka: What?
Mr. Teavee: Mr. Wonka, I teach high school geography, and I'm here to tell you...
Willy Wonka: Well, then, you'll know all about it and, oh, what a terrible country it is.

[the gum machine spits out a single piece of gum]
Mike Teavee: You mean that's it?
Willy Wonka: Do you even know what *it* is?

Veruca Salt: Will Violet always be a blueberry?
Willy Wonka: No. Maybe. I dunno. But that's what you get from chewing gum all day, it's just disgusting.
Mike Teavee: If you hate gum so much, why do you make it?
Willy Wonka: Once again you really shouldn't mumble, 'cause it's kinda starting to bum me out.

Mr. Salt: [as the squirrels take Veruca] Where are they taking her?
Willy Wonka: Where all the other bad nuts go, to the garbage chute.
Mr. Salt: Where does the chute go?
Willy Wonka: To the incinerator. But don't worry, we only light it on Tuesdays.
Mike Teavee: Today *is* Tuesday.
Willy Wonka: [after a pause] Well, there's always a chance they decided not to light it today.

Mike Teavee: A retard could figure it out.
Mr. Teavee: Most of the time, I don't know what he's talking about. I mean, kids these days, what with all the technology...
Mike Teavee: [blasting enemies in a video game] Die! Die! Die!
Mr. Teavee: Doesn't seem like they stay kids very long.

Mike Teavee: Just put me back in the other way.
Willy Wonka: There is no other way. It's television not telephone. There's quite a difference.

Mr. Teavee: [has just seen chocolate transported by television] So, can you send other things? Say, like, breakfast cereal?
Willy Wonka: Do you have any idea what breakfast cereal's made of? It's those little curly wooden shavings you find in pencil sharpeners.
Charlie Bucket: But could you send it by television if you wanted to?
Willy Wonka: Course I could.
Mike Teavee: What about people?
Willy Wonka: Well, why would I wanna send a person? They don't taste very good at all.

[from trailer]
Mike Teavee: Back off, you little freaks!

Willy Wonka: [coming upon a tiny door] An important room, this. After all, it is a chocolate factory.
Mike Teavee: Then, why is the door so small?
Willy Wonka: That's to keep all the great big chocolatey flavor inside.

Mike Teavee: In the end, I only had to buy one candy bar.
TV Reporter: And how did it taste?
Mike Teavee: I don't know. I hate chocolate.
Grandpa George: Well, it's a good thing you're going to a chocolate factory, you ungrateful little bu-
[Mr. Bucket claps his hands over Charlie's ears so he can't hear what's being said]

Charlie Bucket: Mr. Wonka? Why would Augustus' name already be in the Oompa-Loompa song, unless - ?
Willy Wonka: Improvisation is a parlor trick. Anyone can do it.
[Turns to look at Violet]
Willy Wonka: You, little girl. Say something. Anything.
Violet Beauregarde: Chewing gum.
Willy Wonka: Chewing gum is really gross. Chewing gum, I hate the most. See? Exactly the same.
Mike Teavee: No, it isn't.
Willy Wonka: [Pretends not to hear] Uh, you really shouldn't mumble. Because I can't hear a word you're saying. Now, on with the tour.
[Starts walking and everyone else follows]


Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory (1971)
[Wonka walks down the hall which gets shorter as it goes on in the skewed perspective room]
Charlie Bucket: Hey, the room is getting smaller.
Mrs. Teevee: No, it's not. *He's* getting *bigger*!
Mr. Salt: He's at it again!
Mike Teevee: Where's the chocolate?
Sam Beauregarde: I doubt if there is any.
Mr. Salt: I doubt if any of us will get out of here alive.
Willy Wonka: Oh, you should never, never doubt what nobody is sure about.
Mrs. Gloop: You're not squeezing me through that tiny door!
Mr. Salt: You're off your bleeding nut, Wonka. No one can get through there!

[Willy Wonka and the group are still on the boat and are at the hallway outside the inventing room]
Willy Wonka: We're there.
Mrs. Teevee: Where?
Willy Wonka: Here. A small step for mankind, but a giant step for us. All ashore!
Mr. Beauregarde: Let me off this crate!
Mike Teevee: Now why don't they show stuff like that on T.V.?
Mrs. Teevee: I don't know.
Mr. Salt: What a nightmare.
Veruca Salt: Daddy, I do not want a boat like this.
[Charlie Bucket and Grandpa Joe read a sign]
Charlie Bucket: Dairy cream...
Grandpa Joe: Whipped cream...
Charlie Bucket: Coffee cream...
Grandpa Joe: Vanilla cream...
Charlie Bucket and Grandpa Joe: Hair cream?
Willy Wonka: Meine Herrschaften, schenken Sie mir ihre aufmerksamkeit
[My friends (masters), please give me your attention]
Willy Wonka: .
Mrs. Teevee: That's not French.
Willy Wonka: Sie kommen jetzt in den interessantesten und gleichzeitig geheimsten raum meiner fabrik.
[You have now come to the most interesting and, at the same time, the most secret room of my factory]
Mr. Salt: I can't take much more of this.
Willy Wonka: Meine Damen und Herren, der Inventing Room
[Ladies and Gentlemen, The Inventing Room]
Willy Wonka: . Now remember, no messing about. No touching, no tasting, no telling.
Grandpa Joe: No telling what?
Willy Wonka: You see, all of my most secret inventions are cooking and simmering in here. Old Slugworth would give his false teeth to get inside for just five minutes, so don't touch a thing!

Mike Teevee: Where are you taking me?
[as Mrs. Teavee inserts him into her purse]
Mike Teevee: I don't wanna go in there...!
Mrs. Teevee: Be quiet.
Mike Teevee: Hey, let me out, it's dark in here. Come on, Mom, I want to be on TV. Let me out, Mom, or I'll gnaw my way out. I'm warning you, Mom, there's a nail file in here. If you don't let me out, I'll smear your lipstick all over everything.

Reporter: So, ya like the killings, huh?
Mike Teevee: What do you think life's all about?

Mike Teevee: Boy, what a great show.
Mrs. Teevee: I serve all his TV dinners right here. He's never even been to the table.

Mike Teevee: Wait till I get a real one. Colt 45. Pop won't let me have one yet, will ya, Pop?
Mr. Teevee: Not till you're 12, son.

Charlie Bucket: [after eating the now-shrunken Wonka bar] It's perfect.
Mrs. Teevee: It's unbelievable!
Grandpa Joe: It's a miracle!
Mike Teevee: It's a TV dinner!
Willy Wonka: It's Wonkavision.
Grandpa Joe: It could change the world!

Mike Teevee: Look at me, I'm gonna be be the first person in the world to be sent by television!
Mrs. Teevee: Mike, get away from that thing!
Willy Wonka: [unenthusiastically] Stop. Don't. Come back.
Mike Teevee: Lights, camera, *action*!

Willy Wonka: [Showing off his geese that lay golden eggs] They're laying overtime right now, for Easter.
Mike Teevee: But Easter's over!
Willy Wonka: [clapping a hand over Mike's mouth] Ssshhh!
[quietly]
Willy Wonka: They don't know that. I'm trying to get ahead for next year.