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: I don't care if they did call you Larry Poppins. You are completely unfit to handle a child. Greg Focker
: It was Barry Poppins. Jack Byrnes
: What kind of sick cocktail were you going to make my grandson? Roz Focker
: Jack, the baby's teething. I told Greg to give him some rum to ease the pain. Jack Byrnes
: It was your idea? Roz Focker
: Yes. Jack Byrnes
: What is wrong with you people? Bernie Focker
: You people? Dina Byrnes
: I used to rub bourbon on Denny's gums. Jack Byrnes
: Yeah! Look what happened to him. Greg, you couldn't follow a simple set of instructions? Greg Focker
: Jack. he was screaming. So I went in and I gave him a little attention. Okay? Jack Byrnes
: He's learning to self-soothe. These setbacks are disastrous for his devlopment. Roz Focker
: The child is adorable, but you're not raising Little Buddha over here. Greg Focker
: Mom. Jack Byrnes
: What are you saying? Roz Focker
: I'm saying that I have seen that kid eat at least 15 boogers since he's been here and and I've got news for you, Jack, prodigies don't eat there own boogers. Jack Byrnes
: And I've got news for you. Prodigies don't come in 10th place every time either. Pam Byrnes
: Okay, Dad. That's my fiance. Jack Byrnes
: I'm sorry. It's just that I've never seen people celebrate mediocrity the way you do. Roz Focker
: Because we love our son? We hug our son? Let's get down to it. The truth is, you're so concerned about that Little Jack, but I think that it's the Little Jack in you that is crying out for a hug. Jack Byrnes
: The Little Jack in me?
[Greg is getting extremely frusrated
] Roz Focker
: Jack, you have issues. I'm trying to understand why you run around with a rubber boob strapped to your chest. I mean, were you ever breastfed? My guess is no. Jack Byrnes
: Will you spare my the drugstore pyschology. Greg Focker
: [everyone starts arguing
] Everybody! All right. Everybody just... Everybody just STOP, okay?
[everyone is quiet
] Greg Focker
: Jack, I am not going to make any excuses. Yes, Little Jack wouldn't stop crying so I gave him some hugs and I let him watch TV. I went to answer the phone, I was gone for a second, I came back, he let himself out of the playpen, he put on Scarface, and he glued his hands to the rum bottle. Okay? That's it.
: Sweetheart, do we really have to hurry like this? Jack Byrnes
: Oh, yes. We have to pull a little covert operation here. The bandleader says we've got approximately 23 minutes until it's time to cut the cake.
: Tell me, what's going on with that man of yours? Dina Byrnes
: Well, Jack's always been a little wound up. His job is very stressful. Roz Focker
: Being a florist is stressful? Dina Byrnes
: There's more to it than people think.
: How's your sex life? Dina Byrnes
: I can't tell you that! Roz Focker
: I'm a professional. Dina, I'm a sex therapist specializing in senior sexuality. Dina Byrnes
: I knew those weren't yoga mats! Roz Focker
: No. Dina Byrnes
: Well, we're not twenty five... anymore. Roz Focker
: But you're not dead either! Lots of couples our age lack intimacy... Dina Byrnes
: I didn't say we weren't intimate, there are special occasions. Anniversaries and... well, on our anniversary. Roz Focker
: Oy, neesh geete! Dina Byrnes
: What? Roz Focker
: Not good!
: Bernie, this frittata is wonderful, what's in it? Bernie Focker
: Well, a lot of the taste comes from this old skillet. I've never washed it.
: Nah, I'm bored. Come on, Dina. You want a Spritzer? Dina Byrnes
: What? Oh, a Spritzer. Sounds yummy.
: [after Bernie has destroyed Jack's toilet to save Moses
] Jack, he was just trying to save his pet. I mean, what if it had been Jinx who fell in the toilet? Jack Byrnes
] Mr. Jinx has had extensive aquatic training. He would have known exactly what to have done in a submergion.
: Oh, Jack, isn't it wonderful? The kids are *finally* getting married? Jack Byrnes
: [about Little Jack
] Wait a second; I think he spoke!
[pushes Dina aside
] Jack Byrnes
: Little Jack! Were you about to speak?
[Little Jack passes gas
] Jack Byrnes
: It's nothing, just a little flatulence. What were you saying, Dina?
: It's a custom designed, climate-controlled motor coach. Jack Byrnes
: Jack calls it the Highlight of our Twilight.
: You knew she was pregnant? Dina Byrnes
: We all did, Jack. Pam Byrnes
: Daddy, I was going to tell you after the wedding, I swear. Jack Byrnes
: This is the reason I created the circle of trust so we could discuss these things. Pam Byrnes
: But the circle isn't going to work if you don't trust anyone that's in it, Dad.
: And do you talk yet, Mr. Munchkinhead?
[makes baby noises at Little Jack
] Jack Byrnes
: Greg, Greg, Greg. Don't infantilize him. Talk to him like an adult. Dina Byrnes
: Muskrat. Jack Byrnes
: Huh? Dina Byrnes
: Muskrat, Jack. Jack Byrnes
: Oh right.
] Jack Byrnes
: Just try to understand, he's a little person. His communication skills aren't verbal yet, but he understands.
: I had no idea you could milk a cat! Greg Focker
: Oh, you can milk just about anything with nipples. Jack Byrnes
: [He reacts
] I have nipples, Greg, could you milk me?
] Jack Byrnes
: "My Mother", by Jack Byrnes. You gave me life / You gave me milk / You gave me courage / Your name was Angela / The angel from Heaven / But you were also an angel of God / And He needed you, too / Selfishly I tried to keep you here / While the cancer ate away your organs, / Like an unstoppable rebel force / But I couldn't save you / and I shall see your face nevermore, nevermore, nevermore / Until we meet in heaven. Pam Byrnes
: Dad, that's beautiful. Dina Byrnes
: It always gets me. Greg Focker
: That's amazing, so much love, and also so much information.
: Looks like we've got another wedding to plan. Jack Byrnes
: Yep. Just got to do one more thing. Dina Byrnes
: What's that? Jack Byrnes
: Meet his parents. Dina Byrnes
: Jack... Jack Byrnes
: Honey, relax. I'm sure they're wonderful, fascinating people. Dina Byrnes
: Good night, Jack. Jack Byrnes
: I mean, they'd have to be, right? To name their son Gaylord Focker?
: Oh, geez. I just thought of something. Dina Byrnes
: What? Jack Byrnes
: Pam's middle name. Dina Byrnes
: Martha... Oh, no. Jack Byrnes
, Dina Byrnes
: Pamela Martha Focker.
: Hey Jack, why don't you tell 'em about your little phone call in Thai. Dina Byrnes
: Jack can't talk Thai. Greg Focker
: Oh no, Dina, Jack can talk Thai. Jack talked Thai real well.
: Now Greg, you have a very unique last name. Um, we were curious, how do you pronounce it? Greg Focker
: Oh, just like it's spelled. F-O-C-K-E-R. Dina Byrnes
: F-Focker. Jack Byrnes
: Hmm, Focker. Hmm.
: I just feel sorry the poor boy never had a home-cooked meal. What kind of family doesn't have time to sit down for dinner? Jack Byrnes
: So what if he took the MCATs? He's still not good enough for Pam. Dina Byrnes
: Who is, Jack? Nobody has ever been good enough for your Pam. I mean, do you realize that you never even warmed up to Kevin until she broke up with him? Maybe it's time you think about what Pam wants.