Grandpa Joe
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Quotes for
Grandpa Joe (Character)
from Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory (1971)

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Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory (1971)
Charlie Bucket: Hey Grandpa, what was that we just went through?
Willy Wonka: Hsaw Aknow.
Mrs. Teevee: Is that Japanese?
Willy Wonka: No, that's Wonka wash, spelled backwards. That's it, ladies and gentlemen, the journey's over!
Grandpa Joe: Finest bath I've had tin 20 years!

[Willy Wonka and the group are still on the boat and are at the hallway outside the inventing room]
Willy Wonka: We're there.
Mrs. Teevee: Where?
Willy Wonka: Here. A small step for mankind, but a giant step for us. All ashore!
Mr. Beauregarde: Let me off this crate!
Mike Teevee: Now why don't they show stuff like that on T.V.?
Mrs. Teevee: I don't know.
Mr. Salt: What a nightmare.
Veruca Salt: Daddy, I do not want a boat like this.
[Charlie Bucket and Grandpa Joe read a sign]
Charlie Bucket: Dairy cream...
Grandpa Joe: Whipped cream...
Charlie Bucket: Coffee cream...
Grandpa Joe: Vanilla cream...
Charlie Bucket and Grandpa Joe: Hair cream?
Willy Wonka: Meine Herrschaften, schenken Sie mir ihre aufmerksamkeit
[My friends (masters), please give me your attention]
Willy Wonka: .
Mrs. Teevee: That's not French.
Willy Wonka: Sie kommen jetzt in den interessantesten und gleichzeitig geheimsten raum meiner fabrik.
[You have now come to the most interesting and, at the same time, the most secret room of my factory]
Mr. Salt: I can't take much more of this.
Willy Wonka: Meine Damen und Herren, der Inventing Room
[Ladies and Gentlemen, The Inventing Room]
Willy Wonka: . Now remember, no messing about. No touching, no tasting, no telling.
Grandpa Joe: No telling what?
Willy Wonka: You see, all of my most secret inventions are cooking and simmering in here. Old Slugworth would give his false teeth to get inside for just five minutes, so don't touch a thing!

Grandpa Joe: Mr. Wonka?
Willy Wonka: [pointedly ignoring him and Charlie] I am extraordinarily busy, sir.
Grandpa Joe: [tentatively] I just wanted to ask about the chocolate. The-the lifetime supply of chocolate, for Charlie. Wh-When does he get it?
Willy Wonka: He doesn't.
Grandpa Joe: Why not?
Willy Wonka: Because he broke the rules.
Grandpa Joe: What rules? We didn't see any rules, did we, Charlie?
[Charlie shakes his head briefly]
Willy Wonka: [springs up from his chair, angrily] Wrong, sir! Wrong! Under section 37B of the contract signed by him, it states quite clearly that all offers shall become null and void if - and you can read it for yourself in this photostatic copy:
[grabs a magnifying glass and reads]
Willy Wonka: I, the undersigned, shall forfeit all rights, privileges, and licenses herein and herein contained, et cetera, et cetera... Fax mentis incendium gloria cultum, et cetera, et cetera... Memo bis punitor delicatum!
[slams the contract copy and the magnifying glass down, continues shouting]
Willy Wonka: It's all there, black and white, clear as crystal! You stole fizzy lifting drinks! You bumped into the ceiling which now has to be washed and sterilized, so you get nothing! You lose! Good day, sir!
[turns back to his work]
Grandpa Joe: [shocked] You're a crook. You're a cheat and a swindler! That's what you are!
Grandpa Joe: How could you do something like this, build up a little boy's hopes and then smash all his dreams to pieces? You're an inhuman monster!
Willy Wonka: [shouts even louder] I said good day!

Mr. Salt: Quite a nice little canoe you got there, Wonka.
Willy Wonka: All I ask is a tall ship and a star to sail her by. All aboard, everybody.
Mr. Salt: Ladies first, and that means Veruca.
Grandpa Joe: [to Charlie] If she's a lady, I'm a Vermicious Knid.

Grandpa Joe: Good morning. Look at the sun.

Charlie Bucket: [referring to Augustus' being stuck in the pipe] He'll never get out.
Grandpa Joe: Yes, he will, Charlie. Watch. Remember when you once asked me how a bullet comes out of a gun?

Charlie Bucket: [after eating the now-shrunken Wonka bar] It's perfect.
Mrs. Teevee: It's unbelievable!
Grandpa Joe: It's a miracle!
Mike Teevee: It's a TV dinner!
Willy Wonka: It's Wonkavision.
Grandpa Joe: It could change the world!

[after Mike appears on the screen]
Grandpa Joe: Our little group is getting smaller by the minute.

Grandpa Joe: Well, Mr. Salt finally got what he wanted.
Charlie Bucket: What's that?
Grandpa Joe: Veruca went first.

[Charlie and Grandpa Joe are floating in the fizzy lifting room]
[Grandpa Joe does a somersault in midair]
Charlie Bucket: Hey, you did it, Grandpa.
Grandpa Joe: Ohhhh... ohhhh, I think I hit an air pocket.
Charlie Bucket: You can fly to the moon this way.
Grandpa Joe: Let's just fly south for the winter.
Charlie Bucket: Why not? I'm a bird!
Grandpa Joe: I'm a plaaaaaaane!
Charlie Bucket: I'm... going too high!

Willy Wonka: This is the great glass Wonkavator.
Grandpa Joe: It's an elevator.
Willy Wonka: It's a Wonkavator. An elevator can only go up and down, but the Wonkavator can go sideways, and slantways, and longways, and backways...
Charlie Bucket: And frontways?
Willy Wonka: ...and squareways, and front ways, and any other ways that you can think of. It can take you to any room in the whole factory just by pressing one of these buttons. Any of these buttons. Just press a button, and *zing*! You're off. And up until now, I've pressed them all... except one.
[gestures to a button near the top of the Wonkavator]
Willy Wonka: This one. Go ahead, Charlie.
Charlie Bucket: Me?
[Willy Wonka nods as Charlie presses the button]

Charlie Bucket: [as Violet blows up into a blueberry] Why won't she listen to Mr. Wonka?
Grandpa Joe: Because, Charlie, she's a nitwit.

Augustus Gloop: [drinking from the chocolate river] Mm, this stuff is terrific.
Charlie Bucket: Grandpa, look at Augustus!
Grandpa Joe: Don't worry, he can't drink it all.

Charlie Bucket: [about the Wonkamobile] Is this going to go fast, Grandpa?
Grandpa Joe: It should, Charlie; it's got more gas in it than a politician.

Veruca Salt: Daddy, I want a boat like this. A beautiful paddle boat is what I want.
Grandpa Joe: [to Charlie] What she wants is a good kick in the pants!

Grandpa Joe: [viewing the Wonka-mobile being fueled] Mr. Wonka? Uh, what's that they're filling it up with?
Willy Wonka: Oh ginger ale, ginger pop, ginger beer, beer bubbles, bubbleade, bubblecola, double cola, double-bubble-burple-cola, and all the crazy carbonated stuff that tickles your nose. Few people realize what tremendous power there is in one of those things.
Grandpa Joe: [to Charlie] Sorry I asked.

Grandpa Joe: When a loaf of bread looks like a banquet, I've no right buying tobacco.

Willy Wonka: The Egg-dicator can tell the difference between a good egg and a bad egg. If it's a good egg, it's shined up and shipped out all over the world. But if it's a bad egg, down the chute.
Grandpa Joe: [whispering to Charlie] It's an educated Egg-dicator.

Willy Wonka: How did you like the chocolate factory, Charlie?
Charlie Bucket: I think it's the most wonderful place in the whole world!
Willy Wonka: I'm very pleased to hear you say that, because I'm giving it to you.
Grandpa Joe: [sounding shocked] You're giving Charlie the...?
Willy Wonka: I can't go on forever, and I don't really want to try. So who can I trust to run the factory when I leave and take care of the Oompa Loompas for me? Not a grown up. A grown up would want to do everything his own way, not mine. So that's why I decided a long time ago that I had to find a child. A very honest, loving child, to whom I could tell all my most precious candy making secrets.
Charlie Bucket: So that's why you sent out the golden tickets!
Willy Wonka: That's right. So the factory is yours, Charlie. You can move in immediately.
Grandpa Joe: And me?
Willy Wonka: Absolutely.
Charlie Bucket: But what happens to the rest...?
Willy Wonka: The whole family. I want you to bring them all.
[Willy and Charlie hug]

Willy Wonka: [In the Wonkavator] Faster, faster; if we don't pick up enough speed, we'll never get through!
Charlie Bucket: Get through what?
Willy Wonka: Aha!
Grandpa Joe: You mean we're going...?
Willy Wonka: Up and out!
Grandpa Joe: But this roof is made of glass! It'll shatter into a thousand pieces! We'll be cut to ribbons!
Willy Wonka: Probably.
[Charlie begins to look nervous]

Charlie Bucket: [as the Wonkatania is going through the tunnel, to Grandpa Joe] This is kind of strange.
Grandpa Joe: [excitedly] Yes, it's strange, Charlie, but it's fun! Ha-ha!
[they grin at each other]

Mr. Beauregarde: Violet, what are you doing now? You're blowing up!
Violet Beauregarde: I feel funny!
Grandpa Joe: I'm not surprised.

Charlie Bucket: [Takes loaf of bread from his knapsack and holds it up for everyone to see] How 'bout this?
Mrs. Bucket: Charlie, where'd you get that?
Grandpa Joe: What difference does it make where he got it? Point is he got it.

Willy Wonka: Hey, Charlie? My boy! YOU WON! YOU DID IT! I KNOW YOU WOULD DO IT! I JUST KNEW IT! Oh, Charlie. I am so sorry to put you through this. Forgive me.
[to Wilkinson]
Willy Wonka: Hey, Come here, Wilkinson.
[to Charlie]
Willy Wonka: Charlie, Say hello to my friend, Mr. Wilkinson.
Mr. Slugworth: Pleasure to meet you, Charlie.
Charlie Bucket: It's Slugworth!
Willy Wonka: [Chuckles] NO! NO! NO! That's not Slugworth, He works for me!
Charlie Bucket: For you?
Willy Wonka: Why yes! We had to test you, Charlie. And you passed the test. You won!
Grandpa Joe: Won what?
Willy Wonka: The jackpot, sir. The grand and glorious jackpot!
Charlie Bucket: You mean the chocolate?
Willy Wonka: The chocolate, Oh yes! The chocolate. But that's just the beginning. We have to move there is more time and more stuff to do.
[to Wilkinson]
Willy Wonka: Strike that, Reverse It!
[to the Buckets]
Willy Wonka: This way, Please. We will take the Wonkavator.
[Presses the key that opens the Wonkavator door as it dings]
Willy Wonka: Step right in, Charlie. You too, Grandpa Joe.
[as they enter]
Willy Wonka: This is the great glass Wonkavator.
Grandpa Joe: It's an elevator!
Willy Wonka: No, It's a Wonkavator. Elevators can only go up and down. But a Wonkavator can go sideways, frontways and backways, and many other ways. By pressing the key and ZING! You are there. By now I had been using this to through the factory. Except this one. Charlie. Would you press it?
Charlie Bucket: Who me? Well, Okay.
[Presses the Up and Out key]
Willy Wonka: Here we go! Not sure what is going to happen. Faster, Faster! If we don't get enough speed, We won't make the day come through.
Grandpa Joe: Where are we going?
Willy Wonka: Up and Out!
Grandpa Joe: But the roof is made out of glass. It will smash over millions of pieces, And we will be cut to ribbons
Willy Wonka: We probably will.
[In Caution]
Willy Wonka: Hold on tight, Everybody. HERE IT COMES!
[They survived from the broken glass of the roof]
Willy Wonka: .
Grandpa Joe: Well Congratulations, Mr. Wonka.
Willy Wonka: Why Thank You, Grandpa Joe.
[to Charlie]
Willy Wonka: Hey, Charlie look outside.
Charlie Bucket: Wow. The city looks nice from up here.

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005)
Charlie Bucket: But it didn't close forever, it's open right now.
Mrs. Bucket: Ah, yes, well sometimes, when grown ups say "forever," they mean, "a very long time."
Grandpa George: Such as, I feel like I've eaten nothing but cabbage soup forever.
Mr. Bucket: Now pops...
Grandma Josephine: The factory did close, Charlie.
Grandpa Joe: And it seemed like it was going to be closed forever. Then, one day, we saw smoke rising from the chimneys. The factory was back in business!
Charlie Bucket: Did you get your job back?
Grandpa Joe: No. No one did.
Charlie Bucket: But there must be people working there.
Grandma Josephine: Think about it, Charlie. Have you ever seen a single person going into that factory? Or coming out of it?
Charlie Bucket: No. The gates are always closed.
Grandpa Joe: Exactly.
Charlie Bucket: But then, who's running the machines?
Mrs. Bucket: Nobody knows, Charlie.

Charlie Bucket: Are the Oompa Loompas really joking, Grandpa?
Grandpa Joe: Of course they're joking. That boy will be fine.
[looks worried]

Willy Wonka: I've been longing to press that button for years. Well, here we go! Up and out!
Grandpa Joe: But do you really mean...?
Willy Wonka: Yeah, I do!
Grandpa Joe: But it's made of glass! It'll smash into a million pieces!
[Willy giggles]

Grandpa Joe: I saw Willy Wonka with my own two eyes. I used to work for him, you know.
Charlie Bucket: You did?
Grandpa Joe: I did.
Grandma Josephine: He did.
Grandpa George: He did.
Grandma Georgina: I love grapes.

Mr. Bucket: Your mum and I thought, maybe you want to open your birthday present, tonight.
Mrs. Bucket: Here you are.
Charlie Bucket: Maybe I should wait till morning.
Grandpa George: Like hell.
Mr. Bucket: Pop.
Grandpa Joe: All together we're 381 years old. We don't wait.

Grandpa Joe: Mr. Wonka, I don't know if you remember me, but I used to work here in the factory.
Willy Wonka: Were you one of those despicable spies who everyday tried to steal my life's work and sell it to those parasitic copy-cat candy-making cads?
Grandpa Joe: No, sir.
Willy Wonka: Then wonderful, welcome back.

[Mike Teavee is taken away and Wonka moves towards the Great Glass Elevator with Charlie and Grandpa Joe]
Willy Wonka: Now, how many children are left?
Grandpa Joe: Mr. Wonka, Charlie's the only one left, now.
Willy Wonka: [looks at Charlie] You mean, you're the only one?
Charlie Bucket: Yes.
Willy Wonka: What happened to the others?

Violet Beauregarde: Who are you?
Grandpa Joe: He's Willy Wonka!

Willy Wonka: [about Violet grabbing the gum] I'd rather you didn't. There's still one or two things that are a...
Violet Beauregarde: I'm the World Record holder in chewing gum. I'm not afraid of anything!
[pops the gum in her mouth]
Mrs. Beauregarde: How is it, honey?
Violet Beauregarde: It's amazing! Tomato soup, I can feel it running down my throat!
Willy Wonka: Yeah! Spit it out.
Grandpa Joe: Young lady, I think you'd better...
Violet Beauregarde: It's changing... roast beef and baked potato. Crispy skin and butter!
Mrs. Beauregarde: Keep chewin' kiddo! My little girl's gonna be the first person in the world to have a chewing gum meal!
Willy Wonka: Yeah. I'm just a little concerned about the...
Violet Beauregarde: Blueberry pie and ice cream!
Willy Wonka: That part.
Veruca Salt: [staring at Violet] What's happening to her nose?
[Violet keeps chewing and her nose starts turning purple]
Mr. Salt: You're turning blue!
Mrs. Beauregarde: Your whole nose has gone purple!
Violet Beauregarde: [touching her nose] W-What do you mean?
Mrs. Beauregarde: Violet, you're turning violet!
[to Wonka; concerned]
Mrs. Beauregarde: What's happening?
Willy Wonka: Well, I told you I hadn't quite got it right, 'cause it goes a little funny when it gets to the dessert. It's the Blueberry Pie that does it. I'm terribly sorry!
Violet Beauregarde: Mother, what's happening to me?
[continues to turn purple and starts to grow]
Grandpa Joe: She's swelling up!
Charlie Bucket: Like a blueberry!
Willy Wonka: [to Mrs. Beauregarde] I've tried it on, like, twenty Oompa-Loompas and each one ended up as a blueberry. It's just weird!
Mrs. Beauregarde: But I can't have a blueberry as a daughter. How is she supposed to compete?
Veruca Salt: You could put her in a county fair!
[Wonka laughs]

Grandpa Joe: [Charlie has taken a chocolate bar magically from a television screen] Holy Buckets!